Ogre, Ogre

by Piers Anthony

  "I wonder what it is like to be with a man?" Fireoak said, in a half-wistful question. Her injuries of the day had fatigued her greatly, perhaps making her depressed. Evidently their conversation of the preceding night had remained on her mind.

  "My friends always told me men were difficult to get along with," John said. "A girl can't live with them, and she can't live without them."

  "Well, I've tried living without," the Siren said. "I'm ready to try with. Good and ready! At least it shouldn't be dull. First pool I find with an available merman, watch out!"

  "Poor merman!" the fairy said.

  "Oh, I'm sure he'll deserve whatever I give him. I don't think he'll have cause to complain, any more than Magician Humfrey has with my sister. We draw on similar lore."

  "All girls do. But it seems terribly original to each innocent man." There was general laughing agreement.

  "You speak as if no man is here," Tandy said, sounding faintly aggrieved.

  "There's a man here, listening to our secrets?" Fireoak cried, alarmed.

  "Smash."

  There was another general titter. "Don't be silly," John said. "He's an ogre."

  "Can't an ogre also be a man?"

  The tittering subsided. "Yes, of course, dear," the Siren said reassuringly. "And a good one, too. We take Smash too much for granted. None of us could travel freely here without his formidable protection. We ought to thank him, instead of imposing on him."

  Smash lay still. He had not intended to feign sleep, but thought it best not to join in this conversation. It was interesting enough without his participation. He had not known about this conspiracy of the females of Xanth, but now he could remember how he had seen it in action when Princess Irene snared Prince Dor, and even when his mother pacified his father. It did seem that the distaff knew things that the males did not and used them cleverly to achieve their desires.

  "What's a lady ogre like?" Tandy asked.

  "One passed my tree once," Fireoak said. "She was huge and hairy and had a face like a bowl of overcooked mush someone had sat on. I never saw anything so ugly in all my life."

  "Well, she was an ogress," the Siren said. "They have different standards of beauty. You can bet they know what bull-ogres like, though! I suppose an ogre wants a wife who can knock down her own trees for firewood--no offense, Fireoak--and kill her own griffins for stew so he doesn't have to interrupt his dragon hunting for trifles."

  They laughed again, and their chatter meandered across other femalish subjects, recipes, prettifying spells, jungle gossip, and such, until they all drifted off to sleep. But the images they had conjured enchanted Smash's imagination. An ogress who could knock down her own trees and slay her own griffins--what an ideal mate! And a face like squashed mush--what sheerest beauty! How wonderful it would be to encounter such a creature!

  But the only ogress he had met was his mother--who wasn't really an ogress, but a curse-fiend acting the part. She acted very well, but when she forgot her makeup, her face no longer looked like mush. Smash had always pretended not to notice how distressingly fair her face and form became in those unguarded moments, so as not to embarrass her. The truth was, had his mother the actress chosen to pass among females like these Smash now traveled with, she could have done so without causing alarm. And, of course, as soon as she prepared herself, she was the complete ogress again, as brutish and mean as any ogre could ask for. Certainly his father Crunch loved her and would move mountains for her, despite her secret shame of an un-ogrish origin. One of those mountains had been moved to rest near their home so that she could climb it and look out across Xanth when the mood took her.

  At last Smash slept. He still wasn't used to doing so much thinking, and it tired him despite the amplification the Eye Queue provided. He had never had to work things out so rationally before, or to see the interrelationships among diverse things. Well, one day he would win free of the curse and be a true brute of an ogre again. He slept.

  Chapter 6

  Dire Strait

  Next morning they came up against the barrier Smash had been unable to remember. It was a huge crevice in the earth, a valley so deep and steep that they shrank back from it. It extended east and west; there seemed to be no end to it, no way around.

  "How can we go north?" Tandy asked plaintively. "This awful cleft is impossible!"

  "Now I remember it," Smash said. "It crosses all of Xanth. Down near Castle Roogna there are magic bridges."

  "Castle Roogna?" Fireoak asked. She looked wan, as if she had not been eating well, though she had been provided with all she wanted. Smash suspected her absence from her beloved tree was like an ordinary person's need for water. She would have to return to it soon, or die. She was suffering from deprivation of soul, and would soon become as Tandy had been within the gourd, if not helped. Her rat wounds only aggravated the condition, hastening the process.

  "That's right," Tandy said brightly. "If this crack passes near Castle Roogna, you can follow it there! Your problem is solved."

  "Yes, solved," the hamadryad agreed wanly.

  Now the Siren noticed her condition. "Dear, are you well?"

  "As well as I can be," the dryad replied gamely. "The rest of you must go on across the chasm; I will find my own way to Castle Roogna."

  "I think you have been away from your tree too long," the Siren said. "You had better return to it, to restore your strength, before attempting the long trip to Castle Roogna."

  "But there is not time!" Fireoak protested. "The moon is waning, night by night; soon the lunatic fringe will sunder, and my tree will be exposed."

  "Yet if you perish on the way to see the King, you can do your tree no good," the Siren pointed out.

  "It is indeed a dire strait," the dryad agreed, sinking to the ground.

  The Siren looked at Smash. "Where is your tree, dear?" she asked Fireoak.

  "North of the chasm. I had forgotten about--"

  "But how did you cross?"

  "A firebird helped me. Because I am associated with a fireoak. But the bird is long gone now."

  "I think we must nevertheless cross over soon and return you to your tree," the Siren said. Again she looked meaningfully at Smash.

  "We will go with you, to guard your tree," Smash said, catching on.

  Tandy clapped her hands. "Oh, how wonderful to think of that. Smash! We can help her!"

  Smash said nothing. The Siren had really thought of it, but he was amenable. They couldn't let Fireoak perish from neglect--and she surely would, otherwise. They could certainly guard her tree from harm; no one would come near an ogre.

  But first they had to get to the tree--and that meant crossing the chasm--in a hurry. How were they going to do that?

  "You chipped steps in the prints-of-wails mountain," Tandy suggested.

  "But that was slow," the Siren said. "It could take several days. We must cross today."

  They stared into the chasm, baffled. There seemed to be no way to cross it rapidly--yet they had to, somehow. For now all could see how the hamadryad was failing. Fireoak's surface had turned from lightly corrugated skin to deeply serrated bark, from young nymph to old tree trunk. Her green hair was wilting, and the tinge of red was turning black. Her fire would soon be out.

  "There must be a path," John said. "If we just spread out and look, surely we'll find it."

  That was a positive idea. They commenced their search for the path.

  There was the sound of galloping hooves from the west. The group ran back together, and Smash faced the sound, ready for whatever might come.

  Two centaurs appeared, moving rapidly. One was male, the other female. Centaurs could be good news or bad, depending. Smash was conscious of his orange jacket and steel gauntlets, gifts of the centaurs of Centaur Isle, but knew that there could be rogue centaurs in this wilderness. What were these two doing here?

  Then Smash recognized them. "Chet! Chem!" he exclaimed.

  The two drew up, panting, a light sheen of sweat on their h
uman and equine portions. Smash embraced each in turn, then turned to make introductions. "These are friends of mine from the Castle Roogna region." He faced the other way. "And these are friends of mine from all over Xanth."

  "Smash!" the filly centaur exclaimed. "What happened to your rhymes?"

  "I'm cursed with intelligence, among other things."

  "Yes, I can see the other things," Chet said, contemplating the assorted females. "I never knew you were interested."

  "We sort of imposed on him," Tandy said.

  "Yes, Smash is imposeable," Chem agreed. She was young, so lacked the imposing proportions of her mother; the last time Smash had seen her, she had been playing children's galloping games. In another year or so she would be looking for a mate. He wondered why she was not still in centaur-schooling, as her mother was very strict about education. "We came here to do the same."

  "The same?" Smash asked. "We're traveling north."

  "Yes," Chem said. "Good Magician Humfrey told me where to intercept you. You see, I'm doing a thesis on the geography of uncharted Xanth, completing my education, but my folks won't let me travel alone through that region, so--"

  "And so I escorted my little sister this far," Chet finished. He was a handsome centaur, with noble features, a fine coat, and excellent muscles on both his human and equine portions. But a purple scar marred his left shoulder, where a wyvern had once bitten him, causing serious illness. "I know she'll be safe with you. Smash. You're a big ogre now."

  "Safe? We're about to try to cross this gulf!" Smash protested. "And we don't know how."

  "Oh, yes. The Gap Chasm. I brought you a rope." Chet presented a neat coil. "Humfrey said you would need it."

  "A rope!" Suddenly their way down into the chasm was clear. Centaur rope was always strong enough for its purpose.

  "I'll help get you down," Chet said. "But I'm not supposed to go myself. I have to return immediately to Castle Roogna with a message or two. What's the message?"

  Smash's curse of intelligence enabled him to catch on. "A village is about to cut down a fireoak tree for timber. The tree's hamadryad will die. The King must save the tree."

  "I'll tell him," Chet agreed. "Where is it?"

  Smash turned to Fireoak, who sat listlessly on the ground. "Where is your tree?"

  The hamadryad made a feeble motion with her hand.

  "This is no good," Chet said. "Chem, let's use your map."

  The filly walked over to Fireoak. "Show me on my picture," she said.

  An image formed between them. It was a contour map of the Land of Xanth, a long peninsula with the Gap Chasm across its center and the ocean around it. "Show me where the tree is," Chem repeated.

  Fireoak looked, slowly orienting on the scene. "There," she said, pointing to a region near the northern rim of the Gap.

  Chem nodded. "There is a human village there, just setting up. That's already on my chart." She looked at her brother. "Got it, Chet?"

  "Got it, Chem," the male centaur replied. "You always do make the scene. Smash, the moment you're down in the Gap, I'll gallop back and tell the King. I'm sure he'll handle the business about the tree. But it will take me a couple days to get there, so you'll have to protect the tree until then." He glanced about. "Was there any other message? It seems there should be more than one."

  The people looked around at each other. Finally Tandy said, "I'd like to send a greeting to my father Crombie, if that's all right."

  Chet tapped his head, making a mental note. "One greeting to Crombie from daughter. Got it." He looked more carefully at Tandy. "He always bragged he had a cute daughter. I see he was correct."

  Tandy blushed. She hadn't known her father had said that about her.

  They tied the rope to the trunk of a steelwood tree. Chem insisted on going down first. "That will prove the rope is safe," she explained. "Even Smash doesn't weigh more than I do." Of course she was correct, for though her human portion was girlishly slender, her equine portion was as solid as a horse.

  She backed down, her four hooves bracing against the steep side of the chasm. The rope looped once about her small human waist, just below her moderate bosom, and she used her hands to give herself slack by stages. When she got down to where the slope leveled out enough to enable her to stand, she released the rope.

  The Siren went down next, having less trouble because she had so much less mass. Then Tandy, followed by the fairy, who fluttered her wings to make herself even lighter than she was. Smash then made a harness out of the end of the rope, set Fireoak in it, and stood on the brink to lower her carefully to Chem's waiting arms.

  Finally Smash himself descended, merely applying one gauntlet to the rope and sliding rapidly down. Chet undid the upper end from the steelwood tree and dropped it into the chasm. They would need the rope again on the north slope.

  "I'm on my way with one and a half messages," Chet called, and galloped off. "Remember: two days."

  The slope continued to level, until they stood at the base. Here grass grew, but no trees. It was pleasant enough, and the north slope was visible a short distance away. They walked across, studying the rise for the most suitable place to ascend.

  It certainly wasn't good for climbing with a party of girls. The ground sloped gently up to a corner; from there the cliff went almost straight up a dizzying height, beyond the reach of the rope, even if there were any place or way to anchor it.

  "We must do what we started to do before," the Siren said. "Spread out and look for a suitable place to climb."

  "I believe there are paths here and there," Chem said. "I don't have them on my map, because few people remember the Gap Chasm; it has an enduring forget-spell on it. But there has been enough travel in Xanth so that people have to have crossed it, and not just at the magic bridges."

  "A forget-spell," the Siren said. "How interesting. That accounts for Fireoak's forgetting it. And I'm sure Smash has been here before, too. I hope that's the extent of the spell."

  "What do you mean?" Tandy asked.

  "Oh, I'm just a worrier over nothing."

  "I don't think so," Tandy said. "If there's any danger, you should warn us."

  The Siren sighed. "You're right. Yet if there is danger here, it's too late for us to avoid it, since we're already here. It's only that once I heard something about a big dragon in a chasm--and this is a chasm. It would be hard to escape a monster here. But of course that's far-fetched."

  "Let's look for good hiding places, too," Tandy said. "Just in case."

  "Just in case," John agreed, overhearing. "Oh, suddenly I don't really like this place!"

  "So we must try to get out of this chasm as fast as we can," Smash said, though the prospect of danger did not bother him. There really had not been much violence on this journey.

  Chem trotted east, while Smash lumbered west, since these were the two fastest movers of the group. The girl, Siren, and fairy spread out in between. They left the hamadryad in the shade of a bush, since she was now too weak to walk.

  The cliff face changed, sloping at different angles and different heights, but Smash found nothing that would really help. It looked as if he would have to bash out a stairway of sorts, tedious as that would be. But could he get the party up that way within two days, let alone in time to save the hamadryad and her tree?

  There was a commotion to the east. Chem was galloping back, her lovely brown hair-mane flinging out, tail swishing nervously. "Dragon! Dragon!" she cried breathlessly.

  The Siren's concern had been justified! "I'll stop it," Smash said enthusiastically, charging east.

  "No! It's big. It's the Gap Dragon!"

  Now Smash remembered. The Gap Dragon ranged the Gap Chasm, trapping and consuming any creatures foolish enough to stray here. The forget-spell had deceived him again. The monster really profited from that spell, since no one remembered the danger. But it was coming back to him now. This was a formidable menace.

  The Siren, Tandy, and John were running west. Behind them who
mped the monster. It was long and low, with a triple pair of stubby legs. Its scales were metallic, glistening in the sunlight, and clouds of steam puffed out of its nostrils. Its body was the thickness of a good-sized tree trunk, but exceedingly limber. It moved by elevating one section and whomping it forward, then following through with another, because its legs were too short for true running. But the clumsy-seeming mechanism sufficed for considerable velocity. In a moment the Gap Dragon would overtake the Siren.

  Smash lumbered to the fray. He stood much taller than the dragon, but it reached much longer than he. Thus they did not come together with a satisfying crash. The dragon scooted right under Smash, intent on the nymphlike morsel before it.

  The ogre screeched to a stop, literally, his callused hamfeet churning up mounds of rubble. He bent forward and grabbed the dragon's tail as it slid westward. He lifted it up, holding it tightly in both hands. This would halt the monster!

  Alas, he had underestimated the dragon. The creature whomped onward. The tail lost its slack--but such was the mass and impetus of the monster that it wrenched the ogre into a somersault. He flipped right over, hanging on to that tail, and landed with a whomp of his own on his back--on the dragon's tail.

  But Smash's own mass was not inconsiderable. The shock of his landing traveled along the body of the dragon in a ripple. When the ripple passed a set of legs, they were wrenched momentarily off the ground; when it arrived at the head, the mouth snapped violently. The jaws, reaching close to the desperately fleeing Siren, fell short.

  Now Smash had the Gap Dragon's baleful attention. The dragon let out a yowl of discomfort and whipped its head around. Its tail, pinned under the ogre, thrashed about, so that Smash had trouble regaining his feet.