Breaking the Ice
A Spirit Quest Book
BA Tortuga
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Epilogue
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Afterword
Also Available from BA
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher.
Breaking the Ice
Copyright © 2019 by BA Tortuga
1380 Rio Rancho Blvd #1319
Rio Rancho, NM 87124
Cover illustration by AJ Corza
Published with permission
ISBN: 978-1-51532-63-5
All rights reserved. No part of this eBook may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
First Printing: January 2020
Printed in the USA
Created with Vellum
To Jaymi.
Chapter 1
Liam watched the rain fall on the river, his chin resting on the tree limb he lay on. His tail dangled, but it didn’t matter. This side of the river had far fewer apex predators somehow. More humans to kill them off.
He blew out a sigh, making raindrops fly off his whiskers.
He was a loner, wasn’t he? So why did he miss those motley fools he called friends so much?
He knew the answer to that. He liked the bears and the damn wolves. He liked hanging out and giving food. He liked sharing his kill when he took down an elk.
Liam liked being alone, but he loved having friends.
Here he had no one.
Flexing his claws, he thought about hunting. There were deer aplenty, and smaller game flourished. He was so hungry his belly was gnawing his backbone, but he just couldn’t bother.
It just didn’t matter.
Dying wouldn’t be so bad. A little pain as he slid past another veil, and then he would be in another land, one of eternal summers and where he could look in on a certain bird with wings like night.
Without worry. Without guilt.
Without remembering those black eyes when Kell told him to go.
He sighed and closed his eyes as the snow began to fall. He hadn’t meant to make the little wolf run. He hadn’t thought, really. No one listened to him anyway, so he said whatever came to his mind.
To be honest, he’d been so fucking mad, so disappointed that the bear and wolf had mated when he’d been so careful, so determined not to hurt his raven, that he’d been mean.
He thought Kell would understand. Kell knew how it hurt. Kell knew they were called to be together.
This time, though, he’d hurt both little wolf and grizzly, and Kell had told him to leave. To go away.
He had. He’d left Glen Wood, and he was never speaking to anyone. Not ever again.
Embarrassed, angry, hurt—Liam was more self-aware than any of them thought, and he couldn’t face all that again.
Alone was better.
Even if he hated it.
Goddamn it!
Kell hated this shit.
It was snowing, and he loved the snow. It was windy, and he adored the wind. He was flying, and he was born to fly.
But his lion was gone.
He pushed himself to go faster, to hit the veil harder. Kell had to get through. Liam was on the other side, and Kell had said he would find him and bring him back.
He’d never done this before. He had been born on this side, and he had no curiosity about the far side of the veil. He had an entire life here, to explore.
He’d heard Ashkii talk about crossing the river like it was breathing, but this? This was flying through soup, flying against a hurricane.
Please, Mother, he prayed. Please. I-I care for him. I know we’re not… I know I’m a bird and he’s a cat, but I still love him. I need your help to find him and bring him home.
Kell believed in Mother Owl. If anyone could help, she could, and whether it was closing or not, she could affect the veil. She knew how much he needed Liam. His lion was… lost.
He braced himself, the wind buffeting him. He was terrified, but less about falling from the sky than losing his Liam forever.
He shot past the barrier, tumbling through the air, end over end. He flapped hard, trying to figure out in the darkness which direction was up.
Finally he just closed his eyes and let Mother guide him. The wind became less, the snow colder and wetter, and his ears popped. Oh. He spread his wings to rest a moment, just floating instead of beating against the storm.
He needed to find a place to spend the night, somewhere protected and quiet and warm. He needed to rest, because his world was finding his asshole cat.
Goddess, he was frightened. This was not his home. This was new and cold and wet and strange. He landed on a tree branch, crying out his frustration and pain.
“I didn’t mean for you to leave!” he cried. “I didn’t mean for you to move away from me. Leave me!”
As he squawked and gronked and fussed in pure fury, he heard a rustle, blinking as a dog jumped on the tree he was sitting in.
“Sadie? Sadie, what are you doing? Come on, you little turkey, it’s snowing.”
A woman came walking along, wrapped up against the weather. “What are you treeing? You just need to pee and come on!”
The dog barked again, and the woman looked up at him, looked right at him.
“Hello, raven. Good thing you like the cold, huh? I sure don’t. Come on, Sadie. Leave him alone. He’s not bothering you.”
Her voice was fond, warm, and the old hound started to walk away, so Kell gronked, just playing. Sadie ran back, bouncing and baying, her long ears swinging.
He fluttered, making himself big, and she backed off, running to her human, tail in the air like a flag.
That was right. He was big. Big.
And he wasn’t scared either. Although the house was close and bright, and he thought he might find a warm spot there to spend the night before he went to find Liam again.
This was all so new. So… hard. Like he was banging on a frozen river or a windowpane.
Still. He’d find a place for the night here.
He fluttered, trying to shake off his worry. He just needed a starting point, that was all. Just a way to make a plan. Regain his energy.
Eat.
There was a broken lever in the attic window, and he squeezed in, catching a mouse in short order before settling in a pile of clothes. Tomorrow he would start again.
Chapter 2
Stillness was something Liam was good at.
He’d found a ledge where he could just… stay. Right by the water. Not close enough to drink, really, but that was okay. He could hear the river running, though, even under the ice, and that pleased him, if nothing else made him happy.
He slept a lot.
His den was too lonely, and the elements didn’t bother him too much. Wasn’t like he’d freeze to death.
Damn it.
He just had to wait. Patient. That was him. Heh.
Goddess, he missed his bird. It hurt, knowing Kell was on one side and he was on the other. His belly ached with it. That was what would waste him away, really. Being not mated h
ad been hard enough on the same side of the veil. This was dizzying.
He had to admit he wondered if Kell hurt too. Did he feel this bad? Did he feel the pull between them? Maybe not. He wasn’t sure which one he hoped for more. He wanted Kell, but he wanted his dear one to be happy.
He wanted… them. Together. Right here, right now. Snuggled up and happy. Together.
That wasn’t fair, though. Kell belonged over there, on the other side. Liam wasn’t so sure he did anymore.
He just…
He rolled over with a harrumph.
Fuck.
He should just go back to sleep.
That passed the time at least.
Eventually, time had to stop.
Where was his mate?
Kell tried flying away from the river, but that felt wrong, so he came back, searching along the banks. Every night he would go back to the house, sleep, borrow food. Sadie barked at him the first morning when he hopped out of the attic and soared over her head in the backyard, but then it became play. They romped every day.
Then every morning he would get moving and start hunting. He needed his lion.
Nothing. Liam tended to blend with the rocks in the canyon, but his eyes were sharp. Why couldn’t he see?
He threw his head back, calling at the top of his lungs.
Almost like it heard him, the wind buffeted him, sending him swinging wildly through the air.
For a second he couldn’t find up, and he flapped wildly, the sky spinning and full of snow.
He cried out and then righted himself, searching for a place to light.
A tree along the river. There. It had good branches, one side protected by a sharp rise of rock. He fluttered down, the scent of predator sharp, but the familiar smell of his Liam like a razor on his soul.
He looked around, his head swiveling almost 180 degrees. Where. Where was he? The scent, the markings on the tree, they were recent.
He finally saw his lion, down in the rocks. Had he slipped out of the tree? Kell flew down and nudged Liam with his head. “Wake up. Wake up.”
Liam raised his head, a rough growl sounding.
“Don’t you growl at me,” he fussed, knowing Liam didn’t hear his words but understood his meaning. “Are you hurt, you damnable fool? Why didn’t you come home? I needed you to come home!”
One big paw swatted at him, Liam closing his eyes again, snow landing on his nose. What on earth? Liam hated being out in the wet.
So did he, to be honest. He hopped deeper toward the rocks, finding a dry place with leaves and fluff. Okay. This worked tonight.
He went back to Liam, grabbed the big tail in his beak and pulled. Hard.
Liam flipped over, the sound he made one of pure frustration. Then those golden eyes went wide, Liam staring at him.
He danced and pulled again. “Come on! It’s cold.”
Liam chuffed, the sound happy, but then pulled back from him, one paw over his face. The motion was clear. “No. Go away.”
“I will not!” He fluttered and pecked Liam right on the butt.
Liam jumped to all four paws, turning on him, teeth snapping. Liam tended to forget he could fly.
“What? You’re going to bite me? Bring it on!” He flew up, making a ton of noise.
Liam sighed, then grumped, before turning to walk along the river bank.
“Don’t you leave me!” He screamed it, raging. “Liam, please!”
Liam looked back at him, eyes full of pain, and he could hear it plain as day. “You told me to go.”
“I did. I’m sorry.” He’d been angry, he’d been mean, but he was sorry.
“Thank you.” Liam kept walking, though, tail and ears down. He did love to wallow.
“You hear me. You really hear me? Can I stay with you?” He was scared. He hadn’t been out here before, and it was so different.
Liam looked over one shoulder. Then sighed. “Of course you can. You’re my best friend.”
“I am.” He loved the big cat; he always had. He hopped over, cuddling in. “I can get us food.”
“I didn’t feel like hunting.”
No. It looked as if Liam had lain down to die at the edge of the river.
“I’ll go find something. Stay here so I can find you again?” This place was… vast.
“Let me show you my den.”
Of course Liam had a den. Like Maicoh, he’d originally come from this side of the river, just long ago. Kell thought, anyway. He bobbed his head. “Yes. Yes, please.”
Liam followed the river around a bend, then began to climb. He leaped from rock to rock, and Kell flapped up and up, following. The scent of his lion grew stronger, headier.
The rocks opened up about twenty feet from the river, a small cave there. Sure enough, Liam had taken it over, and it had some human comforts, like blankets and a lamp.
“It’s lovely. I’ll find us food.” There had to be humans somewhere. Where there were humans, there was food.
“Shhh. So sleepy.”
Liam was worrying him. He hopped out of the den, marking it in his mind, fixing all the details. He could find it again.
He had to. His lion was here.
Okay, food. Something he could carry that both he and Liam could eat. Shit, where were the protein bars?
He flew out into the snow, determined to feed them both.
Chapter 3
Liam swatted at whatever it was chewing on his ear. No. No chewing. Or pecking.
His paw was swatted away; then his ear was tugged.
“Stop it.” He bared his teeth at whatever it was.
“Not scared.” The sharp beak booped his nose.
His sore nose, which was hurting now. The cold had dried it out.
“Gronk.” Goddess, Kell was loud, the whole den echoing with the sound.
It made his whiskers twitch. He pushed with a paw. “Go home.”
“No. I need you to wake up.”
“No. Waking up is bad.” Sleeping was way better.
“You have to eat. Wake up.”
He didn’t want to eat. That gave him enough energy to know how miserable he was.
“I’m here. I need you. Wake up.”
“Kell?” He lifted his head, his ears moving back and forth. “Why are you here?”
“I miss you. I want you to come home.”
“No, you don’t.” Kell had told him to go. He remembered like it was yesterday. Was it yesterday? No, no it had to be longer than that because he felt so weak.
“Don’t tell me what I want!” Kell croaked, dancing on his paws.
“Stop. Stop. That hurts.” His paws were chewed up from being on ice. Well, from him chewing the ice out of the pads.
Kell stopped immediately. “What happened?”
He flexed a paw. “I got stuck for a bit. My paws got cold.” He hated sounding so whiny, but he felt that way. Ill-used.
Suddenly Kell was human, carefully touching his paws, and he growled, deep in his chest.
“Oh, hush. Let me help.” Kell rubbed his paws. “We need lotion.”
He batted at Kell, frustrated as hell. “Leave me alone!”
“Let me see!”
“No!” He swatted hard, opening up a swath on Kell’s thigh.
Kell shifted so quickly the world snapped around the space left behind him. Then he squawked and jumped back, feathers flying. He hopped away, putting space between them, one leg drawn up.
Liam immediately felt so guilty, he was up and moving, wanting to see if he’d made a wound. “Sorry. Sorry. Did I hurt?” He didn’t want to hurt Kell. Never. He was upset, grumpy, but he loved his Kell. So much. “Please, let me see. Please?” He would fix it. If he had to shift he would. Anything to help.
Kell hopped back on one foot, fluttering. “I’ll get food. I’ll bring food.”
“You’re hurt.” He thought about his man-self, but it wouldn’t come. It just wouldn’t.
“I’m fine. I’ll bring food. I’m sorry.”
“Kell!” Kell flew off, and he slumped down on the cold rock of his den floor. “Please go home. All I do is hurt you.”
He didn’t want to hurt his love, but… Goddess, he was tired.
Kell would find a way to live without him. Probably thrive. Liam wasn’t even being dramatic. He was just an asshole and he knew it. What else could he say?
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
He put his head down and sighed.
Kell flew back and forth, back and forth, bringing things in the dark of the night. He took clothes and food, blankets and things for the nest.
He avoided Liam’s claws and fangs, keeping quiet when he came in, and sleeping in the house with Sadie when it was daytime and he couldn’t fly another second. She protected him, curling around him in her crate, where her human couldn’t see in. All he had to do was time his appearances correctly.
His leg was open and sore for about a week, and then it began to heal.
That was what he needed. To be healed and… He sighed. He needed to be whole. He needed his rage.
He needed Liam.
He missed his friend.
Kell grabbed the kerchief filled with food and headed for Liam’s.
Something would have to tempt his Liam soon. He knew Liam’s favorites were all greasy fast foods from human places, but Sadie’s mom didn’t really eat those. So he gathered up salty treats and little meat sticks, as well as the odd turkey pepperoni he could snatch from Sadie. She shared her things well, and he was grateful. Good dog.
He landed on the edge of the den, calling quietly, warning. “Here. I brought you food.”
Liam lifted his head, whiskers moving as he sniffed. “Kell. I’m sorry. You eat.”
“It’s for you. Jerky and pepperoni. I won’t bother you. I just wanted you to have… things.” He was sorry for what he’d done, for what he’d said.
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