by Amanda Cabot
“You’re a lucky man.” Nate clapped Jackson on the shoulder before he settled into the porch chair next to him. It was early evening, and once again Nate had remained in town. When Warner went out walking with Patience, Jackson had thought he’d have the porch to himself and his turbulent thoughts, but he hadn’t counted on Nate, who’d apparently taken a shorter-than-normal stroll with Aimee.
“How’d you figure that?” Jackson did not feel lucky. He’d proposed to Thea, and she’d refused him. He’d kissed her, and she’d rebuffed him. That was not what he would call lucky.
“I heard you took Thea on a picnic. I told Rachel I was going to invite Aimee on one, but she said it wouldn’t be proper unless I took a chaperone. You—you lucky man—didn’t need one.”
Nate’s lips curved into a frown. “I don’t understand all these things, but Rachel said that being a widow gives Thea more freedom. She claims folks would get the wrong idea if Aimee and I went off on a picnic, but it sure sounded like fun to me.”
“Picnics are nice,” Jackson agreed. The one he’d shared with Thea had been pleasant. More than pleasant. It had been wonderful until he’d spoiled everything by kissing her. He should have listened to his inner censor, but he hadn’t, and as a result, he’d upset Thea. The worst part was, though he regretted causing Thea so much distress, Jackson did not regret the kiss itself. It had been the best moment of his life.
“That’s what I figured.”
A tremor of shock ran through Jackson. Had Nate been reading his mind? He relaxed when his friend continued.
“Picnics are good, but since Rachel would have my head if I tried to take Aimee on one, I wondered if you had any other ideas. This courting business is taking too long.”
Though Nate had come to the wrong man for advice about courtship, Jackson empathized with his friend. He’d once believed he was a patient man, but that was no longer true. What had happened today had made him eager to have the courting, wooing, or whatever it was called finished.
It wasn’t only the kiss, although that had given him a taste of what marriage to Thea would hold. The whole day from the time they’d left the Harris ranch had been special. Jackson had enjoyed their game of questions, trivial as some of them had been, and the opportunity to learn more about the woman who fascinated him. They’d been making progress, getting to know each other, until he spoiled the day.
Given the mess he’d made of his relationship with Thea, Jackson was hardly a source of wise counsel, and yet he wanted to help Nate. Perhaps he should adopt Thea’s tactic of asking questions.
“What do you want to do?” It seemed odd that the man who’d apparently tried to court several other women was at a loss for the next step, but perhaps he’d bungled matters as badly as Jackson had.
Nate glared at Jackson, as if the answer should be self-evident. “I want to marry Aimee. I know she’s the right one for me.”
As far as he knew, Nate had not progressed beyond walking home from the apothecary with Aimee. There’d been no flowers, candy, or other gifts. If Captain Rawlins was right, Nate had a long way to go before he was ready to ask for Aimee’s hand in marriage, and yet Jackson wasn’t convinced that the captain was right. As a Ranger, he knew that sometimes you had to take bold action.
“Then tell her you love her and ask her to be your wife.”
Nate’s eyes widened. “That simple, huh?”
“That simple.” Or that difficult. For a man as tongue-tied around the woman he loved as Nate was, even a two-sentence declaration might be close to impossible, but Nate did not seem intimidated.
He grinned and rose to his feet. “Step 1,” he said, holding up a single finger, “‘I love you, Aimee.’” He extended a second finger. “Step 2: ‘Will you be my wife?’ Two easy steps. I can do it!” He bounded off the porch and headed toward his horse. “Thanks, Jackson. I’m gonna be a married man before you know it.”
As his friend mounted the bay mare, Jackson slapped his forehead. What a fool he’d been! He’d made it sound so easy to Nate, but he hadn’t followed his own advice. He’d skipped the first step.
Jackson groaned at the magnitude of his mistake. He’d never told Thea he loved her. No wonder she’d refused to marry him. No wonder she had found their kiss improper. Jackson was hardly an expert on courtship, but even he knew that kisses were reserved for couples whose affections were firmly engaged. Wasn’t that the phrase Ma had used when she’d talked to him about the birds and bees? She’d said that some couples even waited to share their first kiss after the wedding ceremony.
Jackson didn’t want to wait that long for another kiss. There was no reason to, because his affections were firmly engaged. They couldn’t get much more firmly attached than love.
The problem was, he hadn’t told Thea he loved her, not when he’d asked her to marry him or today when they’d shared that unforgettable kiss. Instead, Jackson had made it sound as if the reason for their marriage was to protect Stuart. Admittedly, that was part of it, but it wasn’t the whole reason—not even the most important one. The reason he wanted Thea to be his wife was that he loved her.
Would her answer be different once she knew that? Jackson hoped so. He hoped she would give him another chance, that his past two mistakes had not destroyed their hope of happiness.
One thing was certain: this time he wouldn’t rush. He wouldn’t simply blurt out his feelings. He’d find the perfect setting, the perfect moment to declare his love. And then . . .
28
As much as I don’t like the Harrises’ attitude toward Stuart, I’m glad Ethel’s your patient,” Jackson said as they climbed the hill out of Cimarron Creek, headed toward the Harris ranch.
It wasn’t the first time he had surprised Thea with something he’d said or done, but this announcement seemed to come from nowhere, just like the kiss that she could not forget. To his credit, Jackson had made no attempt to kiss her since then, although there had been times when she’d caught him looking at her lips, his expression reminding her of Clay when he looked at Sarah.
The memory of those moments watered the tiny seed of hope that had lodged deep inside her until it began to sprout, making Thea wonder if maybe, just maybe, Jackson harbored tender thoughts toward her. She wouldn’t call them love—it was too soon for that—but her heart sang at the possibility that he might view her as more than a friend.
Wrenching her thoughts back to the present, Thea responded to Jackson’s statement with a simple question. “Why?” There were days when she was not particularly happy that Ethel Harris was her patient. The last time Thea had called on her, the woman had complained about every ache and pain and was disgruntled when Thea explained that they were normal parts of pregnancy.
“Why?” Jackson echoed Thea’s question. “Because it gives us an excuse to spend more time together. Speaking for myself, I enjoy our rides.”
“So do I.” Each time he accompanied her to the Harris ranch, Thea uncovered new aspects of the man whose kiss had flummoxed her. She’d known from the beginning that Jackson was courageous—Rangers had to be—but she’d discovered that he was also kind. Not only did he lavish love on Stuart, but after he’d heard Angus Harris grumbling about their milk cow no longer producing, he’d brought a large can of fresh milk to the ranch.
Thea wasn’t certain who’d been more surprised by that, she or the Harrises. She wasn’t sure she could have been so thoughtful, especially since Ethel Harris had not shown the slightest interest in Stuart.
“Having company makes the ride pass more quickly,” Thea added. So quickly that, instead of being eager to be home, she found herself wishing the Harris ranch were even more distant. Today, though Maggie seemed eager to trot, Thea kept her at a walk simply to extend her time with Jackson.
“So just anyone’s company would do?”
He was teasing. Thea knew that, but rather than reply in kind, she decided to be honest. “No, it’s your company I enjoy.” And, oh, how she enjoyed it! Each day she found h
erself more fascinated by the Ranger with the crooked smile. Not even in those first heady days after she’d met Daniel had she been so eager to be with a man.
“I’m glad to hear that, because you’re likely to be stuck with me for a while.”
Though the prospect made her smile, her smile faded at the memory of the reason Jackson was in Cimarron Creek. “Do you think it will take a long time to catch the rest of the Gang?”
Jackson shook his head. “I’m surprised they haven’t already tracked you to Cimarron Creek and made a move. I know you said someone in Ladreville sent them to Austin, but it wouldn’t take too long to discover that you’re not there. By now they must be worried that you’ve discovered the gold and are spending it.”
The gold. Thoughts of it were like a cloud blocking the sun’s radiance. “I still have trouble believing Daniel took that gold.” Thea had grown accustomed to the idea that the man she’d married had been a thief, but though she could imagine him stealing from strangers, she couldn’t picture him taking his partners’ share of their stash. Wasn’t there supposed to be honor among thieves? But, then again, wasn’t a man supposed to honor his marriage vows?
“It’s the only thing that makes sense.” Thea blinked, then realized Jackson wasn’t responding to her thoughts when he continued. “Are you sure you don’t remember any place he talked about that might have been a hiding spot?”
It was her turn to shake her head. “Daniel didn’t talk about his past very much, and then it was only to say how miserable he was at the orphanage and how he couldn’t wait to escape. When I think back on it, I realize he didn’t tell me much at all. He just swept me off my feet with his pretty words.”
Jackson feigned a scowl. “You don’t need to worry about pretty words from me. My parents raised me to speak my mind.”
“And I appreciate that.” Jackson might not be one for pretty words, but Thea knew he would tell the truth. Not only was that knowledge reassuring, but it emphasized the differences between Jackson and her husband. She had been wrong to believe Jackson would claim he loved her just to get another kiss. That wasn’t something he would do. He was an honest and an honorable man.
Thea placed her hand on the buggy’s brake as they descended a hill. While Maggie knew better than to run, there was always the possibility that something might spook her. Thea’s lips curved in an ironic smile as she realized that while Jackson was worried about her safety, she worried about his.
“You’re an interesting man, Jackson Guthrie.”
“Because I tell the truth?”
“That’s part of it.”
Jackson seemed pleased, but he still raised an eyebrow as he asked, “What else?”
“You’re honorable.”
“I can see where that would appeal to you, but make no mistake, I’m not a saint. I’ve done my share of things I’m not proud of.”
“But you regret them. That makes a difference.” Thea suspected that Daniel had had no regrets about his life.
It seemed strange to realize she’d been acquainted with Jackson almost the same amount of time as she had Daniel before they married, but she already knew so much more about the Ranger than she ever had about Daniel, even though she’d been Daniel’s wife for over seven months.
While she’d been fascinated by Daniel, because he’d been unlike any of the other men she knew, her feelings for him had not had a firm foundation, perhaps because she’d known so little about him. Like a house built on sand, her fascination had crumbled under the adversity of real life.
What Thea felt for Jackson was different. She didn’t idealize him. Instead, she knew that he had his flaws, just as she did. Thea had no doubts that he’d shown her the real Jackson. The question was, could she trust her judgment or was she making another mistake in believing he might be the man God intended for her? She’d been certain that Daniel was the right man for her, but she’d been wrong. So very wrong.
Jackson was silent for a while, then when the sun disappeared behind a cloud, he rolled his shoulders as if to release a cramp. “I know you’ve been here less than two months and it might be too soon to know, but do you think you’ll stay in Cimarron Creek?”
Thea had almost forgotten that they’d been talking about how long his search for the Gang would keep Jackson in Cimarron Creek before they veered off on tangents. “I don’t have a formal contract, but I told Travis I’d stay for at least a year.”
“And after that?” Though his words were casual, when Thea glanced at him, she saw an intensity in Jackson’s expression that made her think her answer mattered.
“I’m not sure. I know my sister hopes I’ll return to Ladreville, but . . .” She let her voice trail off, not knowing how to complete the sentence.
“What do you hope?” Once again Jackson was being persistent. It was one of his strongest traits, and one that Thea suspected had served him well as a Ranger.
She stared into the distance as she considered how to answer. She couldn’t tell him of the tender hope that had sprouted and continued to grow, the hope that she could make a home for herself in Cimarron Creek. A home that would include Stuart and a husband like Jackson. Oh, why mince words? She dreamt of a life with Jackson.
It was the sweetest of dreams, one that left Thea with a smile when she wakened, but she couldn’t tell him that. That was not something a woman should do, especially not a woman who was as unsure of her convictions as Thea. What if she’d misjudged her feelings for Jackson? What if they faded the way Daniel’s professed love for her had? She wouldn’t risk inflicting that kind of pain on Jackson.
“I hope to stay here,” she said slowly. There was no harm in sharing that much with him. “What about you? What are your dreams for the future?”
“They depend.”
The look he gave her was so intense that it left Thea breathless. What did he mean? Was it possible that his dreams were similar to hers? Perhaps the reason he’d asked her to marry him hadn’t been simply to give Stuart a family. Perhaps the reason he’d kissed her had been because he loved her.
Thea broke off her thoughts and gazed at Jackson. When he said nothing more, she realized she must have been mistaken, and so she completed the sentence for him. “On catching the Gang.”
He nodded. “That’s the first step. I can’t leave the Rangers until I’ve done that.”
“Then you’ve made up your mind.” He’d talked about it before, but this time he sounded different, as if he’d made a decision and was comfortable with it.
“Yes.” Jackson’s lips curved into a wry smile. “I didn’t realize I’d made the decision until my captain and I spoke. It seems my former partner knew me better than I know myself. He predicted I was ready to leave more than a month ago.”
“Are you sure you won’t regret it?” It would be a major change for a man so used to being on the move to settle down in one spot. Thea wondered whether he would miss the excitement of tracking outlaws or whether he’d grown tired of it. Lawrence, the sheriff of Ladreville and a former Ranger, had once told her that the nomadic life took its toll on a man.
Another nod was Jackson’s first response. “A month ago I would have said I wasn’t certain, but now I am. It’s time for me to build a life of my own. I want a ranch and a family. The reason I said you would likely be stuck with me for a while is that I’m considering staying in Cimarron Creek.”
“You are?” The thought made Thea’s heart leap.
Jackson nodded. “It depends on—”
He broke off abruptly, his head swiveling to look behind them, his hand moving swiftly to grip his revolver.
“What’s wrong?”
Jackson continued to scan the horizon before he responded. “I thought we were being followed.”
Thea took note of his verb tense. “You said ‘thought,’ not ‘think.’ Is someone behind us?”
“Not that I can see. It must have been my imagination.”
For the next few minutes, they rode silently, Jackson sc
rutinizing their surroundings, not relaxing until they arrived at the Harris ranch. It was then that Thea realized she didn’t know what he’d meant to say, that he hadn’t finished his explanation of what needed to happen before he would move to Cimarron Creek permanently.
“I’m sorry to have kept you waiting,” Aimee said as she emerged from the back room. “A shipment came this morning, but I haven’t had a chance to unpack it. I was hoping there might be more calamine.”
“Was there?”
Aimee shook her head. As much as she hated to disappoint Rachel, the new supply of calamine had not arrived. “I’m afraid not. The only thing I can suggest is to make a paste with baking soda and see if that helps. Maman used that when I had a bee sting. It might work on chicken pox.”
Rachel looked as harried as Aimee had ever seen her, her normally immaculate shirtwaist wrinkled, the ends of her bonnet ribbons frayed, a button on her right glove loose. Aimee wished there were something she could do for her friend, since it was clear that the strain of caring for a second adult patient was overwhelming her.
“Poor Nate.” Rachel shook her head in dismay. “I haven’t seen him this upset since that awful business with his goats last year. He’s acting like something horrible is going to happen just because he caught chicken pox. He won’t listen to me when I tell him that they’ll go away. He just keeps muttering, ‘I don’t want to wait. I don’t want to wait,’ but when I ask him what he means, he won’t answer.” Rachel waited until Aimee met her gaze before she asked, “Do you know what he means?”
Aimee did not. All she knew was that she felt as if she’d done nothing but wait for the past few weeks. Her days, which had once been filled with anticipation of the time she would spend with Nate, now dragged. He couldn’t help it that he’d caught a particularly bad case of chicken pox and hadn’t left his farm in over two weeks, but knowing that didn’t make waiting for him any easier.
She was waiting for Nate to be well enough to resume their daily walks and waiting for word of when her mother would arrive in Cimarron Creek. When would the waiting end?
