by Lydia Thorn
And he did go. He walks away and I have no idea what I can say to stop him. So I just let him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
IVAN
You know these headaches you get when you’ve been working all damn day with only junk food for snacks? Yeah, I got that right about now. I don’t know how Gina does it. She and Jericho are playing in the pool and all I can do is sit back with some Advil and contemplate my life. I wonder what Raven is doing right now; I think the festival is going on today. Damien wanted me to go to hang out and relax but I’ve been working since eight this morning and there was no way in hell I wanted to deal with a bunch of loudmouth sonofabitches.
He did mention Raven was working on a cookie stand, Raven spoke of pastry school before. If he’s still going then where would that be? Here or somewhere else? Did he tell me the name? I probably forgot. Maybe I should call him here and get him to nurse me back to health and fill up my energy bar. Now that wouldn’t be half bad at all.
And just when I was about to close my eyes and dream of how I can use him to do that he’s walking through the door, his light blue T-shirt a little wrinkled with some sort of food crusted on the end. He stops in his tracks to look at Jericho and Gina before stepping to my chair. Fuck daydreaming.
“Your…brother’s husband let me in.” He stammers over his words; I think he wanted to call Lucian, my father. A title I’m not opposed to at all.
“Couldn’t wait to see me?” I say remarking that this is the first time he’s come over unannounced. I can see Jericho appraising him right now, even as he stays out of the way.
Raven doesn’t answer me, he starts running off at the mouth, the verbal diarrhea of everything that happened at the festival and his friend, like I give a damn. I have half a mind to just order him to strip or something and to think my headache was kind of going away before he came to my home with this shit.
“And what should I do about any of it?” I say after he demands I come back to school to fix Xander’s mess. “My makeup assignments are done and so are my final exams. Technically, I’m out of school and a free man.”
Why can’t I just say no? It’s much easier than explaining to him why I have to disappoint him. See, this is what I mean by him irritating me.
“I don’t know, talk to him and tell him to calm down. You are the sun king after all.” He says sun king mockingly.
“Sun King?” Gina laughs. “That’s what they call you?”
“Not very original I’d say.” Jericho chuckles, this time sitting at the side of the pool. Far be it from him to allow fun to interfere with eavesdropping.
“I didn’t ask to be the so-called sun king, or any type of king for that matter. Everyone gravitated around me because I’m rich, none of those people were my friends.” I say to Raven. “They wanted something out of me, nothing more and nothing less.”
“You certainly lived up to your reputation.” He spits like fire, placing his hands on his hips and looking vexed.
“I didn’t let anyone use me as a doormat if that’s what you mean.”
“Look, I know I’m not Mr. Bowie and I’m not trying to be. I just…I don’t know. Would it work if I asked you to do it for me?” His voice softens practicing the art of drawing more bees with honey than shit.
“I think it’s time to stop comparing yourself to Damien.” I sit up despite my headache. “What if I told you that the reason I accepted your proposal was that you were offering your body and that’s what I wanted?”
“Stop playing games with me. I’ve made my peace and don’t need you to placate me.”
“If you say so.” I shrug and lean back in my chair. “Is our business concluded?” I can still reach out enough to grab his hand, he gives in and steps closer. I’m hot already and want to fuck, he hasn’t ridden me yet. Maybe we should try that. “Or are you here to keep on unleashing that dark part of yourself?”
“I can’t…” He snatches his hand away and backs off. “I came here first because I wanted something to reassure Rei, to get him to finish school. All he has to take is the final and he’ll be done. If he quits now, that will really suck.” He fidgets. “I don’t like the way he sounded when we last spoke so, I want to see him and check up on him.”
“Understandable,” I say, forcing down my libido. “Tell me how it goes.”
“Would you even care?”
“Don’t presume to know me just because I suck your cock.”
“Whatever.” He snaps back and marches away and despite my throbbing headache, I get up and go after him.
“Wait.” I follow him out of the pool room into the stone hall across the way was the sauna. “Don’t we have something else to talk about that’s more important than Xander being an asshole?” I want him to stay a little while longer.
“No.”
“I think we do,” I say standing in front of him. “I didn’t want to talk to you about our relationship in front of my niece.”
“I don’t know what I was thinking when I said that. I was caught up in the moment that’s all.” He breathes and backs away, he refuses to look me in the eye. “I’m going to Paris in the summer.” After a beat. “I don’t want to hear you tell me you don’t want me. So, if those are your words then just shut the fuck up and let’s go back to what we agreed to.”
I lean against the wall, an action I’m almost too afraid to take because it gives him leeway to run off. “I was a virgin when we first fucked,” I confess. “That’s why I just kind of shoved it in with bare minimal prep. I’ve since done some research on how to do it better.” He better stay long enough to see where the hell I’m going with this.
“Not that I could tell the difference, I have nothing to compare you to.”
“I care about whether you feel good.” I close my eyes and wonder if Jericho and Gina are listening in on this embarrassing conversation. “I didn’t care about Damien’s reputation or the terrible position I would have put him in had we gotten caught by another teacher or principal.” My voice remains calm, explaining the facts as straight forward as I can. “I knew I wanted him, and that single feeling drove me to do what I did.” Now he’s looking at me. “I knew I wanted to fuck Damien, I figured we got along well, I enjoy talking to him so when I became sexually attracted to him it seemed like an easy decision for he and I to be together. But like I said before, you need more than sexual attraction to make a relationship work, you have to think more about them and less about yourself.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m sorry I can’t say I love you. Because I don’t know the answer to that question.”
“I understand…” He replies, looking away from me again.
“But I’m open to finding out the answer.”
He gazes at me again, his eyes forever the void. “I think I need to know that answer too.”
“Then, let’s discover it together.”
“Then no sex until we do.”
Wait… what? I still have the vision of him riding me dancing in my head. Come to think of it, we’ve only had proper sex once, if being strung up in a walk-in closet can be considered proper. “Why?”
“It’s making everything too confusing for me.” He sighs. “I’m learning fast that I’m not the casual sex type.”
“Ugh, if this is what having a boyfriend is like then I change my mind.”
LOUIS
I would be walking on cloud nine by now if I weren’t so worried about Rei. I tried going to his house but his mother, the plump woman dressed in nothing but a long T-shirt, her bleached blond hair so over-processed it's breaking off. This woman is so unlikable. For every mom like mine, there’s one like Rei’s mom. I’m not even going to say her name, I have no desire to immortalize her. Let’s just say she’s the “My son can’t be a queer” type.
I had to return to school, I ditched Mr. Bowie to the cookie stand for far too long.
When I get there, a voice, and not just any, but Rei’s voice replaced the music that was b
lasting over the loudspeakers in the Farmer’s Market.
“That’s right! Xander has been fucking my Sissy boy asshole for weeks now!”
I run inside and head to the office. Xander stands outside pacing, and angry while Mr. Mortensen stands between him and the barricaded door.
“Rei, I think you’ve done enough, come out so we can talk.” Mr. Bowie stands by the door. He should be the patron saint of patience.
When Xander takes off passing the growing sniggling crowd, I follow. He must be heading to the window outside and sure enough by the time I catch up to the jock he’s pulling Rei out the window and slamming him against the wall.
“There’s nothing you can do to me that would be worse!”
I spot Toby among the crowd of onlookers, his hair clipped in a crew cut now. He doesn’t get involved. I jump on Xander, knowing I have no backup. I just need to stop him from hitting Rei.
“Get the fuck off me!” He grips me by the hair and when I wiggle free all I see is his fist raised and coming at me.
I cower, I’m not ashamed to admit I’m not a fighter at all. But nothing connected. I open my eyes and see that the crowd has gotten denser.
“I thought I told you not to touch him.” Ivan stands behind him, Xander’s fist in his hands.
Rei helps me up.
“You no longer run this school. I do.” Xander snatches his fist free. I can’t believe Ivan showed up, he seemed so dismissive before.
“We all know you’re just some freak who slices yourself up like some depressed emo.” Xander bellows to the crowd. “In the end, you couldn’t hack it cause you’re a loser just like them. You think we like you? We just put up with you, and if you went off and finished the job nobody would fucking care.”
Fighter or no fighter, I kick him right in the goddamn balls. The crowd reacts loving an escalated battle and although Xander doubles over he recovers fast but Ivan stands as a wall between myself and him.
“I want you to think real hard about the position you’re in right now,” Ivan says stepping closer to Xander. “If I don’t give a damn about my own life then what position does that place yours in right now?”
“You stepped down.” Xander grits his teeth, but he doesn’t move to swing even if he wants to.
Ivan leans in and whispers something in his ear, his creamy skin turns pale and he pushes past the crowd and marches away.
Ivan doesn’t say a word to me, he places his hand on my shoulder and walks away.
“Rei…” I go to him to see if he’s okay.
“I just wanted some real closure, and I got it.”
“After today I don’t think you have to worry about Xander and pals again.”
“I know, but I still can’t stay here.”
“Why? The finals are soon.”
“I don’t care. This all made me realize how much I want to entertain and…I don’t ever want to look at this place again.”
“Where will you go?”
“Maybe someplace nice and warm like California.” He smiles and pulls me in for a hug. “I’m sure we’ll see each other again.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
LOUIS
I don’t know what else to say. I had lost my only friend and even though he hadn’t left for California yet I was still sad and missed him already. I didn’t even get a chance to tell him what happened, the truth about Ivan and me or how Alexandre rejected me. A part of me was irrationally angry at him about that. At both him and myself. Maybe if I had taken more of an effort to seek him out then maybe, perhaps…
I found myself seated at the bar of the diner, or the former diner, I believe or perhaps it was getting revamped, the grungy dingy white walls are being painted a neutral beige color, the booth seats are black and cream with gold accents. The flooring is a plain light wood with carpeting. Gone were the bright red and white typical diner motifs, things are looking rather fancy in here. Even the counter was a dark marble color and a wall separated the kitchen.
It looks like several boxes of booze are still left to unpack. Only half of the alcohol arsenal was sitting on the new shelves.
“Here without Damien, huh?” The owner smiled a little at my reaction to seeing the transformation of his diner. “What can I get you?”
“Can I still get a burger? Got any cocktails?”
“I can make a whiskey sour and yes, I still make a mean steak burger.”
“Then I’ll have them both.”
I watch him rummage through one of the boxes and pull out a bottle of bourbon and mixed it with lemon juice and simple syrup in a shaker and pour the light tangerine liquid into a small round glass before placing a cherry on top.
“I got no oranges yet.” He licks his fingers from the cherry, the way his face turned up displaying the half Glasgow smile makes him oddly sexy. He doesn’t linger long before he’s yelling to someone in the back to bring out the steaks.
I wince at the sour burn of the liquid going down and wanted to ask for another but I didn’t bother to check to see if I even had enough money to pay for any of this. I have a twenty, maybe if I tell him to put a hold on that burger I might have enough to get well and truly sauced.
He places the fresh-made burger in front of me.
Well shit.
I guess the benefit of customers not coming in because breathing in paint fumes isn’t fun, is that you only have very few orders to fill. I sit the twenty on the table. “Will this be enough for the burger and another one of those sours?”
“I’m Damien’s friend but even I have limits.” He says taking the twenty but making a show of not making me another drink. I want more even if my body is feeling warm and loose from the first.
“Fine, then a beer.” I groan and place my head in my hands.
“Is this the part where I ask what’s eating you?”
“No, this is the part where you get me the pint I asked for.”
I hear the door open and the owner seems relieved. “Glad you’re here to come and get this kid.”
“I never should have introduced you to this place.” Mr. Bowie takes a seat next to me.
“We can’t change the past,” I say feeling a sense of lightheadedness. I’m still such a lightweight but I wanted to drink not to a buzz but until I forget about Rei’s leaving.
“Upset about Rei?” Bingo! Give this man a gold star. “He seems to have walked away okay, though I can tell the walk of a person who’s putting something behind them.”
“He’s never coming back.” I confide in him even though I don’t want to. “I don’t blame him; his mother is a drunk asshole and everyone in school made fun of him. What reason does he have to return? For me? Yeah right.”
“I’ve run away from a lot of places and believe me when I say, you eventually get sick of running. He will too one day and maybe that’s when you’ll see each other again.”
“I didn’t get into pastry school, they rejected me.” I don’t know why I feel the need to confess, I guess I feel bad for lying before or I need someone to talk to and since Rei left and Toby has dumped me as a friend then the only person left is Mr. Bowie, who is now strangely my only friend at this point.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I know how much you wanted it.”
“I knew during the bake sale but I faked it because I’m a loser.”
“It’s called being human.” Mr. Bowie laughs but it doesn’t come across as mocking. “And I’m sure all isn’t lost. There are other schools in Paris.”
“Yeah, but none that covers room and board. With the typical pastry schools, you have to pay for that yourself. Plus, Alexandre was like the school you go to, getting in proved you at least had potential.”
“Okay then.” Mr. Bowie takes the pint of beer offered to him without saying a word. “What else do you want to do with your life?”
“I can’t think of anything.”
“Really? There are plenty of jobs out there for the taking. You have a lovely voice. Perhaps answering calls in a corpora
te office is for you.”
“No way!” I laugh becoming a bit embarrassed. “I’d rather be in the kitchen coming up with all sorts of tasty recipes, not sitting in some soul-sucking office all day.”
“Well then. Don’t give up.”
“I won’t.”
“My offer from before stills stands. I can ask my friend to look into an apprenticeship.”
I nod meekly, I don’t know if I’m up for rejection again but I also need to start making tangible plans to make money and soon. “Thank you.”
IVAN
Raven smells like alcohol and savory food and I want to press my nose to his white shirt and see if I can pick his natural scent apart from the bar he was in. I feel under his shirt and play with his small nipples and watch his sleeping face shift erotically and a low moan escapes his pursed lips.
“Am I dreaming?” He opens his eyes and I end up looking away but only briefly.
“You were with Damien,” I say and I wonder if he can detect the jealousy in my voice. When Damien dropped him off I was surprised and he didn’t stay long to give me any other explanation besides him being too nice and giving him another pint or two on top of the whiskey sour he had drunk before he found him.
“I was?” Raven replies looking around and finally understanding where he is.
“He brought you here cause he didn’t know where you lived and you got lightweight drunk,” I say rubbing my hands over his lean yet toned chest. “He has too many rumors surrounding him and his students so taking you to his house would have been a bad idea.”
“My mom is going to kill me.” He says, his eyes fluttering when I move back to his hard nipples. Note to self, nipple play more often.
“Call her and tell her you’re safe,” I say continuing my ministrations of his body.
“Not with you touching me like that.” He chuckles and presses his head against the pillow. “We agreed, no sex until we figure everything out.”
“I know, we didn’t have sex the last time either,” I reply fully hard and ready to repeat our frot session from before, as far as I’m concerned, that’s not sex.
