by A R Maloney
Gema nodded and I sat down again. She shaved both sides of my head, leaving a wide mohawk. When I stood to look in the mirror once more, it felt better. I breathed a sigh of relief as I looked back at my new reflection, confident that it would not be something which everyone would associate with Nova. I found myself hugging Gema. “Thank you! I think it’s perfect.” I moved to the corner where a broom and dustpan sat and began sweeping up the mess of hair, stopping to pull out any long-decorated lengths. I handed those to Gema before emptying the rest into the trash bin.
She stood for a moment, staring at the lengths of hair she held in her hands, then nodded to me. “Let’s find the others.”
We made it to the dinner hall as the last few were leaving. “Grab a plate and come to the common room.” Shea called as she walked out with Markus. They paused for a moment, taking in the new look before nodding and moving on.
I followed Gema and we filled a couple plates with a mixture of roast beef and vegetables. She was headed to grab a drink. “I heard Sinamin say there’s a bar in the common room, does something stronger than tea sound good?”
She nodded.
I nodded back. We both could use a real drink. I smiled, hoping this shaky start between us might become a friendship. I pulled the door open and held it with my foot so she could pass through and we made our way to the common room.
It was refreshing to see everyone relaxing, getting along. There were small groups. Kumar and Cole were playing darts in the corner. Shea was perched on the arm of a couch telling a raucous story that had Naofa and Markus nearly falling from their seats. I sat my food down at a table, Gema grabbed a seat. My eyes hit the wall where the bar sat. “Whatcha drinking?”
Gema shrugged. “Tonight? Anything strong.”
“Couldn’t agree with you more.”
I felt like I was going through someone’s personal space as I peeked through cupboards and drawers. I found two large glasses and a bottle of something red. I opened it and poured a splash into a glass to taste. It was sweet but had a strong bite. Some kind of berry wine, maybe? I carried the bottle and the glasses to the table and poured for Gema and then myself. Sonarim and Mera walked in and went to get in on the dart game.
Naofa came over a few minutes later with a glass of her own. She filled it and had a seat with us. “Nice hair!” My mouth was filled with food, so I smiled and pointed at Gema. “I see you found the good stuff!” My cousin makes this. It’s strawberry moonshine and it’ll put hair on your toes if you’re not careful.”
I swallowed and before I could stop… it happened. “Well, I already fucked up the whole being careful bit, and now I have hair down half my spine. Hairy toes probably wouldn’t shock me at this point.”
For a moment it got so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. I thought Gema was going to spit the food from her mouth. Then everyone burst out laughing. It felt good. I felt like myself for the first time in days.
Shea called out, “I like this one. I think Nova would have approved.”
I frowned, not wanting to draw anyone back into their grief. Naofa clinked her glass to mine, “That was a good one. I may use it against you some time.” She giggled, proud of herself. It set me back at ease.
I looked around, “Where’s Ruaa?”
“He’s standing guard with General Lancer.” Mera threw a dart before continuing. “We just left, Kumar and Cole are our replacements.”
I shoveled the last bit of food into my mouth and washed it down with a few large gulps of the sweet but potent drink. Gema had finished her plate too, so I carried them to the bar and rinsed the plates off in the standing wash bins.
I noticed Naofa had stepped behind the bar and was pulling out stacks of shot glasses. She handed them to Markus and then pulled out several bottles of whiskey and carried them to the table. They were going to drink to their dead tonight. I looked around and saw that she was the only one left that wasn’t in Company Aphos except for Mera and Sonarim. When they saw what was happening, they wrapped up their game and left the room, giving the remaining sentinels privacy.
I had dried the last plate and placed it in the cupboard when Ruaa entered the room. I wiped my hands on a towel and quietly made my way to the door to give the company room to grieve. I had the door opened and was halfway through when I heard my name called.
“Skye,” it was Gema. “Please, you may stay if you would like. At least for the first round.”
I paused, my hand on the door, my body half-turned back towards the group. I didn’t know what to say, or what to do in this case. I didn’t want to cause offense by not staying, but I didn’t want to disrespect the fallen by staying either… if it was a disrespect. Here I was standing, alive again; in the body of their sister-in-arms. What would Nova want?
I returned to the table. “I’m not sure that it’s right for me to stay, or for me to go.”
I looked at the many glasses poured on the table, the ones for the dead, the ones for the living. I picked up a glass and lifted it to my nose, breathing in the rich sweet smell of the amber whiskey which had been poured. I looked at Gema, and then to the rest of Company Aphos and nodded, lifting the glass high, hoping this was the right thing to do.
“My new friends, we are here tonight to drink to the memories of your fallen brothers and sisters-in-arms. Your friends. Your family. The ones you have spent months building bonds with. I am here, with you, because I recognize the great blessing I have received when the gods placed me in the body of your friend, Nova.
I never met her, neither in life, nor in battle. But I have seen what she has meant to you all, and in the memories shared I saw the devotion and the love she had for you too. So, as I drink to honor her life and her death, I make this promise to you. I will do my best to be a sentinel who she would want to live and die for. I will fight to my last breath to support and protect you all as we fight together to save Eluna.
A very wise man once reminded me this: ‘Though they have returned to the skies, they will not linger long, for that is not the way of the sentinel. They will return at the first chance. Many lives have we lived, and many lives we will live again. Today, though your hearts may grieve, do not mourn long. Instead look for the rebirth that is sure to come.’” I lowered my glass and watched as Gema stepped forward.
Gema lit one of the glasses and held her own high. Everyone raised their glasses as well. I followed suit. She cleared her throat and called out, “We drink to the life of Nova! She was a light in the darkness for so many of us. She loved as hard as she lived. We grew up together, she and I. We were recruited together. She was even to marry my brother. Our two families have been tied for generations. I have not known a better sentinel… or had a closer friend. Though my heart has been breaking for days, I know for sure…. My faith is strong. The gods will not keep her away long. She will come again!”
The tears were falling freely from Gema’s eyes, sliding down her cheeks and landing on her tunic as we all repeated the call. “She will come again!” I tossed back my drink, the whiskey burning my throat as I swallowed hard. We watched in silence as Nova’s glass burned out.
Clarissa looked at me, “Thank you, Skye.” I nodded and turned my glass over onto the tabletop as they filled the glasses for the others.
“I don’t feel it’s appropriate for me to stay for the rest, but should you need me, just ask.” With my fist over my heart I bowed to the group then turned, making my way out of the room. The small click, the only sound of the door gently closing behind me.
Chapter 23 - Rage
~Skye~
HE WAS STANDING IN the cloak of the long shadows of the doorway. If he had heard me approach, it didn’t show. Perhaps it had to do with the comfort and feeling of security of being in one’s own home. A feeling, I realized, I had been missing for some time now. Even before my previous life was cut short.
I hummed a small tune as I drew closer, a song my mother used to sing to me, many years ago. My new voice sounded foreign in my ea
rs as it flowed lightly through the hall. Lancer remained unmoving; his gaze heavy, as he kept watch. I let my hands encircle his waist as I took the final steps towards him, and I lay my head on his back, still humming gently. I reveled in the feel of my skin against the soft leather of his tunic, and I inhaled deeply, breathing in his scent. For the briefest moment I felt him tense up, then he pulled my arms tighter around him and he relaxed back into me.
“The girls said you ate?” The low timbre of his voice rumbled like a great cat’s purr against my cheek.
“I did.” I resumed my humming.
“And do you feel that the clothes suit you?” His hands were warm against my forearms.
“They suit me fine.” His gaze still lay weightily on some point out the windows. We stood wordlessly for some time. He was holding onto something, working it out in his mind. “Lance? What is it?” I pulled a hand away, running it along the side of my head, feeling the short, sharp edges of the shorn hairs. He wouldn’t care that we chopped it off… would he? For a moment I began to doubt my decisions. I began to step back, and he turned to me.
“You saw how we reclaimed your wings, right?”
I nodded. Nabaru had shown us all what had happened. The enemy captured, tortured. We had all learned of the great stockpile of wings being held in the depths of Dusk Fortress. I wondered how many Lucenians were privy to this information.
“There’s something that wasn’t shared.” His voice carried an edge of tension as he spoke.
I looked at him, the question on my lips.
The next words came out carefully, his voice quieted. “The magus, Cyrus… we didn’t kill him.”
This time I did step back, pushing my arms out and locking my elbows to keep the space between us. “What do you mean? We all saw, you took his wings.”
“Yes, we did, and his tongue as well. But it was you who deserves the opportunity to finish him, if that’s what needs to happen.” I saw the spark of fire in my eyes as they flashed in the reflection of the glass window on the door and it took me aback. “Where?” My voice came out as a sharp bark, the sound much courser than I had intended.
“It’s the reason guards were already posted here, even before you all arrived.” His voice was calm and even, despite the previous note of tension. His eyes did not show any sign of stress, not even mild concern; he was the picture of serenity and control.
But me? I’m sure I was a different picture. What started as a niggling itch, deep in my chest began building, twisting into a white-hot ball of fury. It built inside me, growing in intensity as the heat flowed through my veins. My hands began to tingle and warm as my long claws bit into my palms. I tried calming myself, closing my eyes and taking deep breaths; something my old teacher Riven had instilled upon me in my early days as a sentinel of Lucenia. However, the bright glow I cast on the walls and door told me I was beyond control. I grit my teeth hard and growled, “Where is he?”
By this time, I had begun visibly shaking. Lancer tried to pull me in, tried to hug me. I stepped forward with my palms up and smashed them into his chest with all of my strength, pushing him away. “Please, Skye….” He knew I was dangerous. Had my powers grown as I had been placed into this new body? I was leaner, and taller, stronger and more agile. I had the body of a ranger, and the mind of a magus. He kept the distance I had commanded, watching me warily. “Please… can you try to understa…?”
“Can I try to understand?!” Now I let the fury fill my hands. Both glowed hot with molten energy as flames began to surround my clenched fists. “I don’t wish to harm you, but this….” My eyes fell upon the fire in my hands, which was continuing to grow larger by the second.
His eyes widened too, his face a mixture of surprise and concern as he moved to open the door.
I hadn’t uttered a spell, yet magic was literally seeping from my pores. I was seething. Nearly out of control and barely hanging on by a thread… not knowing how. I managed to take a step backwards, allowing him to open the door. As soon as the latch had moved and the door had begun to part from its frame, I pressed through with my shoulder. My mind didn’t register knocking Lancer out of the way.
I ran down the stoop of the halls of Company Eclipse and down the short path leading to the main road. My head swung wildly from side to side as I searched for somewhere to release this energy; anywhere I would not cause harm. I knew I was dangerous now. I felt feral, trapped in this body. And even though it was taller and larger than my previous one—it still left me feeling like my skin was too tight. My entire body vibrated with unchecked emotions, each heartbeat adding to a mixture of fear, disgust, anxiety, pain, and most of all… rage.
I screamed my frustration into the frozen night air. There was no good target for me to hit. No safe place. I was surrounded by buildings; homes and shops and pubs. Barracks, an orphanage, and what I believed might be a whorehouse. Where the fuck were the training grounds? The practice fields? Arrrrgh! I screamed out in rage again, finally just flinging my hands upwards towards the skies, releasing massive fireballs high into the air. Once. Twice. Three times. So many times, I eventually had lost count.
After several minutes of barely controlled explosive rage I sunk to my knees; my body spent and sagging on the bricks of the pathway which led to the main concourse of Morland Fortress. I paid no mind to the soldiers and garrison which had gathered. I didn’t even notice as Lance quietly returned them to their posts. I don’t know how long I knelt there before I felt him come near. His patience… a soothing solace. I sank to the bricks, laying my cheek onto the frozen stone. Absorbing the cold, I let it cool my rage as I struggled for a single calm breath. He sat quietly near me, oblivious to the biting winds as he waited for me to regain my composure.
After several minutes he scooted closer, ready to move quickly should my rage build again. Lance took his time approaching me, sliding bit by bit, until he was beside me. This time I didn’t shirk his touch when he ran his fingers through my newly shortened hair. “It’s soft, I like it.”
I had expected him to say something about my violent outburst. My grand two-year-old moment. He merely continued running his hand through my hair, from the top of my head down the back of my neck and through the long-downy soft hair on my spine. Eventually, he lay down beside me on the frozen walkway, pulling my back against his solid chest and offering his muscled arm as a pillow. His other arm draped over my side, holding me close. “I understand.” This was the only other thing he said.
The chill of the frozen pathway would have bothered me in my old body. While I’d had more tolerance for the cold than most Lucenians, I would have never tolerated this. Yet I felt at peace, here on the ice-cold stone, in what was nearly a public walkway. He held me sweetly and we lay together, side by side for nearly a half hour, perhaps longer, as I tried to sort through this information in my mind. This wasn’t Droghel in the building, but it was a member of his death squad. It was the one who had silenced me during my battle against Droghel, who had cast me to sleep. He had helped to remove my wings… and we were to be sleeping under the same roof. And now his life? His life was in my hands….
I turned my head to the left and placed a small kiss inside Lance’s elbow. Then I lay my right hand over his, twining our fingers together, and raised them to my lips before placing another kiss on his palm.
“Am I forgiven?” His voice carried an edge of anxiety, something I had rarely heard from him before. If anything at all, General Lancer was confident. Always… always, until me.
I gave his hand a squeeze before removing his arm and standing. He turned, propping himself up on his elbows and I offered him an arm up. We grasped each other’s forearms and I gave a small grunt as I helped pull his massive body from the ground. I turned back to the company hall and he stopped me. “Tell me when you’re ready to see him. He is yours to judge now. Yours to do with as you see fit.”
I ran a hand up his chest and round his neck, splaying my fingers deep into the hair there and gripping hard.
I pulled him down to me and placed a kiss on his neck, feeling his skin pulling taut and lifting with small prickles as I nipped him lightly on a sensitive spot. “Not tonight.” I grasped his hand and turned, leading him back inside, back towards his room… no, our room now.
“Wait!” He turned and pushed me against the door before I could open it. Leaning in, he kissed me hard, leaving no question as to his feelings, or what would be happening when we made it beyond the door of his room. “I need to recall guards to the doors.” He kissed me over each eye and on my forehead. “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”
I watched as he jogged towards the main guardhouse, moving swiftly with each stride of his long legs. Moments later two guards returned with him. They stationed themselves at the front doors to Eclipse Company hall and I took Lance’s warm hand as he guided me inside.
We reached his door and he turned me, pushing my back against the heavy wood and kissing me soundly. His hands slid up under my shirt, cupping my breasts and I moaned into his mouth, biting his lip hard. “Open the door. Now.” I commanded. My hands were at his waist, pulling on the buttons of his leather breeches. As the last button came free my hand slid around his waist, dipping into his pants and I pinched his butt. If he didn’t open the door soon, I don’t think it would have mattered which side of the door we were on. I kissed his cheek, then his neck; the sound coming from him was something between a growl and a moan. Then I bit him on the shoulder and pinched him again, harder. “Door. Now.”
My voice was a plea in his ear, and he laughed wickedly. “So impatient.” He squeezed my nipple and bit my neck in return. I nearly sank to the floor as he continued nibbling on my neck.
I slid a hand into his loosened pants, grasping him firmly. “If you want any more than this handshake, you will open the door.” I wondered if my resolve would hold out long enough to test my declaration.
A moment later his hands slid to my waist. I heard the telltale click of the door and he scooped me up into his arms, slapping my bottom gently as he lifted me. I felt him kick the door shut and he engaged the lock before carrying me across the room to his bed. Our bed now. I smiled into his neck as the thought crossed my mind again.
