by Juno Rushdan
“Bathroom is all yours. As soon as you’re done, I’ll stitch you up and then we can go to sleep,” she said, enunciating the last word slowly.
Although sex, not sleep, was at the forefront of her mind and her sensitive spots were in cahoots, ready for action. Ridiculous hormones.
It didn’t help that she hadn’t had sex in more months than she’d cared to admit.
“Sure,” he said. The bathroom door shut behind him.
She relaxed, taking a breath.
On the other side of the TV, she noticed two empty protein shake containers. He must’ve gone back down to the mini-mart because he was starving, too.
Way to go, Killinger. Could you be any more selfish or paranoid?
She rummaged in the bag, took out the supplies, setting up on the desk beside a bright lamp, and put on latex gloves.
Aiden emerged from the bathroom. He stood in the doorway with a towel wrapped around his waist and another in his hand as he dried his hair, looking annoyingly delicious.
Her throat went bone-dry.
He crossed the room, shoved the chair out of the way and sat on the edge of the desk.
This wasn’t the first time she’d seen his broad, muscled chest, those nicely formed pecs and washboard abs completely bare, but it was the first time she’d been close enough to stick her tongue out and lick every toned, sculpted muscle.
Perfection.
He was striking, had a sparkling energy that was warm, powerful, sexual. A magnetic presence that drew lesser objects into the heat of his sun.
Three minutes after they met and talked one-on-one, she would’ve dropped her panties for him, but he’d had a girlfriend at the time.
A saving grace that had allowed their friendship to blossom, given them a chance to become family. But looking at him now, butterflies fluttered in her belly. She had to squeeze her knees together to keep from spreading her legs apart.
She grabbed saline solution and the towel from his hand to catch the runoff. “Ready?”
Aiden gave a curt nod.
This was going to hurt him, and she hated that, but there was no way around it. Had to be done. She squeezed the saline into the wound to irrigate it and rinse off the last of the hemostatic powder.
When the liquid hit his skin, he gave a sharp hiss through gritted teeth.
“Sorry about that.”
The wound went from oozing before the irrigation to bleeding in earnest.
She dabbed it with sterile gauze and covered the area with an anesthetic spray.
After giving the painkiller a minute to work, she held his arm, sutured his wound, giving him small, neat stitches, and then snipped the thread. She applied antibiotic ointment and put a self-adhesive gauze pad on to protect it.
“Finished,” she said, tugging off the gloves and chucking them in the trash.
Thank goodness that was done.
Being so close to him, with all that bare skin exposed, and touching him had turned her insides molten. This was testing her sanity and tempting her in new ways.
She stepped around him to put away the supplies.
“Thank you.” He caught her wrist and pulled her in between his legs.
As she leaned into his touch, her heart remembered the rule about keeping some physical distance with Aiden, but her libido seemed to have shredded the memo. She dragged her gaze down his sleek, tightly muscled torso to the unmistakable bulge tenting his towel.
How was that possible while getting stitches?
Then again, Aiden was the most remarkable man she knew.
Charlie looked up at him, her pulse beginning to race. Carnal images of them tangled up in bed together floated through her head.
Desire was etched on his handsome face, in the sexy grin on his full mouth. He exuded sex—raw, sheet-clenching sex—or standing this close to him, with his body on display and a bed a few stumbles behind her, simply made her think about all the ways they could pleasure each other.
For one night.
She pressed her palms to his smooth chest and wicked warmth spiraled through her. Touching him excited her; it was a heady intoxication, but she couldn’t shake the wariness that came along with it. She was terrified to want this, terrified of how it’d change things.
He stroked her damp hair and caressed her face with the back of his hand. His eyes, glinting with sensual promise, blazed into hers, incinerating her doubts and fears one by one. She fought not to squirm while her thighs tingled and every cell in her body perked up.
She wanted to blame this craving to feel his skin on hers, this inexplicable draw to him, on the shots of vodka, on their near-death experiences.
But that was a lie too big even for her to swallow.
He wrapped his arm around her waist and brought her flush against him. With the pad of his thumb he traced a searing path across her lips. The heat of contact had her melting faster than butter in a hot skillet.
His eyes were so dark and fathomless she could dive in and never find the bottom.
The air was thick and heavy, charged with an undeniable current like flammable gas. One lit match was all it would take for a total disaster.
Hell, static electricity might do it.
“I want you.” His voice was husky and full of gravelly heat.
Sparks of arousal shivered along her nerves. As intense as their attraction was, there was understanding, too, a comfort in being known, and she had to protect that at all costs.
“I’ve had a lot to drink,” she said. “If I don’t remember this tomorrow, promise not to hold it against me.”
Lies. Well, she did have a few shots, but she was far from toasted, and she’d remember every scintillating detail of being with this man. But they needed an out, a sort of parachute. Pull the rip cord and they’d land safely, nothing broken, and go back to normal.
His eyes narrowed, sending unease skittering down her spine. He studied her, and she met his measuring gaze, unblinkingly.
“So you’d only sleep with me if you could call it a slipup,” he finally said, and she stilled at his tone, the gravity in his eyes. “Blame it on too much alcohol?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know.” Damn, he knew her too well. But he made it sound horrible and unforgivable. A betrayal of the worst kind. “You’re curious about what it’d be like for us to have sex. I am, too, but once our curiosity is satisfied, we need to be able to go back to the way things were.”
“Why do things need to go back? Why can’t they move forward? As nature intended. I’m not curious about sleeping with you. I’m interested in being with you.”
Her heart tripped into her throat as she felt the blood drain from her face. For a moment she didn’t know what to say, silence swelling between them, but she gathered what wits she had left. “How many people have successful relationships in our office? How many are divorced, separated? How many in SOG, where we’re constantly on call and have to drop everything to respond in six hours? This job, this lifestyle isn’t conducive to matrimony or monogamy.”
He dropped his hand from her face.
“The odds of anything romantic between us succeeding are bad enough,” she added, her mind spinning, redirecting wherever she could that didn’t lead to the painful truth. “If we became a couple it would muck up work.”
“How?”
“At Albatross’s house, you ordered me to take cover in the refrigerator while you took point and ran into the fray.”
“I ordered you to protect him.”
“Would you have done that if I were a man?”
“Yes! Because that’s who I am. I can’t help it. I’m not sexist, Charlie.”
“What about at the bar? How you wanted me to stay in the car. Are you going to try and deny that, too?”
He blinked at her. “I’d never ask you to stop doing a job you’re go
od at, one you love. Relationships are scary. They’re a gamble. But I like our odds. I’d bet everything I have on us.”
“What we have is special and I don’t want to lose it. You’re my—”
“Yeah, best friend. I know,” he scoffed, looking away from her.
“No, you don’t know. You’re more than my best friend.” She pressed a palm to his cheek, turning his head until their eyes met. “You’re my only friend. You’re my person.” A tiny voice in the back of her head warned that she was getting in too deep, but she kept going. “The one I confide in, hang out with. You’re my emergency contact, for God’s sakes.”
His whole face twisted in utter disappointment.
She let him go. “Come hell or high water,” she said, stalking back and forth in front of him, “I’ve got your back and I know you’ve got mine. You’re my family, Aiden. You’re my...” She swallowed the word partner. In every way except sexual he was, but fear overwhelmed her, and she pulled the rip cord. “You’re my brother.” The necessary lie stung her tongue, but it was for the good of them both. “Maybe you should think of me as a sister.”
In an explosive move, Aiden swooped forward with such forceful urgency it drove her feet back. This was bad, bad, bad. He cupped her face in his hands, bringing her pacing to an abrupt stop. Without warning or hesitation, he pulled her mouth to his and kissed her.
The instant their lips touched, her thoughts scattered and the lies were lost in a hot vortex of total oblivion.
There was no stopping the shocked moan that slipped from her on a wave of arousal that floored her like an express train. His tongue swept across the seam of her lips and delved inside. His fingers slid into her hair as he drew her even closer, his mouth hot and possessive against hers, claiming a deeper taste.
She threw her arms around his neck, her nipples tightening, her body burning with scalding need for him.
He spun her around, backing her up against the wall, and rocked into her, their bodies straining, melding in perfect harmony.
The hard ridge of his erection pressed into her abdomen. A yearning ache thrummed between her thighs. He caressed her breast through the soft cotton, dragged his thumb across her nipple, but it wasn’t enough. She wanted more.
As if reading her dirty mind, he dived into her robe and cupped her sex, palming her. Stoking her arousal.
Guilty pleasure blindsided her. Her body throbbed with painful, wet need.
She couldn’t stop herself from rubbing against the delicious pressure of his hand and didn’t want to.
This was foolish. Reckless. That registered in some obsolete part of her brain, but the electricity crackling between them overrode her thoughts.
There was only hunger centered on this man. She wanted him more than she wanted to breathe. All of him. Inside her, deep and fast and hard and rough.
Blood thudded against her eardrums and pulsed in her groin. “More, more.” The words spilled from her mouth in a rough whisper.
She was condemned to hell. The upside was the road was slippery and hopefully riddled with orgasms. If he kept this up, she’d have her first pretty soon.
His mouth left hers, gliding across her cheek, her jaw, to her carotid artery, where her pulse pounded wildly as she took ragged breaths, wanting to curl into him.
“I’m your brother, huh?” His voice, soft with menace, skated over her skin. “You sure as heck don’t kiss me back like a sister.”
Shock and hurt slapped her.
She very nearly picked up the gauntlet he threw down. But the one thing she was better at than fighting was running. And when your survival depended on it, you learned to run like the devil was chasing you.
“Out of all the excuses I imagined hearing from you, this one takes the cake,” he said. Lust and anger etched his features into something dark and smoldering and dangerous. “Truly priceless. The worst part is, I think you’re delusional enough to believe it.” The harshness of his words stunned her heart, but she jerked out of his arms.
Her body mourned the loss of his male heat, his scorching touch.
“I’d give my right hand to get under your skin,” he said, “to have you want me the way I want you. I’ve stood by for years, being there for you. Being your person. Loving you. Wanting you. I told myself that one day, when you were ready for a relationship, you would open your eyes to what was in front of you. Instead, you dated Nick. Not just a guy in the office, where I had to have it thrust in my face every damn day, but one of my friends. I had to hear about the details from both of you. Do you have any idea what that was like for me?”
After all he’d just said, the question was rhetorical, but he didn’t let her off that easily.
“It gutted me, Charlie. And if by some chance the two of you had worked out, it would’ve broken my heart.”
Guilt ripped her to pieces.
Aiden was twisting everything up inside of her into a giant choking knot.
“I wasn’t serious about Nick.” He was a friendly work associate that she passed her off-duty time with between the sheets. They’d hooked up until he started pushing to turn their superficial fun into a real relationship. She didn’t do long-term with anyone. Living half a life wasn’t so bad when the idea of anything else, anything more, seemed impossible, too far out of reach. “We didn’t date. It was just sex. I never even stayed the night with him. He was a distraction.” From wanting you. “I didn’t sleep with him to hurt you.”
“But you did hurt me!” The stricken look on his face was a knife in her chest. “Are you going to stand there and tell me that you didn’t know how attracted I am to you? Are you going to deny that it’s mutual?”
If she tried, a bolt of lightning would probably strike her. The intensity of their attraction was as strong as gravity. There were times when he’d give her a look that sent a current of raw desire racing under her skin, making her stomach dip and her breath grow shallow. Of course she knew.
Lowering her eyes, Charlie backed away.
“There’s something I haven’t told you.” His voice grew quiet. “I was offered a position at Camp Beauregard, as an instructor. I was torn about taking it because I was holding on to hope. About us. I think after we clear our names and go back, I’m going to accept the position.”
Panic slithered up her spine and coiled in her gut. “No. No, no.” A fierce longing shook her to the core. “You can’t be serious.” He wanted to leave her. “Why?”
“Because I can’t keep pretending that this is platonic when it’s anything but. My mind files away all these details about you. The way you move, your smile, the smell of you, that defiant way you hike your chin, the sexy hollow of your throat, the curve at the small of your back, creating a sick map of you. One that I see and want to touch that leads me back to you when I’m with someone else.” Naked emotion passed over his carved features and he withered in front of her.
She stared at him, sad desperation flooding her veins.
“As long as I continue to be your person,” he said, “I’ll never be able to move on from you. It’d be impossible to fall in love with anyone else. I want to get married, have a family, children.”
A sinkhole opened inside her, rattling her to the very foundation of her soul. Children. Something she’d never be able to give him or anyone else.
“I need all those things. I wanted them with you.” He shook his head. “But I can see now that’s never going to happen.”
It was too much and not enough. “Aiden...”
He waited, the hope in his eyes glaring.
Tension swelled in the room around them. Her mouth opened, but no sound came out. She didn’t know what to say to keep from losing him. The weight of that inevitability settled in her chest.
“Get some sleep,” he snapped. “We’ve got a long day ahead of us.” He stormed into the bathroom and shut the door.
&nbs
p; Her heart hammered, her brain reeling.
The dread inside her shot to a higher pitch and her muscles turned to gelatin. Charlie sank down on the bed, trying to piece together what had started it all, how everything had spun out of her control. Her only answer—the kiss they’d shared earlier.
They’d opened Pandora’s box back in the car when their lips had locked, and they’d tasted the passion burning between them.
A sudden realization struck her with such blunt force that it stole her breath. She was in love with Aiden. Not as a sister loved a brother, but as a woman loved a man.
And he was in love with her.
She’d been kidding herself all along that she could control this. What a fool she’d been.
Maybe she should tell him the truth. Why they couldn’t be together. The real reason they’d never work.
A hurricane of conflicting emotions rioted inside her, making her eyes sting.
He’d stirred up a longing for something she couldn’t have, to be someone that she couldn’t—a mother...to be his in every sense of the word.
Her eyes watered, tears burning. She burned...ached for him. For the impossible.
Aiden threw open the bathroom door. He was dressed as he stomped out, not casting a single glance at her. “I need some air. I can’t breathe.”
Before she could utter a word, he was gone.
Chapter Twelve
His hands in fists at his sides, Aiden stormed out of the hotel as desire pounded through him. His straining erection was painful, and his head was a mess.
He was a complete wreck and Charlie was what he needed to fix it. She was like a drug, a habit he couldn’t kick no matter the side effects or warnings or devastation.
Sleeping with her would’ve only made the addiction worse.
Aiden knew this and still he wanted her. Needed her. He was a lost man.
His lungs heaved with a foreign anger. Stalking down the street, he was furious. At himself. Not at her. It wasn’t her fault any more than it was heroin’s or meth’s for a person needing that fix, again and again.
He never should’ve put her in that position back in the hotel room. Never should’ve thrown the job offer in her face that way.
