by Frost, Sosie
And that hurt worse than any injury.
20
Leah
I made the worst mistakes of my life.
And I knew it.
I never, ever made mistakes. I had no room in my life for them, not when every decision I made came with a list of pros and cons that tangled me in so much uncertainty I was afraid to take a step in case I made a choice that was…wrong.
I’d lived my life carefully and methodically. Now I was pregnant, carrying the child of a man who thought a kid would help him to look more like an upstanding, moral gentleman.
But the baby wasn’t a mistake. Even if he or she exhausted me, ruined my favorite foods, and caused me a bit of discomfort, I loved the baby. Jack did too. And I knew we could handle whatever complicated mess we caused if only to provide the little one with a life of love and happiness.
I didn’t follow Jack. Instead, I hid in the one room we shared. The nursery wasn’t finished, at least, not to Jack’s specifications. But the room thrilled me, so peaceful and waiting for the excitement to come. The pregnancy wasn’t how I planned it, but at least I had control over that aspect of my life.
The rest of my life?
The complication I never should have let into my heart just slammed the door and walked out. But I had no idea what I’d say if I chased and caught him.
Don’t go.
Let’s talk.
You have no idea how much you mean to me, and it scares me to admit it.
“Any of those would have worked.” I sighed, but the tightness inside me didn’t go away.
I sat in the rocking chair and held one of the dozens of stuffed animals dressed in Rivets’ gear Jack bought. We had too much stuff for the baby—furniture and gadgets, pillows and blankets, so many onesies they were multiplying into twosies. But a child only needed one thing.
Love.
And so did I.
It was time to make some decisions.
Real decisions.
Not just where I was going to sleep at night or what we would do for dinner. We hadn’t even thought of names yet. We just…existed. Together. In the moment. Stationary.
I should’ve made the first move. How many real relationships did Jack ever have? He didn’t know anything about a functional romance.
Did we even have a romance?
So far it had been nights curled together. Sex. Gentle smiles. Teasing. More sex. The occasional flirty glance and promise of more.
Sex.
Passionate, unbelievably heated love-making.
No.
What we had was real. It had to be. I wasn’t just imagining how his hands felt or the words he murmured or the way he looked at me. When Jack took me to his bed and entered me with a cock so big and powerful and loving, we became more than two people in the heat of desire.
How long could I deny that I needed him? We had a peace together. Comfort. We offered ourselves to each other and earned so much more in return.
And yet…we never took it.
It scared me. And there was a reason for it. A big reason. One that lodged in my throat every time I went to admit it.
Jack had to feel it too. God, I hoped he did.
Or I was about to make an even bigger fool out of myself.
My phone rang. I lunged at my purse to grab it, hoping it was Jack. It wasn’t. Worse, I didn’t like the sudden twinge in my tummy when I moved. I took a deep breath and let the discomfort pass.
Was that a normal pain?
I hesitated to answer the phone. Jolene didn’t have any reason to bother me, and I braced myself before I greeted her.
“Leah?” Jolene spoke in a rush, too busy to call without spilling her coffee and banging her keyboard. “Oh, Leah, I am so glad to talk to you. Do you have a minute?”
The rocking chair was comfortable enough, at least. The only real crisis was that the Rivets’ bad boy quarterback was pissed off, rogue, and determined to find trouble to prove how much he had changed. Sure. It was a great time to take a call.
“What’s up, Jolene?”
“First…how are you?”
I didn’t really want to deal with pleasantries. “Fine.”
“And…the baby?”
Now she cared about the baby? I remembered her last words to me, a chastisement for my recklessness and disregard for my own life. Apparently, I’d let Jack ruin me.
I disagreed.
But I rested my hand on my tummy, stroking the little bump. I shifted, but the weird discomfort still ached through me. I really needed to take it easy. Probably spent too much time in the heat today.
“The baby’s good,” I said. “Everything’s normal.”
“Know the gender?”
“Not yet. We wanted it to be a surprise.”
“You?” Jolene’s voice cracked. “A surprise?”
I glanced over the sunshine yellow walls and neutral green blankets and toys. “Jack’s suggestion.”
“And you went along with it?”
“Well…” I smiled. “Yeah. He thought it’d be sweet if we found out together.”
“I can’t believe that works with your…plans.”
Oddly enough, it did. Everything about the baby made sense with Jack. “So long as he or she is healthy, that’s all we want.”
“Wow.” Jolene hesitated. “So you and Jack…?”
Wasn’t that the question of the evening? “Yes?”
“Leah, you know he isn’t the one for you.”
“Jo, stop—”
“Just listen to me. I know he’s handsome, and it’s fun, and now there’s a baby involved, but this isn’t the life you wanted. I worry about you.”
“You worried so much you fired me.”
“I want you back.”
The rocking chair went still. I nearly burst out of it. “Back?”
“At the agency. It was wrong to fire you.”
“It was probably illegal too.” Except I knew better than to challenge a PR team and a good friend to a legal dispute.
Jolene sighed. “Jack’s reputation isn’t something we can fix.”
I bit my lip. “He’s really trying to change.”
“It’s too little, too late. You want to believe he’s a different man—”
“He is.”
“Come on. To anyone else, he’s still the trouble-making womanizer skirting the law and now having illegitimate children.”
“I know what you think happened, and you’re wrong. The baby wasn’t an accident.”
“That’s even more concerning. Do you really want to abandon everything you worked so hard to achieve for Jack Carson?”
“Maybe I was working towards the wrong things?”
She snorted. “Oh, knock it off, Leah. You’re not getting married. You’re out of work. And you’re having a baby with a man you never imagined you’d be saddled with.”
“I’m not saddled with him.” In fact, I was supposed to be keeping him on a leash. It was my fault for letting that chain break. “I like my life. I can handle myself. I promise.”
“I want you to come back to work for me,” Jolene said.
“You mentioned that already.”
“I’ll give you a raise and a company car.”
I sighed. “That’s great, but you realize I only have five and half months I can work.”
“You’d get maternity leave. Come on, Leah. I’m trying to help you.”
“I don’t need help.”
She lowered her voice. “And when he leaves you?”
“He won’t.”
“This is Jack Carson. He’s a walking, talking liability. A risk. I want to make sure you’re taken care of, and you know he’s not dependable. Hell, we spent day after day thinking of photo ops and events to make him seem responsible, and the two of us together couldn’t make it realistic.”
“That was before.”
“You need to plan for what comes after.” Jolene hesitated. “The offer for your job stands, but I can’t allow the scanda
l into my office. If you come back to work, I want you to be alone.”
“What?”
“Break it off with him before it gets too complicated and you’ll have your old job with a raise and perks. Leah, I chose you to be my assistant because you’d be a partner one day. Have the baby, and after he or she is born, we’ll make the arrangements for you to get that promotion.”
My heart fluttered, thudded, and crushed. This wasn’t happening. My dream job floated within my grasp, and all I had to do was reach out, take it, and seize everything I ever wanted. The baby. The career. The prospects.
But no Jack.
Tears prickled my eyes. I couldn’t turn on him. Not now, not for a raise or promotion or offer that would give me a comfortable life. I would never trap myself in a passionless existence again. Before him, I hadn’t understood what I needed in life. I did now.
He gave me passion, excitement, and romance. He taught me to take one day at a time instead of scheduling life fifteen years into the future. He took care of me. Made love to me. Fought so hard for to me to see that he had changed and wanted that commitment.
Jack pleaded with me to be honest. He wanted to know what I thought of him.
The answer was easy. He was everything I needed to make my life whole.
“Jolene, I can’t accept this,” I said.
“Christ, Leah. Why not?”
I smiled as I said it, my heart fluttering as I finally admitted it out loud.
“Because I’m in love with Jack Carson.”
“Leah—”
I gripped the phone but hugged one of the baby’s stuffed animals. “I’m sorry, my answer is no.”
“I hope you’re sure about this.”
As sure as I was ever going to be about anything.
I ended the call. I told her, but someone else deserved to know how I felt. Somewhere, out in the world, Jack drowned in his own solitude and misery. No man I loved should ever have felt so alone when I was here waiting for him.
When me and his baby were waiting for him.
I set the stuffed animal on the ground and pushed from the chair.
The sharpness in my womb stopped me. It wasn’t just discomfort. Standing caused a spike of pain through my body. I clutched my tummy. I took a step and felt it again.
Tears blurred my vision, but, as always, I had a plan, and it didn’t include panicking.
I held my phone tight and gripped the baby’s crib, my heart beating entirely too fast and terrified for the littlest trouble-maker. Jack’s phone went straight to voicemail. I steadied my voice as I left the message, hoping he’d get it before anything bad happened.
“Jack…it’s me. I think something’s wrong.” I held back my tears, but I hic-upped when another step pinched the pain inside me again. “Please call me. I have to go to the hospital.”
21
Jack
Bryon was always down for a drink…or a line, though even I wasn’t that stupid.
One call and he had the crew assembled at his house, each person hauling a case of something more potent and expensive than the last. Beer. Wine. One particularly good-looking bottle of scotch.
We met in his living room because, as the rest of the team had so recklessly experienced, when a majority of Rivets met in public, it usually caused problems for both the establishment and the idiots inside who picked fights.
But tonight wasn’t about reliving old mistakes. Tonight was for making new ones. Apparently, that was all I was good for.
Jack Carson—trouble-maker, womanizer, delinquent.
Father?
Oh, not yet. I still had five and a half months to ruin my own life, let alone screw up the kid’s.
At least the baby had Leah. She had enough common sense and conviction to get what she needed out of life, even if it wasn’t me.
But why didn’t she want me? Didn’t she realize how much I fucking cared? What I’d do for her? What she and the baby had done to me?
And it was all for nothing. She didn’t even know that I…
Fuck it.
Bryon clapped my shoulder and shuffled me to his living room. His place was ten thousand square feet of a sty because he couldn’t stop harassing his maids long enough to let them clean the damn house. He puffed a cigar and pointed me to the couch.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked.
I didn’t grab my crutches on the way out of the house. I regretted it now. At least they gave the impression that I was hurt. With a limp, I looked like some heroic war vet to the three women Bryon had called specifically for our gathering. The women—two blondes and a girl with skin as dark as Leah’s—hurried to cuddle at my side. Bryon grinned. They crawled over the leather couch in miniskirts with nothing underneath.
Just the sort of trouble I liked.
Used to like.
Why did I once like this?
I couldn’t cast Leah from my mind, and the whores crowding me didn’t help. Leah had been the last woman to sit in my lap, and she turned my world upside down with the bump of her hips and the sexy smile she gave when I caressed her tummy.
She didn’t have a clue how amazing she was, and she got more beautiful by the day. I couldn’t wait to see what else the pregnancy did for her. She thought I wouldn’t be attracted to her once she grew too big. Christ, she’d be lucky if I could keep my hands off of her.
Had I ever told her that?
Did I ever tell her anything? I know what I’d felt in bed. Every time I took her was a more meaningful and romantic experience than the last, but I never thought to say the words that crushed me from the inside out.
Fuck, was I that stupid?
The blond snuggled too close and tried to whisper in my ear. I pushed her away.
“Jack, what the hell is wrong with you?” Bryon handed me a tumbler filled with something that was sure to burn my throat. “Drink, man. Get your dick sucked. Stop moping. You’re freaking me the fuck out.”
“Sorry.” I stared into the tumbler. Bryon took the couch across from me, my two loyal offensive lineman, Orlando and Marcus, on the other side of the room. “It’s just...Leah.”
“The bitch?”
“She’s not a bitch.” My voice rose. Bryon apologized. “She went to the doctor without me.”
Bryon shrugged. “Baby okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I didn’t go. She didn’t want me there.”
“Fuck man, sounds like she did you a favor. Who wants to spend their time in an OBGAGA-whatever the fuck it is. Fucking baby shit everywhere and ovaries.” Bryon shuddered. “Gives me the willies.”
“Yeah, and how many women ended up there because of you?”
“Ain’t no one suing me for paternity. You fucked yourself up there, son.”
No, I hadn’t. That baby and its mother were the greatest things in my life. I sipped the alcohol. It was a cheap scotch, but it did the job.
“You need to bust outta that relationship,” Bryon said. “That bitc—lady’s got you collared.”
“Don’t mind it.”
“Yeah, well, you don’t seem too happy now. Hell, we haven’t seen you out at all. Not a party unless Jack Carson makes an appearance, baby.”
I shrugged. “Been busy.”
“Dump her ass and get your life back.”
“It’s complicated.” Just the thought of losing Leah pitted my stomach. “She’s helping me. If I’m with her, it looks good to the league. You got me? And since they’re looking for any reason to fuck me over…”
Bryon glanced to the linemen. His lips twisted into a smile. “Jack, you worried about your position?”
“Wouldn’t you be?”
“Dude, fucking relax. Look.” His voice lowered as he gestured to our friends. “Matt’s doing okay, but you say the word, and we can make him a little less comfortable in the pocket.”
It was like he sucker-punched me. “What?”
“Just sayin’.
Maybe some blocks get missed. Maybe he’s gotta hurry a couple passes. Matt ain’t got the skills you do. We made him look good. If you think it’ll help, we can make him look…not as good.”
“Jesus fuck, listen to yourself!” I nearly leapt off the couch. My knee didn’t cooperate, or I’d have split right then. “Christ, no! I’m not gonna let you throw the games because you want me under center. I want my position because I’m the best at it, not because—”
Bryon held his hands up. “Okay, okay. Just sayin’, Jack. Offer stands.”
“I don’t need it.” I set the glass down too hard, spilling the liquid. “And if I ever think one of you assholes isn’t putting in a hundred percent—”
“No one’s doing anything, Jack. Fucking calm down.” Bryon grinned. “We’re all friends here.”
He snapped his fingers, and one blonde slunk away to entertain Orlando and Marcus. They retreated to the corner of the room. Bryon kept the second blonde for himself.
The third woman waited for me, brushing ebony fingers along my chest.
“Thought she was more your type.” Bryon winked.
She wasn’t. Leah was. This girl was a poor imitation.
Her skin wasn’t Leah’s rich cocoa softness. Her touch on my shoulder wasn’t the timid tickle of Leah’s hand. I always had to tell Leah she was allowed to touch me, especially to hold on as I fucked her into oblivion every night in my bed.
Our bed?
Fucking, a bed. It didn’t matter whose. It just mattered that she was in it.
“You seem tense, baby,” the woman whispered. “Can I help?”
Bryon nodded. I wasn’t in the mood and I certainly wasn’t looking for anyone else.
I wasn’t sure when it happened, but the revelation wasn’t a surprise. I wanted Leah and Leah alone.
“Don’t…” I pushed the woman away. She pouted, and I shrugged. “Nothing against you.”
“But…”
“No buts. Not interested.”
“But you’re Jack Carson…” The girl laughed. “I thought tonight would be fun.”
Since when did I have to explain myself or my cock? Was my reputation that bad? Did people really think I’d hump anything that talked?
