Written in the Stars

by Noelle Fox

Yeah. No big deal.

  Even though he’d been expecting it, her knock made him start.

  Not surprising. He was seriously on edge. For years after the disasters and deaths in his family, he’d been telling himself that the world was going to do what it was going to do, that his life was written in the stars, and not under his control. Now suddenly something really mattered again. He was trying to change the future for both of them.

  He flung open the door, already smiling, then caught his breath. She was wearing a dress, a bright, colorful print that bared her neck and shoulders, then clung in all his favorite places. “Wow.”

  “Like it?” She smiled and turned in a circle to reveal a vee plunging down her back.

  He grunted out his best cave-man-stricken-with-lust imitation, making her laugh.

  “Thank you. That’s quite a compliment. I hope.”

  “Definitely. Come in.” He pulled her toward him and kissed her, his greedy hands discovering the dress’s material was soft and enticing. That she smelled and felt really good underneath it, he already knew. “Mmm, you are extra stunning in that dress.”

  “Azure said it would bring me to my true self.” She laughed, rolling her eyes. “Whatever that meant.”

  “Who knows with Azure, though a lot of the time she ends up making sense, which is almost weirder than the stuff she says.”

  “I bet.” She sniffed the air. “Something smells delicious. Smoked salmon? Some thyme? What else?”

  “Smoked salmon chowder. Mom’s recipe.” He reluctantly removed his hands from her waist. “Would you like a glass of wine? Water? Beer?”

  “Wine would be great, thank you.” She moved past him toward the worn couch he was planning to get re-upholstered…someday—maybe now he’d actually do it soon.

  As he opened the wine he peeked at Grace, standing in his tiny living room, waiting for him to join her. She lit up his place every time she came in, but with the colorful dress and simple sandals, tonight she positively glowed. Or maybe he was just noticing everything more keenly tonight.

  This woman could shred his heart. He’d tried to tell himself that if the worst happened and she left, there could still be another time meant for them. His life had already contained so much loss, it was too cruel to think there could be more in store for him.

  They chatted while they drank wine and during dinner, pleasantly, though not as easily as usual. By unspoken agreement they were avoiding emotional or personal topics, or any mention of The End. Maybe they were cowards, maybe they just wanted another really good time together before the inevitable upheaval.

  After he had cleared the soup and salad plates, he brought out a bowl of local salmonberries, and then…his masterpiece.

  Grace gasped; her eyes shone. “You made me a chocolate cake! Oh, my gosh. Look at that! Connor!”

  “Isn’t it a beauty?” He put down the cake, which had slumped even farther. The top layer was nearly touching the plate. “I don’t know. Maybe we should go get a couple of Nellie’s cupcakes instead.”

  “No way.” She laughed in delight and picked up her fork, ready to dive in. “I am having my cake and eating it too.”

  “I hope you won’t regret it.” He poured them both more wine, then coughed clumsily into his hand. “Before I serve this monumental dessert, I’d like to say something. Actually, three things.”

  Grace must have picked up his mood, because her smile dimmed. She put down her fork. “Okay. Number one…”

  “Number one, I wanted to tell you that I’m planning to buy a house on the island.”

  Her eyebrows shot up. “A house! That’s a big commitment. What brought that on?”

  Connor wasn’t going to tell her that truth yet. She’d figure it out by the time he got to number three. “I’m coming around to the fact that I fit here really well. Which leads into the second thing I wanted to tell you, which is that I’m starting an organic farm. I found some land up in the meadow that gets good sun and has decent soil, which I can rent from Derek. I’ll start small, and expand assuming it works out. The idea is that I can supply—”

  “The restaurant!” She leaned forward eagerly. “Farm to table, right here. That is brilliant. It’ll save costs in the long run, and improve the quality of produce at the lodge. Bam, everyone is happy.”

  “That’s the plan.”

  “Wow.” She leaned back abruptly, looking slightly wistful, exactly as he’d hoped she would. “That’s every chef’s dream.”

  “Mine, too.” At least part of his dream. The rest involved her.

  “It’s a great idea.” She nodded firmly, her serious expression easing. “I hope it’s wildly successful, Connor.”

  “Thanks, I do too.” He still had the one more thing to share. The big one. He wasn’t ready, but he had a feeling given how vulnerable the admission required him to be, he wouldn’t ever be.

  “Cake?”

  “What about number three?”

  He gestured down at his Dr. Hyde creation. “Cake first.”

  “I’d love some.” She stood to kiss him on the cheek, then sat back down, gazing at him fondly. “Thank you for making this, Connor. I’m really touched you went to the trouble.”

  “We’ll see.” He started slicing, dismayed when the texture more closely resembled dense bread than cake. Somehow he got a slice to lie almost neatly on her plate. “Not perfect. But Grace… I want you to know. I added a secret ingredient.”

  Grace looked up sharply. Her lips parted; her cheeks rapidly turned pink. She was so lovely his chest squeezed. He wasn’t sure he could keep talking.

  Panic rose.

  No.

  This was right. This was what he wanted.

  He faced down the panic and took her hand.

  “I love you. I’ve probably been in love with you since that night in Colorado when you came to my room, looking so beautiful and so determined and so vulnerable. It took me a long time to figure it out, but I’m there now. You have brought so much to my life, Grace. Back then you took me off the path to self-destruction. Now you’ve helped me visualize and accept the life I deeply wanted, but couldn’t have until I got out of my own way.” He’d made it that far, and was still standing. Another breath… “I want that life to be with you. Here on Polaris.”

  Grace put a hand to her chest. “Please don’t do this.”

  He was almost shaking, but nothing was going to stop him now. “I’ve watched you change since you’ve been here. This place is good for you. I think I’m good for you, the same way you are for me. Your dad is here. Everyone you’ve met in Aurora loves you. We can be your new family.”

  “Oh, Connor.” Her beautiful eyes clouded with misery. “What I really want isn’t family, and it isn’t here. I still need to find it. I have feelings for you, too, strong ones. But feelings change. If we don’t work out I’ll resent having given up my dream, and you’ll wish you’d let me go so you could find someone who really fit here.”

  The pain in his chest wasn’t from nerves that time. He opened his mouth to try again, then closed it. What could he say right now to change her mind? She’d only had two weeks to fall in love with Polaris and with him, and she clearly hadn’t. Not deeply enough. She didn’t love him, or at very least she didn’t trust the emotion. She’d be taking all the risk by moving here. Connor was asking for something too big.

  He could keep arguing with her, but she was convinced she was right, and he couldn’t bear to spoil their last evening.

  “I understand.”

  “Believe me, I have thought about it. A lot. This has been the most wonderful trip, meeting my father, meeting you again. Some of the happiest times of my life. But I can’t change everything I’ve been working toward for so many years on the basis of two wonderful weeks of vacation.” Her eyes filled with tears. “This isn’t reality, not mine anyway. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry.” He had no idea how he got the strength to sound halfway normal. “Who knows what will happen? Maybe in anoth
er few years we’ll meet again and make it work.”

  “That would be nice.” She gazed down at the horrible looking mess of a dessert on her plate. “You might not understand, Connor, but this cake is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever made for me. I will never forget it.”

  Connor tried to smile, but only halfway succeeded. It was starting to hit him how much he’d allowed himself to believe his romantic fairy tale of their love. Written in the stars, blah-blah-blah. He was an old friend she’d had a vacation fling with. Tomorrow she’d be back on the ferry, back to the grind of trying to carve out her own niche in a brutal business. He hoped she’d succeed. Someday he hoped he’d be able to get over her. In the meantime he’d work hard to make the organic farm a reality. To root himself in this community.

  And maybe someday he’d find a way to feel alive and important and peaceful again without her.

  Chapter 13

  Grace poured herself a second cup of coffee and went back outside to her cottage’s little patio, sitting numbly at the table where she and Connor had spent so many wonderful hours.

  The sun was rising over Prince of Wales Island, its warm golden rays turning the evergreens from nearly black to a bright yellow-green. Of course her last morning here would be a glorious reminder of all she’d be leaving. All that could have been hers.

  After Connor had walked her back here, and they’d said a goodnight that nearly ripped the heart from her chest, she’d come inside, numb and flattened, changed into her pajamas, brushed her teeth and started on the first of a night full of utterly useless attempts to sleep.

  Never had she been forced into making such a painful decision. She still wasn’t sure she’d made the right one, and her insomnia and roiling stomach weren’t helping.

  She was in love with Connor, though she couldn’t bring herself to tell him. It was too soon; the feelings were still too heady and new to trust. It had almost killed her keeping the words back. Even now, the idea of leaving him to forge a new exhausting path on her own was about as appealing as digging her own grave.

  And there lay the final hurdle she could not bring herself to jump over. All her life she had vowed she would never change her life for a man until she’d known him long enough to be absolutely sure the relationship was right. Two weeks didn’t make the cut.

  Her cell rang. Immediately her heart started pounding—then slowed considerably when she saw it was her mother, the reason she’d made that vow.

  “Hi, Mom. How are you doing?”

  “Miserable! Not that you have bothered to check on me.”

  Grace braced herself for the usual crushing guilt, and instead felt mildly annoyed. “I’m in Alaska.”

  “Alaska? What are you doing there?”

  She’d forgotten. “I told you. My father made this vacation possible. His dying wish, remember?”

  “Oh, right, I remember now. At least he did one good thing.”

  “Actually, Mom…” Grace took in a long breath. This was not going to be fun. “He’s not dead. He’s here. Derek Wakefield. I’ve been getting to know him.”

  For the first time she could remember, her mother was actually struck dumb.

  Grace jumped up from her chair. She might as well get this showdown over with. It was clearly the week for them. “You should have told me the truth about what happened, who he was and how you left him.”

  “Truth? You think he told you the truth? Trust me, that deadbeat lies like the rest of us blink our eyes—all day long without even thinking about it. He’s trying to turn you against me, Grace.”

  “It’s not about taking sides, Mom. It’s about honesty. You weren’t honest with me.”

  “I did what I had to do to protect you. I can’t believe after all those years I spent raising you alone that you’d turn on me like this.”

  That was it. Enough. Grace was not enabling her lies anymore.

  “You’ve never been alone, Mom. In fact, half the time you had a husband and a lover. When were you alone?”

  “You don’t know what it was like…”

  No. She didn’t. But she knew what it was like now. How it had been for her all her life, tied to a mother who was so needy and self-centered. “You’re right, Mom. I don’t. I know in your mind you did the best you could. But I think you should know how much you hurt me and our relat—”

  “Sweetheart? I’m so sorry to interrupt, but I’m at the hairdressers and they’re ready for me. Can I call later?”

  Grace dropped back into her chair and closed her eyes, astounded at how her mother could still hurt her, even when she thought she’d seen the worst and was prepared.

  She would never get what she needed from Katharine Janowicz. It was time Grace stopped trying. She could love her mother, but she didn’t have to spend time with her, and she didn’t have to help clean up her messes, and she didn’t even have to like her when she didn’t deserve it.

  Right now she didn’t deserve it.

  “Okay, Mom. Have a good haircut.”

  Ending the call felt final. Surreally, it also felt good, peaceful and freeing. She’d done the right thing.

  Oh no.

  Grace groaned and put her head down on the table, nearly spilling her coffee. Did this peaceful certainty mean her wrenching decision to leave the island wasn’t the right one? If she flipped a coin would staying here feel better?

  A knock at her door jerked her head up. Connor? Her brain wasn’t clear enough to handle a conversation with him right now. He could probably convince her to stay just by smiling with those gray eyes fixed on hers. She needed to make this decision on her own.

  Another groan. What was she talking about? She’d already made the decision!

  Grace walked to the door, condemned toward the executioner.

  Derek. Thank goodness. “Hey, Grace. Want to go for a walk with me?”

  “Sure. I’ll get my jacket.” She grabbed it from the bed and joined him, hating that she had to face yet another goodbye.

  Instead of walking through the cluster of cottages toward the village, Derek led her the opposite way, toward the southern edge of the cove. “How’d you sleep?”

  “Not that well.” She glanced over at him. He looked as tired as she felt. “You?”

  “Not that well either.”

  They continued on toward Andromeda Rentals. Grace had become used to silences around Derek. Once she stopped feeling as if she were responsible for filling them, they became a relief. Nothing to say? Say nothing.

  Except this morning it occurred to her they were both silent because there was far too much to say.

  “I have something to tell you.”

  Grace suppressed a groan. What now? “Yes?”

  “I had two other children. Also daughters. They—” He turned around looking for her, not having noticed that she’d stopped walking after his first sentence.

  She might have to explode. Right now.

  “I have sisters?”

  Derek came back toward her, took her arm, and kept her moving toward Andromeda. “Yup.”

  “Is this it, or are there any other life-altering secrets you have lying around? Might as well just pile them on now so you can call to reserve me a spot at the asylum.”

  “I know, Grace. I’m sorry. I promise this is it.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

  “I wasn’t ready. Wasn’t sure you’d be willing to hang around and get to know me if you knew I’d messed up two—’

  “Two other times? Derek, these are not boo-boos, these are human beings you’re talking about. With feelings. And entirely reasonable expectations of a life that isn’t—” Grace stopped herself. He looked miserable. She wasn’t saying anything to him that he hadn’t already said to himself, probably a million times. She gentled her voice. “Three of us, Derek.”

  “Yeah.” He drew his hand across his chin. “Mildly in my defense, I didn’t know about one until her mother wrote to me before she died. The first was drunken teenaged careles
sness.”

  “Another mistake.”

  He sent her a look. “I was married to your mother, Grace. You were not that kind of mistake. Not ever.”

  “Maybe not. But still.”

  “Yeah, still.”

  They passed the deserted kayak building, sunlight glinting off the curved hulls of the boats spooning on the deck.

  “Tell me something about them,” Grace said. “My sisters.”

  “One older than you, one younger. One an accountant, one a medical practitioner. I’ve invited them both here, too. They got, or will get, the same letter you did.”

  This time when she stopped he was ready and kept her going.

  “You’ve invited them? Are they coming?”

  “One so far. Next month. Your older sister, Hannah.”

  Grace wasn’t sure her legs would hold her up much longer. She was seized with a sudden deep longing to know this person. “Hannah. I like that name.”

  “If you stayed you could meet her.”

  This time he wasn’t able to keep her walking. She stopped dead, took her arm out of his and stuck her fists defiantly on her hips. “Is that what this is about? Trying to manipulate me into staying?”

  “Sure.” His brown eyes were uncharacteristically sparkling. “Connor obviously failed, the bum. I figured I’d have to give it a try.”

  She growled. She actually growled at her father.

  He grinned his quick grin that never lasted too long, as if he were worried it might give away part of him he didn’t want seen. “Seriously, Grace. I was hoping something would work out between you two. I wasn’t so wild about Connor for a long time. Reminded me too much of myself at that age. But he’s grown on me, and it seems like you are good for each other.”

  She sighed. “Maybe we are. But two weeks isn’t enough time to make that decision.”

  “Sometimes it’s plenty. When you know deep down that it’s right.”

  His words surprised her. “Which mother did you feel that way about?”

  “Er…none of them.” He was obviously embarrassed, which he deserved to be. “I was young and stupid in all those cases. But I met…when I got older…never mind.”