by Kari Trumbo
He was sure he’d heard a slight hitch in her voice. On a day when it wasn’t their wedding day, he would talk with her about what they could do to make them both happy. That had been his goal all along, to make sure that both he and Daisy were happy.
“Shall we stop by your house on the way home to get anything? I brought my car today, in case you had more than a bag.”
She laughed and touched her hair as she ducked her head. A slight pink rose up her cheeks, the prettiest pink he’d ever seen.
“I was able to pack a few things in the last day, I also readied a box for my cat.”
“I’d forgotten about that. Are you sure it wouldn’t be happy outdoors?” He couldn’t imagine that his house would remain quiet with both a cat and a dog in it, and he’d never even asked if Daisy liked dogs.
“I’m certain. She’s never spent a night outside.” Daisy swept past him and into the short hall. He wouldn’t argue about the cat for now. Not tonight. It was too important that they start out on the right foot. If he had to ask her to do something with the cat, they would deal with it when he’d had time to get used to Daisy being in his house.
He fell into step next to her in the hall as they slowly walked together down the stairs to the second-floor exit. He held her elbow loosely as they descended the long front steps of the brick building, and he wondered if his support helped her feel supported, because his steps felt faulty and wrong. He’d battled the best minds in the best courts, yet he couldn’t think of the first thing to say. Daisy certainly excited all of his senses, but also left him off-balance, unsure.
Daisy waited at the bottom of the stairs, between the posts of the white picket fence that surrounded the courthouse, for him to lead the way to his car. It wasn’t overly fancy, a Buick Model 10, but a nicer ride than a buggy. It was a bright clean white, with brass fixtures, both a front and back seat, and a black canvas cover to keep the rain off, though it was quite open. It was just another thing he’d gotten in the hopes of providing for his bride. Would she appreciate the things he could get for her?
Elias led Daisy to his car and opened the door for her. He'd purchased a scarf for her to put over her hair and left it on the seat for her. Daisy stopped for a moment at his side, then picked it up and felt the soft fabric between her fingers.
“It's to protect your hair. The man at Fitch and Willis’s said that all women who ride in cars want to keep their heads covered so it doesn’t blow your hair out of place.” But now he wasn't so sure. Had the man taken him for a fool? Daisy hadn't said a word.
The pale pink silk made Daisy's cheeks look even creamier as she arranged it over her head, and wrapped it around her neck, forming an almost tight hood.
“I don't have a mirror, but I must look very silly, with the way you keep staring at me.” She blushed deeper, tilting her head away from him.
“No, no. You look...beautiful.” Elias snapped his mouth shut. Words like that had no business in a marriage of convenience. He wouldn't guilt her into loving him.
Daisy covered her cheeks for a moment and her eyes locked onto his. She searched him for a moment, not unlike a lawyer searches for the weakness in their opponent. Would she find his weakness, and realize it was her?
He helped her into the car to break her gaze from him. It didn't matter how much he cared about her, nor how much he wanted their marriage to be everything a marriage should be. It simply couldn't be. It wasn't even worth hoping for, because he could never intentionally hurt Daisy.
She sat in the seat and he closed the door, then came around to the driver's side. He switched the spark and gas lever, took out his oil can and squirted it over the valve springs, then braced himself and turned the crank two good turns, flicked the battery switch, then turned it another two cranks, satisfied when the engine sputtered to life. As he climbed in, he pushed a few levers, then glanced over at her, clutching the wheel to keep from taking her hand, the vibration of the engine hid the quaking of his own.
“Are you ready? Have you ever ridden in a car before?” He selfishly hoped she hadn't, but cars had been around for a number of years, and it was possible she had.
“My brother-in-law, Barton, has a car. He's given us rides before, but I’ve never ridden alone.”
Barton…he’d never heard that name before. Which of the Arnsby sisters was married to him? There were plenty of sisters to choose from.
“And Barton is married to?”
“My sister that you've never met, because she didn't go to school in Deadwood. Lula went to the Spearfish Normal School to be a teacher.”
He'd heard Daisy talk about Lula, with a twinge of jealousy that she'd gotten to go away to school. She’d gotten to leave the little house in Deadwood, and Daisy had been the only one left home to help with the work and raising her nephew, Joseph. He'd tried his best to soothe her at the time, and since Daisy hadn't gone away to study to become a teacher, perhaps it had worked.
“And did Lula ever become a teacher, before she married this Barton?”
Daisy laughed, and he almost stopped the car right in the street, so he could enjoy it.
“No. She was married the very day of her graduation. She was offered a student teaching position in Belle Fourche, where they live now, but she only worked there a year and a half. I don't see her much anymore. She and Barton have five children and live on a huge ranch that he shares with his three brothers.”
“I'm sorry you don't see her. I know you Arnsby girls were close.”
“We were all very close until my sisters got married. I don't blame them, their husbands are wonderful, but it seems like once my sisters started lives with their husbands...they didn't need me as much anymore.”
The way her voice softly cracked, even over the loud chug of the engine, fractured his heart. He wanted to assure her that she would be needed, someday, that she would know what it was like to have a friend closer than a sister. But he couldn't. He'd taken that chance from her.
Daisy pointed down the next street, where they had met at the bank. Her home was in a boarding house, just across from the bank.
“You didn't have to walk far to meet me.” He laughed.
She tinged slightly pink, so pretty with the scarf. “I wasn't sure if you would come, and I could always rush right back home if you hadn't.”
“I wouldn't have missed it. Do you have much in your apartment?” He prayed not, his house was small. Though, he hadn't had much time to buy furniture, he didn't want to have to try to fit hers and his in one place.
“The table with two chairs was there when I got there, so it isn't mine.” She paused, “It might be easier to tell you what’s mine, than what isn't. The trunk, a box with a few dishes, the food in the cupboard, and the cat are mine.” She smiled as she waited for him to come around and let her out.
“And does the cat have a box to keep it from jumping out of my car and running off?”
“Yes, I have wicker carrier for her. I had to have it for when I go to visit back in Deadwood. I have to ride the train, you see.”
He did. They didn't like passengers to have their pets with them on the train, he'd only gotten away with keeping Gracie at his side because he'd rented his own car. People often stared at him, so it was just easier to avoid them altogether.
Daisy led him up the staircase, bidding him to tread lightly on certain steps. When they reached her door, she stopped, glanced at him, and took a deep breath. Her hands trembled as she drew the key from her pocket.
“I've never had a man in my apartment.”
“I should hope not.” He laughed. “But I'm not just a man anymore. I'm your husband.”
Daisy’s apartment had always felt just fine for her, but Elias’s presence left her stomach quivering. She’d never been home alone with someone she wasn’t related to in some way, though he was right, he was her husband, and she would need to get used to sharing private space with him. Very private space. Heat clambered up her neck and into her cheeks, her ears burned with i
t.
“This is all I’ve packed, we can come back later and get the food and dishes. There isn’t room in your car.” She pointed to her one trunk with all her clothing and toilette items. She’d hardly been able to drag it once she’d filled it, but she hadn’t wanted him to have to go into her bedroom, so she’d shoved it out into the hallway.
Elias followed her and lifted the trunk easily, with barely a huff. Daisy chased Patches down the hall and scooped her up. The cat hissed and flailed as Daisy deposited her into the wicker basket and snapped the top shut.
“You be good. I don’t want to have to think about you tonight, too,” Daisy whispered.
The cat howled all the way down the stairs, and Mr. Natchez pounded on the walls and yelled for quiet as Daisy tried, without success, to make it down the stairs without noise. Elias already had the trunk in the back seat and he held the door for her to put Patches next to it. He didn’t like Patches, judging by the wary slant of his eyes, but he was putting up with the cat for her. She couldn’t help but appreciate that.
As soon as she had the carrier in place, Elias walked her around the car and held the door for her as she got in. Her stomach was in knots and she couldn’t enjoy the ride. They passed houses that she recognized, and she tried to remember every turn to her new home. The way they were headed, she would be closer to work, at least it wouldn’t be so far to walk. When Elias stopped, it was in front of a small white salt-box home with black trim around the windows. It was an older home, but neat. The yard was tidy and trimmed.
“I don’t have a place to park the car yet. There’s an old barn out back that I’ll convert to a garage. It’ll have to be done before it gets cold. It has to stay in the street for now.”
Elias opened her door as she took the silk scarf off and put it in the compartment for it in the front. She followed Elias to the house that would now be her home. Her nerves took over and she drank in a deep breath to keep from shaking.
He opened the door and they entered. Right as she walked in was a small living room, and off to the left was the kitchen, with one bedroom behind it, from what she could see. Elias didn’t take her back there. At the top of the stairs were two bedrooms, one on each side. She would be in one of those. Elias hadn’t wanted a true marriage. A piece of her heart cracked when she thought about living such a lie. He’d married her, but he didn’t want her love. He hadn’t even kissed her at their wedding. She stared at the small bed, so much like the one she’d left in her apartment, and she wanted to cry.
“You may pick whichever room you’d like. I wasn’t sure if you would want the south room, or north…” Elias’s voice held a nervous edge and he wouldn’t look at her.
She didn’t want either of the rooms, she wanted to be with him. Though it would be uncomfortable at first, it was a step toward a true relationship. She wanted to build a marriage with the man she’d promised herself to, back under the maple tree.
“I’d like you to put my trunk in your room.” She didn’t turn to look at him, couldn’t. The subject was just too intimate yet. But it needed to be said.
“Daisy… I can’t do that.”
She rounded on him, and the hurt in his eyes stopped her cold.
“Please, don’t ask me again. I don’t want to deny you anything, Daisy, but I can’t let you be with me.”
He waited for her to answer but the knot in her throat made it difficult. He couldn’t love her. Couldn’t. Did he have some medical condition he hadn’t admitted to? Or was it merely that he didn’t want to.
“Here is fine.” She choked and turned her back on him. So far, being married was even lonelier than actually being alone had been. Patches had never made her feel like she wasn’t worthy. She heard the scuffing of Elias’s shoes as he left her to go get her trunk from the car. She would need to go rescue Patches, but first, she needed to collect herself. Tears burned behind her eyes, but she wouldn’t let them fall, or at least she wouldn’t let him know what his words had done.
Back downstairs, Daisy opened the cupboards and found the fixings for a dinner. There was no way to know how much Elias usually ate. She’d never eaten a meal with him, so she had to guess. Elias came back in with the trunk and didn’t say a word as he took it up the stairs. When he returned, he avoided her again and went back outside to retrieve Patches for her.
The cat howled as Elias closed the front door, and his dog came bounding out from his room behind the kitchen, the room she’d noticed was there, but he hadn’t shown her. The dog was welcome in his room, but his wife was not. The tears she’d fought returned, and she stirred the simple dinner of ham and eggs vigorously to keep from sobbing.
What was so wrong with her? Was she really so horrible in looks or deportment that he couldn’t even stand to lay next to her? Her sister, Ruby, who had acted as her mother for most of her life, had said that sleeping next to her husband was one of the most precious things about being married. Knowing that he was there, next to her, helped her sleep better than ever before, and now she couldn’t sleep without him there. It was just another loss to add to her growing list on a day where happiness should’ve reigned.
Elias stood behind her and scanned over her shoulder. “That smells wonderful. Thank you.”
Daisy bit her tongue to keep in the scathing remark that had flown to her mouth. She took a deep breath.
“I’m your wife. Isn’t this part of why you married me?” She grabbed a kitchen towel and moved the pan to the back burner. She slid out from between him and the stove. Just being near him made her skin tingle as if it wanted to be touched. But there would be none of that. She opened two cupboards before finding the plates. She’d made it to the table before she realized Elias hadn’t answered her question yet. When she glanced up at him, he had his arms crossed over his chest and he was staring at her. His buttery chocolate eyes searched hers.
“I hope you don’t think I married you only to be my housekeeper. If that were the case, I could’ve just hired someone.”
This time her voice would not be quelled. “And just why didn’t you? You don’t want me here, Elias. You refused to look for anyone else, and you wouldn’t walk away, even when I released you of your obligation. Yet your every word says you don’t want me here. I need to know, why are we married, Elias?”
Chapter 8
The whole evening kept playing in Elias’s head and, for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out where he’d gone wrong. Everything seemed fine while they were at Daisy’s apartment, then they’d come home, and he’d shown her his house. She’d offered to be with him, a most valiant offer, but he couldn’t make her do such a thing. Now, he couldn’t shake the idea that she wasn’t satisfied with his house, or him. Had she assumed the house would be bigger, since he was a lawyer?
Then she’d asked him why he’d married her at all, and he hadn’t been able to answer. How could he say that he’d loved her even back in school, that he couldn’t stand even the idea of her with anyone else? He couldn’t tell her that he selfishly wanted her with him, and that in his need, he’d denied her a real marriage. She would hate him. If he hadn’t shoved his way back into her life, she would’ve found someone to love her and who she could love in return. She could’ve found another man, was too beautiful and intelligent not to, but for him, there was no one else. The guilt of his duplicity ate away at him and he’d been unable to do little more than stare at her all evening. Her question hung between them. Why?
After they’d eaten, he moved to his chair in the living room with Gracie, and Daisy had cleaned up, then went up the stairs to bed without a word to him. The night was so unresolved, and morning wouldn’t be any better. So, he had to come up with an answer for her, some words to make her feel like she belonged with him. It should’ve been easy, he was a lawyer, yet he’d found his talent mighty lacking lately. Finding the loophole in any situation was his specialty. But how long could he keep up a lie? At some point, he would have to admit to her that he loved her, even though he couldn�
��t act on that love. It might even ruin the friendship they had. What if the issue between them wasn’t the question, but truly was his home? He could do nothing about that.
After a night of thinking, the morning held no answers. Elias shoved out of bed and glanced at the empty side. If only he weren’t the man the Lord created him to be, then he might appeal to Daisy. If only he’d been born to another family where men weren’t so tall. If she found him attractive, they could’ve shared everything a married couple did, and he wouldn’t have to be tempted every time he looked at her. A man had no business making his wife a temptation, a wife was supposed to keep him from the temptation of lust.
On the other side of the wall in the kitchen, the soft sounds of someone moving around his house filled his ears. Daisy was already awake. It wasn’t even light yet. Though he spent his life facing situations most people wouldn’t want to face, this morning, he would’ve gladly let someone else handle the task. Daisy was too quiet to ever confront him about her question, yet it obviously hurt her, and they wouldn’t be able to move on without taking the problem in hand.
Elias dressed quickly and walked to his shaving stand where he splashed cool water on his face. He could spend time trimming his beard, but it would just draw out the inevitable. A problem like the one that hung between them from the night before needed to be faced, not avoided, or it would grow.
As he came out of his room, Daisy’s soft humming stopped, and the soft thumping of Gracie’s tail began. Elias stopped at the entrance to the kitchen. Daisy turned from him and scooped a pile of eggs onto a plate. She kept her back to him as she turned and slid the full plate to the spot where he’d sat the night before. Gracie didn’t move from under the table, so Daisy must have let her outside already that morning. He’d been awake yet hadn’t heard.
He waited for Daisy to sit, but she washed the pan and set it to dry on the counter and then went back up the stairs, leaving him alone to eat his breakfast. He said a quick prayer before even looking at his eggs, then sighed as he stared down at them. They were perfect, fluffy, bright yellow scrambled eggs. Just the way he liked them. He couldn’t even remember how Daisy would’ve known that he preferred them that way.
