by Jack Jordan
‘It’s Rose,’ she said. She wanted to comfort him, stroke his cheek or take his hand, but she couldn’t find a single part of him untouched.
A tear leaked from one swollen eye.
‘I’ll call an ambulance. I’ll ask for the police and—’
‘Don’t.’
‘But Shane, you’re—’
‘Don’t call the police,’ he said and tried to sit up. The tear fell silently to the floor.
‘But whoever did this needs to be punished. You can’t let them. . .’
He hunched over, a hand on his ribs, and looked at her properly for the first time. She could just see his eyes through the swollen slits he now had for lids.
‘You can’t call the police. Who do you think did this?’
‘Rose, stop, you don’t need to do that.’
She couldn’t think what else to do. She had tried to sort out the mess and treat his wounds. The first thing she did was drag him up onto the sofa and wipe each cut and graze with salt water, comb the dried blood from his hair. When he began to drift, she upturned what furniture she could and piled the unsalvageable items out on the lawn. Still, it didn’t feel like enough. She wanted to make the room look as though it had never been touched, as though the mayhem had never occurred.
‘I don’t know what else to do,’ she said, stopping for the first time. Sweat coated her brow. She ripped off her winter layers and left them in a heap.
‘You shouldn’t have come,’ he said.
She stared at his broken body. His bruises were darkening by the minute and his eyes had almost sealed shut. When he spoke, he sounded as though he was talking around dislodged teeth. Every time she looked at him, fresh tears sprang to her eyes.
‘This is all my fault, isn’t it? I did this. I mentioned you by name. This is my fault.’
‘No,’ he said. ‘The responsibility lies with them.’
‘I forgot to bind your fingers,’ she said suddenly.
‘Leave it.’
‘No, I’ll do it. Do you have plasters? Tape?’
‘Medical drawer beneath the kitchen sink.’
She made her way to the kitchen, passing the mud and blood trodden into the carpet, and returned with the box, opening it with shaking fingers.
‘Why would they do this?’ she asked.
‘Because I know what they’ve done. If you’re digging into this, they could be found out. Whatever you’re up to has got people talking.’
‘What exactly have they done?’ she asked. ‘What have they got to hide?’
She taped one purple finger to another. When he sighed, a bubble of blood formed from the crack in his lip. He licked it away.
‘While I was on the force, they made my life hell. At the station they hid parts of my uniform to get me pulled up, stuck me with the jobs nobody else wanted, excluded me from meetings, claiming they’d forgotten to add me to the list. But that was nothing compared to what they did outside the station.’
He was silent for a moment. Rose stayed kneeling before him, too scared to move in case any slight movement might be enough to change his mind. She had to know.
‘I was a year into the job, and I was put on the late shift for patrol. Seb Clark’s partner had an emergency and had to cancel his shift, so I was stuck with him, just the two of us driving around in the same car in silence, the only sound being the occasional natter of the radio and Seb’s impatient sighs. When the clock on the dashboard flashed midnight and our shift came to an end, he asked me if I wanted to have some fun. I didn’t know what he meant, but he was a man I knew I should try to please, to make my own life easier, so I nodded. He radioed his boys to meet him at the park. They radioed back that they were already there.
‘“The party’s started,” an officer said.’
‘This park?’
He nodded.
‘We got there in about fifteen minutes, and as we walked through the park, he started asking me questions about my personal life, asking if I had a girlfriend, but I knew he knew – it was all a game to him. I hadn’t told anyone I was attracted to men. . .’ He caught the look in her eye. ‘Not because I was ashamed, but because I had to protect myself. They treated me like shit with just the possibility of me being different to them – confirming it would have been a death sentence.
‘He led me down by the lake, where the public toilets are. That’s when I heard them, the officers laughing.
‘We turned the corner and I saw them. Two men, stripped naked and lying on their fronts, the officers’ torches lighting up their pale backs. They were soaking wet. I thought they had been in the lake at first, held under for a joke, but then I smelt the piss. The officers had urinated on them.
‘The man on the left was older. Grey hair. White skin. The one on the right was younger, early twenties maybe, so thin I could see his ribs.
‘Officers Watts, Leech and Benson were surrounding the men in a circle and they cheered when they saw Seb and me turn the corner.
‘“Found them in the gents,” Officer Watts said. “This one on his knees.”
‘He kicked the man on the right. He didn’t make a sound, merely flinched with the impact, exhaled a chestful of breath.
‘“You know them, Shane?” Watts asked, laughing when I shook my head. “Well, you’ll know them after tonight.”
‘“You want to be one of the lads, don’t you?” Seb asked me, and nudged my shoulder before stepping over one of the men and taking a can of beer from Leech. They all had a wild glint in their eyes, like animals surrounding their prey. I watched Seb chug down the beer, dribbling down his chin. He crushed the can in his hand and launched it at the nearest man’s head.
‘“So what’re we doing with them tonight?” Benson asked.
‘Seb began to circle the men, his eyes shimmering with ideas, each darker than the last.
‘“If Shane wants to be one of us, I think it should be him who teaches these scum a lesson. Don’t you agree?”
‘Everyone agreed. Everyone but me.
‘“I could write them up,” I said. “Public indecency.”
‘They laughed so hard that tears glistened in their eyes and their faces turned bright red.
‘“Fuck, he’s such a pussy,” Watts said, wiping his eye. “Write ’em up.”
‘“String ’em up, maybe,” Leech said. He was mumbling around a cigarette before lighting it in a cupped hand.
‘“Gimme one of those,” Seb said. Leech passed him the cigarette and lit another.
‘Seb took one drag, knelt to the ground, and picked up the smaller man’s head by his hair. He blew the smoke in his face.
‘“What should we do with you, huh?”
‘“Please. . .” the man said. He didn’t have a chance to finish what he planned to say. The moment he opened his mouth, Seb shoved the lit cigarette inside and pounced on the man’s back, clamped his hand over his mouth. The man writhed around, screaming behind Seb’s hand as the officers laughed and cheered. The older man beside him sobbed into the dirt.
‘“No!” I yelled. I couldn’t stop myself.
‘Seb looked up at me. His lips turned up with a smirk.
‘“You’re in charge,” he said, and released him. He stood and dusted off his hands as his victim spat out the cigarette, followed by a blood-curdling cry. His tongue was black with ash.
‘“So if you don’t want that, what would you like to do?”
‘“Let them go,” I said.
‘Seb approached me, spun me around by my shoulders, and led me away a few steps. He came in close – so close I could taste the beer on his breath.
‘“If you don’t do this, they’ll do it to you. You want to protect yourself, right?”
‘“You wouldn’t,” I said, but I knew he would. They all would.
‘“There’s only one way to find out.”
‘He went to return to them.
‘“Wait. What would you have me do?”
‘He turned back with a smile.
‘“Beat so
me sense into them, that’s all. They’ll heal up in time, but they’ll know not to come back here again.”
‘I couldn’t do it. I froze on the spot, felt my bladder longing for release. I shook so hard I could feel my cap rattling against the sides of my head.’
Rose watched silently as Shane faltered mid-story, cleared his throat. She couldn’t bear to hear of such cruel, senseless violence, but she had to know. She had to know everything.
‘Seb’s smile fell,’ Shane continued. ‘He snatched me by the collar and dragged me back to the men, pushed me to my knees.
‘“Do it!” he barked. Just the shock of his voice made me piss myself. I started to cry.
‘“Fucking pussy,” Watts spat.
‘“We can sort him out too, then we almost have one each,” Leech said.
‘“You hear that, Hughes?” Seb asked, leaning down until I felt his words against the side of my face. ‘“If you don’t do this, you’ll join them.”
‘“I can’t!”
‘“Lads, show Shane what will happen to him if he doesn’t.”
‘Seb dragged me to my feet as the officers rained down on the men. Kicks, punches, spit. I cried until I couldn’t see them any more, just hear their cries, the officers’ taunts, the sound of thumping fists, bones breaking.
‘I would have said and done anything to make it stop.
‘“All right! All right!”
‘The officers backed away, sharing satisfied smiles, clouds of laughter escaping their lips. Seb pushed me to my knees, above the men.
‘The younger of the two was already swelling beyond recognition. The older man coughed up a tooth. Blood was trickling silently from his nose and mouth.
‘I looked into the younger man’s eyes, and saw the sheer terror of having their secrets exposed and punished for them. Perhaps they had been too scared to live openly, so hid away in the dark, coming together for brief encounters to feed their longing. I couldn’t do that sort of thing, but I understood why. People who did that were afraid of being treated just like this.
‘“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. I watched a tear run down the man’s cheek, the slight nod of his head, telling me it was okay.’
Rose couldn’t hold it in any more. The sob burst out from her chest. She hid her face until her palms were hot and wet.
‘I had to do it,’ Shane said, crying too. ‘I had to, for them and for me. If I didn’t, they might have killed them. I tried. . . I tried to go as light as possible, but when I didn’t hit or kick hard enough, a fist would crack against the back of my head.’
‘Stop,’ Rose begged. ‘Please.’
All Rose could think about was Jay, lying naked on his front and being beaten into the earth. Did that happen to him? Had the same officers given him his cuts and bruises, the marks she shouldn’t have let her father ignore?
‘They goaded me afterwards,’ he said glumly. ‘Slapped my back and my arse in some sort of sick celebration, fell around laughing when they saw I’d pissed myself. Benson laid a rough kiss on my lips as some sort of sick joke.
‘Then Seb led me back to the car, leaving the other officers behind. I never heard what happened to them. I’m not a religious man, but I still pray that they lived. I pray every night.
‘When we got back inside the car, Seb turned to me.
‘“You know what’ll happen if you tell anyone about this, don’t you?” he said.
‘I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t even breathe. All I could do was cry silently, breathe in the smell of my own piss and the blood of the men.
‘“What happened back there? That’s nothing compared to what’ll happen to you if you open your mouth. Understand?”
‘I pissed myself again, right there in the car. He nodded and drove us away. We never spoke about it again.
‘I stuck it out another six months, so they wouldn’t come after me in fear that I would talk. I had panic attacks before every single shift. That was three years ago and I can still smell the blood, feel them beneath my fists. I took this job so I could be closer to them somehow, and protect other men from being treated that way. I lie awake at night, waking at the slightest sound, as if I’m waiting for it to happen again, giving me the chance to do more – protect them more. Fight back.’
‘And the officers did this to you? Tonight?’
He nodded.
‘Do you think they could have done something to Finn too?’
‘I don’t know.’
She hated Seb, and these other men she had never met, couldn’t even place faces to.
‘They won’t get away with this, Shane.’
‘They already have.’
‘No.’ She took his hand, watched him flinch with the pain. ‘I promise you, they won’t get away with this.’
‘How are you going to stop them? What could you possibly do?’
‘I don’t know, but. . . I have to do something.’
‘Well, you can’t do it alone.’
‘But I can’t drag anyone else into this. Look what happened to you.’
‘Don’t you care what happens to you?’ he asked.
‘I don’t have anything to lose.’
He took a deep breath.
‘I’ll speak to Anna, maybe she can help from the inside. Where’s my phone?’
‘Here,’ she said, getting it from the mantle. She had found it by the fireplace, its screen cracked.
He stared at the damage briefly and tapped out a message with his one good hand.
She looked up at the clock on the wall. It was two in the morning. She had been there for hours.
‘I’ll stay here tonight, so you’re not alone.’
‘Don’t you have a family waiting for you?’
She thought back to how Christian had reacted to her staying the night at her father’s house, the post Lily had left on social media.
‘It’s complicated.’
‘Go home,’ he said. ‘Your life is about to become more complicated than ever. No point making it bad at home too.’
‘I’m not sure it can get any worse. And you can’t be on your own – what if they come back?’
‘They won’t,’ he said. ‘They’ve made their point. And I won’t be here much longer.’
‘You’re leaving?’
‘I’ve stayed long enough. Almost like I’ve been punishing myself for what I did to those men. But I can’t stay now.’
She took his hand again, rubbed his knuckles with her thumb.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she said.
‘I’m sorry too.’
She got up to leave, but stood in the middle of the room. Her world was different now. After tonight, there was no going back. The moment she stepped out of the cottage, she had a job to do. She had to make them pay.
She leaned down and kissed him on the forehead.
‘Goodnight, Shane.’
‘Goodnight.’
She left the room and opened the front door, staring out at the park where it had happened. She would never look at it the same way again.
She wasn’t just doing it for Finn and Jay any more. She was doing it for all of them.
‘Rose,’ he called.
She rushed back inside and stood at the threshold of the room.
‘Anna’s texted back. She’s on the night shift.’
‘Tell her to meet me at the station. I can be there in thirty minutes if I walk fast. Text me her number.’
She left the cottage and powered up the hill. The night wasn’t over yet.
TWENTY-THREE
Her feet were covered in blisters, her toes moist where they’d popped. She had walked miles. She could have caught the night bus or called a taxi, but she wouldn’t. Tonight she loathed people for what they were capable of, what they did to each other. She had to be alone.
The police station looked different at night, more menacing, or maybe that was because she knew the truth about the establishment now. The reception was lit but the rest of the windows were blacked out. It
was supposed to be a sight that calmed one’s senses, make those in the town feel safe in times of terror. But now all she could see was the pain the force had caused, the hate that fuelled their hearts. She would never see an officer in uniform again without remembering Shane’s busted lip, cracking as he spoke, or the tears that slipped from between his swollen eyes.
Anna had texted back almost immediately, and planned for them to meet in the alley behind the station. No one will see us there, she’d said.
Rose walked around the side of the building and turned down the alley. A single street lamp flickered above her head. She kept on walking until she was in the dark again, lost in the shadows with the overflowing bins, the scurry of a rat or a mouse gnawing through the darkness. A figure emerged from the shadows, her face like that of a skull where the shadows collected in the sockets of her eyes. Anna.
‘I can’t help you,’ she said immediately.
Rose stopped in her tracks.
‘It’s too dangerous,’ Anna continued. ‘You don’t know what it’s like in there. You’ve got everyone on high alert. If I were caught helping you. . .’
Rose couldn’t believe it, the cowardice shivering off the woman. Her eyes were wide like a doe’s, shifting from Rose to the mouth of the alley.
‘I don’t know what it’s like? I’ve just come from Shane’s home. Detective Clark sent his officers there. They nearly beat him to death. I’ve spent the night cleaning his wounds.’
Even in the dark, Rose saw the woman’s complexion pale. She looked awful. Her suit was creased. Her hair was a mess. The night made the angles of her face look sharper, inhuman.
‘Officers attacked him?’
‘You sound surprised.’
‘Why wouldn’t I?’
‘Don’t you know what goes on in there?’
‘I don’t want to know,’ she said. ‘I just want to do my job. I have rent to pay. A kid to feed. I can’t screw this up.’
‘You’re a coward.’
Rose went to leave the way she had come, rage swelling in her chest, but a thought made her turn back.
‘It’s all right for you, isn’t it, to look the other way when it doesn’t affect you? You say you don’t want to know, but it’s your job to know. You’re supposed to protect the people of this town. You’re supposed to care.’
