Faye held the image of Grainne Morgan at the stake in her mind as she gulped in one last breath of air, and went under willingly with the kelpie, just as Grainne had with the fae that had come to her aid. And, under the water, she released the last of her fear – fear of taking up space, of being herself, and of coming into her full power, which, perhaps, she had masked under a fear of the depths of water she could not navigate safely – in one long, ragged scream that the seawater swallowed as if it had never existed. Her ancestors had danced naked under the moon without fear; they had known their own power, and accepted the natural power of the moon and the sea and the earth into themselves with no qualms.
Faye felt the faerie part and the human part of her merge, and was filled with the power of both worlds. She plunged down into the deep darkness on the back of the kelpie, she found that she could breathe here too, and she was filled with a wild exultation. She screamed again, but this time, with unfettered joy, and the kelpie under her roared a jangling, unearthly rumble that made the rock shake and pulled all the other water elementals behind them, in its wake.
And when she finally returned to Glitonea, the faerie queen opened the door made of glistening shell. And Faye Morgan, who knew light and shadow, and who had gone below the waves and returned alive, slid off the black water kelpie and strode back into Murias with a piece of pink crystal in one pocket and three rose petals folded securely inside a single black kelpie’s scale in the other.
Chapter Thirty-One
‘Where’ve ye been, Faye? It’s been three days and nae word,’ Annie waved her spare shop keys in her friend’s face. ‘Just as well I had these, eh?’
Faye went to the kitchen to make herself a tea; she was freezing. In Glitonea’s chamber she had walked in the rose-scented air in the diaphanous blue gown; she had dived into the blue-and-black sea on the back of a kelpie and felt nothing but comfortable. In Abercolme, she couldn’t get warm, even with two jumpers, a thermal vest and thick socks under her jeans.
‘Don’t shout. I feel terrible enough,’ she muttered, hugging herself to get warm. ‘It’s freezing in here. I’m going to put the electric heater on.’
‘What’re ye on about? It’s almost June.’ Annie frowned at her friend, clearly concerned. ‘Are ye ill, sweetheart? Why didn’t ye say? I rang and texted but there was no answer, I thought ye’d just left. Packed up and gone on holiday or something.’
‘Oh… Yes, I was ill, that’s right,’ Faye grasped at the easy excuse. ‘I’m so sorry, Annie. I was so out of it. Hallucinating.’ It wasn’t even that much of a lie. She’d been in the faerie kingdom; the most hallucinatory of places. She checked her phone; there was a text from Rav and a missed call. Please, Faye. I want to talk. I miss you. She sighed. She wanted to reply; her fingers hovered over the screen. But she thought of Finn and knew he was serious when he threatened her. If she wanted to keep Rav safe, she couldn’t see him any more. The thought made her heart ache, but she knew she had to be strong – at least, until she had enough power to stand against Finn if she had to.
She pushed the phone away, picking up her tea instead, gulping it down in one go.
Annie watched her warily.
‘Looks like ye haven’t eaten for a few days either, sweetheart.’
Faye opened the cupboard where they kept the biscuits and took out a packet of digestives and two cereal bars. She was ravenous. She had tried not to look shocked when Annie had told her that her time in the crystal castle had taken her away so long. Glitonea hadn’t said how long it had been, and when she had returned, had asked her nothing, merely nodding when Faye requested some time at home.
‘No. Starving,’ she replied between bites of the bars: vegan ones that Aisha brought in most weeks.
‘Okay, well. Next time drop me a text. Or ring and just groan down the phone, eh? I’ll know it’s you. I’ll come round with a takeaway or something.’ Annie’s tone softened, and Faye smiled apologetically at her friend. Next time she visited Glitonea, she would need to work out some better excuses for why she was away.
‘Okay. Sorry. Love you,’ she repeated, and reached for her friend’s hand, covered in silver rings. She squeezed it affectionately. ‘What would I do without you, eh?’
‘’I love ye too, lassie.’ Annie squeezed back.
‘What did I miss when I was away?’
‘Oh, not much. Aisha did some work for Rav, bit of light emailing. Made him a contact database, apparently. She said the guy has no IT ability at all. Ye didn’t see him, then?’
‘No, I told you. I was ill.’ Faye said, though the thought of Aisha and Rav made her heart ache a little. It made her sad, but she had made the choice not to see Rav – at least until she was sure she could protect him from Finn. Perhaps it wouldn’t be too long now; she was already gaining power. Merging with her ancestors and letting go of her fear about her magic had been two huge steps; she felt transformed.
‘Aye.’ Annie gave her a funny look.
‘What?’ Faye snapped.
Annie looked away. ‘Nothing. Got some news of my own, that’s all.’ She looked uncharacteristically shifty.
‘What is it?’
‘I got a job. Acting.’ Annie was trying to hide a grin.
Faye’s anger evaporated. ‘You’re joking! That’s fantastic, Annie! Why didn’t you say? I don’t mind if you’re going to be away a week or so. Aisha can cover.’ Faye hugged her friend. ‘What is it? The role?’
‘Ah. That’s the thing, see. It’s in London, sweetheart. It’s TV. A series.’
‘A series? Wow!’ Faye beamed. ‘How many episodes are you going to be on?’
Annie sighed and pulled away from Faye.
‘All o’ them,’ she said. ‘It’s a new show. They’ve put me in for six months and see how I go. Maybe permanent. I’ve got to move away, Faye. To London.’
Faye felt thunderstruck.
‘London?’
‘Aye. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m going to miss ye like crazy.’
‘But why didn’t you say before? That’s where your audition was?’
‘Aye, well, I didn’t think I’d actually get it, did I? Outside chance, I thought, but I had an old girlfriend I wanted to call in on, an’… well. Here we are.’
Faye felt tears of shock well up in her.
‘But what will I do without you, Annie?’ she whispered, and Annie enveloped her in a hug again.
‘Aw, now. Come on. Ye’ve got Rav now, aye? Though I didn’t see him bringin’ ye groceries and holdin’ your hand while you were sick, mind ye,’ she tutted. ‘Still, I know ye’ll be okay, sweetheart. An’ I’ll come home for weekends here and there. It’s just that the filming’s pretty intense, they said. Not many days off for a while, aye.’
What could Faye say? That she didn’t really have Rav in the way that Annie thought? That she really needed her friend, even though she hadn’t yet told Annie anything about Finn or Murias?
But as she looked into Annie’s green eyes, she didn’t have the heart to ruin this for her. She wouldn’t say anything; she could do it on her own. She didn’t need Annie looking out for her all the time any more. And this was the big break Annie had been waiting for.
‘What show is it? One I’ve seen?’
‘Coven of Love,’ Annie shrugged. ‘Stupid title, aye. But it’s about these three modern witches that are looking for love in London. They said they liked my interest in the subject, and they wanted a Scottish witch as a character, so. Life imitates art, aye,’ she winked at Faye. ‘Tell me you’re happy for me, lassie?’ she asked, quietly.
Faye couldn’t stop the tears coming, but she smiled through them.
‘Of course I’m happy for you,’ she said, but her face betrayed her, and she sobbed into her best friend’s shoulder. ‘I’ll just miss you, that’s all.’
Annie patted her on the shoulder. ‘I’ll miss you too, you daftie,’ she said, but there was a tremble in her voice too.
‘When do you leave?’ Faye mumbled.
‘Saturday. I’m going stay with the ex for a while, until I find a place of my own,’ Annie’s voice burred in Faye’s ear.
‘That’s only three days away,’ Faye felt her heart wrench further. ‘Do you really have to go so soon?’
‘Prep starts next week. That’s the way of these things, Faye. They have to see me for wardrobe fittings, rehearsals, the lot.’
‘Oh.’ Her voice was small; she felt powerless, suddenly, like a child. Everything was changing too fast.
‘Faye? Are you okay? Is there something you need to tell me?’ Annie peered at Faye’s tear-streaked face. ‘Is it Rav? You’d tell me, aye? If there was something wrong?’ She looked worried. ‘I don’t like to leave ye this upset, sweetheart.’
Faye shook her head hurriedly and wiped her eyes. This was Annie’s big chance and she wasn’t going to spoil it.
‘I’m fine. Really.’ She forced a smile onto her face. ‘We can have a little party to send you on your way,’ she added.
Annie nodded.
‘Aye, why not. Say a proper goodbye. I’ll miss Abercolme, the old place, aye. But I’ll miss ye the most, Faye Morgan. I need to be blasted for the next two days to get through it.’
Faye laughed.
‘I’m serious,’ Annie insisted. ‘Out of it.’
Chapter Thirty-Two
‘He’s a nice guy.’ Aisha poured hot water into mugs for them both, then splashed in milk and pressed the tea bags out firmly on the sides of the cups. ‘Funny. And he let me borrow some of his vinyl. He’s got a wicked collection.’
It was Saturday and Faye had a hangover. Annie had got up early for her flight to London; they’d said a final misty goodbye sometime in the early hours before Faye had passed out in her bed; unusually, compared to recent events, she’d stayed in it, alone, and woke up with a headache like a drill.
She had to open up, though; tourists were finding their way to Abercolme for the summer and Saturdays were her busiest day of the week. Already the shop was full of customers milling between the scented candles and the tarot card display, leafing through the book where Faye kept sample cards of each deck.
She’d purposefully asked Aisha about Rav after Annie mentioned her helping him out with the festival, wanting to hear some news of him, anything. He had texted again and she hadn’t replied. She felt wretched not being able to reply, but it was for the best.
Faye felt hopeless, weighed down by the idea that Rav and Aisha might have been getting close; sharing laughs, talking about music, all the pleasant, normal things that she could have enjoyed with Rav if she had never got involved with Finn Beatha. Any number of opportunities could present themselves for them to accidentally bump heads, for their hands to touch, for them to share eye contact for one micro-second too long. Those things were all it needed. And there was no reason why they shouldn’t.
‘He really likes you, you know. You could be a wee bit nicer to him.’ Aisha broke into Faye’s thoughts; Faye noticed a blush rise on Aisha’s cheeks.
‘Does he?’ Faye sighed. ‘Well, I like him too. It’s complicated.’
‘Is it?’ Aisha drank her tea and looked innocently at Faye. ‘Why?’
‘It just is,’ Faye didn’t want to explain – couldn’t explain – about Finn. What could she say? That she was learning faerie magic so that if the jealous faerie king she had become involved with turned on Rav, she could stop him enacting whatever punishment he wanted on both of them? For a moment Faye reflected that she had never before in her life been involved with two men at once (although one wasn’t technically a man). She smiled ruefully to herself. Wasn’t this what witches were supposed to do? Enchant men and drive them mad with lust? Wasn’t that what many innocent women were put to the stake for supposedly doing? Perhaps Grainne Morgan had been one of them.
Of course, the ones who were persecuted as witches in Grainne’s time often weren’t witches at all. Faye shuddered as she thought of the accounts she had read of the horrifying torture and deaths inflicted on innocent men and women who had often had the misfortune of arguing with the wrong person, or just being odd, disabled or poor enough to be blamed for the slightest of things – a sickly cow, a rash; or, you could have the other curse, of beauty: an attractive woman who refused the advances of men in her village could just as easily be put to the stake for ‘enchanting’ them.
Faye watched Aisha; her long-lashed eyes, her clear skin and shiny black hair. She imagined them – Aisha and Rav – laughing together. Talking about bands they liked. Listening to music together. Faye’s stomach twisted with a secret jealousy and she was shocked at herself.
‘Faye? You disappeared off there a minute. Away with the faeries. We’re getting busy.’
‘I’ll be right there.’ Faye looked at her phone. There wasn’t a new message from Rav… but as she hadn’t answered the previous ones, it wasn’t that surprising. The bells near the shop door jangled as it opened, and she looked up, hopefully, wanting to see him, but it was only a couple of middle-aged women she didn’t know.
She washed up her cup and pottered around in the little kitchenette. No good can come of thinking about Rav, she chastened herself. You’ve made your decision: now, stick to it. Leaving her phone in the kitchenette on purpose, she went out to help Aisha on the shop floor. She unpacked a box of different-coloured little silk bags, herbal resins in small pouches and some new crystals. The bags reminded Faye that she hadn’t made any new incenses for a while, and the shelf where she usually stacked her pretty glass jars, labelled with her own brand, Mistress of Magic, was looking sparse.
‘Might go for a forage later,’ she mentioned to Aisha, who nodded. Faye made all her incenses with as many locally sourced herbs and plants as she could; there was no need for some of the strange and unusual ingredients she sometimes saw added to herbal remedies sold to burn or to drink. Plants worked best in magic when you used what was local to you, wherever you were in the world; different cultures had plants that essentially did the same things.
‘Foraging’s definitely a good idea. We’re low on love incense in particular,’ Aisha sighed. ‘I could do with some of that.’
‘Love spell not worked yet, then?’ Faye said it lightly, but she watched Aisha closely; she couldn’t help herself. To see whether there was a twinkle that meant she might have fallen for Rav, or not.
Aisha avoided her gaze and blushed.
‘I dunno.’ She muttered and turned away to help a woman who wanted to know which colour candle to buy for a protection spell. Faye waited for her to finish her conversation with the woman. Suspicion bloomed in her like a black rose.
‘Aish. Are you sure you’re not into someone?’ Faye asked, her heart was beating hard. Aisha shook her head, but Faye wasn’t convinced. It must be Rav; it must be. She knew it was for the best, but it tortured her nonetheless. ‘Come on. You can tell me. Wallflowers’ club, remember?’
She was being disingenuous, and she had betrayed Aisha in a sense – she was certainly no longer a wallflower – but she had to know. Faye had to stay away from Rav, but it would be so hard if he and Aisha started seeing each other. She knew she shouldn’t ask; that the knowledge would be like sticking her finger in a cut. But she couldn’t help herself.
Aisha smiled awkwardly and motioned Faye towards her.
‘I can’t say. It’s… it’s not the time,’ she whispered. ‘I think we need to talk. Later.’ She gave Faye an odd smile and moved away from her, behind the counter to serve more customers that were waiting.
Faye turned away, saddened. She knew that Aisha and Rav had more in common than she and Rav did. Aisha was beautiful, intelligent, she loved music as much as Rav. Faye and Rav had been nothing more than a missed opportunity…
Faye’s thoughts turned to Finn. She knew Finn was vain; but he had every right to be, as beautiful as he was. And if he was sulky and spoilt, like a child that had never been refused anything – he probably hadn’t – well, he was a faerie king, and the fae realm wasn
’t like the human world.
Even so, there was a part of her that wondered how much she was excusing Finn’s dark side; the way he made her feel when he touched her; when the veil of desire covered her so completely. She still wanted him; she could admit that to herself. But if anything else happened with Finn now, it had to be on her terms and not his.
She took in a deep breath as the familiar desire for Finn started dragging at the edge of her consciousness, a reflex to thinking of him. She reached out for something tangible; her hand grasped the wooden edge of the glass-fronted shop counter and she felt its solidity battle the pull of faerie which had woven itself deep into her blood now. This is a real thing, this is wood, glass, hard things, old things that hold their shape, she thought fiercely, forcing herself to focus back into the ordinary world. She had returned the ring; he could no longer summon her as and when he wished. She had stayed away on purpose to reduce his power over her until she could become more powerful herself; more able to resist the debauchery he had led her into, almost unconscious with desire. She did not want to be a helpless lover in Murias; she wanted mastery of it. But, she realised, she would also have to master the balance of faerie and human within herself.
She drew a breath, closed down her energy centres and imagined pulling the black cloak around herself again as she had done at the gig, when Finn had enchanted her open, naïve spirit into a half-place between faerie and the ordinary world. She was sidhe-leth, half-faerie. She wasn’t like Aisha, and she wasn’t like Finn either. She was something in between.
‘Faye? Are you okay?’ Aisha sounded concerned.
She let go of the solid wood in her hand and felt her faerie power mix and mingle with her breath. I am faerie, I am human, she repeated in her mind. The faerie power swirled a deep and seductive pink, with starbursts of black that spread and contracted like the making and unmaking of the universe. Her breath was steady: in, out, like the tide. I am faerie, I am human, I am faerie, I am human. And, as the power started to coalesce together, into one regular tide that sparkled cerise and black, and with the smell of roses and seawater at the edge of her senses, she repeated I am faerie, I am human, I am sidhe-leth.
Daughter of Light and Shadows Page 21
