by Kat Zaccard
On another front altogether, I had a new purpose: Talk to Nick. I needed to find out WTF was going on. And now was as good a time as any. I finished my cereal and rinsed out the bowl. Grabbing my cell I walked out onto the balcony to call Nick. Okay, deep breaths, I told myself.
The phone rang and went to voicemail. I’d been so keyed up to talk to him that I hadn’t been prepared to leave him a message. I hung up and scowled at the phone. The wind was brisk, so I stomped back inside to turn on my laptop. I checked Facebook and answered a nice note from a Spanish class amiga. No message from Nick. I frowned and clicked on the chat icon to see—yup, there he was, online. I sent him a message:
AN: Hey, stranger, what’s up?
I waited awhile, clicked “like” on a few volleyball pictures from the meets I’d missed. Finally, I got impatient and IM’d again:
AN: Hey, you can’t ignore me forever. I see you’re online….
Another minute passed, then finally:
NS: Sup? How’s Canada?
AN: How’s Canada? Is your phone broken?
NS: No
AN: ??
NS: ?
AN: Were you ever gonna call?
NS: Jeez, guilt trip? U moved away.
I couldn’t believe it! That was how he saw it?
AN: So what, that’s it?
NS: I guess so.
Damn, I couldn’t believe it! I was getting dumped. Tears were rolling down my cheeks at this point. I felt so stupid.
AN: Bye, then
He didn’t even respond. I logged off and cried for about ten minutes. I knew I had wasted enough tears on him. I had known already it wasn’t looking good. At least now I knew for sure. I was angry. I meant so little to him? My mind started to cycle back to being sad, so I decided I needed reinforcements to get through this breakup. I still hadn’t gotten Shea’s phone number, but I knew her room number now, so I headed to the stairs.
I retraced my steps from yesterday and knocked on Shea’s door. After a beat, she opened it and grinned. “What’s up, you eat?”
I laughed, “Yeah, but I’m hungry again! Brunch?”
We made our way to the breakfast buffet and took our trays outside onto the terrace. The day was brisk and sunny. I could hear oak leaves rustling on their branches and smelled wood-smoke in the distance. I admired the yellows and oranges of the nearby forest. It made me a little homesick for Wisconsin, although fall colors would only just be starting since their full majesty peaked in October. Of course I had wound my mind around back to Nick. I gave Shea the condensed version of our pseudo-relationship and agonized over the impersonal breakup via instant message. I concluded with self-pity.
“I’m an idiot, and I feel humiliated!” I even admitted that his profile had gone from “it’s complicated” to “single” before my eyes. With a quick click on refresh, I felt instant rejection.
Shea had said all the right things and made appropriate sympathetic noises throughout my diatribe, but now I could see her getting a little impatient with me. “All right, girl,” she said, “I’m not going to let you feel sorry for yourself anymore. Yeah, getting dumped sucks, and he did it in a super jerky way. But look at the facts.” She cut off my protest with a sharp look. “Yes, I know that facts and feelings are two different things, but keep in mind that your wolfie hormones may be making Nick into a larger player than he really is. It’s natural to want to fall in love and have everything be sunshine and roses, but for werewomen,”—another sharp look stifled my snicker—“for werewomen, it is especially tricky. That’s why they work so hard to keep us separate from the boys. Our instinct is to mate.”
Now I had to interrupt. “Ew! That’s gross!”
It was her turn to snicker. “No, it’s not! That’s your prudish upbringing talking. It’s natural, and we need to be aware of that biological draw or we may get caught up in a situation that spins out of control. As werewomen, we are traditionally meant to be leaders of a pack, so having babies is a logical step—”
“Oh my God, I am so not ready for babies!”
“Exactly! So just be glad that things ended with Nick before you got too attached.”
I sighed, easy for her to say. I was about to voice that opinion, when a shadow fell over the table. Looking up, I saw a tall silhouette lean in, followed by a familiar sneer. “Well, little Luna, still hanging out with the mongrels, I see? I’d thought you’d move on and move up, now that you know your heritage.”
I could tell she was having a hard time insulting my pedigree while at the same insinuating I had the pedigree she desired. The conflict did not juxtapose easily on her features. Her lackeys showed up just then to help her out. One of them—Pamela, I think; the one with a nose ring and brown hair—actually sounded sincere when she said, “Hey Alice, you should be hanging out with us, not a Winterstone.”
Jillian laughed. “Just don’t bring your pet.”
I stood up, my face hot and my fists balled. I got right in Jillian’s face. “Back off! What makes you better than anyone else here? Didn’t your mommy buy you enough friends?” Some small part of my brain was certain I was about to get tried for treason against the queen, but the thing is, I was an American so it was easy to ignore. Also, Jillian swung back and smacked me across the face so hard, my head whipped to the right, and I felt movie-style slow-motion spit fly out of my mouth. Lovely.
My cheek stung more than my pride, but another part of my body took over and I jumped her. I don’t know what came over me or what the hell I was thinking. I’d never been in a fight in my life. I only realized in a surreal moment that a crowd had gathered and were chanting for our blood. I had caught Jillian off guard and knocked her back hard. She recovered quickly, though, and with her being an inch or two taller than me, I wasn’t able to bring her down. She back handed me across the face as she regained her footing. I kicked her in the shin with a satisfying crack. Her glee turned to a grimace, and she lunged at me, more determined. I sidestepped her, but she yanked my hair back—hard. I yelped involuntarily.
“Gotchya, now, bitch,” she purred into my ear. “Yield.”
I rammed my body backwards to take the pressure off of my scalp, then elbowed her hard in the liver. She let go of my hair and grabbed her stomach. I whirled to face her again; the hair on my neck stood at attention.
“Enough!” a voice barked. Jack’s command froze everyone at the scene. Instantly, he was between us, and I couldn’t believe the anger in his normally easygoing expression.
“She started it,” Jillian began, but stopped short when Jack whirled on her.
“Is that so?” His words dripped with skepticism. “You are aware that fighting is strictly prohibited, yes? Clearly, you both need to work off some of that aggression. Lucky for you Ms. Grissle wasn’t here this morning.”
There was a collective gulp as the girls in the crowd considered the disaster that fate had prevented. Ms. Grissle was not to be trifled with. I wiped a little blood from my mouth. I’d bitten my lip and could feel it starting to swell.
“As it is …” Jack’s eyes narrowed at the red on my hand, and his nostrils flared. “I will have to report the incident.”
About thirty girls started protesting, a few burst into tears, and all promised to behave and not tell. I was pretty sure I heard Pamela promise him a yacht when she turned eighteen. Jack smiled, and I sighed with relief. “Okay, girls, listen, this is why you have to remember about the days leading up to the full moon. There are heightened instincts, and tempers can flare. I expect you all to be more careful! Now, both of you shake hands and apologize.”
Jillian looked like she’d rather eat dirt, but I stepped forward ready to put the mess behind us. I wiped the blood off on my jeans and stuck out my hand. I had a temper, but I usually could rein it in, and I was a little embarrassed that I’d gotten so caught up in Jillian and her friend’s taunting. Jillian crushed my fingers in a death grip, glaring daggers at me, then turned on her heel and stomped off. A few girls came up to m
e to see if I was okay and congratulate me for standing up to Jillian. I was glad to see not everyone at Mt. Henley was enthralled with her. I turned to Shea, and grinned. She looked down. I walked over, “Hey, are you okay? I’m sorry about that.”
“I’m glad you stuck up for me, but she has a point, you know.”
“Don’t start that again! I only want friends and support from people I trust. I’m definitely not here to start a cult following. I hate playing the popularity game.”
“But, Alice,” Shea implored, “there’s the monarchy to consider.”
I laughed nervously. “God, Shea, let’s just get through high school!” She smiled back at me, but it didn’t reach her eyes. I could tell she was thinking I wasn’t taking her seriously enough.
Jack walked over, I was surprised to see he still looked keyed up and annoyed. “We need to talk, Princess.”
I didn’t like his tone, but I decided not to argue. I excused myself from Shea and followed Jack into the gardens. He led the way through and out into the orchard. Okay, this was a private conversation, not another public scolding. I wasn’t sure which was worse.
We walked through the aisle of trees for a few minutes before stopping. Jack looked down at his work boots as if he’d rather be anywhere other than here. Finally, he looked up at me.
“Princess, remember the warnings I gave you about the wolf impulse and instinct—”
“I know, Jack, and I believe you. I just never felt it like that before. I will be more careful, and I won’t let Jillian get to me again—”
“The incident with Jillian is not what I’m talking about.” At first, he couldn’t meet my eyes. Then he looked up and seemed truly mortified.
“What is it, Jack?” I was seriously confused.
Jack looked away with a frustrated harrumph. “Fine, if you won’t make this easy on me … I caught your scent in the trees near the stream early this morning, and I found these.” He reached into his pocket, drew out a scrap of pink fabric, and dropped it at my feet as if it scalded him. It was my underwear, or at least the remnants of the pair I had worn yesterday.
My face was beet red, both of us too embarrassed to speak. Finally Jack said, “Who were you with? This could be a problem.”
I suddenly realized what Jack must be thinking and felt affronted, appalled, and angry all at once.
“It’s not like that, Jack! God!” I grabbed the scrap and stuffed it into my pocket, then crossed my arms and turned away. How could I explain this?
“I know Shea was there, and an unknown wolf…” Jack wanted to believe me, but he had to lay out the facts.
“The wolf was me, Jack.” I’d said it slowly and deliberately, looking into Jack’s eyes. I saw his startled reaction, disbelief, then a dawning realization flit across those golden spheres, all in quick succession.
“You shifted? Before the moon?” He fell to his knees. “My queen,” he’d whispered the taboo statement.
My flush returned in full force. “Jack, get up, you’re embarrassing me,”
Jack stood then, all business. It was funny to see him switch tracks so quickly, but I respected his ability to adapt to the new information. He interrogated me about every detail of the shift. By then, we were walking again, and made our way out of the orchards and into the trails behind. I hadn’t been up in this part of the foothills yet and I felt a familiar north-woods feel, though the vegetation was somewhat different than my memories of Wisconsin’s deep woods.
Once Jack was satisfied by my explanation, I asked him if I could shift at any time or only near a full moon. At first, he told me I shouldn’t have been able to shift at all yet, but since it had happened before the full moon, it was likely I’d gain control more quickly.
“It’s a gibbous moon, and you shifted for the first time.” He kept restating the fact as if it didn’t taste right in his mouth.
“Gibbous?” I inquired.
“That just means the moon was only three-quarters full when you shifted,” Jack explained. “I suspect you will advance faster than your classmates.
“You will gain the ability to shift at will as you practice. Each full moon will strengthen your connection to your wolf. The full moon compels the shift, and many young pups cannot shift back until morning. It takes time and practice to control your inner wolf, and even then, many have a more difficult time keeping their human rational minds dominant when the wolf instinct takes over. It’s easier to control the wolf when it’s not a full moon.”
I laughed nervously . “You sound like we’re all schizophrenic.”
“In a way, we are.” Not the reassurance I’d been hoping for.
“The wolf is another side of us,” he continued, “primal and decisive. Our humanity is what makes us question and reconsider; our wolf is all instinct. For some, it’s more of a struggle than a friendship. For a few, it’s a true juxtaposition of our two halves. Those who train very hard can learn to control their wolves beyond the full moon, though no one can shift on the new moon. And only a select few can shift with only a crescent moon in the sky. We call them Slivers. They are highly coveted for patrols and for the Royal Guard.”
Jack cautioned me not to tell anyone about my shift. “For now, I think it’s best to pretend to shift for the first time on the full moon.” He said that, while it could help me gain supporters, it would also draw unwanted attention from the queen as well as others.
“What others?” I asked.
“Oh, interested parties. You are a valuable political pawn. There are a few groups out there who would love to have you as their figurehead. The Queen Regent is not well-liked among many older clans. While at first she seemed to be the answer to an empty throne, she has since proven more interested in furthering her family’s standing than being a beneficial leader of the Great Pack. That’s treasonous to say, mind you; she’s added a few hefty laws to ensure her good political name.”
“Jack, I don’t want to be a princess or a pawn.”
“Too late Princess. You are already both.”
Jack also agreed to help me practice shifting and promised to show me the perks of being a werewolf. We made a plan to meet after lunch that day. “I can’t wait to tell Kulani!”
“Hey, what happened to not telling anyone?” I teased, though I really didn’t mind if he told Kulani.
Jack looked a little pink in the cheeks. “Yeah, well …” He rubbed the back of his scruffy blond neck. “You know I pretty much have to tell her everything.”
“You have to?” I couldn’t resist taking advantage of his embarrassment. It wasn’t easy to get one up on Jack, the Head Patrol and high-ranking Sliver.
“We’re True Mates, Alice.” He looked up, his gaze unwavering. “We are one heart in two bodies. I can’t not tell her.”
“Huh.” I smiled at him. “That’s kind of sweet, and kind of disturbing.”
He chuckled. “I’ll be sure to tell her.”
“Don’t you dare!” I laughed and punched his arm. Even though I was embarrassed that Jack had thought the worst, I was relieved he had checked with me first. The last thing I needed was more rumors going around about me. I didn’t quite get the True Mate thing, but I didn’t mind Jack telling Kulani. She was so kind and easy going that I trusted her even though we had just met.
I left Jack in the woods and made my way back to campus, returning to the crowd milling around after lunch. Ignoring their stares and whispers, I went inside to the nearest bathroom. I cleaned up my face and tried to treat the bloodstain on my jeans.
Luckily, for the Artemis dorm, werewolves healed quickly and Ms. Grissle was none the wiser of the fight. Mt. Henley takes fighting seriously, and punishment even more so. From what I overheard at dinner that night, we’d gotten off lucky.
By Monday morning, my bruises had healed. The scratches from running through the brush were gone, as well. I took a moment to savor a languorous stretch, wiggling my human toes and fingers. I felt relieved that I had already shifted once, in private,
with a friend nearby. Plus, I had a mentor, too. Jack would help me figure out the wolf stuff and maybe some of the political stuff, since I apparently had no choice but to get drawn into the queen’s agenda.
I met Shea for breakfast, then we headed off to the main building for morning classes. I was happy to see Adam in Art Class. We chatted during our free drawing time and made plans to meet for lunch in the boys’ garden.
Adam, usually so confident, looked suddenly shy. “Hey Alice, I don’t want to be that guy, but…”
I looked quizzically at him. What had I done wrong now? “Spit it out Adam,” I insisted as he stalled, pencil in hand.
“Okay.” He put down his drawing pencil. Must have been serious. “You know how you’re friends with Shea?”
“Yee-aah?” I drew the word out into a question.
“Well, do you think …” he looked embarrassed, a tinge of pink hinting at his dark cheeks. He swallowed his nerves and looked me in the eye. “Do you think you could tell her that I’d say ‘yes’ if she asked me to the Fall Fling?”
Now it was my turn to grin and blush. It was too cute that he got so nervous to ask me to ask her. “Of course I will, Adam. That’s what friends are for. But just so you know, I think you would have been fine asking her yourself.”
“Yeah, but it’s the girl’s job to ask the boy to the Fall Fling. That is, unless you’re gay or transgender, then anybody can ask.” I smiled at his explanation, and promised to relay the message. Truth be told, I would be too nervous to ask Logan out. Suddenly, it occurred to me that Logan might be expecting me to ask him. I wondered how Jillian would react to that. I had mixed feelings and schooled my rebel heart not to go off on a fantastical tangent. Still, I couldn’t help imagining the rage on Jillian’s face as Logan twirled me around the dance floor. I shook my head as if to clear it and scolded what must have been my inner wolf. Logan was not going to invade my thoughts anymore!
