“Did you know an Ilona in Auschwitz?”
Stern felt pressured. “Damn it! Michael, enough!” he stammered, slapping his hand on the garage floor. “Stop asking so many questions.”
“Did you or didn’t you? Answer my question.”
“I only knew one Ilona...Ilona Rosen. She had my baby.”
“What? Are you crazy? What the hell do you mean your baby?”
“She is the mother of my daughter, Erika, born in the camp. What difference does it make to you?”
“What! Fuck you, Hans,” Michael cried and slapped Stern across his face. “Stop lying, you pompous ass. Your daughter? I don’t believe you.”
“Why would I lie?” Stern asked, rubbing his stinging cheek.
“I met Ilona when she came to Auschwitz, and Erika was born before the Soviets came. When I first saw Ilona, I knew I had to have her. She was beautiful, but a fighter and would not obey. In the end, she did.”
Michael flew into a rage. He began punching Stern in the stomach and slapped him across his face
“You bastard, you never knew any Ilona.” Michael was beside himself. He put both his hands on Stern’s chest, pushed him closer to the wall, and rammed his knee into his balls.
Hans grabbed his crotch and screamed, “Was machst du? Bist du verrückt? What are you doing? Are you crazy?” He held up his fist to Michael.
“All the officers did those things in concentration camp. We took the women we wanted. You would understand if you saw her. I hurt her when we first met, then she submitted to me without fuss. She was a beauty.”
Michael held his head in his hands. Tears flowed along his cheeks. He tuned Stern out, letting him ramble on.
“After a month, she told me she thought she was pregnant. I had not done anything to prevent it, and I still had my way with her while she carried our baby. When the baby was born, I even enjoyed watching Ilona nurse her, my little daughter. I called her Erika, after my grandmother. Ilona added a middle name, Eva, but we couldn’t keep an infant in the camp and I brought the baby home to Hilda. The next day, Ilona accidentally touched an electrical fence and was killed. When we got to Italy, the bishop arranged the proper papers for all of us. Why does this upset you? Did you know her?”
Michael was numb and drained. He sat on the floor, motionless, and cried, feeling Ilona’s shame and humiliation as Stern forced his lust on her. More tears fell along his cheeks.
***
Oh my God, Ilona! You must have been so terrified, so helpless...your body violated and infected with this animal’s sperm. An evil man overpowering you, forcing you into submission. An electrified barbed-wire fence became your friend in that insane place. I’m glad you found your freedom. My heart aches.
I don’t know how to be evil, Ilona. You know that. I’m trying so hard to dehumanize Stern but I realize it’s not possible. He’s already less than an animal. I can’t bring him down any lower. It’s not in me. I can only do what I can.
I don’t know how to do it. Sometimes, I wish I had Stern’s evil mind, just for a few moments, so I could know how to be cruel and inflict pain on him.
***
Michael held his hand against his heart and felt the erratic pulsating beats surge through his palm and the rest of his body. He didn’t protect her. How could he carry this burden?
It had all happened so fast. The men in marching boots came out of nowhere and took their lives away. His pain would always be with him, but at least now this wild, insane beast was in Michael’s power, handcuffed to a pipe and tamed.
Michael felt weak and pushed everything out of his mind. He went into his car, leaned back on the seat cushion, and passed out.
When he awoke, he looked at Stern in the blazing lights, his chin resting on his chest. He walked back to the house.
In a daze, Michael opened a bottle of Rémy Martin and placed it on a coffee table. The room was dark except for two amber pendant lights that floated down from the ceiling on a thin wire. Its glow swept over him. His hand trembled as he poured the cognac into a snifter glass. Leaning back on the couch, his heart throbbed with pain and his eyes were wet with tears as he sat in the subdued light.
Stern never surmised that Michael was Ilona’s husband. The bastard made my sweet Ilona his whore.
***
At least Stern will die like my little girls did, gasping for air. The Nazis killed them. I blamed Stern because he was one of them, an officer. My girls were gassed, but I could never kill Stern’s daughters now. Ilona’s daughter? Never!
Ilona, please don’t feel you betrayed me. What you did was not an act of unfaithfulness. Our love was pure. You were a victim of the overpowering insane circumstances surrounding you. Everyone in the camp would understand that you did what you had to do, and they would also know why it was necessary for you to take your life.
Michael couldn’t shake the image of Hans’ filthy hands all over her body, torturing and raping her, the same hands he’d been looking at in the garage for days. His mind wouldn’t allow him to escape his thoughts and run to a quieter place. The terror that Ilona must have felt was unimaginable and it consumed him. It must have been living hell for her, trapped and tortured with no escape. Michael could never know the truth of the horror she was forced to endure.
Everyone in the camp was caught up in the only truth they could see and feel. An abominable, bizarre nightmare. All the prisoners, including the Nazis, lived inside this insulated insane asylum, where torture and death prevailed.
Michael swallowed another glass of the Rémy, then another until he slipped into a deep sleep. He awakened a few hours later, still exhausted. All he could think of was Ilona’s agony.
There was one thing Ilona and the other prisoners had in common. They’d lost control of their lives. There was no question that the power was in the hands of the Nazis, who demanded obedience. Ilona was forced to do their bidding just as they’d forced Michael and everyone in the camp to do the same. He thought of Stern’s daughters again. His heart pounded.
Could I kill them? Kill Ilona’s child? Kill Erika? Never!
***
The next morning, he went back to the garage. Stern was slumped over, looking at his knees as sweat poured from his brow. Stern looked up at Michael.
“I am sorry to have upset you by telling you about that woman. She meant nothing to me. Had you seen me often at Auschwitz?” Stern asked, staring up at him.
“I only remember your menacing face mocking her as you threw my wife, naked and bleeding, out of the barracks while you stood in the doorway pointing, calling her a shlampe. You laughed. Yeah, I remember your cruel laugh.”
“Oh mein Gott! Ilona was your wife?” Stern shouted, his hands shaking. “She was Ilona Rosen?” Stern bit his lip and looked away.
“And I am Miklos Rosen.” Michael glared at him. “Do you remember what you did? Do you remember throwing her out, bleeding?”
Stern kept his head down. His hands trembled and his eyes were pressed tight as he spoke in weak, broken sentences. “I don’t remember an incident like that.” He paused. “Times were different then. It was a crazy world. If I did do it, it was at the beginning, when I first took her out of the women’s lineup. I was trying to help her.”
“Out of a lineup? You bastard! You chose the women you wanted to make your whores out of a lineup? You sick fuck! You took innocent women and made them subservient to your debauchery. Well, the war is over. You never were a man, only a coward. You ran along the ratlines to South America, like the rat you are.”
“Michael, stop! Stop it now! I was only—”
“Don’t give me the ‘following orders’ crap. Were you following orders when you raped my wife and called her a bitch? Was that one of your orders?”
“That was only when I first met her. Were you there? You saw it?” Stern asked, cupping his hand over his eyes.
“Yes!” Michael yelled, pointing his finger between Stern’s eyes like a dagger. “I was there. I covered her body
with my pajama shirt as she lay on the ground. She whispered and asked me why I didn’t protect her. I had no answer and I keep that guilt deep inside me to this day. It was you, Hans! You! You destroyed her and made her take her life.”
Michael hung his head and cried.
“You’re the vermin, Hans Stern, you bastard. You took my life away, my family away, and tens of thousands of others. You are lower than a worm. You lived in America with your diamonds while my wife and three innocent little girls were dead. And thousands others. Damn you! For what? What did they do to you? Did they hurt you in any way, so you had to kill them?
“You didn’t even know them. You didn’t know their names, except for the fact that they were Jewish children. How sick is that? Why did you do it? To satisfy your ego? You evil scum! The sad part is that you don’t even see yourself as a monster. How could you? You lived to satisfy your inflated ego. Killing and raping women was your entertainment.”
Stern sat with his lips tight, looking down. He said nothing and sat quietly as his urine poured onto the garage floor.
Michael breathed heavily. “You’re so filled with your sense of self-importance. You thought of yourself as God, deciding who lives and who dies. A big shot SS officer. A major who had to prove that you were a supreme being over all mankind by killing innocent people, including babies,” Michael said, shaking his head and sobbing.
“The world revolved around you, Hans. You had to satisfy your lust! Animals kill for a reason—food or protection, but you were lower than an animal. You killed human beings for the fun of it, you bastard.
“I asked you before. Were your orders really to rape my wife? Who told you to do that? Commandant Hoess? Another sick lowlife? Or did you think up those orders all by yourself so you could have your way with her? You lived for lust. I loved that woman. Were you ordered to send my three little girls to the gas chamber? Ilona took her life because she already knew she was dead after you tore her body apart and took her baby away. She just had to finalize it. And your Hilda’s suicide? I made that happen.”
“You? I don’t believe it,” Stern said, surprised.
“Trust me, Hans. It’s true. She’s dead, isn’t she? She took her own life to get away from you, and I made it happen—me, Miklos Rosen from Auschwitz. Why do women run away from you and kill themselves? Did you ever wonder about it? I can count two, and how many others were there. Your daughters don’t speak to you either. Did you ever wonder why? Did you rape them too, you animal? Maybe it was their only way to escape your clutches because they can’t rub your filth off their bodies after you’ve contaminated them.
“Hilda told me about you when I met her in the park, and I told her it was all right to kill herself! She looked at me as a learned man who understood her pain and trusted my words. It was me, I made it happen. Did you ever beat Hilda? Tell the truth!”
“No, never!”
“You know you’re lying. Did you keep raping Erika, your own daughter, sticking it in her until she had to run away from home? Hilda told me she’s a dancer. Thank God she has music in her life. Maybe that’s what kept her alive. Otherwise, she would be dead too. Do you know where that musical gift came from, Hans? I’ll give you a hint. It didn’t come from you. Tell me, did you get Erika pregnant too?”
Stern was silent.
“I’ll tell you this. I know where your daughters live, and I promise you, I will kill them—gas them. Maybe it will help put Erika at peace the way Hilda is now at rest. Marlena will have to go too. Let her children suffer without a mother. Think of your girls lying dead, their eyes wide open, staring at nothing. They will die for one reason only. Because you’re their father. It will happen soon, very soon!”
“But Michael, they are innocent.”
Michael approached Stern, spit in his face, and watched his saliva drip down to his lips. “Yeah, they’re innocent. You’re right. They are innocent, but you know something, Hans? My girls were innocent too. They were really innocent. They were gentle and never harmed anyone. They were beautiful, sweet girls with everything to live for and so talented that they would have given the world a gift like no other, but you didn’t allow the world to have that gift. You stopped it all from happening.”
“I am not that evil man you describe. Times were...”
“Shut your mouth. You were a Nazi and Nazism was organized evil. Your girls at least lived until they were adults, but their lives will be over soon. I promise you that and it will give me pleasure to do it. Your girls have been infected with your genes and are probably evil too. Trust me, you know me as a man of my word. I will gas them. Both of them.”
Stern took a deep breath. “Stop, just stop. I didn’t do anything that...”
“Fuck you, Stern, you stupid bastard. Killing you is too good for you. You deserve to be tortured to death, your head slowly tightening in a vise, and a large knife slammed through your hands so you can watch your blood pouring out. Or I could leave you here to die handcuffed to this pipe and let you starve to death in your pile of shit.”
Michael looked down and lowered his voice.
“You see, keeping you in squalor and making you live in your own shit is small-time punishment for the torture you inflicted on others. I’m not a master like you and don’t know how to inflict pain the way you do. I tried hard in your case, but I don’t know how to be evil. Not even to vermin like you.
“For me, killing is wrong, but I would make an exception in your case, the way Israel excluded Eichmann from Israeli laws against capital punishment. He was hanged. He was evil and you’re no different. You know something, Hans? The animals that roam the forest have a dignity about them, and they are beautiful. You’re a member of the lowest life form. You kill for pleasure and you don’t belong in their company.”
“Michael, I know there is nothing I can do for you to change the past, but I have a great deal of wealth in money, diamonds, and art works. I would give them all to you, and you could start a foundation to help the victims of the...”
Michael stepped up to Stern, grabbed him by the shoulders, and banged his head against the wall. “You don’t deserve to live, you scum, but I will allow you to stay alive. Sign this paper. It’s an admission that you killed my wife and daughters and others in Auschwitz. I just want to have it and never see you again.”
“But it might be used to put me in jail.”
“It’s up to you. I give you my word that I will not use it against you.”
“I will sign it, but I will say it was forced on me.”
“Yes, you could say that and it will probably keep you out of jail.”
Stern signed the paper, gave it back to Michael, and looked up at him.
“You are not going to kill me, are you? I am sorry about Ilona. Those were different times.”
“You called the shots back then, and I agree, times are different now. I won’t kill you. It’s too bad that the death and suffering you caused others doesn’t haunt you, but that’s understandable. You enjoyed shooting them in the head from behind. That was amusement for you. You don’t have a conscience, but I’ll let you live.”
“So, I can take a shower?”
“Yes, of course. You’ve said what you had to say and you were honest. You at least deserve a shower. Think about it—warm, clean water flowing over your body. All the excrement, sweat, and filth washed away, but you could never be clean, Hans. You were dirty when you were born and always will be. Yeah, I’ll let you bathe, but first let’s clean you up so you don’t contaminate my shower.”
The stench surrounding Stern was unbearable. Michael donned a surgical mask to cover his mouth and nose as he hosed away the urine and feces. He pulled Stern’s clothes off, except for his shirt, and washed and dried them in his machines while Stern lay handcuffed and half-naked. Michael gave him his heart medication with some water. Stern showed a confident smile.
“There, doesn’t that feel better?” Michael said in a relaxed manner as Stern put on the clean clothing.
“In a few minutes.”
“I know how you feel about me, and I am glad you are more understanding now. I was too young when I met Ilona. Hitler made us all feel powerful. For Germans, it was about revenge. We got screwed at Versailles, and we had to get even with the countries that made life impossible for us. Hitler showed us the way. We were going to take over the world. The Third Reich was supposed to rule for a thousand years. I promise you I will disappear and we will never see each other again.”
“You’re right about that. We will never see each other again. Lying in squalor was too good for you. I have to speak for my family.”
Stern remained quiet and appeared to be relieved. “What about my shower?”
“I always keep my promises, Hans, just not to you.”
Michael got into his car and turned on the engine. Gasoline fumes filled the garage. Stern screamed, “Mein Gott. What are you doing, Michael? Stop playing these games. What about my shower? Was machst du?” Stern yelled, coughing.
Michael kept his mask on.
“Imagine yourself in the shower, looking up and expecting nice, warm water to come out. You waited and waited, and then...well, you know the rest.”
Michael coughed, turned off the circulation switch, and closed the garage door behind him.
Chapter 18
It was over. Michael walked into town, dazed and shaken. There was a slight drizzle in the air. Most of the stores were closed. Only the amber glow of the streetlamps remained lit. Everything was peaceful, a glaring contrast to the violence that had taken place earlier.
A few pedestrians passed him with a smile and a nod. They could not be aware of what Michael had done. Within minutes, two police cars, an ambulance, and a fire truck sped by, their sirens screaming into the night air.
Michael’s hands trembled. His heart raced. It took him fifteen minutes to walk back to his house. Red lights flashed around him as firemen with Scott air packs on their backs emerged from the open garage door. Michael made his way through the crowd and told the police at the barricade that he lived there. He asked what happened.
The Chemist's Shop Page 10
