by Kim Karr
She laughs. “You are so right. I could have used a couple more hours this morning, but we’re both up now, so lets meet for lunch. Ethan is taking Max to Home Depot to scout out his next home improvement project and I have just about an hour to hear all about you and Nick.”
I snuggle deeper into my pillow, the scent of Nick still lingering, and breathe it in. “Okay, okay, where and when do you want to meet?”
“How about The Patio on N. Stockton Dr. at noon.”
“Sounds like a plan. I’ll be there,” I say, and after our goodbyes I hang up.
Telling myself to get up and go home, I take one quick roll over to look at the empty space where Nick would be lying if he were still here, but the space is not empty. Just below his pillow is a single red rose and a folded piece of paper.
With a huge smile on my face, I grab at the piece of paper and scan the inside note. It reads,
Things definitely happen for a reason. Can’t wait to see you tonight.
With a sigh, I pick up the bright green stem and bring it to my nose.
Could my life actually be coming up roses?
30
Tess
Saturdays are never quite long enough.
Even at ten in the morning, I can already tell I won’t have enough time to get done everything I want to. I had all kinds of plans for today, most of which included working at the café, but as I look around my messy studio apartment, I remember Nick is coming over tonight. My inspection tells me that just tidying up isn’t going to improve this place much.
It seriously needs some personality.
I look at the boxes, the open space, the white sheets, the white walls, the bare floors, and ponder where to start. Perhaps a bright bedspread and new colorful sheets would be a good start. A throw rug or two as well. The walls will have to wait. Art is personal and can’t be rushed. And of course, unpacking the dozens and dozens of boxes stacked everywhere won’t hurt.
First things first though, I need to figure out what I’m going to wear tonight. A girl has her priorities.
After digging through some boxes, I find what I’m looking for. It’s a sexy little black dress. High neck. Sleeveless. The hem hits just at my knee. I slip it on and stare at myself in the reflection of the mirror. The restaurant Nick is taking me to is considered a fine dining establishment, much like Gaspard, and I wore this, or dresses similar to this, all the time. It really is perfect.
Except it doesn’t feel perfect. As I look at it in the mirror, all I see is the uptown girl Ansel wanted me to be. All the years I spent working hard on establishing something that was never really mine seem to come crashing down on me. I want to rip this dress off, and all the ones like it, and shred them into a thousand different pieces.
Frantically I dump box after box, looking for something that makes me feel like me. Like the woman Nick makes me feel like. A girl who can be who she is with no care of where or how she grew up.
A small box tips over in my hunt and a bunch of photos fall to the ground. My eye catches one of them. It is from the Fourth of July Barbeque Fiona threw last year. The picture is of me and Ansel sitting in chairs on her front lawn. I bring the photo closer. Nick is in the background, standing on the front porch with a beer in his hand, and he’s staring at the two of us, with almost a kind of yearning on his face.
Nick.
I crush the photo to my chest.
Nick.
He had noticed me. He had been watching me. And I had completely misunderstood him every time we were together.
I have a lot of making up to do for that.
Once I’ve put all the photos back in the box, I continue rummaging through my clothes, but my heart feels a little heavy, and I take a moment to text Nick. I type:
Just wanted to say good morning and I hope you have a great day.
His return text is somewhat unexpected. Not dirty in the way they usually are, but rather sweet.
My day would have been better if I’d stayed in bed with you.
Smiling now, I set my phone aside and get back to work.
When I come up with nothing that I want wear tonight, I grab for my phone once again and this time I text Fiona.
Can I borrow that silver silk dress you bought when you were in New York City last year?
The halter one from the warehouse you took me to?
Yes, that one.
Sure thing.
Ansel had said it looked like something from the seventies, then again he hated when I shopped in the garment district. He always said the clothes from there looked trashy. Funny, I wonder if he secretly thought I was trashy?
And the truth is—I don’t really care.
Feeling like I have finally shed every bit of sadness I had over our breakup, I stand up tall and decide it’s time to start the next chapter in my life.
I’m more than ready.
31
Tess
The Patio is located just south of the main zoo grounds beside Café Brauer, a historic Prairie School-style landmark. Overlooking the pond at the Lincoln Park Zoo, the place is ideal for lazy Saturday lunches.
Except today Fiona is on a time crunch, and I have a ton to do. That means the lazy part of our lunch has turned into somewhat of a rapid game of twenty questions, of which Nick is the topic of each and every one.
I pluck a bread stick from the basket between us and give her a look. “Really? You’ve thought we’d make the perfect couple since the day you met him?”
She toys with her salad, poking at the croutons and spearing a cherry tomato. “Yes, it’s true. I even told you that on the phone the day after, but you told me how blissfully happy you were, and to lay off. So I did.”
I dip my breadstick in the last of my soup and then chew on it, thinking back, vaguely recalling the conversation.
“Besides,” she adds, “you lived almost eight hundred miles away, so what good would it have done to try to set you two up.”
I’d devoured my own half sandwich and cup of soup, and even two breadsticks, and now I am having thoughts of sampling the brownies, solely for research purposes, of course. “And yet every time I was around him, you let me call him all kinds of names, and bad mouth him.”
Fiona lifts her chin, and smirks. “Hey, nothing you said was a lie. He is who he is. I knew who he was, and knew you really didn’t. You couldn’t though. He’s not one to open up to people. He’s complicated with a lot of layers.”
I stack my dishes to the side and look toward the dessert case. “Complicated is a good way to put it.”
“And I did suggest setting you up when you first arrived back in Chicago.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Yes, I did. You just never let me tell you his name,” she laughs.
I ponder that for a moment.
She stabs her salad again. “Just be careful, Tess.”
I look over at her. “He’s not going to hurt me.”
“I’m sure he doesn’t want to, but Ethan says he has deep routed mommy issues, and he’s afraid to commit because of it.”
“And I have deep rooted mommy and daddy issues. Maybe that’s why we connect the way we do.”
The waiter comes back to ask if Fiona wants a box for her lunch that she barely touched. She shakes her head. “No, thanks. But we’ll take a dessert menu.”
I give her a look.
She raises a brow. “I’ve seen you staring at the case for the last five minutes.”
And that is why we are best friends. We both know each other too well. Which is why I know it’s time to change the subject from me to her. Something is going on with her today.
Over brownies and coffee, I can’t help but notice how tired she looks, and the fact that she didn’t eat anything doesn’t go unnoticed either. “How late did you stay up?” I ask.
She nibbles on the chocolate. “I think five, maybe five-thirty.”
“Wha-a-at?” I let the word drag out.
After she swallows a sip of her coffe
e, she leans closer to me. “Ethan and I were having a very important conversation.”
“About what?”
“We were discussing the idea of inviting Jace in to our bed.”
I stare at her. Nothing could have prepared me for that statement, not even after seeing the three of them together last night. “You can’t do that,” I whisper.
Her look tells me she can, and she is. “What makes you say that?”
“It’s not right.”
“Do I have to remind you of the twins that got you sent away your senior year.”
“That was different.”
“Why?”
“Because I was young and stupid, and I wasn’t married with a kid.”
She sighs. “Tess, you know me. You know I’ve always wanted to do things that aren’t considered socially acceptable.”
I press my hands on the table and my coffee sloshes onto the saucer. “Inviting a man into your marriage bed is completely different than kissing a girl on a dance floor to invoke a reaction from strangers.”
“I know that!”
“Do you? Have you thought it all through? Like what will happen to you and Ethan after. What will happen between Ethan and Jace?”
She shifts her eyes from side to side to make sure no one is listening. “The three of us sat down last night and set the ground rules. Jace and I will not have vaginal intercourse. The men will not touch in anyway. They aren’t interested in that.”
“So it will be for you?”
She shakes her head. “No! It will be for Ethan and I. For our relationship. And Jace, too. He has no one.”
I give her a doubtful look.
“Ethan and I want to do this, Tess, and Jace is the perfect guy. Not only is he lonely, but he’ll eventually find someone to fill the empty void in his life, and until he does, we will.”
I stare right at her. “I don’t understand, how did this even come up?”
“When Ethan and I were in Fiji, we talked about a lot of things we never had. Don’t forget, our relationship didn’t progress slowly. We fucked, and didn’t talk again until the day I told him I was pregnant.”
“I know,” I say softly.
Fiona leans forward, and continues. “He told me something he hadn’t before.”
“What’s that?”
“When he and Jace were seniors in college, they had a relationship with a junior named Hannah.” She rolls her eyes, “Hannah. That just sounds so goody two shoes.”
I smirk at her. “What? Unlike Fiona, which sounds so ghetto whore?”
She narrows her eyes at me, and then laughs. “So, I’m a little jealous. Don’t judge. Anyway, the relationship didn’t last long.”
“Why did it end?”
She shrugs. “As far I know Hannah ended it. Ethan didn’t go into detail. The only thing he told me was that the three of them had decided to go skiing over spring break, and Jace suggested a place in Colorado, but didn’t tell Hannah his family owed the house, until his grandmother unexpectedly showed up.”
“Okay,” I say. “And that was a problem, why?”
She shrugs again. “Jace comes from a very wealthy family, and I guess Hannah had no idea until then. When she found out, she felt duped for some reason. She called Jace a big shot, and left. Ethan tried to call her when he returned, but she wouldn’t take his calls. Neither of them saw her again after that, and a short while later, Jace met Tricia.”
“So what? Since they’ve done this thing before, you think they can do it again?”
“Yes, I do.”
I stare at her, uncertain what to say.
“Be happy for me. I want this. I’ve wanted something like this since you first told me about the twins.”
I give her a look.
“You know how jealous I was of you. How I went on about it for months after.”
I do remember that.
“I had actually told Ethan about that time in my life first, before he told me about Hannah.” She makes a face when she says her name.
My jaw drops open.
“Don’t worry, he won’t judge.”
I keep my mouth shut, knowing this isn’t about me.
As if a weight has been lifted from her shoulders, she takes a huge bite of her brownie. “Besides,” she adds, “it’s not going to be a steady thing. We said we’d try it tonight, and if any of us don’t want to do it again, we won’t.”
“Okay,” I tell her. “Start again, and this time from the beginning.”
“On New Year’s Eve…” she starts with a smile.
Watching the glow lighting up her face, I can’t help but be happy for her. After all, Fiona didn’t have to choose to settle down, she got pregnant and did the right thing for Max. She also learned to live within the constraints of marriage, which for her hasn’t been easy. And aside from her adjustment to staying home, she seems to be doing a good job of it.
Maybe Ethan is more perfect for her than I thought. Or maybe he’s more in tune to her needs than I give him credit for.
Either way, I have no doubts that he’s the right man for her, and that he will handle the situation with care, for her, for him, and for their son.
Besides, who am I to judge?
32
Tess
A dress is just a dress, until it is more.
The silver silk glimmers in the light, and feeling like a princess waiting for her Prince Charming, I twirl around to get the full effect.
This dress is perfect for my date tonight. Its halter-style neckline offsets the provocativeness of the open back, and the length on me is just above the knee, sexy but not trashy.
Fiona also lent me her black velvet trench coat, which when paired with a pair of black velvet shoes, looks like an outfit from the pages of a fashion magazine.
I add a pair of chandelier earrings, a few bangles, and a dab of perfume, and I’m ready with time to spare.
Then I look around my apartment, the one in which I ended up doing nothing to except shove all the boxes against the wall and throw all the clothes I had dumped everywhere into the closet.
Meeting Fiona for a one-hour speed lunch turned into a gabfest three-hour one, and then she’d forgotten the dress I asked to borrow back at her house on the kitchen counter. Because I wanted to wear it, I had to go back to her place to get it. Once there, I ended up playing with Max and chatting with Ethan.
It was five before I made it back to my place, and by then it was time to get ready. There were also numerous texts from Nick throughout the day, of which it took some time to answer. I like my responses to have just the right amount of sassy and sweet.
The knock on my door startles me. He’s early. Good thing I’m ready. “Coming,” I call, glancing at myself one more time in the mirror.
Quickly crossing the small space, I pull the door open with a bubble of excitement I can’t contain. It’s just it feels like I haven’t seen him in days, even though it’s really only been hours.
“I missed you,” I say before the door fully opens.
“I missed you too.”
The voice isn’t the deep, husky one that belongs to Nick.
And that’s because the man standing at the door isn’t Nick at all.
33
Nick
The last time I brought someone flowers, I’d picked them from my backyard.
My mother was sad that day for some reason and I wanted to cheer her up. Instead though, the flowers only made her sadder. She cried as she put them in an old glass milk jug and set it on the kitchen table.
The next day, all the petals from the flowers had fallen to the tabletop and she was gone.
I straighten my tie and then glance down at the bouquet. Tonight I’m going to tell Tess that I love her and ask her to move in with me. I know things are happening fast, but I also know slowing things down isn’t going to change a thing.
She sparkles and shines and lights my world up.
She’s the one I want.
The one I n
eed.
Her building is old and a little run down, so it’s no surprise the elevator is slow. Anxious to see her, I locate the stairwell and climb to the third floor. Once there, I discover I’m on the opposite side of the building than her apartment. I navigate myself up the hall, around the elevator, and just as I turn the corner, I see her, but she’s not alone.
Her Frenchman is with her, and he’s got his hands on her face in a loving way that makes me want to break each of his fingers. When he leans in, I want to run down the hall and punch him the face. After which, I want to throw him out the window. And then I want to fucking kill him.
Unable to believe what is before my eyes, I take a tentative step toward them. I need to confront the situation, talk to Tess, put the asshole in his place. But before I can make my legs move, he drops to one knee and pulls a small velvet box from his pocket. That’s when my world turns upside down.
It’s what happened with my mother all over again.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
This is what I wanted to avoid in my life. The reason I didn’t want to get attached to anyone. No attachments means never getting your heart busted in two.
I blink.
And then blink again.
My vision starts to blur when I see tears streaming down her cheeks. Soft words coming from her mouth. Him looking up at her.
She must be saying yes.
Telling him how much she loves him.
How much she missed him.
There’s no doubt I’m being sucker punched.
I close my eyes. I can’t look anymore.
The flowers in my hand drop to the ground.
Unable to watch him rip her from my life any longer, I turn around and walk the way I came. A feeling of emptiness settles over me. I feel hollow. Alone.
The elevator door opens and I hop inside.
