“I said I’m sorry.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“I’m sorry, dad.”
“Dad? Who’s this dad person?”
“Mom, meet Frank Archer, my father.”
“Your mother died decades ago? What is this?”
“Father meet Massively Overbearing Machine, MOM for short. She’s my house AI, now she’s the ship’s AI.”
“Frank’s Mega body can attach to the ship’s underbelly using the modifications Diego made for the spare rams.” Rick wasn’t going to check Amy’s calculations so he just waited for someone else to say whether that’d work.
“Oye! We’re not losing the rams. I need those. For ramming.”
“There’s space enough for both.” Amy saves the day.
Rick didn’t know what to think about the sight before him. His father, the giant robot, was strapped under the ship nestled amongst the rams, which it turns out looked like giant dildos at the right angle. It looked like weird robot porn.
“Now what? Do you guys have a body for me? Or do you expect me to make the journey like this?” Again Rick waited for someone else to answer. He was floating outside the ship. Immune to peer pressure.
“You can share my circuits handsome.” Rick wasn’t sure what that meant. But there was something sexy and disturbing about Mom’s offer.
“Don’t mind if I do!” The light in Mega Frank’s eyes went out, and Rick headed for the airlock.
Rick would have to ask Amy about this whole body swapping and sharing malarkey. He had questions.
Back on the bridge, Rick was starting to regret not saving his dad’s body.
“I’ve never been a ship before! This is amazing!”
“Hihi! Stop it! That tickles. Come here I’ll show you how it works.” Again, that was sounding kinkier than it should.
Rick’s horrified gaze was met by Brock’s; they suddenly realised their new future's implications. Gary was in the corner filming them, a smirk had appeared on his face, good TV always cheered him up. Diego was encouraging Frank. The pirate had taken a liking to Rick’s father. Must be a robot thing. Moon seemed amused, and Rick was glad they'd gotten away, but he wasn’t looking forward to listening to Frank court Mom over the PA.
“Guys? We’re in a hurry. To the gate please.” Brock wasn't asking anyone in particular, Rick felt the same. He'd have to learn to pilot one day.
“Yeah, I’m on it!” Diego pressed some buttons and grabbed hold of the controls.
The Last Human ship departed the great works of Eris base and headed towards the Homegate. Rick had done a bit of research on the Stargate Network, the technology had been reverse-engineered decades ago but was still the pinnacle of transportation technology. The only annoying problem with the tech is that a gate had to be built on the other side. That meant the trip had to be made at subluminal speed first. This had limited expansion to those star systems within this galactic neighbourhood.
The gates were made from a type of smart mutating material inspired from the Moonbase metal. A highly resilient material that would supposedly last millions of years and prevent the wormhole from collapsing. It did this by feeding the excreted electromagnetic radiation and exotic matter back to it in an infinite loop.
The gate was big. More so than Rick had expected. Distances had become jumbled in his mind. The stargate was a thousand kilometres wide. Which he used to think was a lot. But then he discovered the true meaning of long distances. And now as he observed the shimmering doorway of warped spacetime, so large a flotilla could fit, he realised he knew nothing, and it was all just magnitudes of big. Rick eyed the giant clock on the top of the ring’s rim. Almost a month since he’d left Earth.
“What’s this clock about?”
“It keeps the time between gated systems.” Moon’s answer came fast, but Rick needed more. He knew less than Moon credited him with.
“It ensures continuous timekeeping throughout the colonies. It makes sure travellers and information aren’t years out of sync with each other. If you made the trip without the gate decades or more would pass while you travel.” Amy displayed her smug face emoji.
“So this is instantaneous?”
“Yes and no. We’re using a bridge. Shorter than going around but still need to fly a bit.”
“For Proxima gate, the distance is just over four light years. The gate gets you there a hundred times faster.”
“How long?”
“A day or so.”
“For fuck’s sake… This shit isn’t instantaneous at all…”
“Well compared to the years it would take if you flew beyond the heliosphere into the frozen void…" Amy's smug face was back.
"It’s pretty fast, fool.”
“More time for us…” Moon grabbed his face and planted a kiss on his lips.
“More time for us too!” Brock punched Rick in the shoulder, and for an instant, he was back in the horror of training.
“Great…”
“Guys we’re receiving a message.” Mom had apparently suspended her flirting with Frank long enough to do her job.
“What does it say? Play it.”
Rick expected Spickard had survived and was asking for the ship back. He wished that was it.
“Rick, this isn’t over...”
To be continued in:
The Last Human: Colonation
Afterword
Book 2 is over. I hope you didn’t read it too fast. I've got a lot of work to go before Book 3 is ready. But I 'm still working towards a 2019 release.
To help me get the book out faster you could head on over to Amazon and leave reviews (US readers head on over to US site). Word of mouth is king! I’d love nothing more than dedicating all my time to writing but I can’t do it without fans. And I’m hoping you reading all the way to the end means you’re a fan!
Fans! Head on over to the website and join the community!
It would also be great if you’d head on over to Goodreads and wrote a nice review or even a rating would be infinitely appreciated!
Thank you for taking the time to read The Last Human: Space Shenanigans!
Rick and friends will be back in Colonation to explore a new system and start some more trouble!
Space Shenanigans Page 21
