by Sue MacKay
Her eyes widened. ‘That’s a fair way past my apartment.’
‘So it is.’ What would Rosie have thought of Molly? Would she have liked her? Yes, he thought, she would. Rosie had insisted he had to move on when she’d gone, wasn’t to sit around feeling sorry for himself. She’d gone as far as saying bluntly, ‘Find another woman to love, have that family you’ve always wanted. Don’t live in regret for what we’ve lost. That would make our time together worthless.’
But should he really take Molly to his home, show her the vacant flat? Should he start thinking ahead, instead of always looking over his shoulder at the past?
CHAPTER FIVE
WHY GO TO Coogee when there were plenty of cafés near the hospital? Or in Bondi Junction. Molly watched Nathan’s firm hands with their easy movements as he drove through the morning rush hour traffic. Hands that she now knew could be gentle. Shuffling further down into the luxurious leather seat, she stifled a yawn. Which was rude when Nathan was taking her out, but the night had caught up with her.
‘Have you always lived in Coogee?’ she asked, in need of a distraction to stay awake. Not that Nathan wasn’t one, but he might leave her on the side of the road if she stared at him all the way to the well-known beach.
‘Only since I bought the house. I like being near the sea, and Coogee appealed. Before that I lived on the north shore.’ His voice hitched on that last sentence.
‘The surfing?’ He’d told her he used to surf.
‘It wasn’t a priority, as I rarely rode the board at the time. Though that’s turned out to be a bonus, like a lot of things about the property. I do hit the waves these days. Besides, the house ticked a lot of boxes and had that wow factor, so I bought it.’
She’d like to see the place sometime. It would tell her a lot about Nathan. Her head nodded forward, and her eyelids drooped shut. Sitting up straighter, she forced her eyelids up and stared out at the road ahead. She’d buy her own home sometime. A small, warm house that would wrap around her; not a sterile mansion that showed off to her friends how wealthy she was. That particular house hadn’t been her choice. It’d had Paul written all over the grand frontage, the sweeping staircase, the expansive rooms. The place had felt more like a mausoleum than a home, and as though she as much as the house was on display to all and sundry. ‘Not your first property?’
‘No. The one I owned first was cosier and more family orientated.’ He paused.
Molly waited, hoping she stayed awake long enough to hear what else he had to say.
‘I was married. We were hoping to raise our children there. But four years ago it went horribly wrong.’
Wide awake now, she touched Nathan’s arm. ‘I’m sorry. Life can play nasty when it chooses.’
‘You’re not wrong there.’ Nathan flicked the indicator and pulled into the outside lane, keeping a safe distance from the truck in front, his fingers tapping impatiently on the steering wheel.
She knew the grief of losing the chance of having a family. It undermined everything she wanted for her future. Unlike her, Nathan could have children if he chose to. Molly returned to watching those fingers as they played a silent, sharp rhythm on the wheel.
‘Rosie got ALL.’
Acute lymphatic leukaemia. Molly’s heart dropped for Nathan, and his wife. What could she say? No words could help. But a hug might—except hugging Nathan while he was driving along the city highway wasn’t conducive to safety. Like her dream? She squeezed his arm softly, and remained quiet for the rest of the ride out to the beach.
Had Nathan told her about his wife in a bid to soften the blow when he asked her about her past? Or were they getting a little closer and he wanted to put it out there straight-up? Yesterday’s argument and breakfast seemed a lifetime ago. They’d been scratchy with each other, then friendly to the point he’d had a cup of tea in her apartment. At the time it had seemed a vast improvement in their relationship, and since then she’d exposed the results of her darker side, and he was still happy to spend time alone with her.
Having spent the past two years running solo, to have now shared time talking with a man was hard to take in. It excited her about the future. Seemed she was still capable of mixing and mingling, of having a laugh, of doing things outside her four walls.
‘Wakey-wakey.’
A gentle shaking of her arm had Molly sitting up and staring around. ‘Sorry.’ She never went to sleep in the company of anyone, let alone a man. Another point in Nathan’s favour. ‘This is Coogee?’ The sweeping beach with its golden sand sang to her, reminding her of beach holidays with Gran. Lowering the window, she listened to the waves smacking down on the beach beyond the steps leading down from the street.
‘Yes, it sure is.’ He glanced along the street, then back at her. ‘And, Molly?’
Uh-oh. What had she done? She’d been asleep, couldn’t be too serious. ‘Yes?’
‘Stop saying sorry all the time. Falling asleep isn’t a crime. It’d been coming ever since you dropped Burgess in ED. Shock or an adrenaline high does that.’
‘I won’t get into trouble for throwing him on the floor, will I?’ It had only just occurred to her it might be seen as a bad move, she could have endangered others. Not that there’d been any chance of stopping her reaction.
‘I’d like to see anyone try to make you out to be the villain. If you hadn’t stopped him, Hazel would now have a badly beaten face, at the very least. Believe me, everyone’s on your side. The word was going round the hospital within minutes that you stepped up and the question’s being asked—where was Security at the time he walked through the doors into the department?’
‘He could’ve gained access by asking to see his wife. He didn’t need to get all uptight and angry.’ That still would have upset Kath, though.
‘Unfortunately you’re right. Kath hadn’t said she wouldn’t see him, and I doubt she would’ve if asked.’ He pushed open his door and unwound his long body to stand upright.
Before Molly had gathered her bag, or her wits, Nathan was opening her door. ‘Come on. Let’s go and eat.’
She grinned. ‘Now you mention it, I’m starving.’
‘There’s a surprise.’ Nathan laughed, and held out a hand to take hers, which he didn’t drop as they began walking along the footpath.
For once she didn’t try and pull away, or start filling in the sudden shyness swamping her by talking a load of drivel. Instead she looked around at the massive hotel built against the hill, and the row of small shops lining the street heading up the valley. She enjoyed the sense of freedom at being able to hold a man’s hand without being frightened, or wary. A warm, strong hand belonging to a caring, exciting guy who was starting to get under her skin in ways she’d long believed wouldn’t happen in this lifetime.
Then she let out a sigh. There was no getting away from telling him the bare facts about her past. Nathan had guessed the basics so to go all quiet on him when he was being so darned kind and friendly wasn’t right, even when she hadn’t told anyone the sordid details since she’d left Perth two years ago. She’d give him an abridged version. Bare facts, and move on.
After they’d eaten.
‘Hello, Nathan.’ The waitress placed menus before them. ‘How’s your week been?’
‘Hectic, as per usual. Eva, let me introduce Molly O’Keefe. She’s a nurse in the department.’
‘Hey, Molly, nice to meet you. Are you living around here?’
The girl looked vaguely familiar, which didn’t make sense. Unless she lived in the same apartment block as Molly did, but what were the odds? ‘Over in Bondi Junction, unfortunately.’ She’d love to have an apartment with those views to wake up to every day. It wasn’t happening any time soon. Her bank balance couldn’t cope. The money from her half of the marital property was locked in an investment, where it was staying until she decided what to do with it. The money was tain
ted, as far as she was concerned. Though there was her inheritance from Gran. Hmm. Possibilities started popping up. Her mother would be quick to offer assistance to make up for letting her down in the past, but she’d never ask.
‘I know what you mean. It’s beautiful around here.’ Eva looked at Nathan. ‘The usual?’
‘You’ve got steak on the menu?’ Molly laughed.
Eva gaped at her. ‘Steak? No. The full Aussie breakfast.’
Molly’s laugh got louder. ‘Do you ever cook your own breakfast?’
‘Cook it? Hell, no. Do I tip something out of a cardboard box into a bowl and add milk? Yes, more often than you seem to think.’ He grinned before nodding to the waitress. ‘Definitely, the works. Molly might take time deciding so can we have a flat white and a long black in the meantime?’
‘Coming up.’
As Eva headed across to the barista coffee machine, Molly began scanning the menu. ‘I feel I know Eva from somewhere.’
‘ED. She came in with burns to her legs after a cook knocked boiling water off the stovetop and onto her.’
‘She was in agony. The head chef came with her, and was so upset you had to calm him down as well.’ It had happened during her first week in the department, and she’d been impressed with Nathan’s handling of the chef’s stress when it was Eva who had needed his attention. ‘You helped them both.’
‘Later, when the chef had gone, Eva told me the restaurant had a bad safety record and she wasn’t going back. I put her in touch with Henri, who owns this place.’
‘You did me a huge favour.’ Eva placed two coffees before them. ‘Molly?’
‘Mushrooms on toast, and lots of crispy bacon.’
‘Good choice.’
It was. The creamy sauce the mushrooms came in was divine, and the bacon done to perfection. ‘I might have to reserve my own table after this.’ Molly grinned as she pushed her plate aside and dabbed her lips with a paper napkin. Coogee wasn’t so far from Bondi Junction that she couldn’t make the trip occasionally to eat scrumptious food, check out those shops and dabble her toes in the sea.
‘Help yourself to mine.’ Nathan smiled, those questions back in his eyes now that breakfast was over.
Even knowing how unlikely it was, she’d been hoping he’d let it go. Yet she also thought that by telling him about Paul she’d be testing the water to see how he reacted. It’d be a barometer for the future and how she went about revealing her past to any man she might get serious about. Draining her water, she set the glass down. ‘Feel like walking along the beach?’ She could not sit here revealing everything, not with him directly opposite and she firmly in his line of vision.
‘You read my mind.’
‘Oh, no, I didn’t.’ She could no more read what he was thinking than ride a wave like two surfers were doing out there.
Only three other individuals were on the beach, two in a hurry to get their walk done, probably to head back indoors where it was warmer. Molly zipped her jacket up to her chin.
Beside her, Nathan slipped his hands into his pockets and matched her pace. They were halfway along the beach before she said, ‘My divorce came through last Monday. I got the paperwork on Thursday.’
‘Was that why you had a toast to yourself at Vicki’s breakfast?’
‘You noticed?’ Was there anything she could keep from this man? Was that good? Or bad? She’d go for good, with a wary eye.
‘I’ve started observing lots of things about you.’ Then Nathan stopped. ‘If that sounds creepy, I apologise. It’s not meant to. It’s only that my opinion of you has changed since yesterday morning.’
She glanced across, and couldn’t resist smiling. ‘We didn’t exactly get off to a great start, did we?’ Could be that deep down she’d sensed how he could affect her if she let him near, and so subconsciously she’d been protecting herself by pushing him away. ‘Of course we might go back to being grumpy with each other next time we’re at work.’ Fingers crossed that didn’t happen. She liked the man, more than liked, but that emotion was for another day further down the track—if they spent more time together outside the hospital. Nathan had mentioned a car trip. Should she go? It meant making herself vulnerable, if only because he was so considerate towards her, something that still had her defence mechanisms coming to the fore.
‘How long were you married?’ Nathan brought her back to reality with a bump.
‘Two years.’ Her voice had taken on an emotionless tone, designed not to give anything away she didn’t choose to. ‘At first it was wonderful.’ Deep breath, stare at the sand ahead. ‘And then it wasn’t.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that.’
She was sorry she had reason to say it. ‘He hit me. Often, towards the end. There was no pleasing him when he was in a mood.’
‘I figured that out when you talked about Kath’s problem. You understand what she’s dealing with.’ Nathan came closer, his arm touching hers, his hand now between them—relaxed and there for her. Or so she hoped.
‘Every last emotion,’ she admitted.
‘I hoped I was wrong.’ Then he asked, ‘Can I hold you?’
She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Nathan was asking if it was all right to hold her. Pausing in her mad dash along the beach, she faced him square on. ‘Yes, please.’
As his arms wrapped around her she became aware of the tension gripping his torso. It didn’t frighten her. Again unusual. It only went to show how much she instinctively trusted this man. ‘Nathan?’
His forehead rested against hers. ‘I am spitting mad. No man has the right to hurt a woman physically. It’s appalling.’
‘And degrading, and terrifying, and soul destroying,’ she whispered.
‘Yet you were brave and left him.’
That sounded so simple. Pack a bag and walk out the front door, never to return. Don’t look over her shoulder—except she’d been doing that ever since, though not any more. Other than on bad days when she was feeling down.
Nathan continued. ‘You’re still looking out in case he turns up. At one stage I saw you checking every male that came into the café yesterday.’
She pulled back in his arms to watch the expressions crossing his face. He was angry. For her. The tension eased. No one had done that for her since this appalling situation had begun. Not even the people who should’ve been there for her. ‘He can’t. He’s locked up for years to come.’
‘At least that’s good.’
She could get to like this man a lot. Like? Or love? Why not? She was allowed to love again, she just had to get it right next time. ‘He escaped once and came after me in Adelaide where I’d moved to get away from the people who thought I’d made it all up. They changed their attitude after the trial, but for me it was too late.’ Except for her mum, and that was still a work in progress. ‘I tried staying on in Adelaide but there were too many shadows at the corners so I moved here.’
‘I’m surprised you can get through a day without checking behind every door in the department and studying each male patient who comes in.’ So far Nathan had accepted everything she’d told him without criticism. He’d never understand just how much that meant.
‘I used to when I began working at the medical centre in Bondi Junction, but it’s exhausting so one day I made up my mind to stop. Not that it happened instantly, but I’m heaps better than I used to be.’
‘That says you’re comfortable here. Am I right?’
‘I’m getting there, and, yes, I want to make a life for myself in Sydney. I will never return to Perth.’ Her mother had finally accepted that, right about when she’d acknowledged she’d let her daughter down by not believing her about Paul in the beginning.
Nathan leaned in and his lips touched her forehead, brushed over her skin, before he straightened. ‘Good answer. You’re one tough lady, Molly O’Keefe.’
; The wind gusted sharply, flicking sand at them, and Molly shuddered. From the cold or the memories she wasn’t sure. Both, most likely. ‘I’m starting to believe that.’
‘So you should. I’ll say this once, and then I’ll keep quiet unless you ever want to talk about it again.’ Nathan’s hand entwined with hers, and she had no compulsion to pull away. ‘You are so brave.’ Then he kissed both her cheeks and straightened. ‘Let’s go find somewhere warmer.’
Molly hadn’t told him everything. Nothing about the real possibility she’d never get pregnant again. That was just too close, too painful, to reveal. A huge negative when she was trying to be positive. When they reached his car, she asked, ‘Where shall we go now?’ She wasn’t ready for this to end. She hadn’t felt so at ease in years, and it was addictive. She wanted more time with Nathan. Plain and simple. Complicated and interesting.
Nathan looked at her over the roof of his car, a look of disbelief darkening his features as he said, ‘I want to show you something.’
Was he sure about that? From the way he was looking at her she thought he was more inclined to take her to the bus station and buy her a ticket out of town. ‘What?’
* * *
‘Wait and see.’
Quick, think of somewhere to take her to. Avoid going home. Because once you show her the self-contained flat you’re sunk. There’ll be no backing out.
Nathan sucked in chilly air and drove through town, berating himself silently for giving in to the horror with which Molly’s story had filled him. Rosie would understand how he had to make sure she was always safe, to protect her from those shadows that haunted her and probably would for a long time to come despite her courageous words. Only then would that beautiful, heart-wrenching smile return more and more readily. A smile that rocked him off his steady stride and woke up parts of him that had been asleep for way too long. Not only his libido, but emotions of longing, caring and wanting to nurture.
Because of that smile he felt as though he’d stepped off the edge of a cliff and had no idea how far below he’d land, or in what condition. Neither did he care.
