“Can we speak privately, Kali?” he finally asked.
“Uh, sure. Just give me a minute,” I mumbled.
He nodded, then walked toward the back deck.
Jordan snickered, but Oliver seemed just as confused as I was. At least I wasn’t the only one.
“What is happening?” I whisper-yelled at her.
“Why don’t you go find out? I promise it’s nothing horrible. I don’t know all the details, only what I could guess, and before there was time to ask questions, we had to leave. So, I expect a full debriefing when you’re done.”
Stryx landed on my shoulder, interrupting our conversation. “I need to go. Keep your crown on, and do not bond with anything while I’m gone. I’m not sure how much that crown can handle and you’re not ready for your full powers just yet, but you’re getting close.”
“What? Bond with another animal? Of course I wouldn’t do that,” I said, even more confused.
His head pressed against mine like he used to do, and I stroked his feathers as he changed the conversation. “I’ve left your daggers that you’ll need to start training with in your bedroom. Don’t touch those before I get back, either. Your power is volatile until certain things fall into place, but we’re almost ready. Just wait for me.”
“Is everything okay with you?” I asked quietly. He was beginning to freak me out, and I couldn’t lose him or I might really fall apart.
“Yes, or at least it will be. Now, I need to go. Don’t blow anything up while I’m gone.” With those final words, he took off out the back door and disappeared into the night sky.
Jordan nudged me. “Go put that boy out of his misery.”
I looked back at Ryland, who was pacing on the porch and casting glances at us every few seconds. “Okay, fine. But go find lots of chocolate. I’m sure I’ll need it when I’m done.” Remembering my last conversation with Ryland, when he officially rejected me and told me about Sara, already had my heart hurting.
Even though I understood his reasonings and couldn’t really argue them, a deeper part of me was going to take a long time to heal from knowing I’d never have my soulmate. Though, maybe if Ryland could have two, then so could I, even if I had to wait decades to find another.
As soon as I stepped foot onto the deck, Ryland stopped pacing and met my gaze. His eyes, still identical to mine, shone brightly in the dark sky and called to my soul.
Yeah, there was no finding another soulmate. No matter how much we’d fought or how rude Ryland had been over the last few weeks, there had been one too many moments where I had brief glances of his kindness, like when he’d helped that young boy near the fountain or taken me to the falls when I’d been overwhelmed with power.
Hell, I’d even seen how much it pained him to tell me he could never accept me. Somehow though, we were going to need to work out a solution, even if it was temporary until we defeated Alaryk. Then, maybe I’d walk away. Go back to Earth or find a nice place in the Otherworld, so we could let the bond break without having to be near each other.
“Kali, are you okay?” Ryland asked, wiping a stray tear from my cheek.
Crap, I hadn’t even realized I was crying.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a lot going on. What did you want to talk about? I kind of assumed we’d sorted everything out earlier.”
He flinched at the hurt in my words. “Can we go somewhere to talk? There’s a place I’d like to show you.”
“Uh, sure.” Suddenly, my palms were sweating, and my heart was racing. This bond was going to be the death of me before I even had the chance to reject it.
He grabbed my hand and ported us to a remote area surrounded by trees, and the rushing sounds of water could be heard over the pounding of my heart. The moon sat high in the sky, giving us just enough light to see about ten feet in front of us.
“Where are we?” I asked, very much aware of his hand still holding mine.
“The only hot springs within Arvayta. I stumbled upon it one day when I’d been out hunting, and I come here from time to time when I want to think. I thought it might be somewhere you’d enjoy as well.”
I had no idea why he was telling me this or even sharing it with me, and to be honest, I didn’t like it. If he was simply trying to torture me so I’d disappear faster, it was working. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to run as far away from him as I could.
My heart couldn’t take his rejection followed by his kindness. If he was trying to make up for earlier, he was doing it all wrong.
“Well, thanks for showing me, but I think I should head back now.” I tried to pull away from him, but he tightened his hold on me.
“Will you stay a little longer? I’d like to apologize for earlier.”
“No apology necessary. Let’s just keep the interactions to a minimum and we’ll sort out the details later,” I said, once again trying to pull my hand away and just barely succeeding.
The hurt on his face when I did that confused the hell out of me. I took a step away, trying to decide where I wanted to go before porting. I had no desire to face Jordan, because what I really needed was some therapeutic crying. The kind that was loud and ugly and included some yelling at the top of my lungs to help me get over whatever Ryland was doing to me and needed to be done alone.
After that, I could have my time with Jordan, filled with wine and music and laughter, because even if nobody had said it yet, I knew in some way I was already bonded to her. She was my best-friend soulmate, and I’d count on her to see me through whatever came next.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know how to do this. I wish the Fates had come to me before I spoke with you, but they didn’t, and I’ve made things worse. Please just sit for a minute,” Ryland begged with not only his words, but also his eyes as his hand reached for me once again, and my window to disappear was gone.
My heart won, and I accepted his hand. When we touched, I embraced the power that flowed between the two of us and briefly let myself pretend he was mine.
He led us to a rock that overlooked the hot springs. Steam rose from the water and had me itching to dive in, but Ryland once again demanded my attention. As soon as he spoke, everything else around us disappeared.
“I don’t know how else to explain it, so I’m just going to say it. Sara was not my Meraki. One of the Fates came to me today after I left your house and explained some of my past. I was deceived by Sara, who had been working with Alaryk.
“The dark fae has been fighting to get you since long before you were even born. I’m sorry I fell for his tricks and hurt you in the process. I hope you can find a way to forgive me, but I understand if you can’t. Though, I need you to know that I will do everything I can to erase the hurt I caused you and earn your forgiveness. I won’t be able to move forward without you by my side as my true Meraki.”
Cheese and rice, what was happening in my life? I could barely process his words. They’d hit me like a freight train and broke every bone in my body, leaving me unable to move or speak. My soul was dancing, but everything else was numb.
“Kali?” Ryland waved his hand in front of my face, then grabbed both of my shoulders. “Kali?” The frantic tone in his voice had me snapping out of my stupor, but not in the best way.
“I have to go.” Scrambling from his grasp, I wasted no time before I disappeared.
His words were everything I had hoped for, but also everything I feared. Ryland held too much power over me. The Meraki bond was more than I could handle on top of everything else, and I wasn’t sure I could accept his apology.
At least, not in the way he seemed to be expecting.
Chapter Twenty
Porting without thinking of the exact place I wanted to be probably wasn’t the smartest thing I’d done since learning how to use my magic, but I’d been in such a panic that I didn’t care. Thankfully, I’d landed right at the edge of the falls and not somewhere I’d never been.
Deciding I wanted to remain as unseen as possible, I searched for a spot
near the rock wall and took a seat within the shadows. I needed time to think. Time to figure out what I wanted, or more importantly, what was best for me.
The one thing I was sure of was that the Meraki bond was starting to piss me off. Sure, the idea of it was great. Having one perfect match for yourself, finding them, and—bam—happily-ever-after like I’d read about in the princess stories.
Even though I was technically a princess, this was no fairytale.
Things hadn’t transformed into a utopia as soon as I saw my soulmate. Far from it. Ryland hadn’t swooped in and saved the day, making me fall immediately in love with him. No, he’d pushed me away, because he’d been mad at himself. All of the nice things that I knew about him did not make the other stuff go away.
At least, not easily.
Leaning back against the rock, I closed my eyes, which probably wasn’t a smart thing to do since it had been an extremely long day and I was ready for bed, but I wasn’t prepared to face my best friend. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep any of this hidden from Jordan, and once I said certain things out loud, I wouldn’t be able to unsay them.
I needed more time.
But I didn’t have more time.
Alaryk wasn’t going to wait for us to be ready, and I needed to make a choice, but it wasn’t fair that I needed to forgive Ryland merely for the benefit of Arvayta. When or if we decided to trust each other and really get to know each other, I wanted to do it because I knew without a doubt it was the right choice.
Eventually, my thoughts slowed down and I drifted off. When I did, images flashed within my mind of happier and easier times back on Earth. Then, they transitioned into my first meetings with Stryx and all those insane but very real moments that followed.
Just when the weird slideshow of a dream was ending with my human death, the vision of my dying body burst into a vivid yellow light, and my eyes flew open. Except the light wasn’t only from my dream; it was standing right before me, too brilliant to look directly at.
“Hello, Kaliah,” the angelic voice said softly as the glow around her began dimming to a more manageable level.
“Uh, hi?”
“Do you know who I am?” she asked, and my head shook, though she did look incredibly familiar. “I’m your grandmother Taliah.”
Crap, was I dead for a second time? If not, I didn’t imagine her being in Arvayta was a good thing, considering she was supposed to be in the In-Between with the Fates. I certainly wasn’t ready to be there myself.
“No, you’re not dead, but you do need help, and that’s what I’m here to give.” She smiled softly, and I finally saw the spitting image of Mother in her.
My heart softened, and my throat burned as emotion built within me. This was my family. Family I’d never had the chance to meet. She had the same brunette hair as my mother, but she also had shimmering blonde running through it like I did. Her eyes were a light golden brown that stood out with the radiant light around her.
“Do you mind if I sit with you? I can’t walk any further from the falls or I could disappear,” she said.
“Of course not.” There was no letting her disappear on me, so I scooted over, allowing her to sit nearest to the water. Then, I immediately felt weird about having a past queen sit on the ground with me. She should be on a throne, not the grass.
“Definitely not, my sweet granddaughter. When I was queen, I was never higher up than my people. They were my equals, I merely helped to guide them when needed. Right here, next to you on the earth, is exactly where I want to be.”
Damn, she was even better than I’d heard or read about. “Stryx does the same thing where he can read my thoughts. Will I be able to do that one day to others?” I asked, since she seemed to know what I was thinking as I thought it.
“Most likely, but you won’t know for sure until all of your bonds are in place. You need as many trustworthy people by your side to help support the strength of your full force. Once you have accepted what is meant to be, there should be nothing you can’t do.”
Ugh, so we were back to that. Take a man or be weak. Hell, no.
“That’s not what I meant, and it saddens me you feel that way, Kaliah. Our kind was created by powerful women. Merakis were not created to make us less powerful or show that we were weak without them, but to do the opposite, in fact. For you, Ryland would be your anchor to the worlds that you need in order to access your full power. He would cherish you and everything you’re made of, protecting you from anything that means you harm.
“He would love you so fiercely, your abilities would only grow stronger and more powerful, even though he is helping to carry the weight. Together, the two of you would become an unstoppable force, sharing a love and bond like no other in your lifetime. But only if you are open to the future possibilities, instead of being stuck in the past.”
I snorted. “In the past? Him treating me like crap just happened this morning. I get what you’re saying, and it all sounds great, but it seems to me that Fate is the only one who wants us together. I had been open to accepting him, faults and all, before he flat-out rejected me this morning.”
“I’d like to show you something. Do you mind?” She raised a hand, and I nodded before she cupped my cheek.
As soon as her skin touched mine, images rolled through my vision as if I was watching a movie. Beginning with clips of Ryland pacing in his house, mumbling and being angry. Then it switched to him outside of my house, scared and sad. Followed by him when he was with me, but with the ability to focus on his face when I wasn’t looking at him.
There was admiration in his eyes and lots of despair, which was breaking my heart as I saw it. Then, it showed him leaving my house earlier that day, and porting right to the very spot I sat. He’d come to the safety of the falls and hidden exactly where I’d chosen.
And just like me, he wasn’t alone for very long. A man appeared before him and they walked away together, or at least a spirit form of Ryland did as his body stayed put. With the final scene, it showed Ryland waking up, joy radiating from him, along with a brightness in his eyes I’d yet to see and a renewed determination.
“Do you see what I see?” Taliah asked when she was done with her mind invasion.
What did I see? I witnessed a broken man, a selfish and angry-at-the-world man. But I also saw someone fighting a battle alone. Though, we weren’t in his head. There was no way to know what he was fighting.
“He was fighting against you. I know that doesn’t sound appealing, but Ryland knew from the moment he laid eyes on you that you were special. When he realized how much you were to mean to him, he ran from his feelings of love and turned them into anger. Anger at having to betray the one he thought deserved his loyalty even though she no longer walks these worlds.
“While I wouldn’t normally let my granddaughter settle for anything less than her worth, and Ryland hasn’t proved he’s deserving, I do believe he has realized his mistakes. I have full faith that he is capable of being a worthy Meraki to you if you give him a chance. His loyalty was his downfall, but it could also be what keeps you safest.”
Damn it. She was completely right, but I was still having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact I was supposed to just accept him as my soulmate after the last few weeks of rejection.
“In order to bond, you don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for, but you can accept him as your other half, which you’re already fully aware of, and let the connection blossom naturally. You don’t have to begin a serious relationship with him just because he’s your Meraki. He still needs to win your love, and you’re more than entitled to ask that of him while utilizing the benefits of a completed bond.”
“Won’t the bond push us together whether I want it or not? I’ve had some serious feelings toward Ryland already, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.”
“The bond will only strengthen feelings already present. There is a reason Ryland was chosen for you. He is your perfect match in every way, and mayb
e this has all worked out exactly as it needed to. Just forget about the bond and get to know Ryland as a person. You just may find the Fates gave you the greatest gift you’ve yet to receive.”
Sighing, I leaned my head back and admitted to myself that everything she was saying was true. The moments I saw Ryland be his true self—the one who wasn’t mad at the world—he was kind and gentle, yet strong all at the same time. That was a man I could love one day, and he at least deserved a chance to redeem himself.
“Thank you,” I said, turning toward her, knowing she’d already heard my decision.
“Before I go, please know I won’t be back. This was a loophole from the Fates, because they’d already interfered with Ryland earlier. I wish I could be here to teach you all the things I knew, but I know you’ll make a fine successor. Just keep learning as much as you can and be open to the impossible. You wear my crown as if it was made for you, and I eagerly await you showing the worlds what you’re capable of.”
Her hand settled over mine, and a feeling of peace filled me.
“I wish I’d been able to grow up here, with you and my ancestors. I’d be more prepared for what’s to come,” I said.
She leaned in and kissed my forehead before giving me a firm hug. “Just remember, everything happens for a reason. Even if we don’t understand or like those reasons, bigger things are always at play. Accept that, and everything else will fall into place, my sweet granddaughter.”
She stood and we hugged before whispering words of love and goodbyes. Once she was gone, I knew what I had to do, even if I wasn’t looking forward to apologizing.
Deciding to postpone the moment, I began walking back toward the town instead of porting. I had no idea where Ryland lived, but hopefully I’d pass by someone who could tell me. It wasn’t like they wouldn’t know who I was.
Just as I rounded the first set of rocks past the falls, I collided with a hard body, and a scream ripped from my chest before I instinctually flung magic from my hands. My probably-not-an-attacker fell to the ground, convulsing as if he’d been shocked by a defibrillator.
Of Dreams and Sorcery (Royal Fae Guardians Book 1) Page 14
