He grins for just a flash and then cringes. “Mom, don’t get mushy!” But despite his protests, I think he heard me loud and clear. The devil is in his eyes as he challenges me, “Besides, if you keep getting riper, eventually, you’ll rot!”
He runs off, but he’s dragging his left leg and his arms are outstretched in front of him like some waywardly drunk zombie. “Zombie touch!” he shouts, tagging Johnathan, who mimics the weird run.
Soon, all the boys are screaming, either to get away from the zombies or because they are one.
Kids are weird and great. The other parents seem to agree as we watch the spontaneous game of tag erupt. Eventually, we get pulled into it too when Evan tags Mike.
Mike acts offended. “Me? Your own father?” But still, he runs off with Evan to tag more people. I’m glad he was able to come today. I know it was hard for him to get the day off and not need to sleep, but he knew how much the boys would want to see their old coach.
After everyone’s a zombie, we decide to take a break and head back to the barn. Shayanne allows a few boys at a time into the yard with her goats, and I pull out my new phone to take pictures of each boy holding Baaarbara. The ornery goat seems to enjoy all the attention, licking faces and bleating happily.
“She thinks she’s a dog,” Joshua says as he wipes away a bit of spit from his cheek. Johnathan laughs at his brother’s grossly silly predicament until Baaarbara leans back and licks him too.
“You’re probably just a bit salty from sweating in the sun,” Shayanne explains, showing us how the goats like their salt lick. “Wanna know a goat fact to surprise your friends?” The boys nod, and Shayanne continues her lesson. “They don’t eat everything, though I bet you’ve heard they do. But nope, not true. Their favorite food is hay, and they’ll eat some fruits and veggies too.”
With that, she brings out a bucket of raisins. “One handful each, sprinkle them around or just hold your hand out, and they’ll eat them all.” The boys’ grubby hands fight to get into the bucket at once, but eventually, everyone has some fruit and is feeding the nearest goat.
“This is awesome,” Liam exclaims, and all the boys agree loudly.
“Ready for something even more fun?” Luke drawls out. “A birdie told me that he promised some muddin’ to one of you.”
Cooper’s eyes go as big as dinner plates and his hand waves through the air. “Me! Coach B said he’d take me muddin’!”
Bruce grins and runs his hand through Cooper’s hair in a familiar move that makes my heart sing. “Cooper’s first, and then we’ll take turns. Sound good, guys?”
“YEAH!” they all yell, following Bruce as he opens the goat pen gate, careful to keep the animals inside as the boys escape.
Over a hill, we pass by a big pond. James tells everyone about how this piece of land is the most important of the entire property because it lets them have a constant water source. “We use it for swimming most of the time, but earlier today, we pumped some out for a very special reason. Just over there.” He points to the other side of the ridge, and the boys run up so fast that I can’t keep up, even with the practice warm-ups doing wonders for my mile time. But they freeze at the top of the hill.
“Whoa,” Liam says.
Finally, I get there and see what’s got the boys’ attention. There’s a small oval dug into the grass, just the top layer of grass scrubbed off, and with the addition of water from the pond, it’s a mud track. There’s a two-seater Gator sitting there, ready to roll.
Bruce loads Cooper in the passenger seat, buckling him up tight. He loans him a pair of goggles and a helmet and then double-checks the seatbelt again. He’s so careful and attentive, and there’s something so sexy about his being fatherly. I mean, coachlike. Yeah, that . . . that’s for sure what I meant.
No, it’s not.
I remember telling him that Cooper and I are a package deal. I fully expected him to bolt. Most guys would, I think, so I’d been spoiling for a fight as a means of self-preservation.
But Bruce doubled down, saying he wanted a chance to love me and Cooper. And he asked me out on a for-real, official date. He’s more than I could ever hope to find mixed up with something I’d already found once.
My heart constricts tight in my chest and then unfurls, its racing pace making me want to run to Bruce and tell him that I’m sorry. For not having faith back then, for fighting us, for being scared, for being damaged, but not for being hopelessly, deeply in love with him.
Again.
But I can’t, not yet. Not while Cooper is laughing wildly, screaming with excitement as they speed around the loop. They’re not going very fast, but the loud engine roars, making it seem dangerous and rowdy. When they come to a stop, Bruce helps Cooper out and does the same safety checks for the next boy.
“Mom! Did you see me? I went muddin’ and did so good! Vroom, vroom.” Cooper’s voice is high-pitched and loud, full of excitement. I listen as he gives me the play by play of every turn he made, having almost as much fun in the retelling as he did in the Gator.
“I did see, honey! You did so well,” I correct out of habit, but he doesn’t even hear it.
“Coach B is the coolest, isn’t he, Mom?” Cooper asks, looking up at me. His cheeks are bright pink from the little bit of wind whipping him as they drove around. As I scan his blue eyes, so clear and bright, I search for any doubts, any nerves, any fears, but find none. He is the happy, healthy, innocent boy I wanted him to be.
“He is, Cooper,” I agree, looking back out to the OHV spinning mud into the air. But I don’t see the messy, dirty craziness. I see the future—one with excitement and safety, love and security. A future with Bruce.
Chapter 25
Bruce
I smell Mama Louise coming before I see her, or rather, I smell the stacks of freshly cooked burgers she’s bringing on a big tray. “I’ve got hamburgers and cheeseburgers, or if you’d rather have a hot dog, line up with Katelyn.”
Once everyone’s settled with their burger or hot dog, a bag of chips, and a big plastic cup of Shay’s juice, we get down to the real reason for this campout. “Guys, I want to tell you how proud I am of all your hard work. It’s only been a few weeks, but you have become a true team. It hasn’t been easy, and I know there’ve been some hiccups. But we’ve really come together, and I’m excited to see how the season goes because no matter what that scoreboard says, we’re already winners. We’re Wildcats.”
I’m channeling some of my great coaches over the years. It feels both weird and completely natural to be on the other side of the pep talk now, the coach instead of the player, even if my brothers are looking at me like I’ve sprouted a second head on my right shoulder. Or just become someone new, but maybe that part’s a little bit true.
I look at Brody and Bobby, telling them with my eyes to ‘shut the fuck up’. They look back, eyes virtually identical to mine, except theirs are laughing at me.
Allyson chimes in her agreement. “Thanks for welcoming me to the team as a coach. I might not know a lot about football.” She pauses as the kids chatter, some saying ‘it’s ok’ and some saying ‘no kidding’, and she laughs along with them good-naturedly, all drama forgotten from their issue before. “But I know heart, and each of you have so much of that. Together, nothing can stop us. We’re going into the season as Wildcats, we’re going to play every game with our whole hearts as a team, and most of all, we’re going to have fun. Let’s make those home runs!” She blinks innocently and then grins hugely as laughter bursts forth at the silly joke.
“Good one, Coach Allyson! You had us going for a second!” Johnathan says through laughter of his own. Cooper rolls his eyes but smiles too.
After everyone’s done with burgers, we get a bucket full of sticks and stab marshmallows on the ends as Brody stokes up the fire. The flames lick up, orange and yellow brightness against the darkening sky. Stars twinkle overhead and everyone is full and relaxed. Sticky, messy faces covered in melted chocolate and ooey-gooey ma
rshmallow are smiling, and I even see a few yawns.
It’s perfect, everything a team campout should be. Not that I’ve ever been on one before, but I can’t imagine anything better.
Looking around the circle, my eyes land on Allyson and Cooper. I can’t help but imagine nights like this out here with them, just the three of us cozied up after a football game. Like a family.
Bobby was right. Allyson is offering everything I ever dreamed of in one insta-family moment, but it doesn’t scare me. Not in the least. In fact, I want it desperately. That woman, that boy, this land. I feel like someone hit pause on my life years ago and the play button has finally been pushed so I can get on with what I should’ve been doing all along.
I’ve seen the way she’s been looking at me all day, hungry but also thoughtful. The hamster in her head has been running himself ragged, even as she goofed off with the kids. Those blue eyes of hers haven’t missed a thing, not the joy of the kids and not the happiness in my heart. She sees it, she knows, and after what she said to Mama Louise, I know she feels it too.
It feels like possibility and hope. It feels like a future.
It’s one I want desperately and will fight tooth and nail to possess, just like Allyson. I will have her—her body, her heart, and her future. I won’t stop until she is so tangled up in me and I am so lost in her that there’s no way to have one without the other and we are simply one.
I move to sit beside Allyson, me and Cooper bookending our girl. He looks over at me, and I expect a friendly smile. Instead, he offers a me narrow-eyed look of examination. “My mom’s pretty awesome, yeah?”
His voice is flat, nothing how the sweet statement should sound.
I dip my chin in agreement as Allyson admonishes him in surprise. “Cooper! Be nice.” Even she heard the adversarial tone in her son’s voice which seems wholly at odds with the good time we’ve had today.
He looks down like he’s ashamed, but I see him swallow as he eyeballs my hand holding Allyson’s. We did this at their kitchen table not too long ago, and then it’d been Allyson I thought was going to freak out. Seems like it’s Cooper’s turn now. Guess he’s caught on to the seriousness of my feelings toward his mom, way beyond more than just dating, and is feeling a bit protective.
I like it. I lay my arm over Al’s shoulders and offer Cooper a handshake, looking him in the eye. “I couldn’t agree more. She’s the absolute best. You too.”
I must pass some test because he smiles easily after shaking my hand. It’s a good, firm shake just like we practiced on that first day of practice, which makes me proud.
The tension passes, and we all relax into each other. Cooper leans on Allyson and she leans on me, both of her guys holding one of her hands. With the parents and kids around us, it feels like our first official family outing.
A while later, when yawns have gotten more frequent and longer, we set up a big tarp with sleeping bags. We’d thought individual tents would be time-consuming, and honestly, part of the attraction of sleeping outside is the beauty of the sky above you, the night stars, and sunrise.
The kids fall asleep quickly, the parents taking a while longer even after the long day. Way off in the distance, I hear the Gator’s engine and wonder who’s driving around this late at night. I scan the group, seeing my brothers and the Bennett boys. Their women went home for the night, Katelyn to sleep in her bed and Sophie to care for Cindy Lou, and Mama Louise said her old bones wouldn’t pull ground-sleeping duty anymore.
That leaves . . . Shayanne?
The engine dies still some way away, but when I listen closely, I can hear footsteps walking through the tall grass toward us.
Shayanne comes into view, a worried look on her face, which sets off my alarm bells. I raise my hand, waving it around so she can see me in the fading light of the fire. She comes over, squatting down to whisper, “Hey, I need you up in the barn for something. Come on.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask, hopping up. My brain roars with what could cause her to drag me out of here in the middle of the night. Okay, it’s not even midnight, but still. If there were an animal issue, she’d get Sophie, and for just about anything else, she’d get Brody or Mark. I’m the big fucker she’d get if there were an intruder or if . . . the boys did something. Well, shit.
She doesn’t answer me. Instead, Shay leans forward, looking around me at Allyson. “You too.”
There’s definitely something wrong. Her brows are pulled together and her jaw is tight, but today’s been great as far as I’m aware, so I’m not sure what’s happened. I do a quick headcount to make sure no one has snuck off to see Baaarbara again without supervision, but everyone’s present and accounted for and mostly snoring away.
“Oh, uh . . .okay?” Allyson looks at Cooper uncertainly.
From a few feet away, Michelle lifts her head to whisper, “Go ahead. I’ve got him, and Mike’s here as stand-in coach. We’re good. Go handle Shayanne’s barn emergency.” She hums quietly. “Would that make it a barnmergency?”
I blink in confusion and grab Allyson’s hand instead of figuring Michelle’s brain out. We walk back through the grass, fighting to keep up with Shayanne’s pace, and that’s saying something because one of my strides is roughly equal to two of hers. “Shay, what’s wrong?”
“Shh. Just come with me,” she whispers over her shoulder, never missing a step. Once we reach the Gator, she climbs in the driver’s seat, still silent as a church mouse, which is making me antsy. Shay ain’t quiet, ever. She’s mouthy as a rule, just like the sun rises in the east and sets in the west.
The engine roar is loud as fuck in the quiet night, and I realize why she parked so far away. She would’ve woken up the whole camp if she’d come any closer. But she takes off into the dark with ease, knowing the land like the back of her hand and making a direct beeline for our barn.
“Goats okay?” I ask, and she cuts her eyes to me as she nibbles on her bottom lip. Is she worried? Scared? Trying not to say something? I’m not sure, which I don’t like. Shay’s not just an open book. She usually shouts her thoughts and feelings from the nearest rooftop at rock concert levels. And yet, she’s giving me nothing.
She pulls up with the slightest slide on the dry grass and then looks at me, not moving. I’ve already got one leg out of the Gator, ready to run at whatever she needs me to handle. Her hand on my arm stops me. “Bruce?”
“Yeah?” I say, scanning the night and then visually checking in with Shay and Allyson in the back seat. Nothing seems amiss, which adds to my confusion.
“You’ve been real busy this week planning the campout for those kids.”
“Uh-huh,” I grunt as a semi-answer, getting out and standing so I can get a better view of the black land around us.
“I know you two ain’t had but a minute alone all week.”
I face Shayanne fully, turning and putting my hands on my hips. “You keeping tabs on me now?”
She smirks, the first sign that she’s up to something. “I can see that itchiness on you. Felt it myself when Luke and I were sneaking around and I missed him. You looked out for me then, and I thought it seemed like a fine time to return the favor. So get out.” She says the last part of that to Allyson.
Allyson balks, interrupting the conversation for the first time. “What? I thought something was wrong?”
Shayanne’s smile is sweet as pie, innocent as an angel. I know she’s neither. “What’s wrong is that my brother is head over fucking heels for you and needs a little alone time with his woman. Now, I’m driving the Gator to my house. I’d suggest you two head on into the barn, or up to the main house, or wherever it is you like to do whatever it is you like to do.” Shay looks at me thoughtfully, one brow raised. “And then you can walk back to the campout having handled whatever it is you need to handle. Talk, fuck, I don’t care.”
With that, she shrugs and revs the engine.
I’m surprised, but then again, I’m not. This is exactly something Shay would do, a li
ttle crazy but nice at the same time. I guess I’m mostly surprised she knew I was itching to sweep Allyson away. Am I that transparent? My brother’s earlier assurances that I am come back to mind.
I take Al’s hand, helping her out. As soon as she’s barely clear, Shay throws up a two-fingered wave. “Later, lovebirds. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. ’Course with Luke, that ain’t much.”
“That doesn’t leave much off the table, does it?” I growl. I know Luke ain’t responsible for all of it, but Shay’s giving me details I do not want to know.
She laughs, taking off into the night.
Allyson sighs, a blissfully happy sound, and then laughs. “Your sister is something else. I remember her being young and a bit of a tomboy. But I get the feeling she’s grown up a lot since then.”
I squeeze the bridge of my nose between my thumb and index finger. “You have no idea. But she’s not wrong.”
I peek over at Al. She looks beautiful in the moonlight. Hair in a messy ponytail, not a stitch of makeup on, and wearing the sweats and a baggy T-shirt she planned to sleep in. I’ve seen her dressed to impress for work, I’ve seen her in workout gear ready to do drills along with the boys, but this? This dressed-down version of her feels like a private look at the woman beneath the face she presents the rest of the world. It feels like walls crumbling and fronts falling, and it’s just us, here in the night.
“Want to go in the barn or to the house?” Allyson says quietly, almost like she’s going shy on me. I know she feels my intention, the promise of what I’m going to do to her in the air between us. Because fuck, do I need her.
I consider the options and weigh the advantages and disadvantages. “Can I tell you a secret?” I don’t want to, but if I’m demanding that she let me in, I’ve got to do the same. Lead by example, just like with the kids. She nods, and I will my stomach to stop turning. “When we were kids, I dreamed about having you in my room, in my bed. I wanted you in my space, like you were mine.”
Rough Love Page 25
