A wonderful feeling of warmth envelopes him and he knows he will never care about anyone as much as he does Jill. “You too. See you later.” The reflective light of the screen darkens, leaving him to ponder the strangeness of a secret conference no one can talk about. A thread of nervousness tickles his mind, but he pushes it away. Jill is smart. He doesn't need to worry about her. She isn't usually so secretive, but... whatever.
He's too tired to think about it.
CHAPTER SEVEN
~A Way Out~
Alisa
Emotionally drained and totally exhausted, I fall onto my bed in Idir Shaol. How is it even possible for a spirit to be so weary? I could sleep forever. Unfortunately, that is not an option. Instead, I lie in my Hansel and Gretel cottage and stare at the swirling blue ceiling. It looks like Earth's sky, and as serene as it's supposed to be, it doesn't help me feel any better.
I face the wall and try not to think about my terrible, hopeless situation. Raphael told me I would feel this way when I returned from my funeral, that I would be worn-out, restless, and unable to feel at peace, that I would need rest. But all thoughts of rest and relaxation fly away the moment my roommates come through the door.
“Yeah, he's leaving. I can't believe it! I'm so jealous.” Shana exclaims, all excited, gesturing wildly as she speaks. “Oh man. What a dream!”
I sit up. “Who's leaving?”
“Anthony Wiser. He's going to Earth.” She plops on her bed and opens her manual.
My mind begins to spin. Someone is leaving this place. He's going back to Earth. For good? “To be born again?”
“Man, what an idiot,” Deedre mumbles as she drops down on her bed. “There's no such thing as reincarnation, stupid. Not like people think.”
“He's going to be a guardian,” Shana says, closing her book and studying me with a serious expression.
With narrow eyes, slitted and cold, Deedre watches me, her mouth turning into a sardonic grin. “You don't even know what that means, do you?” For some reason, this gives her undeniable pleasure.
“Oh shush, Dee,” Shana says before turning back to me. “Anthony finished his courses and now gets the chance to pay back his debt. He gets to be a guardian. You know, to help someone on Earth. If he succeeds, he'll get to live in Elysium.”
“Elysium?” I've never heard of it, but if that's where Gram lives, move me in!
“Yeah,” Shana answers. “You know. Heaven? Paradise?”
“That place you couldn't get into?” Deedre sneers.
I ignore her. I don't care what they call it as long as I get live there too. “Can anyone be a guardian?” Hope blossoms in my chest.
“No.” Cinder states with finality. These are the first words I've heard her utter. Her total lack of enthusiasm makes me wonder if she is one of those unfortunate souls missing out.
“Well,” Shana says, “It all depends on your situation, but I bet if you talk to Raphael he'll tell you if you qualify. We could go now if you want.”
A moment later, we stand in the airy hallway outside Raphael's office. Bright light shines through the high windows, reflecting brilliant color off the marble tile. If Idir Shaol is this beautiful—and it is slowly growing on me—how much more wonderful will Elysium be? I can’t wait to get there, and I am willing to do anything and everything to make that happen.
I take a deep breath and knock. The door opens.
“Well, hello girls. What can I do for you?” Raphael waits with his hands clasped before him, his feet bare. Once again, I'm shocked by his overpowering brightness, his beauty, and the love he radiates.
“Alisa wants to know if she can be a guardian,” Shana says before I can even open my mouth.
I glance at her with an irritated frown. She shrugs and keeps smiling.
“Is that so?” His face searches mine, and it feels like he can see right through me. “Come in, Alisa, and we'll discuss it. He shuts the door on Shana, and I am on my own.
Raphael shows me to a chair and from the look on his face, I'm sure he'll tell me I don't qualify. I mean really, who wants someone who killed themselves to help them out of a sticky situation?
“So, Alisa. Tell me. How are things?”
“Fine.” I plaster a fake smile on my face, determined to act my way through this little charade, but if he can really see inside me, he'll see a damaged, broken, miserable soul. I'm not really fine at all.
“Any problems?”
“No.”
“You have an interest in becoming a guardian?” He reclines in the armchair, the curve of a smile barely lighting on his face. His green eyes focus on mine, and suddenly it feels like he can see my heart, my sins, my weakness, and especially my desperation.
For a moment, I just sit there, my mind blank, yet I'm full of shame. “To be honest, I'm not even sure what a guardian is.”
He nods in understanding. “It is a grave responsibility. You are given charge of a person on Earth and you're to help them through a very difficult situation. You are not told what their obstacle is beforehand. You must figure it out through inspiration and meditation. Then you must help them overcome the obstacle. If you succeed, you are allowed to pass on to Elysium. It is more difficult than it sounds.”
It actually sounds really hard to me, but I'm willing to give it a try, because the thought of being stuck here for eternity is not an option.
“I'd like to do it. I know I have a lot to make up for, and I want to help someone else so they don't make my same mistakes.” Since my funeral experience, I have realized with terrible clarity the gargantuan mistake I've made. I want to go back to Earth. I have to go back.
With a sad, loving smile, he says, “We'll discuss it at our next board meeting and see what everyone thinks.” He squeezes my hand and the heat from his touch sears through me. All the guilt I've ever known feels dredged up and on display.
My heart sinks, and I pull my hand away, not wanting him to discuss me with The Board. My heart sinks. Anaita is probably on that board and she certainly won't let me go. She'll probably relish the thought of torturing me in her class forever and ever.
***
After my conversation with Raphael, time—which is hard to judge anyway—moves slower than ever before. The torture of waiting for the board's decision eats at me until I think I'll pull my hair out... which I can't really do.
I am sure they'll say no.
I go about my usual schedule, another class being next on the list. I amble along beside Shana as we make our way down the path. Cinder and Deedre follow behind. When we step into the classroom, I head for the back row. Shana always sits at the front, but she doesn't put up a fuss when I pass that row and keep going. I find a seat as far from the teacher as possible and slump down, hoping to become invisible.
Anaita stands at the front like an avenging angel, light and power radiating from her very fingertips. During class, she locks eyes with me, and I pray she can't read my thoughts. I make every effort to keep my mind blank, which really isn't hard. There isn't anything of consequence in there. I'm lucky enough that she doesn't pick on me today. Small miracle.
When class ends, I hurry to the door, determined to be free.
I'm not fast enough.
“Alisa, may I speak with you a moment?” Anaita's soft whisper makes me wince. I try not to show any feeling when I turn to face her, but dread spreads through me like slow moving tar as I see her eyes harden. I make my way back across the room to where her ivory desk rests under a wide, bright window. She leans against her desk, pink robes fanning out around her.
“Raphael spoke to me about your desire to become a guardian. I think it's a little soon.” She doesn't smile, but cocks her head as though trying to figure me out. She'll have no success in that area. I can't even figure myself out.
“Well,” I answer finally. “You're wrong.” I fight the urge to cover my lips, blocking the escape of any other errant words.
Her eyes darken and she crosses her arms over her chest. “I see fire in
your soul, Alisa, and that is a good thing... sometimes. But if you are to succeed, you'll need more than just fire. You'll need unwavering confidence. Your charge will rebel at every turn. He'll try to escape your influence. He... well, it doesn't matter. You're sure to fail.”
“Does this mean I can go?” I ask in surprise.
She sighs and walks around her desk. “We discussed it and the vote was mostly in your favor.”
She must have voted otherwise. Not a big surprise.
CHAPTER EIGHT
~Learning in the Library~
Alisa
I float all the way back to my cottage and can't wait to share the good news, especially with Deedre. I feel a tiny desire to rub it in just a bit. She got here before me after all, and now I'll be the first to leave. Take that!
I open the door with all the drama I can muster and... no one is there. I stare at the empty, quiet room, deflated, but then a spark of excitement begins to glow inside me. This is the perfect time to visit the library! I have nothing else to do. Slamming the door behind me, I race toward downtown Idir Shaol. I pass a few buildings, not remembering what they are for, and easily find my favorite place in the entire world.
The library.
It looks just like it should. Red, glittery brick, tinted windows, cement steps leading inside. And there are people everywhere. Their voices carry easily as they visit, bustle about, or sit at desks, working at what looks like small, compact computers. I move slowly, completely absorbed and baffled by this strange, new experience.
A group on carpeted risers sits before a movie screen in the corner of the large room. I make my way over, curious about what has captured their attention. They stare with determined focus, watching the film. The small-scale amphitheater seems cozy so I sit on the edge of a riser next to a friendly looking girl.
“What's going on?” I whisper.
“Shh,” she says, glancing at me, and then turning back to the movie.
“But what are you watching?”
“A training visual. Be quiet.”
“For what?” I ask.
She turns and faces me fully, a frown pulling on her lips. “A training visual is instructional media on how to be a guardian.”
“Oh.”
“Shh!” The group turns to stare at us. My mouth snaps shut, and I fight the instant desire to stand up and leave, but I'm curious, so I stay and watch. This is what I'll be doing after all. Being a guardian.
An instant yearning for hot, buttery popcorn comes to me, but since they don't have hot, buttery popcorn here, I feel empty and deprived, hating myself for what I am missing on earth. There's no way to curb this craving, so I sit there, depressed that I'll never taste my favorite treat again.
The video continues with a spirit guardian tagging along behind his charge, who is battling a desire to enter a bar. The guardian hovers behind him, whispering frantically into his ear. They stand on the street corner, the man's eyes glued to the door of the bar. He wears a leather jacket and seems about the same age as my dad. Probably in his late forties. His hands clench and unclench as his Adam’s apple bobs up and down.
“He's an alcoholic,” the girl next to me whispers. “He just finished AA.”
“Oh,” I whisper back. “So why is he at a bar?”
The girl scowls at me like I'm an idiot. “That's the whole point. His guardian is trying to talk him out of going inside.”
I have the feeling she wants to add a duh to the end of her sentence.
The scene plays out and I lean forward, my toes clenched and my eyes straining even though the picture is crystal clear. I'm spellbound, holding my breath. Will the guy screw up months of success for just one drink? Will he throw all those torturous hours of AA away?
Just when I'm sure he'll lose the battle, the man turn and hails an approaching taxi. The people sitting next to me jump up and cheer, their hands in the air. I find myself jumping up too, hugging the girl next to me in celebration of the man's success. A thrill of excitement rushes through us.
Will my charge have temptations like this? Will people here watch my work? As cool as that sounds, I'm not someone who wants an audience. I'm sure to screw up if I know people can see me in a movie like this. “Do you watch these training visuals all the time?”
“Oh sure,” she says. “Especially if there's a special situation where the task is difficult and the guardian is successful. They want us to learn from one another's achievements... and failures.”
“Right. Got it.” I'm sure to be in lights someday. Probably to show what not to do. When the group disperses, I meander to a different part of the library, anxious to see what else this fascinating locality offers.
I pass some high bookshelves and stop to pull a book down. The pages are thick and appear very old, crackling with a musty odor when the pages part. The words are in a strange language. One I don't understand, so I put it back and pull down another, only to find the same thing. What is this section? Where are the romance novels? The suspense thrillers?
“Are you lost?” a voice behind me asks.
I turn to see a small woman in white carrying a large stack of ancient tomes. Not unlike the one I'm holding.
“You work here?” I feel an instant liking for this woman. She seems sweet, motherly.
“Yes. I do. Are you lost? Most people don't wander around here aimlessly,” she says with a smile and a wink. “You must be new. Can I help you find something?”
“Well, I came to read, but there's so much to see.” I look at all the different people watching videos, conversing, or in discussion groups. I can't see one person just lazing around reading.
“This isn't a library like you'll find on Earth if that's what you mean,” she explains. Everyone has a job to do, or is in training.”
“Oh. Well, I'm leaving for Earth soon to be a guardian.”
“That says a lot about you.” She places her hand gently on my forearm. “You must be an old soul, wise and sent to earth quickly.”
Old soul? Wise? She definitely has me mixed up with somebody else.
“I have some time to visit if you'd like.” She smiles with a warmth I can't ignore, and I'm so lonely that I take her up on her offer.
“My name is Annabelle. I've worked here for a long time. Over a century.” She sits down at a nearby table, so I sit opposite her.
“You've worked here a hundred years?”
“Yes. Time doesn't move the same here like it does on earth, but I love my job. I chose to come here, to help souls like you.” She sits back with a serene expression. “What is your name, dear?”
“Alisa. Alisa Callahan.” This lady reminds me of my grandmother, which is actually kind of wonderful. She has the same oval face and twinkly blue eyes. Even their smiles are similar. She makes me feel wanted and comfortable. Something I've been craving for a long time.
Annabelle leans forward, her countenance open and peaceful. “I died of natural causes in the late eighteen hundreds. After I died, I learned that all spirits continue to work, to help out in some way. There's a lot to be done in every area of existence.”
Will I have to work for eternity too? Actually work? Did Gram have a job? Did Natty? I close my eyes in despair. I don't want to work forever. I want to rest. I'm tired. That was the whole point of killing myself. I shake my head and glance down at my hands.
“What did you imagine people do after death?” she asks kindly. “Float on clouds of happiness all day?” She places her hand over mine and gives me a couple of squeezes. “That would get a little boring after a while. Don't you think?”
Actually, no. I don't think it would. It sounds wonderful.
“I know it's a lot to take in, but once you return from your guardianship, you'll be able to choose where you'd like to contribute. That is, if you succeed.”
I glance back at her. “If I succeed? What happens if I don't?”
She pauses and slowly raises her eyes to meet mine. “You go to Soul Prison.”
C
HAPTER NINE
~A Bad Deal~
Brecken
Brecken sits across the kitchen table from Damion, a kid he knows from school. He wouldn't exactly call him a friend, more of a means to an end... kind of. More and more often though, Brecken has been told to do things he doesn't like, things that cross the line, but how else will he get the extra money he needs?
He can't call his dad. Those conversations always end in an argument, with his dad telling him what a crappy job he's doing paying the bills and saving the money he left them. Doesn't his dad realize they need food too?
Anger at his hopeless situation sprouts anew, and his resolve to go along with Damion's latest scheme strengthens.
“They're gone by eight in the morning,” Damian says, his dark eyes intense. “They have a dog, but it's little and can't do any damage. Kill it for all I care. They're crappy neighbors anyway. They leave their bathroom window cracked open. Idiots. Anyway, there's a screen on it, but you can easily push it out. Go for the master bedroom. Jewelry, that kind of stuff. All I want is a third of what you take.”
“A quarter. I'm the one taking the risk.” Brecken gazes into Damion's muddy, brown eyes with disgust. The only reason he is still here is because their phone will be disconnected tomorrow if they don't pay the dumb bill. Brecken needs ninety-five bucks, and if he's late paying, not only will his cell phone be turned off, but his dad's too. It's a family plan, and his dad needs his phone for his business.
“Fine.”
Brecken grits his teeth and looks down at his hands, shame blossoming in his chest, making his heart feel as dirty as the grime under his fingernails.
He leaves with not only regret, but a raw dose of fear too. How can he continue to live like this?
CHAPTER TEN
~First Glimpse of Hell~
Alisa
“Soul Prison?” I repeat, staring into Annabelle's eyes in horror. “Like a penitentiary?” I don't want to be punished forever for one little misunderstanding. That doesn't seem fair. I want a shot at redemption, to be with my family, with Natty. I can't go to prison!
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