by Bianca D’Arc
Tracy, too, had never seen Hank’s beast. She’d never really seen any big cat shifter in their fur. Oh, she’d met a few at the restaurant when they flew into town for refueling or a quick stopover, but they’d all stayed in their two-legged form. Tracy had to admit, she was intrigued—more than intrigued—to see what Hank looked like in his fur.
There was something really slinky and kind of sexy about big cats. Even as a werewolf, Tracy had to admit that. From what she’d seen on nature documentaries, most big cats moved with a sinuous grace that wolves couldn’t quite match.
“I’ll change inside and walk out slowly. That should be the least alarming for her,” he said, grinning slightly, calling Tracy’s attention back to the matter at hand and away from her dangerous thoughts about the potential sexiness of cats. Hank looked faintly nervous, and Tracy’s heart went out to him.
Damn. She really needed to be tougher than this. What kind of werewolf bitch was she? She’d been so strong and adamant that she could raise her daughter on her own, but the moment Hank of the clear blue eyes showed up in her life, again, she turned into a mush. Tracy shook her head at herself while Hank went back into the sunroom.
A moment later, a giant golden and black jaguar slunk out of her house. Holy crap. She’d been right to worry about sexy cats. Her belly wobbled as he began to walk toward her.
He was massive. And incredibly handsome.
Tracy watched him move, almost mesmerized by the way his spots shifted over his muscular frame as he walked slowly out into the garden. Emma held very still, watching him, and Tracy became aware that she was holding her breath. That wouldn’t do. She reached down and plucked Emma off the ground, holding her at waist level, which was about the height of Hank’s head in his beast form.
“Sweetie, this is a jaguar. This is what you are. What you will become when you get bigger,” Tracy said gently to her daughter, who was still in baby jaguar form.
Hank sat on his haunches and let them both look at him for a few moments. Then, he raised his front paw, and Emma reached out with her own tiny paw, meeting him halfway. They touched paws, and the size comparison blew Tracy away. Even if Emma grew to only half the size of her father, she was going to be a force to be reckoned with.
Hank spread his paw, allowing them to see the claws. Emma tried to copy his movements, and her little claws came out of hiding. Tracy had been trying to teach her daughter not to use them unless she meant to do damage, but it had been hit or miss the past week. Maybe Hank would have better luck explaining how cat paws worked to their little girl. Tracy wasn’t altogether certain what it felt like for a cat and therefore couldn’t explain it well enough for her bright two year old.
Hank lowered his paw and moved his head to sniff around Emma’s face. The little girl in cat form returned the gesture. She even reached out to lick his ear, and Hank reciprocated with a big lick under her chin and then another one down over her head, where Emma’s downy fur lay flattened for a few moments before springing back to its habitual fuzzy appearance.
Emma began to wiggle and move her limbs in a clear signal that she wanted to be put down. Tracy complied but kept Emma close, wary even though Hank had made no outwardly hostile moves. It would take time to build trust. Not long, but more than just a minute or two.
Emma scampered away into the herb garden then jumped out in front of Hank, apparently trying to play a furry version of peekaboo, or maybe pounce. Hank was calm as he walked at Tracy’s side. She led him to the old oak tree at the back of the yard where she’d put a garden bench in a small clearing. She could watch Emma play from back there, and often did just that. Today, she would share the spot with Hank, she decided, and let Emma come and go at will so she could get used to him.
“We can sit back here and keep an eye on the entire garden,” Tracy told Hank as he padded beside her.
He lay down next to the bench, his long tail swishing occasionally from side to side. He was majestic. There was just no other word for him.
Tracy sat, watching Emma approach, cautiously at first. When Hank made no move to stop her, Emma grew bolder, walking up and reaching out with one little paw to touch him, then she patted his side. Eventually, she seemed to find some fascination with the tip of his tail, chasing it from side to side for a bit while Tracy fought not to laugh. Her baby was still very uncoordinated in both forms, but she did try, and she was getting steadier every day. Even in the few days since she’d been shifting, Tracy had already noted a marked improvement in her walking on four feet instead of two.
Hank seemed to watch Emma out of the corner of his eye, indulging his daughter as she began to climb onto his back. Or, at least, tried to. She slipped off more than she climbed, but the little jaguar seemed to think it was fun, so neither Tracy nor Hank objected.
Eventually, Emma tired herself out and curled into a little ball of fur along Hank’s flank. He moved a little, curling around her just the tiniest bit, offering her shelter. That was it. Emma went out like a light in a total nap attack.
After a little while, Tracy bent down and picked up her sleeping daughter. She hadn’t shifted, but Tracy knew she probably would at some point during her nap and wake in human form. Tracy carried Emma inside and up to her room, placing her on the soft mattress and tucking her in. She then laid out clothes for the child to wear when she resumed her two-legged shape and tiptoed out of the room to get dinner started, and face Hank.
Tracy found Hank in the sunroom, just buttoning the last button on his shirt. Damn. She’d missed the show. Her inner hussy of a wolf wanted to whine, but Tracy clamped down on that instinct.
“You were very patient with her,” she said, focusing on Emma instead of her need to see this man naked, once again. It had been far too long a dry spell.
“I like kids,” he said. “I’ve never had one of my own before, but since I’m known as one of the pranksters of the Clan, the others seem to trust me with their little ones when I’m home.”
“Home? You mean that island, right? The one Mark Pepard bought?” She’d been curious about the jaguar situation for a long time, and now, of course, she had a special reason to be interested. Emma might, one day, take her place among the Jaguar Clan.
“Yeah. Worst kept secret in the shifter world, but we also have some of the tightest security on the planet. Nobody gets onto the island without our knowledge and permission.” He looked hard for a moment, then his expression gentled. “I already talked to Mark about you and Emma. You are both welcome there. Anytime.”
Tracy sucked in a breath, completely surprised. She hadn’t expected that. Not at all.
“Well, that’s… That’s great,” she said, knowing she sounded lame.
She moved into the kitchen, knowing he would follow her. She needed to start dinner, and bustling around the kitchen would give her something to do besides look into his blue eyes and think about things that could never be.
“You know, I opened an account for Emma last week. I can send you the details if you give me your email address. It’s for you both. Something I should’ve done—would’ve done—had I known.” His voice was soft, as if he was feeling his way with this topic.
Tracy felt the flush creeping up her cheeks. She wasn’t a charity case.
“I don’t want your money, Hank. I don’t need it, but it was good of you to offer.”
She heard Hank sigh and didn’t dare look at him. Instead, she went to the refrigerator and started gathering things she needed. She didn’t want to have this conversation at all but knew they needed to get it out of the way.
“Look, it was my decision to do this on my own. If I’d needed your money, I would’ve looked you up two years ago.”
“But you didn’t.”
His words fell in the quiet room, and she could hear the accusation in his tone. Too bad. She was protecting her child. If she’d hurt him in the process, so be it.
Her inner wolf was conflicted. Emma was more important—wasn’t she? The wolf had always agreed
before, but now… Tracy was confused.
“Tracy, money isn’t the only thing I have to offer, but I do want you to know that I don’t expect you to foot the bill for everything in our daughter’s life. I know you’re an independent woman, and I admire that, but it’s only fair that I pay for some of this.” She growled. She couldn’t help herself. “Okay. We’ll circle back to that another time. The thing is…”
She was so surprised he’d given in so easily, her inner wolf stopped growling and listened attentively for what he might come up with next.
“The thing is,” he repeated, his tone softening, “I want to be part of Emma’s life. Now that I know she exists, I can’t just ignore the fact that I have a daughter.”
Tracy knew that. She had known that all along. Perhaps it had been selfishness that had made her keep the secret as long as she had. She loved her little girl and didn’t really want to share her, but she knew Hank had a right to know his child, even if Tracy wasn’t altogether happy with it. She was very possessive of her baby. She’d had to be, knowing that Emma might grow up to be so very different than her cousins in the Pack. And then, she’d shifted, and Tracy’s protective instincts had ratcheted up to an all-new high. But there was one thing she needed to know.
“Why did you never come back?” she asked. “It’s been almost three years. Where’ve you been all this time?” She hated the needy sound of her own voice, but she had to know.
Somewhere, deep inside her, during her pregnancy, and even after, she’d held some kind of misguided hope that he would magically appear and make everything all right. He hadn’t, and she’d sucked it up and went on with what had to be done. A few months after Emma was born, Tracy had finally given up on her Prince Charming ever waltzing back into her life.
“I wanted to,” he answered in a low voice. “I tried, but it seemed like every time I had a free moment and planned to come back here, some crisis popped up in another part of the world that only I could deal with for the Clan. Since I left here the first time, I’ve been to Cambodia, Iceland, Iran, Turkey, Peru, and Nova Scotia, just to name a few. Those were the longer missions that took a few months each. In between those, there were always little fires that needed to be put out in Europe, the Middle East, India and South America. I spent a lot of time in Argentina, dealing with my extended family, helping them move to the island.” He sighed heavily. “Every time I thought I had some free time coming up, I planned to come here and see you again, and every time, I got a call from Mark or Nick or one of my family members, needing me to help with something only I could help them with. It was like everything was conspiring against my return. Like Fate didn’t want me to see you again.”
“Until now,” she said slowly, really listening to his words.
Had Fate kept them apart for a reason? Was the Goddess playing games with their lives? Was there some kind of higher purpose to all this? She honestly didn’t know. What she did glean from his words was that he had been thinking about—even planning—to come back to her all that time.
He hadn’t succeeded in getting back here until now, but he’d at least thought about her. It actually sounded like he’d thought about her a lot. Knowing that, she felt a little chink in the wall she’d built around her heart begin to form.
“Until now,” he agreed, his tone growing more intimate as he stepped just one step closer, lessening the gap between them both figuratively and literally. “I don’t know why it worked out this way, but it feels almost like… I don’t know…” He ran one hand through his golden hair. “Like, maybe… For some reason, it was meant to be this way.” He sighed heavily, and a look of frustration passed over his handsome face. “Only the Mother of All knows why, but why else was it so hard for me to get back here until now?”
She paused, considering his words, then finally, shook her head. The workings of the Goddess had always been a mystery to her. She had faith in the Mother of All, but she’d never seen the deity she served acting directly in her life before. Was that what had happened here? She just wasn’t sure.
“Look, I won’t stop you from seeing Emma,” Tracy finally said, every word chiseled out of her heart. “Especially now, she needs another jaguar in her life to show her what she needs to know. What I can’t teach her.”
Admitting that nearly crushed her. She had been everything to Emma from the day she was born. Now, there was something in Emma’s life that Tracy couldn’t help her with. A wolf couldn’t really show her daughter how to be a jaguar.
“I’d like you both to come to the island. Meet the Clan. Get to know us and see what we’re all about. I think it will help you raise our daughter if you understand more about what her animal needs to be happy.” He took a breath and continued in a deeper tone. “Come with me when I bring Pax and Ari to their meeting. I can fly you back anytime, but the brothers will probably need a ride back to Arizona anyway, and I can bring you back with them, if you like. It’s only for a few days, but I want you to see the place.”
The invitation took her breath away. It was one thing to consider going to that faraway island sometime in the future, but Hank was talking about right now. In the next couple of days. Too soon, her wolf howled. Too soon to take her baby away, even just by introducing her to her own kind. Too soon! The wolf woman wanted to weep.
Then again… As she settled her inner wolf once more, she began to think through the possibilities. She’d been intrigued by the idea of Jaguar Island ever since she’d first heard about it. Hank was offering a free ride, which would save a great deal of bother and money, since he had already secured approval to take them. The wolf started thinking strategically. It would be better to know what they were up against…Clan vs. Pack. Jaguars vs. wolves.
“I’m not sure,” she told him, trying to sound calmer than she felt. “I’ll have to think about it.”
“Do that. And, while you’re at it, consider this. I’m willing to buy a house or condo near here, if that’s what it takes. I want to be here for Emma as she grows up. I want to be in her life. And, Tracy…” His voice dropped down low, compelling. “I want to be in your life, too. Not just because of Emma. I came here last week, looking forward to seeing you again, and that hasn’t changed. I’m still very interested in you.”
Interested. Huh. Was that all? Somehow, her inner wolf wasn’t happy with that wording. No, not at all. She felt like biting him.
Instead, she put the casserole she’d been preparing into the oven and left the room before she said something she’d regret. She heard Emma stirring upstairs anyway. Time to get her dressed and back downstairs to work off some energy before dinner. And to run interference between Tracy and Emma’s dad.
Hank realized he’d pushed her too far, too fast when Tracy walked out of the kitchen without a word. He couldn’t really interpret her mood, but he thought she was either pissed, thinking it over, or completely repulsed. He’d hoped she might be tempted, but he figured that ship had sailed. He only hoped she didn’t hate him.
He found Tracy and Emma in a room filled with toys a few minutes later. He’d heard them come downstairs, and when neither had reappeared in the kitchen, he went hunting for them. Emma was playing with a stuffed wolf toy, and Hank decided right then and there to contact the woman on the island who made stuffed jaguar toys for the children of the Clan. His baby should have one of those very special toys, too.
Tracy was leaning against the doorjamb, just watching their daughter play when he came up behind her, peeking into the room. She didn’t turn to look at him, though she had to know he was there. He’d scared her off, possibly, with his talk of the future.
“I’m sorry, Tracy,” he said quietly.
Her shoulders stiffened, but after a moment, she turned to look at him. Her expression was closed off, inaccessible. She was on her guard against him, and he didn’t like it at all.
Hank tried to be patient and just not let her attitude get to him. She was probably afraid he’d try to snatch their child out from under her or
something equally diabolical. He had no such intentions, of course. Emma didn’t deserve that, and even though his protective instincts were in overdrive, he knew Tracy had done a good job of protecting their baby so far and she was bonded to Emma in a way he was not.
Emma was intrigued by him, and she seemed to feel a natural affinity for him, but he couldn’t be sure, at this point, whether that was because she somehow sensed he was her father or if she just sensed the jaguar was like her. It would break his heart if it was just the cat calling to its own kind. He wanted that bond with his daughter. He wanted her to know she could always come to him and be certain of welcome and protection…and lots and lots of unconditional parental love.
But he’d missed the first two years of her life already. He didn’t want to miss any more.
That thought firmly in mind, he let Tracy be his guide in the next few hours. First, playing with toys with Emma in her playroom with Tracy, then sitting down to share a meal with them both. He complimented Tracy’s cooking, like any polite guest, but he meant it. Tracy had done wonders with a simple casserole, and he enjoyed the meal more than any other in recent memory.
That was due to the company, even more than the food, of course. Sitting there, at the table with Emma and Tracy gave him pangs of regret for the past, and hope for the future at the same time. He thought how it must be to be mated. Sitting down to eat each day with the woman who was your other half, and any offspring that might result of that union of hearts and souls.
Would he ever know that with Tracy? His inner cat was screeching at him to make it happen. The fickle beast had finally woken up where Tracy was concerned, and even though she was a wolf, the cat wanted her. He wasn’t being as snobby as he had been about the difference in their beasts. It was as if Emma’s presence had changed everything, turning the cat from interest to full-on obsession.
Hank wasn’t sure if that was fair to Tracy, but it was what it was. His cat—and his human side, for that matter—had both been having a hard time with the idea of a cross-species mating. Both sides of his being had felt a strong attraction to Tracy. So strong, he hadn’t been with another woman since her. That said something right there that he’d been too stubborn to admit.
