by Zoe Dawson
“I’m afraid not. I have no idea why he was killed.”
“Well, it looks like they were after you. That guy is part of TGG. I’m going to be digging around in all of this to get to the truth. When I know something, I’ll give you a call. You lay low and don’t get involved.” He stood and threw some money on the table. “Stay out of dark alleys.”
“Copy that, Special Agent Saxon.”
Dragon walked back to the apartment building, mulling everything over. He was sure that TGG wasn’t going to stop just because one of their members got arrested. They had been watching him for a reason. He couldn’t shake the feeling they had a vendetta against him. He escaped their retribution by surviving the day Asahi had been gunned down.
Maybe they were here to finish the job.
He was terrified for Jo, his mom, and Ceri. He didn’t want them to get caught in the crossfire like he’d gotten caught with Asahi. Saxon had told him to stay out of it, but if his family was threatened, the gang was going to see what a fully trained Navy SEAL was capable of when he was pushed into a corner.
He entered the building, and then Jo’s apartment. His mom was loading the dishwasher when he walked into the kitchen. Sitting down at the table prompted a look from her. She smiled. “You have something on your mind. I can see that. I don’t believe for one minute this is a family visit.”
He leaned back and said, “No, this isn’t just a social visit. I came here to talk to you about moving to San Diego to live with me. I don’t want to receive another phone call from someone telling me you’re in the hospital, and I’m clear across the U.S. That call scared the hell out of me, Mom.”
She dried her hands on a towel and came over to the table and wrapped her arms around him, kissing the top of his head. “I’m sorry about that scare, but I’m fine. I got the stent and my doctor has given me a clean bill of health.”
“I’m glad to hear that, Mom, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m living on the West Coast and you’re here.”
“I understand, and I’m torn. Even if Ceri wasn’t my grandchild, I don’t want to leave her and Jo alone. I love them both, Ry-tan. They need me.”
He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry about that, Mom. I had no idea.”
“Jo explained everything to me. The only thing you two are responsible for is making a beautiful little girl to enrich my life. I can’t fault either one of you. She’s so precious.”
He wanted to bring up more things to discuss, but she sounded tired. To be honest, the questions he had for her were fraught with personal grief and deep emotions. He didn’t want to delve into them when both of them were exhausted.
Other than a few hours on the plane, Dragon hadn’t slept much. He’d been too anxious to get home and sort out the situation with his mother. Now there was so much more to sort through.
“I’m going to read a bit before going to bed. Would you like me to make up the couch before I turn in for the night?”
“No, Mom, I can do that. You get some rest. I’m going to be here for a while, and we can get to everything I wanted to talk to you about.”
“All right. The sheets and pillows are in the linen closet in the hallway. Sleep well, my son.”
“Good night, Mom.”
A few minutes later, he heard the door close. He got up, feeling the fatigue on him like a lead weight. He found the closet she was talking about and pulled out clean smelling sheets, a light blanket, and a pillow and case.
Things were about to change one way or another. Convincing his mom to move to San Diego just got harder, but he was determined to take care of her himself. She wasn’t using the money he sent to her—one of the things he needed to talk to her about. Her health may be stable, but he wanted to hear that from her doctor.
Then there was this tangled weave of Ceri and her custody. He had a right to see his daughter when he wanted to see her. The paternal instinct was strong to care for her and nurture her, even though he had no earthly clue how to be a dad.
He wondered absently as he set everything on the couch if he should hire a lawyer. He could go to the JAG for advice, but he would need a lawyer specializing in family law. His job didn’t make scheduled visits possible. He’d need it to be flexible so he could spend time with Ceri when he was home. Would Jo fight him on this? Shaking his head, he pushed the thought of lawyers and fighting with Jo out of his mind. This was a fuck of a mess, and he wasn’t going to solve it tonight.
He wanted to take a quick shower before going to sleep, but he heard Ceri’s voice. “Dragon?”
He straightened. “Yes?”
“Would you read me a story?”
“Of course, but where is your mom?”
“I think she might have fallen asleep or she’s doing laundry. I’m not sure.”
“She won’t mind?”
“No,” she said, her eyes bright as they traveled over his face.
“Well, from what I hear, you probably could read me War and Peace and understand it better.”
She giggled. “But I like kid’s books too. I am only five.”
“Too?” he asked. “Don’t tell me you have War and Peace tucked in your room somewhere.” She giggled again.
“Come on,” she said and offered her his hand. His heart rolled over hard at her trusting nature.
“You sure about your mom?”
“Yes,” she tugged him to her room. It was cute just like her, with gray walls, a round pink rug, white bed with colorful confetti sheets and comforter, a small shelf with whimsical figures, and a ballerina garland strung across the space. She was already dressed in pink pajamas that had white bows on them. She climbed into bed, cuddling a small white rabbit to her.
“What do you want me to read to you, and what is your bedtime?”
“This.” She pulled out a book, and he looked down to find a woman of color on the front dressed as a ballerina in a very flexible pose. The title was Ballerina Dreams. It was how a girl from Sierra Leone made it from orphan to dancer. “I have until eight.”
“I can’t imagine what you find interesting in this story,” he said, giving her nose a tweak. She smiled and slipped down to lay against the pillows.
Dragon started reading, keeping an eye on the clock. Fifteen minutes before she had to go to sleep, Ceri reached out and covered the book. She looked at him earnestly. “Are you my dad?”
Startled, he closed the book and set it on her matching nightstand. He held eye contact with her. “Why do you ask me that?”
“It’s your ears. We have the same ones.”
“You are way too smart for your age, Ceri.”
“Are you my dad? I’ve been asking mom about him for a long time. But she kept telling me she didn’t know him, and they lost touch before I was born. It made me really sad not to know my dad. Everyone should have a dad.”
A lump formed in his throat remembering Samantha and Elise and how they had lost Speed. “You’re right. Everyone does need a dad, but they can’t always be with their kids.”
“I’m not asking about other kids. I’m asking you if you’re my dad. I think you are.”
“Ceri, we need to leave this discussion to another time when your mom can be involved.”
“Why? Either you’re my dad or you’re not. Facts are facts. Mom can’t change those. If you’re my dad, you would want to get to know me. What difference does it make whether I’m just born or five?”
“Of course, I want to get to know you.”
She smiled sleepily and closed her eyes. “That’s good. Because I like you, Dragon. Even if you’re not my dad, I bet you’re going to be an amazing one.”
He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek as she slipped into a soft, rhythmic breathing that told him she was asleep.
He rose, his chest and head hurting, filling him up with so much regret he couldn’t breathe. This was the last straw that broke him today. He headed for the bathroom, stopping in the living room to scoop up a pair of gray sweatpants. He closed the door behind him. Th
e regret he had mixed with a haunting ache that sat squarely in the middle of his chest.
Coming home had been necessary, but he knew that it would hurt because of Asahi. He anticipated pain from his mom, but he hadn’t expected Jo and Ceri. His breath caught on a soft groan of despair, crazily mingling with fear and a pride in Ceri that swelled in him. He closed his moist eyes, gouged at them, trying to regain his balance and get some perspective on this whole amazing, shocking turn of events. His breathing doubled and a soft sound of despair slipped out. He turned on the water to let it heat and to cover his breakdown. Part of losing it was his fatigue, much of it was guilt, and the rest was just plain remorse. He didn’t know what to do with any of this.
He stripped out of his clothes and slipped into the shower, the water cascading over him in welcome heat, warming the coldness in him. He bowed his head, his throat tight and thick not only at what he had lost, but how little he had done to deserve Ceri.
He washed up, soaping up his face and the dark stubble there, figuring he would shave in the morning.
Once out of the shower, he dried off and reached for his sweatpants. The door opened and Jo bustled in. She stopped when she saw him, and he hastily wrapped the towel around his waist to cover his nudity.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were in here. I was just gathering Ceri’s clothes.” She stepped back, but he followed her into the hall.
Grabbing her wrist, he halted her, the bathroom door swinging almost closed as he bumped it with his shoulder in his haste to catch her, leaving them in dimness. “She suspects. I didn’t confirm it. She said our ears were the same,” he whispered, the heaviness in his chest expanding, and he clenched his jaw against it.
She froze, and her eyes went to his face. She swallowed hard, holding his gaze, her eyes dark and tender. He shifted, widening his stance, then reached out his hand. “She told me she thinks I’ll make an amazing dad,” he said gruffly.
Drawing a deep unsteady breath, she slipped her arms around his waist and pressed her face against his neck.
Dragon exhaled heavily and drew her fully against him, resting his jaw against her head, absorbing her comfort. Jo tightened her arms around him, and he could detect a light quivering in her, as though she was absorbing the ramifications of the situation. Shifting his hold, he cradled her head firmly against him and brushed a gentling kiss against her temple. He didn’t know what the hell was going to happen to them. And if he’d realized anything during the interminably long day, it was that lives had changed on a dime—hers, his, his mom’s, and Ceri’s.
How these relationships were going to work out he had no clue. But they would take it one day at a time. He thought fleetingly how full his life would be if he had all these beautiful women in it on a daily basis instead of his lonely existence in the barracks.
She gave him a reassuring hug, and he pressed his mouth against her hair, then turned slightly, keeping her against him. Jo exhaled hard and looked up at him. The heavy feeling in his gut intensified when he saw the tender look on her face. Feeling as if something had just slammed into his chest, he riveted his gaze on her, his pulse suddenly pounding. He had thought about her for so long, it was an easy leap. He held her gaze, drowning in her eyes, then holding her jaw, he lowered his mouth.
7
Sympathy welled in her for his obvious distress. His eyes were red-rimmed, and his voice thick. But as his head descended, she lost touch with rational thought. When his mouth touched hers, she thought it would feel weird or awkward, but it didn’t. It felt perfect, familiar and achingly right being with him in the dark, comfortable with his arms around her. She indulged herself in the smell of him all soapy and citrus-scented, his hair still a bit damp where her hands had delved into the inky strands against the back of his neck. His skin was so soft, his mouth softer. She touched him with her tongue, tasting him, allowing herself to get high on his kiss, his mouth lush, wet, and warm.
With a relieved groan, he deepened the kiss, his mouth pressing harder, the firmness and passion of the kiss driving her crazy.
Wanting to touch him was the temptation that rolled through her heated body, and it was a relief to finally get her hands on him. He had been back in her life for a day, and she was already kissing him. She’d call that irresistible trouble. Downright lost-in-the-woods, full-moon, wild trouble.
She was so aware that he was half naked, his body a study of thick, flexing muscle, his chest wide and delineated, his shoulders broad and blocking most of the dim light from the bathroom. His face was indistinct, his skin a silky bronze, his lips full and as well-formed as every inch of him. She had no idea where this was going to go from here, but the same old spark of attraction she’d had six years ago hadn’t diminished. This time she was prepared, though. Thank God she stayed on the pill after her last relationship broke up.
Although getting into bed with him was something she wasn’t going to encourage, she couldn’t deny that every cell in her body wanted him. But want and need were too different things.
Where could this really go? She couldn’t downplay the complicated problems they faced. They had a daughter, and he lived in California, not to mention his life was so unpredictable. He had no idea when he was going to be deployed. Jo was already working on expanding her business. It was too late for her to turn back from that. It wasn’t that she felt she couldn’t trust Dragon. He would mean well, but the Navy would win out every time. He simply had no choice in that matter.
It was an intricate mess.
They parted, and the low light in the hall cast him in gray halftones, making him muted in velvety shadow. Her whole body trembling, she was unable to stop the emotions that filled her—regret for the years he’d lost with Ceri, loneliness even when she’d been in relationships that just didn’t seem to work in the long run, curiosity at how they would have weathered the pregnancy together, wonder at how good he felt right now.
“Ceri isn’t usually wrong about her predictions. She’s pretty intuitive.”
He cradled her closer to him, the labored pounding of his heart vibrating through her. He inhaled raggedly, then brushed his mouth against the curve of her shoulder, his hold on her tightening then releasing.
“She might be, but I’m still completely in the dark about what kind of father I would be if tested.”
“Yeah, and you got dropped into the biggest pop-quiz of your life.”
She drew an unsteady breath and ran her hand down his naked back, trying to control her own emotions. A jagged sigh escaped him, and he pressed a kiss against her neck, something profoundly poignant in the touch of his mouth against her. Her breath caught, and she dragged her fingers through his hair, cuddling him against her in comfort, feeling as if something miraculous was happening.
She cradled his face in her hands and said, “Guess what? That happens to all parents.”
He nodded, meeting her eyes, and there was no man in her memory who made her tingle, made her react and made her as interested in the opposite sex as Ryuu Shannon.
He pressed his forehead against hers, the rough feel of his stubble arousing against her palms.
“How do you feel about all this? Your daughter, your mom…me?”
Dragon inhaled deeply and stroked his thumbs along her jaw, his mouth turning up. “Navy SEALs usually don’t talk about how they feel.”
She leaned in, enjoying his presence and the way he made her feel a bit out of control. “News flash, Petty Officer, you aren’t in a ready room right now, and I’m thinking I don’t look anything like one of your teammates.”
That beginning of a grin turned into a full-fledged smile, and he laughed. “You’d be thinking right. It would be damn distracting to have you on the teams.”
“So spill,” she said. “That’s an order.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he replied. With an uneven sigh, he opened his mouth, then shook his head. To comfort him, she brushed her mouth against his.
He caught the back of her head, his mouth pr
essing into hers like a lifeline. She opened her mouth for him, his lips soft and searching as he deepened the kiss. With the same infinite gentleness, he drank from her mouth, and tears gathered, his gentleness moving her beyond words.
Trying to will away the emotion that clogged her throat, Jo touched his face, her voice breaking. “You’ll feel better about all of this if we talk about it whether or not it’s in the warrior code.”
He pressed his thumb across her mouth, his voice husky as he whispered, “I know you’re right.” His hand against her cheek, he tucked her hair behind her ear. “Speaking about Ceri comes easily. She is awesome. She’s smart, talented, and sassy. I like all three. She’s blown me away.”
She gazed up at him, her eyes swimming in unshed tears. “She surprises me every day.”
A look of deep disquiet darkened his eyes, a somber, distracted frown appearing. He smoothed back her hair, then met her gaze. “Now comes the hard part.”
Afraid to talk out of turn when he was expressing himself, she wondered how hard the next part was going to be to hear. “Why is it hard?”
He winced slightly, as if her words had touched something raw inside him. “I never gave you a choice.”
“You weren’t aware there was anything going on with me. That’s not being fair to yourself,” she whispered. “We did the best we could.”
He held her gaze a moment, then lowered his head and kissed her, but in spite of the tenderness of that act, she sensed something dark and troubling in him. Cupping his cheek, she drew away from him, feeling his pain. “What’s wrong?”
He continued to stare into her eyes, the disquiet in him deepening. He looked away, his expression taut. “I’m sorry, Jo. I never meant that to happen.”
Her tone was gentle. “I know that.”
He rubbed his thumb against her cheek, then looked at her, his eyes sad, guilt-ridden. “I never meant to leave you pregnant and alone,” he said gruffly.
Fighting the sting of tears, she caressed his face, her fingers unsteady. “This isn’t about how I feel right now. It’s about how you feel. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
