by Lisa Lovell
The front door slides open. Marie has her arm around Alice for support.
“How’d it go?” I ask, unable to take my eyes off the photo.
“The doctors get more hopeful every day,” Marie says.
She installs Alice in her favorite chair in the office. It looks out onto the rolling hills and the mountains beyond. Alice will probably fall asleep within a few minutes.
“Whatcha lookin’ at?” Marie asks when she enters the room. Then she lets out a soft gasp. “I’m so sorry, Luke. I forgot we even had that photo. Do you want me to put it away?”
“No,” I say slowly. “Mom doesn’t keep any photos of dad in the house. It upsets her too much. She wouldn’t even let me keep them.”
“I know,” Marie says softly. Her hand comes to rest on my shoulder. Her touch sends soothing waves of calm through me. She’s always been able to do that. I don’t know how. “Are you okay?”
“Sometimes, I forget how screwed up it was, you know?” I shrug. “Then I feel horrible for forgetting.”
“You haven’t forgotten. You’ve just healed.” Marie takes my hand and makes me sit down on the couch.
I don’t think about my dad enough, but when I do think about him, I get so angry I want to hurt someone. Marie used to help me keep my temper under control. She’s the only one who knows how much my dad’s death messed me up.
When I was ten, he picked me up from school one day. We had to stop and get gas on the way home. While he was filling the tank, a nervous kid that couldn’t have been more than seventeen, held my dad at knifepoint. Know that I know more about this sort of thing, he was obviously having intense withdrawals, probably from meth.
When my dad refused to give him anything, the guy got mad. I don’t think he realized he stabbed my dad until he fell to the floor. The junkie took off. I used my dad’s cell to call 911 but by the time the ambulance arrived, he was gone.
“I don’t think I have,” I say. I stand up. I can’t sit still. I need to walk. I need to run. I need to do something.
When I was offered a position with the rangers, I thought that was my chance to catch the guy. A lack of witness reports and the spotty memory of my traumatized ten-year-old brain wasn’t enough to go on. I’ve never found so much as a lead. I doubt I ever will.
“The oven is pre-heated. The chicken is all ready to go. I don’t think I can stay tonight.”
I make my way to the door, but Marie catches my hand.
“If you need a landing spot, I’m here.”
Landing spot was one of our little code words. It’s our way of saying we’re here for each other.
“You are?”
She smiles, nods, and gives my hand a squeeze.
I believe her.
Chapter Seven
Marie
It’s been a few days since Luke found the photo of his dad. I miss having him around. My mom tells me I don’t make smoothies as well as he does, which is completely true.
He gets like this every so often. There was a time where one day finding the monster who killed his father was the only thing that got him up in the morning. Sometimes, we talked on the phone all night because he couldn’t stand the idea of sleeping. He felt like he was wrong to sleep when that guy was still out there. I had no idea it still bothered him this much.
The fourth morning without Luke, I finish making my mother her breakfast smoothie and make my way into her room to give it to her. She’s exhausted all the time, now. She usually only leaves her bed for a few hours in the late afternoon.
It’s worrying. She’s losing weight. Despite all of that, her doctors in Denver say she’s doing well. I just can’t wait until it’s over.
“Mom?” I knock on the door. No answer. She’s probably asleep.
I open the door a crack, just to make sure. She’s not in her bed. I let the door swing open. Her room is empty. The door to her bathroom is closed. I knock on that door but there’s no answer. I hear running water inside.
Panicking, I place the smoothie on the nightstand. I don’t set it down correctly and it topples over. The cream carpet turns purple as blended blueberry splatters everywhere, but I don’t care.
“Mom!” I shout. No answer.
Thankfully, the door isn’t locked. I open it slowly, terrified of hitting her by accident. Inside the bathroom, the tub is just about to spill over. The faucet is on full blast, sending wisps of thick steam up into the room.
My mother is on the floor in her nightgown. Her eyes are closed. She’s not moving.
I sprint to the kitchen where I left my phone and dial 911 with trembling hands. I don’t actually remember speaking to the dispatcher. My brain shuts off. Adrenaline and pure panic take over. My mouth does what it needs to do.
“An ambulance will arrive shortly, ma’am,” the dispatcher says. I snap back into my body.
“Thank you.” I hang up and call Luke.
“What’s up?” He answers. I start crying the second I hear his voice.
“Mom is unconscious. An ambulance is coming. I don’t know what to do,” I sputter through sobs.
“I’m on my way,” he says. “Try to stay calm. I’ll be there in ten minutes. The ambulance will probably get there before me. Call me back if you start to freak out.”
“I’m freaking out right now!” I cry. “Please, stay on the phone with me until the ambulance gets here.”
“Of course,” he says gently. “Want me to distract you?”
I make my way back into my mom’s bathroom and sit beside her. I’m scared to touch her but I want to feel for a pulse. I can’t believe I didn’t check to see if she was breathing before I called the ambulance.
The steady, but shallow, rise and fall of her chest is the best thing in the world. Through the phone, I hear Luke’s heavy breathing. I realize he’s running from wherever he is to get to me. A fresh wave of tears sweeps through me.
At some point, adrenaline pulls me out of my body once more. I know Luke is speaking, but I can’ focus on his words. The only thing I can truly focus on is my mom’s breathing. Whenever her breath stalls, I feel like my heart is going to give out with hers. When I hear the sirens, I drop back into myself.
“The ambulance is here.”
“So am I.” Luke stands in the bathroom doorway.
I’m on my feet in an instant. Luke wraps me in his strong, sturdy arms and crushes me against his chest. He moves me away from the bathroom and out of the way of the EMTs. Luke answers every question about my mother’s health. He even tells them the names of her doctors in Denver.
“We’re going to take her to the Rose Haven hospital,” an EMT tells Luke. “We can’t wait the two hours it would take to get her to Denver.”
“Okay,” Luke nods. “We’ll follow you.”
I should be answering the questions and working out the logistics, but my brain is a blank slate of fuzzy static. The only thing I can focus on is the steady beating of Luke’s heart beneath the fabric of his shirt.
“Come on,” he urges gently. “They’re going to take your mom. We’ll meet her at the hospital and go from there, okay?”
I nod numbly and let him lead me to my car.
Chapter Eight
Luke
It’s after midnight when I bring Marie back home. She’s exhausted and emotionally drained.
Alice’s cancer took an aggressive turn, seemingly out of nowhere. The doctors at Rose Haven General stabilized her but her specialist doctors from Denver have to come down tomorrow to check her out.
Everyone’s worried, but no one has said anything truly terrifying like prepare yourself.
“Let’s get you into bed,” I say. “Do you want to shower?”
“I don’t want to sleep,” Marie waves me off.
“You should get some rest,” I urge. “You’ve had a long day. You’ve barely eaten.”
“If I lay down in the dark and try to sleep, I will completely freak out. What you saw earlier was a partial freak-out, albeit a major
one. Do you want me to go full freak out?”
“No,” I laugh dryly. “I don’t. How about a movie then?”
“Sure.” She nods shakily. “I can do a movie. And a shower, now that you mention it. The hospital smell is making want to-”
“Freak out?” I finish.
Marie sticks her tongue out and moves off to her room. I make myself comfortable and put on a movie I know she’ll like. I keep it paused at the start until she gets out of the shower. When she does, she’s wearing an oversized sweater and fuzzy pajama pants.
“That’s the same outfit you used to wear during finals week,” I point out.
“It’s my mental breakdown outfit. Tried and true.”
Her damp hair looks shiny and tousled. Her eyes are rimmed in red. She settles into a comfortable position on the couch beside me.
I play the movie.
Within ten minutes, her head rests on my shoulder as she drifts off. I do everything I can not to move. Once the movie is over, that becomes more challenging. One of my hands is asleep and my knees are feeling stiff from staying bent for so long. Slyly, I try to shift into a more comfortable position.
Marie’s head shoots up.
“Hmm?” She mumbles, her hair still damp and stuck to her face. I gently pull the strands away.
“The movie’s over,” I say.
“Oh,” she mumbles. “Can we watch another?”
She looks up at me, eyes shining. I want to say yes but the word hitches in my throat. I can’t breathe with her looking at me that way.
Her gaze darts to my lips. It’s then I notice that her lips, full and plump, are parted just slightly. I’ve never seen such perfect lips in all my life.
I’ve always thought Marie to be beautiful, but she looks unreal to me now. My hand slides along her arm then around her back. Her body seems highly attuned to my touch. She lets out the softest of sighs.
My cock twitches in my jeans.
When she gently bites her bottom lip, I’m undone. I dip my head and press my lips against hers. She kisses me back with passion and force greater than I was expecting. I wind my fingers into her hair and hold her mouth against mine.
My cock is rock hard now and starting to ache. I want her so badly but I also don’t want to push her. It doesn’t help that none of my blood is in my brain right now and I’m so turned on I can barely form a proper thought.
She wraps her arms around me, pressing her chest against mine. Even through the thick sweater, I feel the perfect shape of her generous breasts. My brain is no longer in control as I slip my hands beneath the hem of her sweater. She’s not wearing a shirt or a bra beneath the sweater. She sighs against my mouth when my fingertips brush the bottom of her breasts.
I seek out the hard little numbs of her nipples and stroke them. She gasps as a shudder passes through her body. Urged by her reaction, I lift the hem of her sweater, completely exposing her breasts. I dip my head to swirl my tongue around the closeted nipple.
She winds one hand through my hair and holds me close to her. The other trails down my chest until it comes to rest on the solid bulge in my jeans. Without a word, she unbuttons my jeans and frees my cock.
I let out a sigh of relief which quickly turns into a guttural, almost primal, groan as she wraps her hand around my cock and starts to stroke it.
I can’t take it anymore. I have to be inside her. I’ll go insane if I go another moment without claiming her in the way I’ve fantasized about so many times.
A tiny voice in my head gives me pause. What if this ruins our friendship forever? Another stroke of her hand on my cock and the thought flies from my head. My hands release her breasts so that I can yank down her pajama pants. She lays back on the couch and wiggles out of her sweater. She lies there, naked except for the simple black panties she wears.
I want to tear them off with my teeth.
She watches me with eyes full of wanting as I strip out of my clothing. I crawl up the couch, covering her body with mine. I run my hands over every single perfect curve, stopping to pay extra attention to her breasts. I kiss my way up her neck to her mouth as my cock seeks out her entrance.
I rub my throbbing head against her slit for a moment before pushing between her slick folds and plunging into her warm, wet depths.
She gasps beneath me as she rakes her nails down my back. The slight stinging sensation brings far more pleasure than pain.
After allowing her a moment to adjust to my considerable length and girth, I slowly start pumping in and out of her. She rocks up to meet me with every thrust, urging me to go faster. She locks her legs around my waist, allowing me to slide deeper inside of her.
“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” I groan against her lips.
“Really?” She sounds surprised, though it’s hard to tell between her little gasps of pleasure.
“You have no idea.” I slow down for a moment, just so I can savor the sensations gripping my cock. I’m nearing my climax but I refuse to finish until I’ve made Marie’s entire body shudder and her toes curl.
I reach between us so I can stroke her while I slide in and out.
Her breathy moans involve into cries of pleasure as she grips the pillows and arches into me. Her legs tremble as she tightens around my cock, effectively bringing me to my climax while she hits hers.
I’ve never experienced anything as incredible as this. I want to do this all day, every day for the rest of my life.
Marie lets out a final sigh and unclenches her muscles.
I slide out of her and get to my feet. By the time I’ve retrieved my underwear and a blanket for Marie, she’s sound asleep.
A small part of me is disappointed. I was hoping to go again. I will never be able to get enough of her.
The rest of me is relieved. She needs her sleep. Tomorrow is going to be another long day.
I drape the blanket over her naked body and press a kiss onto her forehead. The couch is small. There isn’t enough room for both of us. I don’t want to risk waking her up by moving her so I decide to leave her be. I settle myself into the armchair near the bookshelf. I fall asleep watching her.
Chapter Nine
Marie
I’m on cloud nine when I walk into the hospital. I feel guilty for being so happy when so many around me are in pain and suffering.
My mother is awake but on painkillers. Her doctors from Denver checked her out earlier this morning. Her condition isn’t ideal, but it’s not nearly as bad as it could be, so they’re still optimistic about her overall recovery. Her treatment program will have to be either extended or intensified. They need a day or so to work out the best course. I imagine they have to run tests.
Doc at Rose Haven General tells me she’ll probably be here for two or three more days. Thank goodness she’s drugged up. She’d throw a fit if she knew she couldn’t leave.
“You’re not liking these magazines, are you?” I laugh and put down the glossy gossip rag I picked up from the gas station on the way here. Not the gas station where Luke’s father died. I’ll never go to that gas station. I’m just grateful that a town as small as Rose Haven has more than one station.
In response to my question, my mother shakes her head. She might not be with it enough to understand what she’s indicating, but I’ll take any excuse to stop reading the magazine. I should bring some of her books next time.
If she were more with it, she’d say the magazine is nothing but consumerist propaganda urging me to buy things I don’t need and hate my body. She’s not wrong.
“Okay, how about a story? You’re too high to remember this so I can tell you without emotionally damaging both of us for life, right?” I’m only half-joking. She nods once before her head droops onto her pillow. Incoherent as she may be, she looks relaxed and comfortable. I haven’t seen her relaxed and comfortable in some time.
“I left town after graduation for a really stupid reason,” I say. “So stupid that I didn’t even tell you. I’m sorry I didn’t. It
might have made things easier for all of us.”
My mother blinks. Her eyes are glassy and unfocused.
“I’ve been crazy in love with Luke for years,” I laugh. “He was my very first crush. I loved him from the second he told Mary Jane Patterson to screw off when she called me a cow. I thought it would wear off but it never did. I loved him more with each passing year.”
The corners of my mother’s mouth twitch. I think she’s trying to smile.
“Watching him date was terrible. He was gorgeous, athletic, and popular. Obviously, all of the pretty, popular girls wanted to be with him. The worst was Emmaline Kay Hudson. Do you remember her?
My mother shakes her head faintly.
“She’s not worth remembering. She used to put ham in my locker.” I roll my eyes. “Anyway, she was Luke’s girlfriend in senior year. After we walked and did the cap toss, I heard her telling her friends that she thought she was pregnant with Luke’s baby. She was so convinced they were going to get married. I was convinced, too.”
My mother furrows her brow. Maybe she’s more aware than I originally thought. Oh, well. I can’t stop now. I don’t want to. I’ve held this inside for years. It needs to come out. If I can tell my mother without a hitch, then I can tell Luke. I just need a rehearsal, that’s all.
“I couldn’t stand the thought of watching Luke get married and raise a family with Emmaline. I knew he would do it because it’s the right thing to do. I also knew that he’d be miserable if he knew he was causing me pain. I did the only thing I could do, for all of our sakes. I removed myself from the equation.”
My mother nods faintly.
“It was stupid and selfish, but I’ve loved him so much for so long. I didn’t think my heart could take it. I never thought he’d love me that way, ever. Then, something happened last night. I won’t go into details but it was amazing. I’ve never felt so great.”
My mother narrows her eyes just slightly.
“I’m sorry to feel so great when you’re so miserable,” I say as if I can read her mind. “If it makes you feel better, I had an anxiety attack that lasted twelve hours.”
