by S M Mala
‘Are you okay?’ asked Simon.
‘Not really.’
‘Hold it together,’
… she said to herself, pounding down the road at high speed before breaking out into a sprint.
Flora was shocked on seeing Ed and didn’t know what to do. She ran into the park and sat down, composing her breathing.
Then it happened.
She burst into tears for fifteen seconds before controlling it, doing her breathing exercises and then stopped.
Flora nearly never cried nowadays
‘Okay, you’re fine. You’ll be fine.’
Ed had turned out into the man she thought he’d be and now all she felt was the humiliation of what had happened. She didn’t know if she should have said something then it occurred to her he might have forgotten about it. Pretty much like he had about her.
And he was dating Ramona’s friend.
Flora started to laugh.
The whole thing was very stupid.
She’d built him up in her head because she’d not laid eyes on him until today.
Now she had, Flora realised he was just like Matias.
They preferred younger sweeter fruit not damaged and bruised ones like herself.
‘Really, let me take over,’
… he said to Matias. They were sat in a coffee shop not far from Flora’s house. ‘The guys have nearly done the foundation work and I’m happy to pitch in to help.’
It was three days after he’d seen her.
Ed couldn’t get her out of his head.
Knowing he should be concerned about his mother, he welcomed the distraction of seeing Flora Almeida again. Though, if he was honest, the choice of Matias as a husband slightly stunned him.
Yes he was creative, funny and handsome but in so many ways, he was a Latin American like her father. Ed thought that would make her want to steer clear.
‘I don’t want to pay over the odds because you’re doing it,’ Matias replied, lifting up his sunglasses and looking at some women passing by. ‘I know you don’t come cheap.’
‘It’s a favour and I don’t mind. I need a diversion,’ he said, stirring his drink. ‘And, to be honest, I need to stay around in this part of town as my mum’s going in for some tests.’
‘What sort of tests?’
‘I don’t want to say.’
‘Okay,’ Matias replied, now focussing on Ed. ‘Did you speak to her?’
‘Who?’
‘Mrs Sosa.’
‘I heard if we call her that she’d go ballistic. I did meet Flora.’ He hesitated for a minute, wondering if he should say more. ‘We went to the same school.’
‘Really?’ Matias started to laugh. ‘I hope you’re not the guy she ran away from when he proposed.’
‘What guy?’ Ed asked, confused by the comment.
‘Some guy who went to school with her but it was all one sided. Flora said it was a nightmare.’
‘I wonder who it was?’ Ed mumbled. He couldn’t fathom any guys she liked back then. ‘Anyway, I haven’t seen her in years. Our mothers’ used to enjoy having a chinwag.’
‘You knew Shirley?’ Matias said, shaking his head slowly. ‘She died a few years back of a stroke. It was peaceful, so I heard. For a few years she’d been unwell so Flora and her sister decided to buy the woman a granny flat in this part of town. Hence that’s why Flora wanted to come back home, to be nearer her sister and mother.’
‘I didn’t know that,’ he said, feeling stunned at the news.
Ed sat there and watched Matias think hard.
‘So she knows you?’ Matias asked, nodding his head. ‘And you think by your being there, she’ll be more co-operative?’
‘Isn’t she being?’
‘She’s just indifferent to everything I say. I mean, she approved the plans, choice of material. As you know, natural wood is not what I prefer to work in but she likes it.’
‘That place will be perfect, I’ll make sure of that.’
His head was banging with questions to ask about Flora but he’d have to handle it carefully.
‘Are there things I need to know about her, things I shouldn’t mention?’ asked Ed, leaning closer. ‘I don’t want to put my foot in it. She knows I’m seeing a friend of Ramona’s.’ Matias’s eye widened. ‘She made a comment about them being able to go on playdates together.’ The man was unmoved by the comment. ‘What does Flora do for a living?’
‘She runs art classes.’
‘I thought she wanted to make furniture.’
‘Changed her mind in the first year of her degree,’ shrugged Matias. ‘I can see she’s a talented artist but rarely paints. She got involved in computer aided design for years then went back to art. The work she does makes her feel good though I can’t fathom out why.’
‘What is it?’
‘She works for a charity that looks after people with terminal illness. Flora gives painting lessons and generally, she makes sure they enjoy their time. That’s what the children say. She doesn’t like to discuss it with me.’
Sipping his coffee, Ed wondered about Flora Almeida and her life choices.
It wasn’t how he envisaged it to be.
Somewhere in the back of his mind he thought, however it turned out, she’d be a success and marry someone artistic. Glancing at Matias, he was artistic but he was also a shrewd businessman carefully shrouded in the guise of an interior designer.
‘What made her do that?’ he asked, knowing he had to continue the conversation to get a better idea about her.
‘Because she had cancer.’
Ed suddenly felt sick.
‘I see,’
… Lisa said, scowling. ‘And that’s it?’
‘Weird, don’t you think?’ Flora asked, looking around the restaurant. They were in Mario’s at Saturday lunchtime. ‘The man who turned me into a woman is now turning my home around.’
‘How does he look?’
‘Older, more like a man, less like a boy but still very handsome. His face hasn’t really changed. And he starts coming over from Monday for three to four weeks. I’ll have to keep out of his way.’
Lisa shook her chin length, curly hair, fixing a stare on Flora.
They’d met when Lisa came to visit a friend in Brighton who was friends with Flora. She was from Bolton but all traces of the original accent had nearly disappeared, unless she was annoyed or pissed.
It was a relationship based on mutual respect.
The thing she loved about Lisa was she listened without casting judgement. Flora had been able to confide in her more than Gaynor and Priti. As much as she loved the other two, they would just fret and worry like surrogate grandmothers whereas Lisa would talk things through.
Lisa was also on hand when Flora needed help just before she ran away from Brighton and back to London after an incident. Her friend had saved her from the clutches of someone who turned nasty and it scared Flora for years afterwards.
It was the reason she never tried to find Ed when she got back.
‘I feel odd, you know. It’s like I had this romantic notion about him and now I’ve seen him, even that’s out of the window,’ Flora laughed uncomfortably. ‘He probably doesn’t remember me properly or what happened.’
‘I think a boy remembers when he takes someone’s virginity,’ grinned Lisa, following the pizza with her eyes as it arrived at the table. ‘It’s like a special meal.’
‘Not that special.’
‘Ask him.’
Flora sat up straight and looked at her friend, who eyed her suspiciously.
‘What’s the point? I spent three days crying, hoping he’d turn up at my doorstep but he didn’t. Not even a phone call. Ed couldn’t be bothered,’ she shrugged, smiling at the waitress placing the plate down. ‘And he’s friends with Matias and they have a similar taste in women. Young.’
She cut up her pizza before drizzling chilli oil all over it, avoiding the egg in the middle. Then she thought of Ed and wondered ho
w his life turned out.
He looked good and happy, so he had a better time than she had.
‘Have you stopped thinking about him yet?’ she heard Lisa ask, snapping her out of a daze.
‘Don’t know. I feel embarrassed. How can I face him for all these weeks? It’s pathetic, isn’t it? Something that happened nearly twenty five years ago can make me feel mortally ashamed. And so many things have happened to me since then.’ She stared out of the window. ‘I wonder if he knows anything about me.’
‘Do you think this Ed knows what happened in Brighton?’
‘No way!’ Flora said, feeling queasy at the memory. ‘They’d lost contact and it’s not something you speak about if you have an ounce of respect.’ Then she squirmed. ‘Makes me feel sick after all this time. God, I regret being nice.’
‘I hope he doesn’t make an appearance. He was manipulative and ….’ Lisa hesitated, shaking her head while taking a bite of her pizza. ‘… not a nice man.’
Flora chewed slowly, tasting the goat’s cheese and took a deep breath.
‘What makes people act like that? You met him, he wasn’t that bad on the surface.’
‘He was more than bad.’
‘That we agree on.’
‘Good to see you,’
… Lee said, putting his hand out before they embraced. ‘You’re a hard man to track down.’
Ed stepped back and examined his old friend who looked good. His hair was thinning but he was as fit as ever with more pronounced laughter lines due to too much sunshine.
‘Where’s the wife?’ Ed asked, glancing around the bar. ‘Is it just you and me?’
‘Abigail wanted to go off to lunch with her friends. Her mother has the kids and I thought it’s a Saturday, so why not spend it getting shitfaced with you.’ Lee laughed before gesturing him to sit down. ‘I’ll order some drinks.’
‘Harry might be joining us later. He’s got a free pass too.’
It was always good to catch up with Lee. They’d talk about school and the people they knew. But with Lee’s travelling down to his job as an architect and Ed’s obscure working schedule, it was always very hard to meet.
A couple of drinks later he saw Harry walk into the bar, smiling brightly.
He was short and very broad, down to playing rugby into his twenties. The thing with Harry, he had a sparkling and cheeky smile, which came in handy when he used to go out on the pull. At the time, Ed was committed to Diane, mainly because of the kids so he would watch him until he fell in love with Virginia.
Ed had met Harry in their early twenties through friends and they became firm mates. He was less competitive than Lee and they spent a lot of time together. Harry had been living with Virginia for twenty years (Virginia not wanting to get married, thinking it was the way of the establishment) and they had an eighteen year old daughter who was studying at Goldsmiths, making her parents very proud.
‘I tried to get here earlier but Saffron wanted me to do something. Needed the bath looking at. I worry that kids today don’t know what a plunger is.’
‘They do. It’s called a father,’ grinned Ed.
‘I don’t know why she didn’t want to stay at home with us,’ he shrugged, shaking Lee’s hand and giving Ed a hug.
‘Because she’s eighteen and wants to have fun without you in tow, threatening every boy that even looks at her,’ whispered Ed into his ear. ‘You have to let them go sometime.’
‘Not my baby girl,’ Harry replied, grimacing. ‘And if anyone lays a finger on her, I’ll kill them.’
‘Then you better make sure Ed keeps away. He likes them young!’ laughed Lee as Ed went a little red. ‘And this new one? Emily? How old?’
‘Twenty seven,’ Ed replied, sitting back down and taking a swig from his bottle. ‘She’s a nice girl.’
‘And there you have it in a nut shell!’ said Lee, drinking his vodka and tonic. ‘Girl.’
‘He can still pull them. That’s a good thing,’ smiled Harry sympathetically.
‘And only he could marry someone near enough the same age as his children,’ said Lee then his face saddened. ‘How’s Amelia?’
Ed knew both his friends trod carefully around the subject of Eddie. It still hurt him and the pain was still raw. He missed his son so much.
‘Who wants another drink?’ asked Harry, slapping his hands together.
‘Yes please,’ said Lee, placing a comforting arm on Ed’s shoulder as he sat back down. ‘Are you okay? You look a bit upset.’
Mulling over his mother’s tests and knowing it had recently been the anniversary of his son’s death, a dark cloud felt like it was hanging over his head. He waited for Harry to return.
‘My mum found a lump in her breast,’ he said quietly, watching the two men look at him. ‘She’s taking some tests over the next few weeks before we find out what happens next.’
‘Oh no! How is she?’ asked Harry, looking genuinely upset, grabbing hold of Ed’s arm.
‘She's strong. I, on the other hand, am trying to avoid it which is my thing.’
‘It’s not your thing,’ whispered Harry.
‘Don’t go beating yourself up about Eddie,’ Lee added, grimacing. ‘It shouldn’t have happened to him. He was a young man doing the job he loved.’
‘He died in the peace corps from a bloody landmine,’ Ed said, shaking his head, feeling himself getting angry. ‘It tore my son to pieces and the family.’ He took a deep breath to control what was surging through his lungs. ‘If anything happens to my mum, I’m not sure how I’ll cope.’
‘Siobhan’s strong and so is your father. They know what you went through.’ Harry smiled again. ‘And your mum? She’s too bloody minded to let anything bad happen to her.’
‘It can happen to anyone,’ Ed replied, remembering what Matias has told him about Flora. He hesitated for a moment. ‘An odd thing happened. You know this designer Matias, who I go out with from time to time with.’
‘Who fixed you up with Emily?’ Harry frowned, in his usual disapproving manner.
‘His wife had cancer and she was only forty when it was diagnosed.’
‘Is she better?’ asked Lee, looking earnestly at him.
‘She’s alive and decided to work for a charity trust dealing with long term illnesses like cancer.’
‘Sounds like a saint!’
‘They’re getting a divorce because something happened around the time of her diagnosis and they split.’
‘What a wanker!’ Harry immediately said.
‘I don’t know what the facts are but you can’t tell anything was wrong with her,’ Ed sighed, thinking about how she looked when he saw her. Something was making his heart beat faster and he wasn’t sure why it was happening. ‘It hasn’t left any obvious physical scars. She looks amazing.’
‘Sounds as if you fancy his missus,’ giggled Lee. ‘I thought you didn’t mix business with pleasure?’
‘It’s Flora Almeida.’
The table went silent.
Ed had confessed to Harry about what had happened the time Diane dropped the bombshell about the twins but he’d never told Lee. It was something he wanted kept secret and knew that Lee would blab at the wrong time. He was no good at keeping it to himself.
‘Who’s Flora?’ Harry asked, pretending he’d never heard her name before.
‘Someone we used to go to school with. She was a year older,’ replied Ed. He then noticed Lee’s face turned ashen. ‘Do you remember her?’
‘Yes,’ he flatly replied. ‘Flora had cancer. If anyone deserved it, it’s her.’
‘Steady on!’ Ed said, instantly getting angry.
‘I don’t think Lee likes her from the sound of it,’ said Harry, sipping his ale and giving Ed a concerned glance. ‘What was she like?’
‘An icy stuck up bitch!’ Lee said, knocking back his drink quickly. ‘I’m going to the gents.’
He got up and walked briskly away.
‘I know he’s a school friend but com
e on,’ Harry said quietly. ‘What did you say? Is she fully recovered?’
‘We didn’t say much but I’m going to work on her house for the next four weeks.’
Harry started to laugh.
‘What’s so funny?’ Ed asked, getting annoyed.
‘Is she still as you remember?’
‘Older and really quite stunning but cold. At school, we said she was icy but when I was with her, she wasn’t like that at all.’
‘Why’d your mate get upset? Do you think he secretly fancied her? If only he knew what happened between you two.’
Suddenly a pang of guilt hit him, remembering when he tried to get hold of her she’d gone. No-one was forthcoming about giving him a contact number and he realised that Flora would have instructed it.
‘I wonder if she remembers it at all?’ he asked. ‘I wonder if she ever thought about me.’
‘What if she did? What will you do? She’s the estranged wife of a client stroke friend. You can’t do anything. Anyway, isn’t she a little too old for you?’ teased Harry, elbowing him in the ribs. ‘I can come and help you, if you need an extra pair of hands.’
‘Well, what did the bitch have to say for herself?’ Lee said sharply, sitting back down. ‘I’m sure she’s had a wonderful life!’
The stinging sarcasm was evident and Ed had never heard him speak of Flora since school. Harry raised his eyebrows.
‘Like Ed said, she had cancer. Has she got any kids?’ questioned Harry.
‘Yeah, a girl and a boy.’
‘She had children?’ Lee said, looking aghast. ‘She got married and had kids? I thought she was gay, well, she had friends who were butch.’
‘Okay, am I missing something here?’ Ed asked, getting pissed off with Lee’s aggressive tone. ‘What has she ever done to you? The last time you saw her we were at the pub.’ Then he remembered the night he spent with Flora, before glancing away and catching Harry’s eye. ‘She was always nice to you.’
Lee stared at him then looked at his empty glass.
‘I saw her months later in Brighton,’ said Lee, forcing a smile.
