by Sonia Hartl
Mascara tracked her cheeks as she continued to cry while I refused to react. If she thought me cold and unfeeling, maybe she’d see that she didn’t really love me after all. “You went all in on Elton, and he hurt you. So now you’re, what? Just giving up on love? I never thought you’d be such a coward.”
“Don’t you dare.” I turned away before I said something I’d regret. “It’s so easy for you to call me a coward when we’ve been carrying you for weeks, making sure you stayed alive.”
“I’ve been carrying myself. Don’t think for a second that I’m as weak as you.”
I grabbed her before she could react, pulling her against me. She let out a squeak of surprise. Her neck was so smooth, the curve so perfect. I scraped my teeth over her tender skin. “Don’t make me show you how weak you really are.”
Her body stiffened, readying itself for me to pierce her flesh. “Do it already.”
With her breathless voice, the flutter of her lashes, a flick of her tongue over her lips, I’d eat her alive. And when she looked at me like she’d let me, I knew I’d gotten in too deep. I released her and put some much needed space between us.
“In four days, we’re burning our heirlooms.” I held out my palms to keep her at a distance. If she loved me like she claimed, she’d hear me and walk away. “I will lose every one of my living memories. That’s what I’m giving up to keep you from turning.”
“You’re not going to change your mind about this, are you?”
I shook my head. “Give yourself the chance to do better than us. Please.”
“Okay. If that’s what you need, I’ll go.” My heart broke as she took my hand and placed her bracelet in it. The cool silver felt alive against my palm. “Put this in the fire, so I might have a chance of forgetting you too.”
“That’s not how it works. You’d have to be a vampire, and this would have to be an heirloom.” I tried to push the bracelet back on her, and she refused.
“I don’t care. Let it be symbolic. Do it because I asked you to.” She lifted her chin, her expression set and defiant. I’d never seen anyone more beautiful in my life. “You’re not the only one giving up something that matters here.”
“I need you to go into hiding for the next four days.” Now that Elton knew I had my heirloom, he’d force her hand, and if she refused, he’d kill her. My own careless mistake. “Don’t go to school. Don’t stay at your apartment.”
“My mom is leaving tomorrow to see her boyfriend in Tennessee.”
“Perfect. Go with her, tell her you want to meet your future stepdad, or whatever you have to say.” I couldn’t believe this was actually going to work. We had our heirlooms, and we’d get Parker out of harm’s way, all before the full moon.
“You’ll be here, right?” She laid a hand on my cheek. “When I get back?”
I kissed her palm so I wouldn’t have to meet her eyes. “Sure.”
By the time she came back, we’d be gone and Elton would be dead. She’d probably hate me for leaving without saying goodbye. One day, when she was old and tired, but satisfied with everything she’d accomplished in life, she’d look back and thank me.
With that, I watched her walk away, and I didn’t do a thing to stop her.
Chapter Twenty-Three
I spent the next two days pacing around the house, biting my knuckles, and generally annoying everyone with my inability to sit still. Stacey got sick of it and went out hunting just to get away from me, and she hadn’t been back since. Rose kept shooting furtive glances at my wrist, where I kept Parker’s bracelet. I didn’t explain to them what it meant. They didn’t need to know. That was between me and Parker and no one else.
Since I’d be breaking every other promise I made, I had every intention of keeping this one. I’d put her bracelet in the fire with my locket. Who I had been and the symbol of who she had been would burn together. Even if I was the only one losing my memories.
At dawn, Rose and Ida went outside to watch the sun rise over the trees. They both had a thing for the way the light filtered through the remaining autumn leaves. Though there were only a handful left now, clinging to dark and crooked branches.
I didn’t have Rose’s knack for stress-cleaning or Ida’s patience for art projects. The only thing that calmed my nerves was reading. There was something soothing about getting lost in someone else’s love and life. But I hadn’t been able to concentrate on any of the books I’d picked up from the library. Not when I had so many worries running through my mind.
Every minute of the day, Parker occupied my thoughts. While I trusted she had kept her word and left town with her mom, I still needed to make sure they were really gone for my own peace of mind. Getting in and out of the school would be risky. If Elton still prowled the halls, he’d take his frustration out on me. I had no doubt. He had to know Parker was gone by now. I could only imagine his fear-fueled rage.
I threw on the Glen River West sweatshirt Stacey had stolen from the girl’s locker room and went out to the backyard. Rose and Ida lounged on the swing while Rose read out loud from a water-stained book of sonnets. Sneaking out the front had been an appealing idea, but Ida would probably harvest my organs if I left without telling them.
“I’m going up to the school for a minute,” I said.
Rose dropped her book in the grass. “Absolutely not.”
“I have to make sure Parker is really gone.” Even they had to see the logic behind that. If she stayed in town, she was still susceptible to being turned. “It’s for our protection.”
“Do whatever you want.” Ida tipped up her sunglasses. “But leave your heirloom.”
Okay. That was fair, all things considered.
I lifted the chain over my head and handed my locket to her. My neck felt strange without it, as though I’d just exposed myself by taking it off. Maybe my memories clung to me the same way I clung to them.
“Don’t you care?” Rose pushed her foot into the leg of the swing, sending the whole structure crashing to the ground and flipping Ida over her head. “You just tell her to leave her heirloom, like she’s not about to expose herself to unnecessary danger.”
Ida jumped to her feet, pushing her hair out of her face. She glared at Rose. “You need to relax. Holly knows how to take care of herself, and it’s not a bad idea to check up on Parker.”
“Honestly.” I gave Rose a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be fine, Mother Hen.”
She grumbled in response.
“We only have two days left,” Ida said. “If he has Parker, I’d rather prepare for Plan B now than be left scrambling after the fire.”
“Exactly.” I didn’t tell them that I had what would’ve been Parker’s heirloom. Rose had her suspicions, but I didn’t bother confirming. They needed to believe that if Elton did have her, he’d still be able to turn her, otherwise they’d never let me leave the house this close to the full moon just to make sure a mortal girl was still alive.
I headed over to Parker’s apartment first. I didn’t think she’d be home, but it was the easiest place to get in and out of quickly, and it gave me a chance to mentally prepare to enter the school. The blue-and-brick buildings came into view, and I went around the back of Parker’s unit to peek in the window over the kitchen sink. Just as I suspected. Everything had been packed up in boxes that had frayed edges and multiple tape tears. No sign of Parker or her mom, and most relieving, no sign of a struggle.
Leaving the apartment behind, I walked over to the school. The three-story brick building loomed over me, casting its enormous shadow over my small frame and making me feel even more insignificant. I never mattered there. And after today, I’d never have to walk those halls again and be reminded of all the ways I had failed myself when I should’ve known better.
Time would be relieved. It never wanted me to come back there, either. Or maybe time would forget me once I forgot who I used to be within those walls.
I pressed my hand against the door and closed my eyes. Memories flashed
in front of me. Stacey blowing cherry-flavored bubbles, her wrist covered in rubber bracelets as she reached for the door, the two of us laughing over David Fisher’s less-than-smooth attempt to get a hand job. She’d punched him in the balls. Elton wrapping his arm around my waist, holding me against his chest like he’d claimed me and wanted everyone to know it. Walking through the halls with people who had tortured me in middle school and feeling like they could no longer touch me. I’d matured and moved past it, because I had a boyfriend with a secret who took me seriously.
I shook my head at past me.
A wave of nostalgia hit me as soon as I pulled open the front entrance doors. Time pressed down, churned in my gut, made its presence known. I passed through the metal detectors, scrunching my shoulders. If I’d gone to this school a generation later, would this be normal to me? Would I just expect gun violence to be a part of everyday life the way Cold War drills had been a part of Rose’s?
I stood in front of a dusty trophy case filled with pictures of championship teams from days past. Faces of people I knew in distant ways, and faces of those who had come before and after me. How many of those people looked back on high school as the best days of their lives? How many wished they could go back, just to live it all one more time? There was more than one way to be a ghost, I supposed. The distance between the inability to move on and the inability to move forward wasn’t all that great.
“You could’ve done big things, Holly Liddell.” I touched a finger to the case, leaving my print behind. “And you never would’ve looked back.”
Aside from the occasional squeak of my shoes against the floor, the halls were silent. Everyone was either in class or at lunch. I didn’t know where I’d intended to go until I stood in front of Mr. Stockard’s classroom, as if I’d meant to come this way all along.
He shuffled papers on his desk in front of his open briefcase. The lines around his eyes were even more pronounced under the florescent lighting. I tapped on the door, and his head snapped up. He let out an exhausted sigh at the sight of me but motioned for me to come in.
“What brings you by, Holly?” He gave me his best tired smile.
His voice was still the same, but everything else had changed.
It hurt to look at him, in this place, and understand the depth of change. I might’ve been in stasis, but time marched on for everyone else. They lived whole lives, became different people, made mistakes, and moved past the consequences. That’s why time hung so heavy in this building. It was why Rose felt as if she were being left behind. It wasn’t trying to shove me out. Time wasn’t sentient or caring. It was my own discomfort with what I’d done. It was standing at the starting point of the race, unable to move, and watching everyone else celebrate at the finishing line. Mr. Stockard wasn’t the same man who had taught me, and I thought I’d been angry with him for not becoming better. Maybe I’d really just been angry with myself.
But my time here was over. I had to give myself permission to let it go.
“Has Parker come to class the last few days?” I asked.
He leaned back in his chair with his arms folded over his chest. “Parker is a nice girl. A bit of a loner. She reminds me a lot of you.”
“Yes. I know.” That was all well and good, but I didn’t come here to talk about her personality and our mutual mommy issues. “See, I’m working on something with her—”
“No.” He stood, his ancient chair creaking with the release of his weight, and stood in front of the door. “You don’t get to come back into my school and use it as a hunting ground. If you want at my students, you’ll have to go through me first.”
Wow. Okay then. Part of me was stunned he’d shown that much gumption. The larger part of me was wholly annoyed that he thought I’d hunt Parker. Did he really see me as someone who would feed on high school girls? Or use this place for a hunting ground? That would make me no better than Elton. And so unnecessary when there were plenty of assholes wandering around this earth just begging to not be alive anymore.
“I had no idea you cared so much about your students. Good for you.” I gave him a playful punch on the shoulder. “I’m not looking to do her harm, though.”
He narrowed his eyes. “What business do you have with her then?”
“I do other things besides hunt and kill, you know.” People read a couple of vampire books, watch a few movies, and suddenly thought they knew everything about us. “Since you’re insisting, I want to make sure she stays away from Elton. So she doesn’t become like me.”
“Is that right?” He gave me a considering look. “She’s been absent the last few days.”
My muscles unclenched. She must’ve gone, believing I’d be here when she got back, and all my worrying and sneaking around town had been for nothing. Still, better to know than not. “Thank you. Was that so hard?”
“I don’t know what you’ve done or who you’ve become since you went away. Do you blame me for questioning your motives?”
“I guess not.” After all these years, the teacher tone could still shame me like nothing else. “Has Elton still been coming to school?”
“Yes.” He rubbed his jawline, where his facial hair had taken on the patchy quality of “broke musician meets Sunday-morning alcoholic.” “Be careful. He’s taken a lot less care to hide what he is recently. His agitation is alarming.”
That wasn’t a surprise. With Parker gone and the full moon approaching, he was bound to get a little twitchy. “Don’t try to be a hero with him. Stakes don’t kill vampires.”
“I’ll do what I have to do.” Mr. Stockard stepped aside to let me pass. “For the record, I always cared about my students. I just needed someone to remind me how much.”
Underneath his wry smile, I caught a glimmer of the teacher he used to be. He wasn’t exactly the same, but maybe that was okay. He still kept a shelf full of contemporary books for anyone who needed them, and he stood up for Parker when he thought I’d hurt her.
Not all cool teachers had to jump on desks and throw candy. Sometimes they just had to show up.
I headed down the hall and turned the corner that would take me outside. That strange pressure on my chest—the one I thought had been time—had eased since I identified it as my own lagging regrets. It still didn’t make me want to take a leisurely stroll down memory lane in the place where I had made all of my worst mistakes. At the end of the hall, Frankie leaned against the front door with his arms crossed over his broad chest. His enormous body blocked out the light filtering through the dingy windows.
I stopped in front of him and craned my neck. “Why aren’t you at lunch?”
“Guard duty. In case Parker shows up for class.” He scratched his dome-shaped head. “I need to meet with you, Rose, and Ida. When can I come by the house?”
Guard duty for Parker? My bullshit meter started pinging. Elton would’ve gone to her place by now. The week I got the flu, he showed up at my house with chicken noodle soup and sat by my side, even though I asked him to leave several times. At the time, I thought it had been sweet. In reality, he just didn’t want me out of his sight. Now that he had revealed himself to Parker, he wouldn’t leave her alone for two days and just trust her to show up to school whenever. That would require him to give up a fraction of control.
“We’re not staying at the house anymore, and it’s not my place to share where we are now.” The lie rolled off my tongue easily enough. He was being entirely too cagey for my liking, and my patience was running thin. “Just tell me what you want to say. I’ll pass it along.”
“Can’t.” He shifted his stance. “The three of you can meet me at Ghost Bridge. After school tomorrow. You know where that is, right?”
I nodded. The first summer Stacey and I chased information about Edie, we filled a backpack with baloney sandwiches and orange Tab and rode our bikes over to Ghost Bridge. The covered bridge had been built over a creek on a dirt road. It led up to a house that had burned to ash in 1921. Only the cinder-block founda
tion remained. According to rumor, an entire family had been killed in the fire, and they continued to haunt the bridge in hopes of stopping anyone from crossing up to their house again. At the time, we figured, who better to help us contact a spirit than a bunch of already dead people?
Meeting in such a secluded place made me nervous. I didn’t like the idea of exposing ourselves at this late stage in the game. “I’ll bring Rose and Ida, but we won’t bring our heirlooms. If you ambush us, I’ll—”
“I won’t.” Frankie’s gaze darted down the hall. “Go before someone sees you.”
I hurried out the door and crossed the street into the adjoining neighborhood. Rose and Ida wouldn’t be pleased about the meeting with Frankie. Even though we trusted him to a certain degree, it would still be a risk to leave the cover of Stacey’s house. I just hoped whatever Frankie had to tell us would be worth it.
And I could admit it would be nice to get out for a while on the last day with our memories. Ghost Bridge seemed a fitting place to say goodbye to our living selves.
Chapter Twenty-Four
The next day, I lay on the red-satin bed in Stacey’s living room, staring up at the patterns of mold in the ceiling, like black clouds gathering in the plaster. I’d just come back from finishing off a guy in the nearby park, and his blood still stained the front of my sweater. He’d been a fighter. Not normally an issue, but my mind had been elsewhere.
Stacey had gone out hunting. She’d spent more and more time away from the house lately, as if she couldn’t get away from there fast enough. I couldn’t blame her. The house her mom used to keep a Rose-standard of clean was now crawling with rot and reeked of dried blood and mildew. It didn’t feel like the same place anymore.
In another hour, we’d meet with Frankie and find out whatever he wanted to tell us. I still didn’t know why he couldn’t give me the information to pass along, but it seemed really important to him to meet with all three of us. Rose insisted it was because he wanted to see Ida. I had my doubts. Still, we needed him to keep tabs on Elton, and better him than Gwen.
