There was only so much rejection that I could handle in one day. Girth started his bike and then looked over his shoulder.
“Hold me, Lila, you need to hold me so you don’t fall off,” he said. I reached for his shoulders with trembling fingers, and when my hands touched his body, I felt a searing ache in the pit of my stomach. Was I falling in love with this man? There were definitely feelings involved, I’d just not thought about them yet. I just needed him to accept what was happening to us first, but I had made my decision now, I couldn’t push for it anymore.
He was either going to fight for me or he wasn’t. I couldn’t make him do anything that he didn’t want to do.
We were riding again, in the direction of my house and this time, I didn’t want to go back home. How was I supposed to sleep in my own bed now when we’d had sex there? How was I supposed to take a bath when we’d had sex on the bathroom floor? Girth had already left a mark in every spot of my house and it was going to be very difficult to get past that.
22
Girth
Lila was sitting behind me on the bike again, and even though she had hesitated in placing her hands on my shoulders, I insisted, for her safety. Now we were touching again and I could feel my whole body aching with the need to hold her.
My eyes watered as I rode my bike hard. It was like every time I had sex with Lila, I was losing a part of myself which I would never get back unless I could have her. I couldn’t concentrate on my job and I couldn’t concentrate on anything else, not while she was still around me.
Being with Lila was completely out of the question. Fred had told me something that I already knew, but after he’d spoken to me, I was even more so realizing how foolish I had been by daydreaming about her. She was out of my league and out of my reach.
Those words I had said to her were echoing in my ears again. What was the point of me being in Orlando? What was the point in me trying to protect her, when I couldn’t even do my job?
I needed to get out of this place. I needed to get out of Orlando and away from her. That was the only way to do what was best for her. She needed to be protected and I couldn’t do my job. The most noble thing I could do was to admit the facts to Lewis—that I was not the best bodyguard he could hire for Lila. She needed someone who would be alert at all times, not distracted by their feelings for her.
I was going to have to do that because I cared for her and even though I knew that she wouldn’t understand, I would have to just live with knowing that she hated me.
If only I could resist her. If only my desire for her was like a switch that I could just turn off, then I could do my job and then I wouldn’t have to leave Orlando. Now, I would have to return to Elwood, to the Rogue Rebels, with my head hanging low and admitting defeat. I couldn’t even protect a woman from being kidnapped out of her own home. Elwood would never trust me again. I had now successfully proven myself as a complete failure.
We arrived at Lila’s house and I parked my bike near the porch. Quietly, I helped her off the bike and I watched as she walked towards the steps of her house.
I said nothing, I barely even moved from my spot. I pushed my hands into the pockets of my jeans and watched as she turned abruptly towards me.
“Aren’t you coming inside?” she asked and I clenched my jaws. That was my version of a response to her. Lila’s brows crossed and she rushed towards me. I could see that she was beginning to lose her temper again. Did she have any idea how absolutely adorable she looked when she was angry? When she thought she was being intimidating, with her flared nostrils and her cheeks flushed.
“But those were Daddy’s orders. He wants you to stay inside the house with me, it’s the only way you can keep a close eye on me,” Lila said and I just stared at her without responding to her statement.
“You don’t have to worry, Girth. The best way you can avoid a situation like that from happening again, is if you stay close to me. You can smoke inside the house if you want, I don’t mind,” she said and I had to keep my hands fisted to stop myself from reaching out to her. I wanted to wrap my arms around her waist and pull her close to me again, instead, I stood my ground and met her gaze with conviction in my eyes.
“Lila, I’ve decided to override your father’s orders. I don’t need the distraction and neither do you. I’ll be out here, scouting the premises and I promise you that you’ll be safe,” I said and I could hear the brute force in my own voice. The color drained from Lila’s face and cheeks. It looked like she hadn’t imagined that I would ever disobey her father’s orders. Were they even Lewis’ orders? Had Lila lied to me to get me to be close to her? It had worked; I was completely and totally entwined with her.
The very knowledge that she was going to go back in the house and I might not see her again till the next day; made my hands itch with desperation for her again.
“Fine! Good night, Girth! I’m sure I’ll sleep well!” she snapped and whipping away from me, I watched as she climbed up the stairs, opened the door of her house and slammed it shut behind her.
Only when she had gone into the house, did I climb up the steps to her porch and sat down on the chair. I needed to rest my feet, just for a few moments. Now it felt like I was functioning on zero sleep and zero food.
I dragged my box of cigarettes out of the pocket of my jeans and pulled one out and stuck it between my lips. Just one smoke and then my watch would begin, just a few minutes of sitting down and then I’d be standing again.
23
Lila
I had no idea when I’d drifted off to sleep. After Girth had brought me back to the house, I’d walked around the house, looked through the peephole from time to time to see him standing out there on the porch, and eventually I’d changed and got into bed.
Even though I knew that he was out there, and I had complete faith in his ability to keep me safe…even though he didn’t have that trust in himself; my gaze kept drifting to the bay window next to my bed. It was clamped shut now and the curtains were pulled, but I couldn’t get rid of that nagging feeling that someone was watching me.
I knew the Marked Skulls had taken care of those men, Girth had shot and killed the man who had laid his hands on me; but I wasn’t naive enough to assume that those men would be the last of them. They were on a mission to hurt Daddy, and the best way they knew to do that was by hurting me.
How long would Girth have to stay outside my door? How long was I going to be a prisoner in my own home? I hadn’t visited the foster center, I hadn’t spoken to the kids I was friends with for days! I wanted my old life back, my life before I’d been shot at and kidnapped and before I had even met Girth. Those were happier and simpler times. Back then, I wasn’t a liar and I didn’t try to manipulate a man to be with me and most importantly; I hadn’t been rejected by a man either.
I’d spent the night tossing and turning in bed and I thought I wouldn’t ever be able to get to sleep, but now I was waking up in bed. My limbs were hurting, I could still feel the bruises on my arms where those men had tightly held me down. I could still hear Girth’s voice ringing in my ears; but it was morning. A steady stream of bright light was pouring in through the curtains over the window and I felt some relief. Everything seemed better in daylight.
Swinging my legs gently off my bed, I went into the bathroom and washed my face. My gaze travelled to that spot on the floor where just the previous night, I had sat on Girth’s lap and ridden his cock. I looked away from it, hoping that I would be able to forget about it soon.
I changed out of my pajamas into a fresh summery dress and I combed my hair, before I stepped out into my room again.
That’s when I heard the raised voices outside my bedroom door. With my brows crossed and a fearful panic creeping into my bones, I walked hesitantly towards the door.
They were men’s voices and I was afraid again. What if Girth was dead? What if those men were back?
But Girth wasn’t dead, one of the raised voices belonged to him and the oth
er was Hugh’s.
I pulled the door open and found the two men standing in the hallway outside my bedroom door. Girth was towering over Hugh, looking down at him with piercing brown eyes, while Hugh, in his uniform, was trying to stand up to the giant of a man in front of him.
They both turned when they heard me open the door and I stared at them in surprise.
“Hugh!” I exclaimed and he gritted his teeth before stepping towards me. Girth rushed to stand in his way, separating him from me.
“What the fuck man! I’m not going to do anything to her. Her daddy is like a father to me. You need to get the fuck out of my way!” Hugh was shouting now, but Girth didn’t budge.
“Or what?” Girth snapped and crossed his arms menacingly over his chest.
“Or I’m going to have to fucking shoot you!” Hugh hissed and even though I couldn’t see Girth’s face, his back was turned to me, I could sense that he had found that statement amusing.
“I’d like to see you try, little man,” Girth growled and I watched as Hugh’s face turned a deep bright red.
“Nobody is shooting anyone, nobody is even trying,” I said, in as calm a voice as I possibly could and I stepped towards the two of them. When I looked at Girth, I could see the rage on his face. He had no reason to distrust Hugh. Hugh had the confidence of my father and the whole MC, he was as good as a member. Clearly, Girth’s problem with Hugh had more to do with my personal relationship with him and I had to stifle a smile. Girth’s jealousy was cute, it was evidence of the fact that he hadn’t completely moved on as he claimed.
“Why don’t I make us some coffee and we can all sit down and have a chat?” I suggested and walked past them towards the kitchen.
“There is nothing to chat about. He has to leave right now. You can’t have any visitors outside of the MC, not till they take care of the Dark Legion,” I heard Girth growl behind me. I stopped in my tracks and turned sideways to him, arching my eyebrows menacingly.
“We are going to sit down and have coffee and talk like adults. Is that going to be a problem, Girth?” I asked, and the rage in his eyes seemed to dim a bit. He clenched his jaws but didn’t say anything. I looked at Hugh next.
“You have to make nice, Hugh. Girth is my bodyguard, his job is to protect me. You both need to behave yourselves when you’re in my house,” I said and without waiting for a response from him, I walked into the kitchen.
I was good at getting my way.
Girth, Hugh and I were sitting around my kitchen table, and none of us had spoken in a long while. I’d made coffee for the three of us and opened up a packet of cookies on a plate and placed it in the middle of the table.
Neither of them had made a move for either the coffee or the cookies. I was the only one drinking mine and I could sense the animosity in the air. I could have the cut tension in the room with a knife.
When I cleared my throat, Hugh looked up at me with his wide eyes. Girth was glaring at the mug of coffee in front of him like he was trying to set it on fire with nothing more than just his mind.
“I thought we could all have a talk,” I said and Hugh’s brows knotted in surprise.
“What do we have to talk about, Lila?” he asked and that’s when Girth snapped.
“About what the fuck you are doing here. You have no business coming to her house unannounced!” Girth growled and the two men were glaring at each other again.
“I think what Girth is trying is to ask is what your relationship with me is,” I said, and Girth looked at me. I had my mouth set firmly in a line. I had put him in an awkward situation right now, but he had no escape from it. He had no choice but to glare at me.
“My relationship with you? I just came here to check on you, to make sure that you were comfortable and if you needed anything,” Hugh said.
“That’s my job!” Girth snapped at him again and I drew in a deep breath and looked from one face to the other.
“Hugh, I have something to ask you and it might seem too direct and too strange, but if I don’t ask you now then it’s just going to cause problems later,” I said. Hugh gulped, as though his mouth had suddenly gone very dry.
“You don’t have to be afraid, Hugh, I just want to know if you are attracted to me, if you have feelings for me,” I asked. There was a sudden silence in the room, except for the jerking motion that Girth made when he abruptly grabbed the mug of coffee and pulled it towards himself. He drank the lukewarm coffee slurpily and I could sense that he did not appreciate the question. He didn’t want to hear the answer.
When I looked at Hugh, I could see that he was uncomfortable too. His perfect handsome face looked suddenly cold and red and there might have been a few sweat beads on his temples.
“Lila…I don’t know what to say to you,” he said and I tried to smile encouragingly at him.
“You just have to tell me the truth, Hugh,” I replied and he gulped thirstily.
“Of course I’m attracted to you, you’re beautiful and strong and it’d be strange for a man to not find you attractive,” Hugh began and his eyes darted around the room. He was checking to see what Girth’s reaction to this was.
“But?” I prodded him and he shifted in his seat.
“But I don’t have feelings for you, no,” Hugh said and I could feel a sigh of relief rising up in my throat that I tried to suppress.
“Look Lila, I tried…I know how much Lewis wants us to be together, and he’s like a father to me. I look up to him and respect him and I wish that I can be half the man that he is,” Hugh continued and a smile was tugging the corners of my lips.
“But if he is like a father to you, then I am like a sister,” I stated and Hugh couldn’t hide the grin from his face either.
“If you want to put it like that,” he said and I looked over at Girth. He was staring at Hugh, with his mouth hanging open; like he couldn’t believe that a hot-blooded man didn’t have feelings for me. That there was any man on Earth who didn’t want to fuck me silly. How had he still not realized that there was a special connection between us that didn’t exist with anyone else? That spark had been lit the moment he and I met.
“Thank you for clarifying that for us, Hugh,” I said and he smiled and nodded his head, before stealing a look at Girth.
“And…” he said and I shook my head.
“Daddy doesn’t know, maybe Fred does but nobody else knows and I want it to stay that way, till Girth and I can figure out what we want to do,” I said.
Hugh nodded his head and sighed. I knew what he was thinking; that we were being foolish by even considering it. That my father would never accept a relationship like this. He’d have Girth killed first.
“I think I should go then. I’m sorry to walk into something sensitive,” Hugh said and he stood up. When he did, he also stuck a hand out to Girth who glared up at him for a moment, before the rage dimmed from his eyes.
I watched as the two men shook hands.
“You’re all right,” Girth mumbled and Hugh smiled. With a nod in my direction, he was gone from the kitchen and I waited till I heard the front door shut behind him, before I met Girth’s eyes.
“You had no business asking him those questions, not in front of me,” Girth said. I nodded my head and shrugged my shoulders.
“You’re right. There’s nothing going on between us,” I said.
Girth stood up abruptly from the chair, his eyes were narrowed at me.
“Of course there’s something fucking going on between us. We want each other. We need to be with each other. It’s going to drive us both insane. I just didn’t need a clarification from Hugh, that’s all,” Girth said.
I stared at him in shock. I didn’t know what had come over him, but whatever it was, I could see that he had finally decided to fight for me.
Within moments, we were smiling at each other.
24
Girth
I was standing over Lila and we were smiling at each other. I’d felt a huge sense of relief when Hug
h admitted that he didn’t have feelings for her. I wasn’t sure whether to believe him or not, because it was a ridiculous idea to feel nothing for a woman like her; but for now, I didn’t give a shit. All I cared about was the fact that he wasn’t going to make a move on her.
Every other thought I’d had, about leaving Orlando, about distancing myself from her, about being disappointed with myself—went crashing out of the window. All I could see was her face and all I could feel was this charged up aching throb in my soul. I had feelings for her, and I couldn’t hide behind a pretense anymore. I was going to make love to her. There was no use denying it.
Lila stood up slowly from the chair she was sitting on, and she craned her neck back to look at me.
“What are we going to do now?” she asked, in a low gentle voice and I stepped closer to her. She had her back pressed up against the edge of the kitchen table now, her hands were on the table and she was leaning back. I was towering over her.
“What do you think is going to happen?” I asked and she bit down on her lower lip. The smile didn’t leave her face.
“Do you have something to say to me?” she asked. I could feel my cock hardening, standing up in my pants. I didn’t hesitate this time.
“I lied. When I told you earlier that I didn’t know what you were talking about. I lied then but I don’t want to lie to you anymore,” I said and Lila gulped. Her eyes had glazed over and her lips were hanging open.
“I have feelings for you. I don’t know what they are, but all I know is that I have never felt this way about anyone before,” I said and it ached me somewhere to admit it, but it was the truth.
Marked Skulls MC Series: Books 1-5 Page 13
