Taylor shivered. She was talking about Nial. “Have you been searching for Brody?” Taylor whispered.
“All the time.” Marit shrugged and got to her feet. “I want to know he’s safe, even if he doesn’t want to see me.” She went into the kitchen.
Taylor closed her eyes again, the guilt tearing at her.
Taylor jumped to the East Chop Light and stood upon the headland. As the lighthouse swept bright beams overhead, she watched the white, luminescent waves crash against the cliffs below. The bitter February wind tore at her hair and scoured her face. If she had been human, she could have only withstood the windchill for a few minutes. It was not completely dark. There were stars, and city lights, and her vampire senses which allowed her to see.
Veris didn’t have the luxury of jumping. She recognized the low rumble of the Jaguar over the wind but didn’t turn around to check. No one else on Martha’s Vineyard drove an eight-cylinder Jaguar.
He stepped up beside her, on the edge of the cliff, and stood facing the raw wind. For a long time, he didn’t speak.
“We haven’t given up,” he said, finally. “We’re moving on, but we haven’t given up. Neither of us can do that.”
Taylor turned and wrapped her arms around his neck and put her head against his shoulder. Veris held her just as tightly. His heart beat against her chest. “I can only move on because of you. I would be lost, otherwise,” she said.
Veris sighed and kissed her cheek. He didn’t have to tell her he would be just as lost. She felt it in every beat of his heart.
Instead he took her back to the Jaguar and drove her home.
Veris insisted they maintain the routine of their days no matter how wretched they were, so Taylor reluctantly picked up the strings of her life once more. She didn’t know what Veris said to Alannah, although she and Aran did not retreat into typical teenage sullenness. They were quiet for a few days, then slowly returned to their normal selves. They did not repeat their accusations or treat Taylor any differently.
Her relief did not help Taylor feel less guilty for whatever part she had played in the hurt they felt.
On Thursday, she walked into Edgartown to meet Naomi at the coffee shop. Today, more than any other week, she looked forward to the hour of stress-free conversation. Naomi was an undemanding and entertaining friend. She was widely read and could speak about anything. Once, she had speculated about time travel, which she said she was considering for her next novel. “It would be interesting to jump forward or back, don’t you think?” Naomi asked, stirring her coffee. “I would want to go forward, of course.”
“Why of course?” Taylor asked curiously.
“Because I know what happened in the past. I want to see the future, to see what man makes of himself. What about you? Which way would you go?”
Taylor shook her head. “I think that if time travel was possible, it would be very dangerous. I would rather stay safely at home.”
Naomi shook her head. “I don’t believe that for a moment. You are a strong woman. You’re not the sort to clean and cook and be content.”
“Neither are you,” Taylor said, trying to shift the subject. “Speaking of which, did you talk to that agent about your book proposal?”
The conversation had shifted, to Taylor’s relief, and moved onto another unexpected subject. All Naomi’s conversations were unexpected. They were distracting and pleasant. They made Taylor step outside her own woes and consider the world at large. She never failed to return home with a peaceful heart and a broadened outlook.
After Aran and Alannah’s upset, Taylor wanted desperately to stop thinking about Brody for a while. He had returned to haunt her thoughts again. She wished Aran could see into her mind and see the roiling ache in her heart. He would not speak of her giving up, if he could.
Naomi was on her usual bench already when Taylor stepped into the coffee store. They hugged and Taylor settled on the other bench with a sigh. She reached over and swiped at the cinnamon-sprinkled foam of Naomi’s coffee and licked her fingertip. There was just enough foam to register the taste of milk and the hint of cinnamon.
Naomi rolled her eyes. “You might just let me buy you a cup of your own.”
Taylor shook her head. “I shouldn’t even sample that much.”
“This auto-immune protocol of yours sounds horrendous. How can you live without sugar and tomatoes and…well, just about everything!”
“It’s only until my symptoms disappear. Then I get to re-introduce everything, a bit at a time, until I know what I’m allergic to.”
Naomi wrinkled her nose. “Well, your loss.” She sipped her coffee. “How did your week go? Is Veris well?”
Taylor shook her head. “Can I not talk about it right now? Tell me about your week, Naomi. Every detail, even the boring stuff.”
Naomi raised her brow. “That bad, huh? Well…” She launched into a recitation of her week, including all the boring details, which were not boring at all. Naomi rarely stepped outside her house, yet she lived a full and interesting life, dealing with the publishing world, books and stories.
Taylor relaxed, nodding along as Naomi talked.
The first strains of the next tune piped over the store’s p.a. was familiar enough that Taylor cocked her head to hear it. The music was so low, the average human would barely register it. Taylor shifted the focus of her hearing, so she heard the notes properly.
At first she didn’t recognize the tune, because it had been orchestrated and turned into a softer rendition than the one she knew.
Then her mind supplied the lyrics which went along with the slow beat.
And blood-dipped spears waved beyond thy doors
Foretelling thy doom to me this day of days.
I knew of thy love before thee spoke of it to me
Say not of what is in thy heart for it must not be spake.
There was no steadily increasing pressure to warn Taylor, this time. Between one startled breath and the next horrified one, her chest locked. She shook and her eyes filled with hot, hard tears.
Naomi asked her something, her voice concerned. Taylor didn’t hear her. She couldn’t put the words together. Her vision was fading.
Brody’s lips on hers. Watching Brody kiss Veris.
The first time she had heard Brody sing that song, he had been on stage. A stranger, who had kissed her a moment later and completely changed her life.
Brody’s voice, echoing the lyrics, filled her mind. Brody, his dark eyes dancing. Brody, in a million moments since she had met him. Laughing. Angry. Hurt. Liquid with lust.
She recalled the times they had traveled back to the past. Brody, chained and close to defeated. Brody, dying in her arms, trusting that she and Veris would save him. Brody, fighting Fatimids with a sword and shield, and casually punching an arrow through his arm so she could remove it.
Brody, in so many moods and ways and times.
There were so many moments!
Dizziness swamped her thoughts and made them fade.
Warmth, beside her. Her hand was lifted.
“Can you hear me, Taylor?” It was Naomi’s voice. Her fingers on Taylor’s hand were warm. “Listen to my voice. Listen to me. You must find a way to breathe, dear one. You must let everything unlock and relax, so you can breathe.”
Her voice went on, coaxing and coaching.
Only, Taylor didn’t want to let go. For this frozen moment, it was as though she had Brody back. She could almost touch him, he was so vivid in her mind. Her fingers tingled.
Naomi patted her hand, not softly. “Taylor! You must breathe, dear. You’re drawing attention.”
Attention! The wrong sort of attention…
Taylor made herself draw in a small breath. Even vampires needed to breathe occasionally. The strong lessons and warnings about always staying hidden, of the Blood staying out of sight, were more powerful than her wish to stay with her memories of Brody.
Taylor made herself relax to let her diaphragm loosen, so
her lungs drew air. She’d had lots of practice calming her symbiot down, these last few months. The act of defying her instincts and relaxing into the tension came easier, now.
Her lungs expanded. The dizziness backed off.
The memory of Brody faded, too, as more immediate concerns made themselves felt. Had she given herself away? Would Naomi look at her sideways with that wondering wariness humans wore when they caught a hint of something not-quite-right about her?
She didn’t want to alienate Naomi, only now she understood why vampires found friendships with unaware humans so taxing.
Taylor’s vision refocused. She was staring at the table, her head hanging, while Naomi squeezed her hand. Naomi had moved around the table to sit beside her on the bench.
Taylor drew in another breath and lifted her chin.
Naomi gave her a tremulous smile. “There you are,” she said softly. She picked up a paper napkin and wiped Taylor’s face. “You had me worried.”
“Sorry,” Taylor whispered. “I just…” She closed her eyes. The music was gone. Another track played now. She wanted to weep at that loss, too.
“Was it the music?” Naomi said softly. “You said Brody was a musician.”
Taylor nodded. “It all came rushing back.” Her voice was hoarse.
“Music is provocative,” Naomi said. She returned Taylor’s hand to the table and patted it a last time. “That was a bad one.” She bent to look at Taylor’s face, for Taylor had dropped her chin once more. “The panic attacks should be growing weaker and more infrequent, not getting worse.”
Her concern was loud in her voice.
Taylor blew out her breath. “I should…I should go home. There’s too many people around.”
Naomi looked around the store. It was the middle of a week-day afternoon, in winter. The store was empty except for them and a bored barista, standing at the far back counter, filling napkin dispensers. “I think you’re safe here,” she said, with a touch of dryness.
Taylor blinked. Hadn’t Naomi said something about appearances?
Naomi pulled her big round coffee cup and saucer over the table, closer to her. She picked up the cup and cradled it in her hand. “After weeks of being able to hear his name without breaking down, now this. What has happened, Taylor?”
Taylor put her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands. She really wanted to cover her face, to hide away. “The twins. They finally realized Brody isn’t…that he won’t come back. I think they blame me.”
“Why do they blame you?” Naomi asked quietly.
“Because they don’t think I’ve done enough to get him back.” Taylor closed her eyes. “I tried to explain that even if I did find him, he wouldn’t want to come back—that it was his decision to leave.”
“That wasn’t good enough, I’m guessing.”
“No! Of course it wasn’t! He’s one—he’s their father! They don’t understand. They don’t want to understand, even though they’re old enough to get it.”
“They just want someone to blame,” Naomi finished.
Taylor nodded.
“And you’re being the self-sacrificing mother and painting a bulls-eye on your back for them to use.”
Taylor flinched. “You don’t understand. I do feel guilty!”
Naomi nodded. “Why?”
Taylor scratched at the table top with the corner of her thumbnail. “I…think… maybe they’re right.”
Naomi put down her cup. “So tell me everything you’ve done to win Brody back.”
Taylor shook her head. “It’s not that easy. He’s made it impossible to find him.”
“Brody hasn’t contacted you at all? Not even once? Not even to pick up mail?’
“What mail?” Taylor asked dryly. “Everything comes by email these days.”
Naomi nodded. “Right, right. Of course. He really hasn’t contacted you? Not even to argue about access?”
Taylor shook her head. “I figured…he was moving on. In every way.” She took a deep breath. “There was someone else. He wasn’t leaving us, so much as going to him.”
“Him?” Naomi raised her brow. “Does ‘him’ have a name, that you know of?”
“Nial,” Taylor said tiredly.
“Oh…you knew him, too, didn’t you? What did Nial say when you spoke to him, once you found out?”
Taylor rubbed at the spot she had been scratching. “He disappeared at the same time Brody did. His spouses—” She winced.
Naomi’s brow lifted again. “Two partners? This is getting so interesting! Taylor, really, I thought you were a simple housewife with separation issues. I had no idea all these layers existed.”
“I don’t tell people, as a rule. They don’t understand.”
Naomi smiled. The smile was the mischievous one. “I am a broad-minded writer who would love to pick your brains one day. Right now just isn’t the time though. Go on. You were going to tell me about what happened when you spoke to…Nial was it? His partners. What did they say?”
“I’ve been…phoning their apartment for weeks. Well, I was phoning. They left, straight after Nial did. Their doorman said they were upset, which is understandable.”
“How long ago did you last try to contact them, then?”
Taylor couldn’t meet Naomi’s steady gaze. “It’s been a while. Since Veris…” She stopped. She couldn’t say the rest. Since Veris came back to me and said we must let Brody go.
Naomi pressed her fingers to her temples. “Oh…my god! Why didn’t I see it before?” She gripped Taylor’s wrist. “You and Veris are together now. Was it all that mutual support, Taylor?”
Taylor suspected that if she was still human, she would be blushing furiously. Only, why? Why was she embarrassed? In an increasingly more complex, diversified and accepting world, why was this something she must apologize for?
Taylor met Naomi’s gaze. “Veris was my husband, long before Brody left,” she said.
Naomi blinked. “They both were,” she said softly.
“Yes,” Taylor said flatly and watched Naomi to measure her reaction. If there was even a hint of hesitation or judgment, Taylor would leave right now.
Naomi smiled and picked up her coffee cup. “I think you had better start all over again, Taylor. I can see there is a lot more to this than I first thought. So tell me, why do you think you haven’t done enough to get Brody back, if he left of his own accord?”
It all came tumbling out, after that. The jump to New York, which she converted to a plane flight and removed any mention of the Elah. Meeting Nial and Winter and Sebastian. How much Brody had liked Nial from the start and how Veris had disliked him as a result. The frequent visits of the three to Martha’s Vineyard. The signs she had missed. The diminishing time Brody had spent with her and possibly with Veris, too. Then, after Alannah’s attack, Brody declaring he couldn’t stand it anymore.
“And he just left? Right there?” Naomi asked, sipping her third cup of coffee. Her tolerance for caffeine was extraordinary. “What happened to Alannah?”
“Someone mugged her and a friend of ours. Right outside the house,” Taylor said. “Brody blamed Veris. He said people always get hurt around Veris.”
“That must have stung,” Naomi breathed.
“I think it was lost beneath the greater pain,” Taylor murmured.
Naomi let out a sigh. “I’m glad you told me the whole story, Taylor. I can understand so much more about you now, which puzzled me before.” She hesitated. “I get that Veris wants you and him to go on together…and really, that says everything about him, doesn’t it? If he and Brody were together for years before you came along? It takes a strong man to let go of an old life and face a new one.”
“I know,” Taylor said softly, warmth touching her.
“Only, here’s the thing,” Naomi said. “If you both agree Brody will own a piece of your hearts, forever, then why haven’t you continued to try contacting Nial’s people? If they’re the only way to learn where the t
wo have gone? Don’t you want to find out if Brody is okay?”
Taylor swallowed. “Brody is good at looking after himself,” she said quietly. “And…I’m afraid to.”
Naomi nodded. “I can understand that. You’ll have to face him and see nothing in his face, no caring in his eyes. I’ve been there, Taylor. I have.”
“When you put it that way, it makes me feel very small.”
Naomi shook her head. “That wasn’t what I meant at all.”
“I know, but it doesn’t let me off the hook. I just…I wanted to feel happy, just for a little while. Veris made me happy.”
“Just for a little while. Now you’re back to missing Brody again.”
Taylor nodded.
Naomi put on her sunglasses and gave Taylor a large smile. “I think you know what you have to do, now, don’t you?”
Taylor sighed. “I have to go back to New York.”
Chapter Fourteen
Veris wasn’t in his office when Taylor got home. She moved around the house looking for him and found him in the backyard, with Marit. They were sitting with their heads together at the barbecue table, whispering. Marit was wearing a heavy pea coat and a hat and had her hands tucked between her legs for warmth. The occasional gusts from the sea picked up Marit’s red hair and threw it over her shoulder.
Veris hadn’t bothered pretending he felt the cold. He wore his usual sleeveless shirt and leather pants.
Their conversation was easy and Marit gave a soft laugh. It let Taylor approach them without feeling as though she was interrupting.
Veris saw her and held out his arm. Taylor slid onto the bench beside him and smiled at Marit. “You might have picked a warmer spot to talk,” she pointed out.
“I’ve been in winter tundra all day,” Marit said. “This is warm in comparison and I wanted to smell the sea.”
Veris wrapped his arm around Taylor’s waist. “Did you have a good visit with your friend?”
“Yes, and no. That’s what I wanted to talk about,” Taylor said.
Marit got to her feet. “I need coffee, anyway.”
“There’s a pound of the blond roast you like on the counter,” Taylor said.
Kiss Across Tomorrow (Kiss Across Time Book 8) Page 13
