by Sonia Hartl
“Yes. Does it make you sad? Because it shouldn’t.” I was pouting, but she had to understand by now that we were doing it for her. The risks we’d taken to keep her safe.
“I’m not sad. I’m scared, but not nearly as scared as I should be, and that probably means there’s something deeply wrong with me.” She took a tentative seat on the opposite wicker chair. “Is his intention to turn me as well? If that’s the reason why you want to kill him, I’m going to ask you not to.”
“That’s only part of it.” I explained the draw we had to Elton, the way we wouldn’t be free from him so long as he walked the earth. Parker had no idea what she was getting into. “Rose, Ida, and I have all been exactly where you are now. We thought being immortal would be so romantic, but let me tell you, it’s not.”
“I don’t think it’s romantic.” The wistful gleam in her eyes suggested otherwise. “Though it must be nice to know you’ll never grow old and die.”
My thoughts drifted to my mom, slowly wasting away in a nursing home while her mind sifted between the past and present, never knowing which was reality. Part of me was grateful that would never be me, but I’d never have any of the in between, either. I’d never know what it was like to build a life, accomplish goals, and have aspirations outside of merely surviving.
“It’s not as nice as you’d think,” I grumbled.
Being a teenager until the end of time was absolute hell. I could go from wanting to punch a hole in the wall to breaking down in a mess of tears on a dime; forget about finding decent employment—no one took me seriously. I couldn’t even buy a goddamned newspaper without being given the patronizing “This must be for your dad” treatment.
I tried to join a book club when we lived in Texas. I was lonely, and Elton was going through a moody decade. They wouldn’t let me in. Their reasoning had been that their club was for important literature only, and without ever asking me what I liked to read, they assumed everything I liked must’ve automatically been trash because I was a teenage girl. I spent the next month dining on each and every member of that book club.
“Half of my problems come from dealing with my mom, being worried about the future, or trying to figure out where and how I fit in the world.” She ticked them off on her fingers. “But wouldn’t becoming a vampire eliminate all that?”
“You’re really not getting it. Any problems you have don’t magically disappear the moment you’re turned. You just get saddled with them for an eternity, and you never get to resolve them because you don’t age, change, or grow at all.”
She opened her mouth to counter, and I cut her off with a raised hand. Everything about this conversation exhausted me. I might as well have been arguing with my boneheaded living self before Elton turned me. The moment he told me I was special, reason and common sense took a flying leap out the window. I had wanted to be loved so badly. I truly thought being chosen by him meant I was designed for greater things. Not a lifetime of scraping by with part-time work at Taco Bell.
If I wanted to convince Parker to make better choices, I had to dig deeper into her fears and insecurities. “You will spend your immortality moving. Forget about setting down roots. You’ll be at the mercy of Elton’s whims, and he never stays anywhere for long.”
“Where you live isn’t as important as who you live with, though, right?”
The earnestness in her expression twisted the place in my heart that had only recently woken up and begun to feel again, even though it shouldn’t have mattered. It’s not like we could ever be together. I stared at my knotted fingers, my emotions tangling with my obligations. I still needed to protect her. “If Elton sold you on his genuine love act, I’m sorry to tell you that he’s full of shit. I thought you’d seen through him already?”
“Why do you keep bringing up Elton like he has anything to do with this?”
My head snapped up. “Isn’t that why you’re asking me all these questions?”
“Is that what you think?” She came over to me and stood between my legs. Even with the fabric of our jeans between us, my skin warmed. “I thought you were smarter than that.”
I gripped the backs of her thighs. “We shouldn’t be doing this.”
“You keep saying that, yet we continue to find ourselves here.” She leaned down and pressed a light kiss to my lips. “Do you want to be with me?”
I nodded, unable to speak for fear my voice would crack.
She kissed me again. This one longer, just a bit more pressure. “Your skin is so cold.” Another kiss. “I know you’re dead.” One more. “But kissing you makes me feel alive.”
I cupped her face, running my thumbs over the freckles that splashed her cheeks like bits of melted chocolate. She wore an apple-scented body spray, and I wanted to bite into her to see if she tasted just as crisp. She belonged in a field of wildflowers. Or twirling under a moonlit sky. Someplace warm, beautiful, and free from the dark desires of vampires.
I had one last chance to do the right thing. “I think you should leave.”
“Is that what you really want?” Her fingers skimmed the line of my shoulders, over my exposed collarbone, and dipped to my side. Every touch left a trail of fire in its wake.
The tips of my toes tingled. “What is it that you want?”
“You.” Her breath whispered across my lips. “Only you.”
Fuck doing the right thing.
I kissed her as I stood, dragging her body against mine. She sighed in my mouth, a little vibration against my tongue, and I kissed her harder. Walking her backward, I bumped her into the door frame on the way to the bedroom.
“Sorry.” I ran my fingers through her hair. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” She stuck her index fingers into my jeans and tugged me forward, grinding her hips against mine. “Please keep kissing me.”
Who was I to argue? We made our way to the bedroom, losing our sweaters in the process. I ran my fingers over the straps of her bra. When she shivered, I had a feeling it had nothing to do with the chill of my skin. “Can I take this off?”
“Yes.” She swallowed, her cheeks turning pink as she worked up the courage to say the next words. “I want you to touch me everywhere. And …” She bit her lip. “I want to touch you everywhere too. If that’s okay with you.”
“You can touch me however you want.” I took off her bra and let it drop to the floor.
She led me over to the bed, kissing me as we both crawled onto the mattress. Sitting up on our knees, we touched and explored and got to know each other’s likes. Every few minutes, we’d stop to check in. I’d never felt safer.
I laid her down, and when my fingers played with the button on her jeans, she took them off and tossed them aside. I ran my hand up the inside of her thigh. Her smooth skin was like silk beneath my palm. She parted her legs, her hips tilting upward.
She reached for me, and I stilled her hand. “Let me first. Please.”
I needed to feel her come undone beneath me. She quivered as I dipped my fingers into her cotton underwear and touched her. She let out a breathy sigh, and I moved my fingers in a circle, building her toward the peak until she cried out her release. With tears pricking her eyes, I buried my face in her neck and nipped her gently below the earlobe.
We kissed again, and when her hand moved to touch me in the same way, I closed my eyes and lost myself to the feeling.
We lay on the bed, facing each other with our fists tucked beneath our chins. Tiny remnants of her tears clung to her lashes like dew on morning grass, and I had done that. I was the one who made her happy enough to cry. There were very few moments in my existence where I could claim I’d been a part of a perfect moment, but I had this. I’d always have this.
We stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, and also no time at all, and I would’ve traded every single living memory all over again for this one.
“You should clean your apartment,” Parker said.
“Really?” I sat up. “That’s the
first thing you’re going to say after what we did?”
“I’m sorry.” She let out a laugh. “But it’s a disaster in here.”
“We don’t actually live here anymore. We’re staying with Stacey until …”
I didn’t need to finish that sentence. It hung in the air between us. She wanted to be turned, and I was doing everything in my power to stop it. There was no middle ground we could come to on that point. If only she could see the lengths I’d been going to to protect her, but none of that mattered to her. Just like it hadn’t mattered to me.
“I should go.” Parker reluctantly crawled out of bed and got dressed. “The last thing I need is for my mom to up and leave on me again.”
“Doesn’t it stress you out? Having to babysit her so she doesn’t forget she has a daughter she needs to bring with her when she moves?”
“Yeah.” She tugged her sweater over her head. “But I’m used to it.”
I recognized the defensiveness in her tone. It was the same one I used to use on Elton whenever he’d put down my mom, even though I complained about her constantly. It was okay for me to be angry, but if anyone else commented, I’d defend her with my last breath. The complication of having a complicated parent. “Forget I said anything.”
“No, it’s fine. My mom is a mess.” She leaned down and kissed me. “I get it.”
“Still, it’s not my place to put her down. That’s your job.” I got up and started throwing my clothes on, not really paying attention if they were on right.
She ducked her head, suddenly shy. “Walk me to the door?”
As she stepped into the living room, I grabbed her hand and pulled her back against my chest, trailing kisses along her neck. Once we left this room, the spell would be broken. The perfect moment would be over. I wasn’t ready to let go yet.
Voices floated up from the stairwell, through the open front door. Parker hadn’t heard them yet. I put a finger to my lips and motioned for her to stay in the bedroom. Creeping toward the front of the apartment, I peeked my head outside. Elton and Frankie were making their way up the stairs. Shit, shit, shit. If Elton found Parker here, everything we’d done to protect her would be useless. His rage would be uncontainable.
Elton bent down to tie his fancy leather shoe. “I don’t think they’ll be back here, but like I said, it doesn’t hurt to take another look.”
Frankie looked up, and his eyes met mine. “Go,” he mouthed.
I didn’t need to be told twice. I rushed back to the bedroom and shoved Parker toward the balcony. “Elton is here. This is your only way out. Get to the ground. The alley will take you out to the opposite street. Run fast.”
“Wait.” She spun around the moment I dropped the ladder. “What about you?”
“Don’t worry about me. I’m already dead.” I gave her a quick kiss and left her on the balcony to head off Elton. I could only hope she’d listen to me and run.
I stopped at Rose’s overturned dresser and flipped the latch to reveal the hidden door. Grabbing all her notes, I stuffed them down the back of my pants, then went out to the living room just as Elton and Frankie came through the front door. Frankie hung back, doing an excellent impression of a nightclub bouncer, except his job was to keep me in. His enormous body took up most of the frame, like a human brick wall.
“Holly.” Elton bowed his head. “Didn’t expect to see you today.”
“Likewise. In fact, I had hoped we could spend eternity without ever crossing paths again, but I guess that’s just too much to hope for.”
“Is that what you really want?” He circled me with a cocky grin etched into his sculpted face. He stopped and tilted my chin up with the tips of his fingers, and I shivered at the contact and familiar gesture. “You’re a terrible liar, Holly. I think you miss me very much.”
The blood in my veins was attracted to his, like an instinct void of emotion. I no longer had genuine feelings for Elton. Only a lingering sadness and the ever-present regret of my choices, but nothing close to the love I’d felt when I agreed to become this.
I patted his cheek. “I promise to miss you when you’re dead.”
His confident smile died on his lips as his eyes frosted over. “You ungrateful little bitch.”
Such mood swings. He reached out to grab my throat, but I’d already danced away from him. “I already ripped your head off once this past week. Do you really want round two?”
As I spun away, my locket had worked its way out of my thin sweater. His eyes widened, and he was on me before I could move, pushed by adrenaline and a will to live. “You told me you lost it.” His fingers closed around the locket, and my heart beat in my throat. Fuck. Me. “You swore it was gone for good. Where did you find it?”
“If I told you …” Any moment now, he’d tear it from my neck. I had only a breath of time to make a move. I ripped off his hand that still clung to the bulky part of my heirloom and tossed it aside. “I’d have to kill you.”
He lunged for me, breathing hard and swinging his fist. Playtime was over. “I will tear you into so many pieces, you won’t be able to reform.”
“Oh, sweetie. We know that’s not how it works.” I dodged his punch, and his knuckles barely grazed my cheek. He fought like he moved, with a certain elegance I used to find charming. Now, I just saw a cranky boy who threw a tantrum because a girl dared not to fall at his feet. “This has been fun, but I have to go. See you on the other side of hell.”
I needed to get out of here before he called Frankie in to hold me down. I couldn’t fight off them both, even if Frankie was slower. And I couldn’t trust our secret alliance enough to risk it. With another sidestep and a roll, I made it back into the bedroom.
I leaped over the mattress and narrowly avoided getting my foot tangled in the sheet. Elton tripped over a dresser drawer, sloppy in his rage. I gave him a wave as I ducked out the window. Parker was nowhere in sight. If she was smart, she would’ve already jumped onto the nearest bus. I took the ladder, disappearing through the alley before Elton had a chance to catch up. Though I could’ve sworn I heard him yelling my name into the night wind.
Chapter Twenty-One
Frankie had told Gwen that he planned to break into the bank and pick the lock on Rose’s box at two in the morning, so we’d planned to meet at the bank at one. Just in case Gwen got any ideas about tagging along. There was always the chance Frankie could’ve been playing us, setting us up to walk into a trap, but we didn’t have much of a choice with the box scheduled to be drilled. Made all the more urgent now that Elton knew I had my heirloom.
We decided Stacey would stay out front and alert us if Gwen showed up. Rose, Ida, and I would accompany Frankie into the vault, since we’d likely need all three of us to take him down if he turned on us. Hurt flashed in his eyes when we stated as much, but he had to understand why we’d be nervous after the graveyard.
We’d be in and out in minutes. So we hoped.
With only a half hour left before our meet up with Frankie, we left Stacey’s house. We moved like shadows in the street. Passing cars and families with open windows were oblivious to us as we avoided streetlamps and wound our way through yards and alleys on the way to the bank. We were invisible in the night. Lucky for us, Stacey had a ton of black clothes on hand.
Rose hooked her arm through mine, separating us from Stacey and Ida as we continued walking a bit farther back. “You haven’t said much about when you went to the apartment.”
“It was fine.” I had to tell them about running into Elton because they needed to know he’d seen my locket. We all had to be on our guard now. I didn’t tell them he’d only seen my locket because I’d been toying with him. Then I would’ve had to explain why I’d wanted to stall him, and I really wasn’t prepared to talk about Parker. “Aside from running into Elton.”
“You were gone a long time.”
“Mmm-hmm.” I didn’t tell them about going to see my mom, either. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that yet, and I didn’t wa
nt to have to explain what I couldn’t even explain to myself.
“What’s going on with you and Parker?” Rose lowered her voice and kept us even farther back from the group. “You don’t have to give me details, I just want to make sure you’re being careful. Getting mixed up with her right now is trouble we don’t need. I’m not against it after we finish this, but we can’t risk Elton finding out before then.”
“I know the risks.” I swallowed the guilt of Elton wrapping his hand around my locket, so close to ripping it from my neck, and put up my walls. “I’m being careful.”
I couldn’t help my defensive tone when Rose acted like I couldn’t separate my feelings from reality. Parker was mortal. I was not. We wouldn’t be going anywhere. I fully understood that. Having Rose poke at me like I was unaware of the stakes only increased my agitation. I should’ve made Parker leave the apartment sooner, and we definitely should’ve kept our clothes on, but I couldn’t bring myself to regret it.
“I just wanted to make sure.” Her expression went soft and hazy. “I meant what I said before, about not being mad if you turned her once Elton is gone. When this is all over, you can keep her if you want.”
“She’s not an animal that followed me home,” I bit out. “Leave it alone.”
“Message received. I won’t keep pushing it.” She gave me a knowing smile, like she’d been baiting me on purpose. Bad timing for it, all around.
We caught up to Stacey and Ida in the parking lot of the bank. Frankie stepped out from behind the tall hedges that framed the lot. I jumped at the sight of his large frame, my heart racing as my guard went up. Trusting someone who spent so much time with Elton would take some getting used to.
He gave me a funny look. “I brought home a college freshman for Gwen. That’ll keep her busy for a little while.”
“We should still hurry.” Rose gave a nervous glance at the street. “If she shows up, we know you can’t act like you’re helping us.”
