Along for the Ride

by Mimi Grace

  Yes.

  It upset Jolene to know Jason would probably hear about her business coming to fruition through the grapevine. However, she couldn’t dwell on that. To emphasize her resolve to no longer think of Jason as an intimate part of her life, she pulled out a loose-leaf paper and started a list that would help her make her dreams a reality.

  Chapter 24

  Jason set the boxed cake that was more than half-gone on his counter before collapsing on his couch. He’d spent the afternoon with his family celebrating his thirty-sixth birthday. Thirty-six. He said the number out loud a couple of times. How the hell had he gotten here? He smiled as he recalled his mother’s roundabout birthday toast that included embarrassing stories and fond memories.

  His luncheon had been held at his aunt and uncle’s home because his mom had decided she no longer wanted to live in his childhood home. The house was in chaos since she’d already started the packing process. She’d broken the news to him a few days ago in the same way someone might rip a Band-Aid off, really quick and without remorse.

  She gave him the choice to move in if he wanted to. He expected to feel hurt or at least feel compelled to save the house that he’d fought to get back. But he didn’t feel anything. Well, that’s not true. There was something almost humorous about discarding something that had been emblematic of his success. But that was the thing: He’d been so loyal to his goals and achievements that he never stopped to question if they were what he wanted or, in this case, what his mom even wanted.

  Part of Jason’s motivation for repurchasing their house had been to regain a semblance of what they’d lost when his dad died, but it had also been his response to life throwing down the gauntlet. But his father’s memory was more than a mere house, and he didn’t want to hang onto the house just to prove he could do it. The pictures, the stories his extended family back in Tonga shared, and the times when his mother told him he looked so much like his father were the reasons Jason could now so easily let go.

  Jason fixed his gaze on his father’s record player. He hadn’t used it since the night Jolene was at his place, but he got up now to put on his dad’s favorite record to send him a happy birthday. The ringing from his phone stopped his progress, and the moment Jason answered it, the blaring sound of an air horn burst through the phone. He pulled the device away from his ear.

  “Happy birthday!” Ty said after the loud honk ended.

  “Thanks, man.”

  “Thirty-fucking-six.”

  Jason laughed.

  “You good?”

  Jason stretched out on his couch once again. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? It’s my birthday.” He tried to inject some enthusiasm into his voice.

  “You just sound off. Not that I expected you to be your usual bubbly, loud self, but—”

  “Ha! I’m just tired. I spent the last few hours eating my weight in frosting. Give me a break.”

  Ty was silent for a while, and Jason could hear the cogs turning in his friend’s head. What was he gearing up to say?

  “So, nothing else?”

  “No?”

  There was another moment of silence.

  “You obviously have something you think is on my mind, so spit it out.”

  “Man, I know you and Jolene broke up.”

  Jason made a protesting sound. “We were never together.”

  In spite of his claim, most days Jolene wasn’t far from his mind. Whenever he thought he was getting over her, there’d be a commercial, a funny occurrence at work, or a song that would remind him that he wasn’t in fact getting over Jolene. There was no escape from the hollow feeling, and it frustrated Jason how long this process was taking. But unless Ty had suddenly become clairvoyant, there was no reason for him to suspect that Jolene and he had a relationship beyond the bland one he’d witnessed several times before.

  “Who told you that?” Jason asked.

  “Okay, maybe you guys weren’t dating dating, but it was clear that after the trip, something changed between you guys. You barely took your eyes off her the night you two arrived at our place, man.”

  Jason had stopped breathing at some point, but Ty continued speaking.

  “Also, every time I’ve brought up Jojo in the last few months, you’ve gotten flustered. Ergo, you two have been…close.”

  Flustered would never be an adjective Jason would describe himself with. And if he wasn’t feeling just that in that moment, he might have vehemently denied ever experiencing it.

  “Our relationship, friendship, whatever you want to call it, was only meant to be casual. I’m fine with that. More than fine with that,” Jason said, even though he knew it was a lie the second the words left his mouth.

  Ty let out a low whistle. “So, that’s what you guys are doing?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “It’s just both of you happen to be miserable simultaneously, and you can’t put two and two together.”

  Jason frowned. “Jolene’s miserable?” The thought of her wallowing in her apartment instead of wearing some pretty party dress as she hypnotized everyone with her humor and spunk distressed him to an illogical degree.

  “Well yeah, losing a friend and your job around the same time does that to you.”

  Jason’s vision blurred for a several moments and everything slowed down. “Jolene lost her job?”

  “Shit. I shouldn’t say anything else, man. Nicky will have my neck. I had strict instructions.”

  “Ty, tell me.”

  The roughness in his own voice shocked him, and it was probably why Ty didn’t brush off his request.

  “I won’t go into detail, but Jolene got fired last month. She was pretty much blindsided.”

  Jason’s head swirled. From what his mom had told him, Jolene had nailed her launch event. This was supposed to be her steppingstone to bigger and better things. To her own PR business.

  “Hey. Jolene’s fine. She has a new job and everything.”

  Ty’s reassurance didn’t do much for Jason, because for the rest of their conversation he tried to decide if he should send her a text. The unfairness of it all made his chest ache. He’d seen her work hard throughout the months. He witnessed how animated she became whenever she talked about her job or the people she got to work with.

  He got off the phone with Ty and continued his birthday night like he’d intended. But while he lay in bed, before drifting off to sleep, a thought shoved its way into his conscious, cruel and incessant.

  Jolene getting fired was his fault.

  The day of his mother’s accident, he’d been flying back from a conference. The conference had been in some ways bureaucratic but mostly insightful. Jason had rubbed shoulders with some important people from across the country. He’d met Denis Timothy, a mogul whose company was a sponsor for the conference. He’d never met the man before, but Jason couldn’t drop the feeling that he looked familiar. It wasn’t until the two men were in the same group that Jason had made the connection.

  The older man had stark white hair that gave him a Colonel Sanders look. He bragged about his son like many parents do, and something clicked in Jason’s head that this was the father of the man who had been harassing Jolene, Mark Timothy. He hadn’t planned to say anything because the older man had nothing to do with his son’s actions.

  “Very eloquent. Very intelligent,” Mr. Timothy had said as their group discussed the scholar who’d done a presentation on immigration and health care.

  It was as if the pistol had been already loaded and just waited for the chance to be shot because Jason said, “Same can’t be said about your son.”

  Now, Jason couldn’t speak to Mark’s intelligence, but it had felt good to take a dig at the man’s son even in a trivial way. Jason’s comment didn’t register in the larger conversation that continued around them, and Denis Timothy didn’t react either. Jason wasn’t even sure if the man had heard him. It was only when Mr. Timothy excused himself from the group that he spared Jason and Jason�
�s nametag a glance.

  He had forgotten about the incident almost immediately, but there was a chance that his slight toward Mark had reached him. Jolene had called the man vindictive. Could he be petty enough to get a woman fired over something a friend said in her defense?

  She had to find another job because of me.

  Swallowing the bile that rose, he sat up in bed. The idea that he might’ve derailed Jolene’s career was near earth-shattering. If his life and more so the last few months had emphasized anything, it was that control was an illusion and maybe he shouldn’t try so hard to maintain it, but bad habits die hard. He needed to find a way to fix the mess he’d created.

  “No, I want magenta not purple,” Yvonne said.

  Jolene looked at the pack of fancy pens she’d placed in her shopping basket. “Girl.”

  “What?” Yvonne retrieved the pens, placed them back on the shelf, and picked up an eerily similar pack and held it for Jolene to see. “Magenta.”

  Jolene swallowed the teasing comment. Yvonne and Di had wasted no time between their engagement and the planning for their winter wedding.

  “Nothing to say, huh?”

  Jolene shook her head and mimicked locking her lips together.

  “Amazing. I have to get married more often.”

  Jolene playfully bumped her as they continued down the aisle of the craft store.

  “How’s the new apartment?” Yvonne asked.

  Jolene let out a noise that sounded like a poor imitation of a wounded animal. “It’s drafty. Not a big deal now, but winter is a thing. Also, the worst WiFi.”

  “My offer still stands; you can move in with Di and me for a bit. It’ll give you time to find a place you like.”

  “No. I’m just being picky.”

  Also, Jolene wanted to stand on her own two feet right now. Prove that nagging voice in her head wrong that she was not a fuckup who needed pity and coddling. She would figure this out and come out on the other side okay.

  “Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s not every day you lose your dream apartment,” Yvonne said as she studied the shelves with spools and spools of material. She tested the feel of the different textiles. “Next Act had these beautiful pieces in their front entrance, and I think I want to recreate them for our centerpieces.”

  “I really need to go one of these days,” Jolene said.

  The restaurant, Next Act, was where Yvonne proposed to Diana. It’d been the new “it” place to dine since it opened a year ago.

  “I told you we saw Jason that night, right?”

  “What?”

  “Yeah, he was at the restaurant. We didn’t talk or even make eye contact, but I saw him leave with some woman.”

  It was a weird moment because Jolene had been moving through her daily routines with Jason neatly tucked away for her subconscious to ponder. She’d talked herself out of taking that leap at the hospital, and now she found it hard to breathe thinking about him with another woman. Why was she like this? She had no right, no claim over him. She was the one who was still gallivanting around, trying to piece her life together. Her life might be at a standstill as she stressed about money and her career, but it didn’t mean that he had to wait for her to figure it out.

  “Oh, Jojo. I didn’t mean to—”

  Tears fell and ran down Jolene’s chin without her notice. She swiped at her face harshly.

  “It’s fine. Oh my God. I’m such a mess. I’ve never cried so much in my life.” Once Jolene managed to stop the unencumbered tears, she said, “Do you know he called me a coward?”

  “You’re not a coward, Jojo.”

  Jolene harrumphed. “I am, though. I’ve messed up a lot. I know that, and I’ve spent years trying to do better. Be better. And it’s made me scared. I’m scared of messing up again, disappointing people, disappointing myself. Getting heartbroken again. But look at me”—she gestured to the general bubble around her—“I played it safe, and I still lost my job. Granted, I’m not responsible for that one, but I can’t afford my beautiful apartment anymore, and I’ve pushed away a guy who’s really amazing, Yvonne.” Jolene took a big gulp of air. “Really, really amazing.”

  Yvonne nodded. There was no surprise, just simple confirmation. “So, what are you going to do about it?”

  “I’m starting my own PR business,” Jolene blurted out.

  Just like when she told her sister, Jolene didn’t feel the crushing, overwhelming feeling of dread and uncertainty that came when she previously thought about her business idea. Sure, there were still some nerves because she actually didn’t know if this business venture would be a success. Most businesses failed, but she owed herself the risk.

  “Okay, solid,” Yvonne said. Jolene’s declaration only seemed to only mildly throw her. “I expect to be at the top of the hiring pile. Now, what about Jason?”

  It was a simple question. One she’d mulled over before but never could land on an answer that didn’t make her stomach want to roll into itself. But she’d already shed tears in the store for all who monitored the security cameras to see. What were a few more minutes standing motionless and brooding, letting herself search for an answer?

  In her mind, Jolene saw an image come together that was built in spite of her fears. It was beautiful, simple, and just out of reach. The butterflies that settled in her stomach urged her on.

  She abruptly turned, walking to exit the aisle that had become too small and confined.

  “How many more items on your list?” Jolene asked as she continued to walk the length of the aisle.

  “Jolene.”

  She stopped only long enough to throw a reassuring smile over her shoulder at her friend and say, “I need to stop by the pet store before it closes.”

  Jason mumbled to himself, reciting the monologue he planned to deliver to Jolene. It included a robust apology, an explanation, and several possible solutions to her problems. He strode up to the entrance of her apartment complex, dialing her apartment number into the intercom. There was a chance that her schedule had changed, and she wasn’t home on Saturday afternoons. He’d contemplated calling or texting her first to schedule some meeting after work. But he’d sat down to write a plan, and the plan took him to the florist where he’d purchased a large bouquet of gardenias, and as if momentum pulled him, he’d arrived at Jolene’s apartment unannounced.

  Only briefly while the intercom rang, did Jason think how awkward this might be.

  After several rings he thought his trip would prove futile, but someone picked up on the sixth ring. “Hello?”

  The high-pitched voice that came from the intercom was nothing like Jolene’s voice.

  “Sorry, is Jolene there?”

  “Who?”

  “Jolene Baxter?”

  “Nah, you’ve got the wrong apartment.”

  Jason double-checked the numbers he’d entered.

  “No, it’s the right one.”

  “Sir, I don’t know what to tell you. We’ve been here for two weeks already.”

  “All right, thank you. Sorry for bothering you.”

  Jolene didn’t live here anymore. God, had she been evicted? The flowers now swung near his thigh as he walked and mentally drafted a Plan B. He was so caught up in the secondary plan that took shape that he arrived home without really recalling the actual journey. He fished his apartment keys from his pocket while trying not to drop his cell or Jolene’s flowers. Preoccupied with these tasks, he failed to notice that Jolene herself had emerged from the corner of the vestibule of his apartment complex.

  “Jason,” she said.

  He jumped and turned to where she stood. He wasn’t wholly convinced that she stood before him. Maybe his guilty conscience sent an apparition to torture him. But she was all too real. She looked stunning, and she stood there holding a small box with no lid. He was too far from her to see what was inside. All he knew was that he wanted her to stay.

  She gave the flowers that he held a quick look. “I’m sorry that I
’m ambushing you on a Saturday. I thought you would be home—”

  “Why, because I’m a homebody with no friends?” He meant the comment to sound lighthearted, but his still rapid heartbeat and lingering shock made the words sound more gruff and humorless than he intended.

  She winced and ducked her head. “No, I texted your mom to see if you were running errands or at an event with her.”

  “You talk to my mom?”

  “I’ve checked in on her periodically ever since the night at the hospital.”

  He knew that she did, but he liked hearing it from her.

  She shook her head and said, “I know you might not want to see me or talk to me—”

  Nope, that wasn’t true. At that moment, he didn’t want to see anyone but her.

  “But I want to say—” She stopped and looked at him with a blank expression then at the ceiling. “Dammit,” she said under her breath. “I had a whole speech, but I’m blanking.”

  “Do you want to come up and you can think about it while we walk?” he asked, reaching toward the door.

  “I want to get this out right now.”

  He withdrew his hand and waited for her to continue.

  “I know I’m not the bravest,” she said.

  Jason’s heart skipped as he thought back to their argument the night at his place. “Jolene.”

  “No, it’s okay.”

  He had to tell her about his involvement in her firing, but she withdrew what sat in the box before he could say anything else.

  “Is that a clownfish?” Jason asked.

  A single clownfish swam in circles around the bowl that Jolene revealed. The bottom of the bowl held multicolored rocks and an anemone ornament had been wedged into it. He didn’t say anything, a little stunned. He struggled to decipher the meaning. He knew he’d been staring at the fish too long when Jolene cleared her throat.

  “What I’m trying to say is, like the clownfish and anemone, we just work. We’re people with different temperaments and approaches to life, but you inspire me to be bold, thoughtful, and indulge my feelings. And that’s what I’m doing now.” She tensed up a bit before saying, “I want to be with you.”