Caught in the Act

by Lydia Thorn

  His kisses are hot and desperate, and they take my breath away. I open my legs and wrap them around his thighs.

  He slides against me nice and slow until the need forces him to pick up the pace, our cocks gliding against each other with ease until ropes of cum coat my stomach. His teeth bite at my nipple, he travels lower, kissing me every step of the way. The need arises again. “Your skin is so smooth and you have the perfect set of definition.” He kisses my inner thigh. “Don’t go back to school, just stay here with me.”

  “P—please stop.” I breathe, pressing my head against his pillows.

  “You don’t like it?” He asks, his hands gripping my shaft.

  “I do, maybe a little too much,” I say catching my breath. I want to run from this room, but I feel paralyzed. “Just put it in.” That’s it, that’s how I’ll know where we stand. Just fuck me and I leave before nightfall, send the payment to the hospital. I need a reminder of my place.

  “I don’t feel like having sex.”

  “You’ve got a funny way of showing it.” I laugh deliriously.

  He takes me in his mouth and I’m seeing stars. He takes his time, licking and caressing every part of me. Pulling back the foreskin to get at the head. “Uncut dicks look funny.” He breathes before engulfing me while reaching up to play with my nipples. I hate how he can put all of me in his mouth when I can barely fit him in mine.

  “My parents think it's unfair how boys are viewed as imperfect at birth. They wanted to leave me whole. Besides. I probably feel all of this much better than you.” I groan, my muscles tighten and I blow my load into his hot wet mouth.

  I can’t stop watching him. I don’t know how long we’ve been asleep, but it was still daylight so it couldn’t have been long. He looks so peaceful and childlike like this. I force myself to sit up and get ready to leave, and one glance at the clock let me know just how much I fucked up. It’s nine a.m.! Nine in the fucking morning. Which means I slept here all night. My mom is gonna kill me.

  “Let’s go somewhere.” Ivan is sitting up, not at all phased by my being here.

  “It’s nine in the morning. I should be at school; well I should be at home first then at school!”

  “What’s done is done. It’s not like you have anything to do there.”

  “I have to give my ingredient list to Melissa. Your dear Mr. Bowie has me baking one hundred and fifty cookies for the farmer’s market.”

  “We can drop it off while we’re out.”

  “Do you really want to go on a date with me?”

  “I didn’t ask for no reason.” He says getting up and the way the sun hits his naked body, God, he really is like an Adonis statue come to life. “We can go anywhere you like.”

  “It’s probably better if we don’t.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t want to be a substitute for Mr. Bowie on dates too.”

  “I asked you out. If I wanted to go out with Damien, I can do that already.”

  A loud crash comes from downstairs. Ivan throws on his robe and heads out, and I follow in my pants and half-buttoned shirt. I follow him through the fancy mansion to the spacious red brick kitchen. To hell with cooking in a commercial kitchen. This is the kitchen of my dreams. There’s even a bricked oven!

  A plump woman is struggling to get off the floor and I rush over to help her while Ivan cradles a crying four-year-old. He coos in her ear. Her name must be Wednesday with the way Ivan says it while calming her down.

  “Are you okay?” I ask the older woman with mush green peas in her brown curls.

  “No. I slipped and fell, my ankle, I think I sprained it.” She takes a seat. “I’m so sorry Mr. Lorenson.”

  “Don’t be silly. Take the rest of the day off and go to the hospital to get it checked. I’ll tell my brother everything.”

  “Okay. I’ll call my husband to come and get me.” She sighs and continues to nurse her leg.

  I help clean up the kitchen until she leaves and I can’t help marveling at the all burner stove and they have a walk-in pantry. I’m so jealous.

  “Looks like it’s just the three of us lil Wednesday.” Ivan coo at the baby girl. He would make a wonderful father. And I shouldn’t be thinking of this. Maybe one day I’ll want to settle down and have kids and all that jazz but I doubt that would even happen much less happen with him though it’s nice to picture it, even just a little.

  “She is adopted or donated?” I cringe a little, I’m just too nosy for my own good.

  “My brother and his partner knew her bio father. He didn’t want the kid at first and the mother didn’t want to be a single mom so she signed over custody.”

  “I would say poor kid, but maybe she lucked out. Has the dad seen her?” I cover my mouth. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that.”

  “It doesn’t matter. Stop thinking everything you say offends me. It’ll take a helluva lot more than some personal questions to upset me.” He rocks her, and she smiles. “He tried to see her when she was born and they eventually worked something out, but he stopped seeing her. I think him wanting her when she was a baby was more about sticking it to my brother than wanting her himself.”

  “She’s adorable.” Her eyes are a bright blue color. “Sometimes I think about having a family someday, but…maybe I’m not meant to have that.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “Why?” I ask. “It’s just the truth and I’ve learned to live with it.”

  He reaches out and I try to shy away, but he’s faster than me. He pulls me in for a hug and now he has both me and the child in his arms. “Wanna take her out?”

  “Sure, where to?”

  “Where do you want to go?”

  “The Aquarium?” I say, my face buried in his chest. “I have to call my mom first so she knows I’m not dead.”

  “Watch her while I get showered and dressed. We’ll take turns.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  LOUIS

  The creatures swim in the deep blue waters with ethereal grace, their flat circular bodies flapping slowly. A group of school children with their black and white uniforms gawk at the creatures, the two young women attending to them read off the information terminal in the hopes the children obtains some sort of knowledge about the creature, it doesn’t seem like it.

  I tear my eyes from Ivan’s strong physique; gawking at a man pushing a baby stroller while a class full of fifth-graders watches is not what I want to happen, but the way his dark grey pants hug his ass is something legends are made of.

  I felt that ass. I giggle to myself like a perverted teenager, at eighteen I suppose I kind of am. But aside from ogling the ass beside me, I was seeing Ivan in a way I’ve never thought I would ever see him. He’s loving, sweet, and so gentle as he holds his niece up for a better view of the stingray exhibit. They dim the room for a better view of the lighted aquariums; the place is oddly tranquil. Leaving the two to the stingrays, I find a nearby bench to rest my aching feet.

  The two young female attendant’s eyes darts from Ivan and his assets to the children they are watching, after giving each other a playful jab.

  I did more than just feel his body. Might as well give in to the pervert in me, no harm in indulging that side, and I can’t help but feel very sensual after last night. Unlike those women, I know what it feels like to be wrapped in those arms of his, what it’s like to have his lips kiss every inch of me, and what it feels like to have his eyes on me with such intensity that it almost makes me choke. I have to keep reminding myself again and again that his look is not meant for me but another.

  I want to drown in the intensity of his love; I wanted Ivan to see…me… Oh fuck. I think…

  IVAN

  “…like their cousin the shark, stingrays do not have bones, their skeletons are instead made of cartilage….” I point at the info terminal once the women walk away. “Look at them, aren’t they cute?”

  “Cutie pie!” Wednesday pats the glass with her tiny hands. In my
peripheral, I see Raven take a seat not too far away. If he’s bored, he never should have chosen this place for our outing.

  Should I call it an outing? It feels like a date. I did tell him I wanted to go out with him. Maybe I’m taking this too far. I try to make sense of it all. How much of this is pretending and how much is real? I wasn’t thinking I was pretending when I asked him out, I just wanted to spend more time with him. And this isn’t the first time I didn’t want him to leave me.

  Is this what being in love is all about? Wanting that person by your side all the time? Did I ever feel this way about Damien? I’ve surely missed him when we were a part but it isn’t like I would never see him again so I never saw his leaving as a big deal. And Raven lives further than me and doesn’t have a car, so it makes sense to find him at the school and pick him up. Maybe I screwed up, Damien didn’t look at all happy about my finding him just to find out where Raven was. I thought that by giving in to Raven’s demand, I would just put on an act and play at being in love until I understood what that feeling was, which I would then understand how it applies to my feelings for Damien.

  But how long has it been since I thought of the other man? I can’t recall the last time we had spoken to each other beyond me asking him where Raven was yesterday. Since that evening at the diner when Damien had gotten drunk and needed to be escorted home, we haven’t spoken much to each other and I hadn’t thought about him.

  I’ve put more effort than I first thought I cared to into this farce of a romance, and still Raven doesn’t seem happy or settled. But is that a good thing or bad? What the hell do I want? For Raven to truly fall in love with me? And what will I do if that turned out to be the case? Will I forget about what I felt for Damien if what I feel for Raven turns out to be love? I guess all that depends on how I feel about Raven. Do I love him? Can I love him? Would my real love be something he even wants? What if he’s just a damn good actor? The way he stares up at me with those wide pleading eyes of his. It could be nothing but a show. And why does that piss me off? I should be happy. That means I can still use him to discover how I feel about Damien without worrying about whether I’m hurting someone else. I should be happy. I’m happy, right?

  “Ice cream!” Little Wednesday cheers, she must have noticed the school children walking by with the bright colorful cones and sprinkles.

  “Want some ice cream?” I ask Raven, who seems adrift in his thoughts.

  “Uh…Yeah. It’s getting pretty hot out.” He gets up while I place Wednesday back in her stroller and the three of us head out into the sun and heat toward the ice cream vendor. I wonder what he’s thinking, his smooth delicate features hang only to lift when he notices me looking at him. I know this game all too well. I’ve been playing it for years. You can’t fool me.

  “Two vanilla and one chocolate,” I say to the vender and whip out my card to pay. “Put sprinkles on the vanillas.” I bring the cones back and hand Wednesday her plain vanilla and pink strawberry cone, much to Raven’s surprise. I hand him his chocolate cone and chocolate fudge ice cream and I take my vanilla cone and vanilla with sprinkles. “Wednesday hates sprinkles, she likes the colors but hates eating them.” I feel the need to explain myself.

  “I so want to take a picture of you eating that.” For the first time today, he genuinely smiles, and it was because of me.

  “It wouldn’t make nearly as good blackmail material as the ones I have on you.” I wink, causing him to shy away. Out of the blue, he boops me on the nose with the cold cream and laughs with a snort. “I would make you lick it off if we weren’t in a place full of kids,” I whisper just loud enough for him to hear.

  “I’m sorry, I thought you would look cute, and you did.” He grabs a napkin and wipes the mess from my nose. I want to kiss him but he scoots away, his chest heaving a sigh and I don’t force it. The smile vanishes as quickly as if it never came. “What are your plans after school?” He asks, that beautiful tongue of his slithers around the swirled cream. He is a man who is completely oblivious to how erotic he looks. He could be in a room with a man and have no idea why that man suddenly wants to fuck without them having to spell it out in minute detail. Such is his low self-esteem.

  “My brother nearly worked himself to death so I’m going to begin training to take over,” I reply to his question.

  “Is that what you want?”

  “Why would you ask that?”

  “Are we going to pretend you didn’t try to kill yourself?”

  “I wasn’t trying to kill myself.”

  “Ah yes, you were getting a rush from cutting yourself up.”

  “I told you I wouldn’t have cut so deep had you not grabbed at the razor.”

  “Okay, then why hurt yourself like that? What is this rush you feel?” He asks, not at all believing a word I just said like the last time.

  “I didn’t do it because I’m unhappy about my future career, nor was it about Damien. I think he’s attractive, but you need more than that to make a relationship work.” I say realizing my words. “I latched onto him when my relationship with my brother was a mess,” I confess feeling somewhat exposed. “He made me feel wanted.”

  “If you feel so wanted then why cut yourself?”

  Now that is the million-dollar question. “I guess since you did get hurt, I do owe you an explanation. I started when I was a kid.” I almost choke on the words and just thinking about my childhood is enough to make me toss my cone in the nearby trash. “My brother used to get his ass kicked by our dad protecting me. And afterward, my brother would hate me for it. It was one big fucked up family cycle.” I wipe at Wednesday’s sticky hands and toss the messy cone away. “I felt powerless, it was perhaps the most powerless time of my life. The cutting gave me an odd sense of control. I bled because I wanted to, not because some piece of shit decided I had to for some sort of imagined slight. Now I just do it out of habit. Whenever I felt things were out of my control, I did it to regain it.”

  He looks at me, his eyes wide and red lips part. He reaches out to me and strokes my face, and I close my eyes and give in to this simple gesture. “Then stop.”

  “You think it’s that easy?” I reply. “I don’t do it often but I’ve tried to quit, it’s just difficult.”

  “Didn’t you sign up for therapy before leaving the hospital?” He argues. “Then keep going and get better.”

  “What will you give me if I do?” I smile at him; I love teasing him.

  “What can I give you?” He looks away from me, I want to turn his face toward me to see his black eyes draw me in again. “I will just be happy you’re getting better.”

  “I work better with more tangible rewards.”

  “What would you want me to do?”

  “I’ll think of something.” I grin, I want to kiss him, I think I kind of like it when he looks so forlorn, if I was an artist, I’d paint him just like that. “You should try to cheer up more.”

  “I think I’m in love with you.”

  LOUIS

  Oh God, what the hell did I just say and was it loud enough for him to hear me? Please say he didn’t hear me. Okay, on the count of three, look at his face; One…Two…Three…Okay now look.

  This is a first. His eyes are wide and his mouth is open a little before he closes it and this silence may only last for a few seconds, but it feels like forever and a day. “I shouldn’t have said that.” I blurt out before he can say a word. “I know you’ll just call me childish, after all I know nothing about you but bits and pieces and I’m supposed to be a stand-in for the man you really want but….I’m an idiot, there I said it, I’m a stupid ass idiot, forget I said anything.” Chocolate ice cream run down my clenched fist. My appetite is destroyed, but I can’t let this messy soon to be soggy cone go. I grip it like a lifeline and I babble on to keep him from saying a word but I’ve run out of babble and now it's just his word I need to hear even if I don’t want to. “Please say something or I’m going to jump in that stingray tank.”

&
nbsp; “What do you want me to say? Tell you I love you because you said it to me?” He replies, his gray eyes seeing every part of me.

  “The truth.”

  “I can’t give that to you now. We’ll talk about this later in private.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  LOUIS

  He wanted the matter dropped; I just know it. Better to leave it alone than to keep pressing him about it and complete the disappointment. I’d be surprised if I even hear from him again. I just had to take something that was straightforward and over complicate it. Even if he did love me back, what kind of life could we have together? Would I turn down pastry school in Paris? If I still go, then it’s two years of training and another two of an internship. Four years total. I mean he is rich, he could afford a flight to Paris to visit but there’s no way he would ever do that. Our relationship would be only a few months old, too young for that kind of commitment and distance.

  I should have just focused on enjoying myself with him, but I allowed those small moments, like soothing his nightmares, to get to me. No wonder most gay men hook up and split soon after, no sleeping in bed all night, no taking little kids to the aquarium together, no passionately telling each other how much they love each other…no, you save that for when you’re sure you want it with someone. I should have just told Ivan to fuck me in exchange for deleting the pictures. Now that’s straight forward!

  Too late.

  We got back from the Aquarium late afternoon and I spent some time at his place until sweet little Wednesday’s fathers returned home. Ivan ordered take out before dropping me off at home. Kiki isn’t out and about, thank goodness, I don’t need to be embarrassed by her now.

  “Just what the hell do you think you’re doing staying out all night!” My mom meets me at the front door, the veins popping and chest heaving. She’s still wearing her bathrobe when something upsetting happens in the morning it’s like time stops for her. When we found out about dad, it was six a.m when the police knocked on the door. He was gone all night and mom knew something was wrong. Hell, she didn’t even suspect he was cheating, just hurt or dead. That’s the type of love I want, the kind without doubt as to how that person feels about you. Dad had left the house at eight p.m for a quick store run and was on his way home when a driver clipped him, sending him into a ditch where he laid unconscious and was only discovered several hours later. “I was about to call the freaking police and put out an Amber alert.”