by Frost, Sosie
I didn’t blame Justin. Also didn’t blame his kid for setting out so confidently on the wrong path. Butterpond only had two potential outcomes for men like us—good and proper, respectful and successful…or the other way.
Like me.
“Breaking into my garage?” I asked.
Spencer at least acted shocked. “No.”
The kid was a horrible liar. At least that gave me hope. Meant he’d been in enough trouble to know to lie, but he yet to learn to lie well.
Eleven was a tough age for a kid on the edge. The cute had worn off, but no one took him seriously. It only made a boy want to prove that he was a man. That’s when the real problems started.
“I was looking for you,” Spencer said.
“Did you try knocking?”
“Yeah. But I thought I heard someone inside. Got tired of waiting for the door to open.”
“Right.” I crossed my arms. “What were you planning to do once you got in?”
“Nothing. Just wanted to look around.”
“And take a couple bucks from the register?”
The little asshole snickered. “Yeah, right. You don’t got any money.”
Spencer always reminded me of myself. The kind of kid who knew too much and opened his mouth to prove it.
“Where the hell is your dad?” I asked.
He looked away. “Got deployed again.”
Damn. He tried to be brave, but what use was there in pretending? I knew what deployed meant. What could happen. My brother, Marius, had spent most of his adult life in the SEALs, and his dedication was rewarded with a prosthetic leg and months of agonizing recovery. Justin had gotten lucky so far, joining the army when he first learned he was gonna have a son. Sacrificed a lot for the kid, but Spencer didn’t realize it. Never saw enough of his dad to realize Justin did it for him.
I sighed, already knowing the inevitable answer to a stupid question. “So, where’s your mom?”
The shrug revealed everything. “Dunno. Doesn’t talk to me much.”
“You’re not staying with her?”
“Dad said I could stay on the farm with your family until school’s out.”
Justin had his reasons. School wasn’t one of them. Spencer’s mom was a waste of the booze she drank. Probably smart to dump the kid on the farm for the remainder of the school year. Then again, I’d lived on the farm when I was his age too, and all it got me was bruised.
“Who’s watching you now?” I asked.
Spencer took offense to the question. He sucked in a breath and puffed himself up, trying to look taller than a hair short of five foot.
“I don’t need a babysitter,” he said.
“Yeah, they get in the way when you’re breaking and entering.” I frowned. If the kid was staying on the farm for the next few months, I could think of only one person Justin would trust with his boy. “Are you givin’ Aunt Cassi a hard time?”
“No.”
“Spence.”
“Maybe.”
“Don’t you piss with my little sister,” I said. “I love her too much to let some punk make her life hell.”
“I’m not doin’ nothing.”
“You’re lying to me.”
Spencer frowned. “How do you know?”
“Because when I was your age, I did the same shit. Nothing’s gonna surprise me.” I pointed at him. “If you’re living on the farm, you mind your aunt. She’s the only one around here who has the patience to deal with guys like us. You understand me?”
The kid didn’t get a chance to answer.
He shouted in time to give me warning, but the tackle came quick, a shoulder crashing into my back.
Wasn’t proud to admit I recognized the technique. Serious law enforcement officials had a bit more finesse, but even the local, small-town brand of justice had some showmanship.
Never played professional ball like my eldest brother, but I knew how to take a hit. The sheriff charged me from behind, wrapped his arms around my waist, and pummeled me onto the sidewalk. My face scraped against the concrete, but I was more concerned with the two-hundred and fifty pounds of LEO crushing my lungs.
Spencer laughed his ass off. I expected that. Hell, I would have chuckled too if a boot hadn’t lodged itself under my ribs.
This was an indignity that had become normal. No matter how high a man wanted to reach, his ass always landed in the dirt. And I’d tried. I’d really tried. For the last couple months, I’d attempted to better myself. To stay out of the gutter. To act like a respectable man.
But if the town and my family felt I belonged under the boot, who was I to correct them? Only thing people loved more than their assumptions was passing judgement. And hell, that was all Butterpond had. Taking that away from them would make me the real villain.
I twisted so I could breathe. “What the hell, Sheriff?”
Sheriff Samson was fifty pounds over-weight, five years too late for retirement, and five seconds too long on my back. Granted, he was usually up my ass so this wasn’t such a bad change. He’d harassed me during my teenage years and through my twenties. Then, like everyone else, he’d stopped giving a shit.
“Goddamn it, son.” Samson wheezed as he rolled off me. He reached for either his gun, his radio, or his cigarettes. Depended on his mood. “What the hell are you doing? You scared the piss out of me—breaking into your own damned building.”
“Should have known you’d find a way to arrest me for it.”
“I’m surprised you still own this piece of shit.”
I stood, brushing the dirt from my pants. “Unfortunately for Butterpond, I got no plans to leave.”
Samson eyed Spencer. “You Justin Townsend’s boy?”
Spencer scowled. “Yeah. So what?”
Samson made a stupid mistake and knelt to talk to him. No kid wanted to be treated like a toddler, especially by a man who could bend his knees only by the grace of Tylenol PM.
“Now, Spencer.” Samson wagged his finger. “Someone called in about you. You can’t just run off like that.”
Amateur. I shook my head. “You gotta learn how to lie better, kid.”
Samson sighed. “Better if he didn’t lie at all.”
Maybe in a perfect world, but flawed men like us only dreamt of paradise. “How long’s he been missing?”
“Your sister called the station about forty minutes ago. Absolutely beside herself.”
Spencer couldn’t look me in the eyes. He shuffled his feet and mumbled. “Told them I didn’t need a babysitter.”
“Spencer!”
Cassi’s voice echoed down the street. I checked my watch. Eleven o’clock. Just the perfect time for everyone in Butterpond to pull their curtains, clutch their pearls, and phone chain the gossip across the community.
This would keep them talking for a week.
My baby sister sprinted across the road, dove onto her knees, and wrap Spencer in a tight, un-welcomed hug. He groaned, but Cassi held him at arm’s length and refused to let him go.
“You scared us!” She planted a kiss on his cheek. I’d never let the kid live that one down. “You can’t run off like that. You have no idea the chaos you caused.”
Spencer was a troublemaker, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew what he was doing. Liked it too.
But he’d met his match with Cassi.
Didn’t matter that she’d been adopted—she was a Payne in both name and attitude. Loved that about her. She was the baby of the family, five-foot-nothing and a hundred pounds soaking wet, but over the years she’d grown into the absolute cornerstone of the family. Without her, we might’ve lost the farm. The family survived because of her.
Including me. Couldn’t drink myself into an early grave—she never allowed it.
People like her had a way of making the world seem…better. Also made it harder to tumble into a pit of despair if she kept jumping in to save us.
She embraced Spencer again. He shouldn’t have fought it. God only knew where he’d get h
is next hug, especially from someone as pretty as Cassi. Her ebony curls twisted up tight in a bun, real royal like. She had that Princess look to her, perfected by being spoiled rotten by five older brothers. Dark skin, gentle voice, innocent eyes. She deserved more than what we could give her.
And the one man trying his best to provide for her ran down the street to meet us. Remington Marshall was my closest friend—and that was the only reason I tolerated the shining engagement ring on Cassi’s finger. He met us with a relieved sigh, pocketing his cellphone after relaying the good news to the farm.
These days, Rem stood taller, looked men in the eye, and earned money instead of stealing it. Made him a better man for my sister, but that didn’t make him the right one. Still, Cassi loved him. Always had, since she was a kid. And while my best friend and I got into enough trouble to scare away good women, Cassi had waited, hoped, and prayed. It’d worked. Rem was a reformed man, and he’d sworn to me and my brothers he would make her happy.
Who was I to interfere? Marriage and family and babies and all that wholesomeness had been Cassi’s dream since she was a kid. But it was hard to let go of the one person who had faith in me. Easier to chase her away myself.
Cassi attempted to make Spencer talk. She’d have better luck interrogating one of the animals back on the farm.
“You have to tell us where you’re going, okay?” she said. “Your dad asked me to watch you. I’m not gonna let him down, you hear me?”
He heard her, but that didn’t mean he cared. “I don’t need a babysitter.”
“And you can prove that by respecting everyone else, especially when they’re terrified something happened to you.”
Sure, the kid acted like an asshole, but only because no one cared what he felt. At eleven-years-old, no one gave a damn. He was a kid, and he’d get treated like a kid. He had a while until he grew up. But then he’d learn life’s dirtiest secret.
No one cared about adults either.
Spencer rolled his eyes. “There’s nothing to do on the farm. I don’t want to keep feeding the alpacas or playing with the babies.”
Rem rubbed his face. For a man who had lived in the Canadian wilderness for the past five years, life had tossed him on his ass. Not only was his fiancée taking care of Spencer, he had custody of his two baby nieces. He’d gone from bad boy to Mr. Mom quicker than he could make EZ Mac. Hardly recognized him anymore.
Probably a good thing.
“You don’t want to play with the kids, fine,” Rem said. “But you got to let us know where you’re going.”
“I’m too old for a babysitter,” Spencer said.
Cassi plunked her hands on her hips. The kid was in trouble now. “You’re not acting like it.”
Spencer glanced at me, pleading for my intervention. Yeah, right. I knew better than to sass Cassi.
“Come on, Cass,” I said. “Give him a break. He just got bored.”
Rem shook his head. “Tidus, don’t start. We’re trying to take responsibility here. Foreign concept for you, but some of us gotta be adults.”
My best friend was within in his rights to say whatever the hell he wanted to me. I’d never fault a man for speaking his mind. At least Rem had the guts to confront me with the truth.
I pointed to the kid. “He’s eleven. He just wants to be treated like a man.”
Spencer grinned, his smile is bright as the police lights. “Yeah.”
I shrugged. “You remember what it was like being a kid. Everyone telling you what to do, getting in your business.”
Cassi frowned. “Some people would call that compassion.”
“And others consider it an invasion of privacy.”
“Only because they know how many bad decisions can be made with that privacy.”
I loved my little sister. “Don’t try to figure out a man’s sins. They’re one of life’s greatest mysteries.”
“So we’ve learned,” Cassi said.
I dismissed her concerns. “Spence wanted some independence. A chance to get out on his own. See the town. Maybe find some trouble.”
The boy crossed his arms, proud. “Thanks, Uncle Tidus. I knew you’d understand.”
“You wanted to be treated like an adult.”
“That’s right.”
I shoved him toward Sheriff Samson. “All right. Sheriff, this adult was trying to break into my garage. I’m pressing charges.”
Samson already had the handcuffs out. He probably expected to use them on me, but any opportunity to flex his muscles was a valuable exercise for a man of his age.
Spencer panicked, backing away from Samson with a squeal. “Uncle Tidus! But—I didn’t! I never meant—”
I smirked. “You wanted to be an adult.”
“You wouldn’t get me arrested, would you?”
“You wouldn’t have stolen from my register, would you?”
Spencer nearly cried. Cassi shushed me and reached her hand out to take his. Reluctantly, he crossed to her side.
“Well,” she said. “I’m sure we can forgive it, just this once. As long as you promise not to leave the farm without permission again.” She gestured towards the Sheriff. “Can we just forget about tonight?”
Samson hoisted up his pants. “I suppose. Though I know what happens when I cut breaks around here. Take a lesson, Spencer. You see these two men? Had I taken them to jail when they were your age, they would’ve turned out much better.”
The memory of his past indiscretions could easily shame Rem. That’s what made us different. Rem had grown. Matured. Repented his faults.
I embraced mine.
Sins were all a man took to the grave. All those imperfections gave a soul character. I had something to anticipate—when all those cracks and weaknesses finally broke me. But Cassi wouldn’t tolerate anyone speaking to Rem in such a way. She scolded the Sheriff, and he was wise to point Spencer towards his car.
“Come on, son,” Samson said. “Let me show you the back of the car. Maybe if you see it now, you’ll avoid it in the future.”
Spencer followed the Sheriff, but Cassi and Rem planted their feet. They stared at me, arms crossed, awaiting an explanation.
It wouldn’t be a Sunday night without an intervention.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t in the mood. Fatigue hit me hard, but the shakes were worse. I curled my fist to hide the trembling and waited for the inevitable lecture.
“Just say it.” I grinned at Cassi. “Spare me the pleasantries. I know you’re both very busy, all that wedding planning.”
Cassi didn’t crack a smile. “Where the hell have you been?”
They wouldn’t believe me even if I told them. “Where do you think?”
“You’ve been gone for two days with no contact. Not a single word, not even a text.”
It was easier that way. Less questions, less judgment. Last thing either of us wanted was the truth. Poor Cassi deserved better than that. It’d taken years for her to pull the family together. I’d be damned if the family’s bastard destroyed the Paynes.
Again.
“I was out of town,” I said.
Rem recognized the excuse. Unfortunately, my friend had a habit of jumping to the wrong conclusions. “Doing what?”
“Does it matter?”
In the darkness, Cassi’s eyes glistened. Crying already? She usually reserved that for when she found me blacked out.
“It matters to me,” she said. “It’s always mattered to me. I wish you’d believe me.”
I did, but I hated that it meant so much to her. “Don’t worry. I’m dealing with my own shit now.”
She might’ve stood on her tiptoes, but somehow Cassi made me feel like the small one. Got that from Dad. It wasn’t a good trait, but at least she did it out of love.
“You need to come to me with all this stuff.” She brushed her hand over her cheeks, wiping away the wetness. “Let me help you. We know something’s wrong.”
“Cassi, don’t start.”
“We’r
e worried about you.”
Worried about me. Frustrated with me.
Through with me.
She’d never believe me, but I tried to reassure her anyway. “You’ve got nothing to worry about.”
Rem disagreed. “Come on, Tidus. It’s worse this time. Even you gotta admit that.”
This was worse? But everyone said it’d be better now. Easier.
How the hell was a man supposed to live his life when everybody expected the worst out of him?
It was easier to let them assume I’d been on a binge. Hell, they’d never believe the truth. Sometimes change didn’t help. Sometimes, it only made things more complicated.
I didn’t like complicated.
It’d taken nearly thirty years, but I figured my shit out. Life was a bitch, and the only way to get revenge on it was the fuck it like one. I knew where I’d gone wrong, and I learned how to avoid it. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t love the trouble I’d caused myself.
Only a weak man allowed himself to regret. The strong ones moved on, fixed what was broken. That’s what I’d done.
Even if they hated me more for it.
“I’m only gonna say this once,” I said. “Don’t worry about me.”
Rem laughed. “You’re about as trustworthy as a wet fart. Why should I believe you?”
“I know what I’m doing.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
Cassi agreed. “You’ve got to realize that you have people who care about you.”
That never made it easier. “I got a care about myself first, Sassy.”
“And what about the rest of us?” Rem said. “Tidus, don’t pretend like I don’t know what the hell you’re going through. I made the same mistakes. Pick the same fights. Did the same drugs. But I gave you a second chance, man. I’m the one who left town. I’m the one who thought he could help you.”
That wasn’t fair. But Rem did sleep better at night believing he had lied to save my skin. At least he had a good reason to leave five years ago after breaking my sister’s heart and abandoning his family and town. Used the opportunity to get clean. Guess that entitled him to dump all of his shit on me.
