“Come back in about ten minutes okay?” she said to Peter. “Go put on your little song book and come back when the song finishes.”
“Okay Mom, I will.” He rushed away back through the door, leaving us.
“He’s amazing,” I complimented. “You look like you’re doing a great job with him.”
She looked like she didn’t believe me. It was hard to believe she was the same Laila I used to be so careful with. She was a mother now with a child and had been married.
“Thank you. That means a lot to hear. It’s hard sometimes. You didn’t have to offer to show him your bike.”
“I wanted to. It’s always nice to meet a fellow bike lover. Even better when they love Captain America.”
She smiled and pushed a strand of hair out of her face. “He’s always been obsessed. He has everything.”
The natural pause in our conversation signaled that it was time to talk, then go. Do what I came here to do and get gone.
Keep it professional.
“I’m sorry about the whole thing about the job. One of us should have given you the heads up.”
“It’s okay, I’m over it.”
She said the same thing about me. It did something to me when she said that this morning. I wanted her to be over the past but when she said that I found myself back at the place I was years ago when I took her little list and realized the truth of her feelings.
I didn’t want her to be over me…not when I wasn’t over her.
“Are you?”
She drew her brows together and shook her head. “No, not really. I was just really banking on this job to…find myself. I’ve had a rough couple of years and I just hoped things would run smoother. Maybe I’m in over my head. How am I supposed to compete against a guy like Kirk?”
I released a heavy sigh. “You can do it.”
“You’re just saying that but be honest with me. If you didn’t know me and you just looked at our resumes, he’d be hands down the one to pick. I checked him out on Google.”
I reached across and took her hand. “We need someone with a masters in neuroscience. Either of you could have gone to the moon, you could have developed some new age shit that cures all diseases, but the one thing we need is that. That is all, and all I want you to focus on. You got this.”
“Thank you…that helps. Thanks for coming. I guess I needed the pep talk.”
“Come to me if you need any help, that’s what I’m there for,” I reminded her.
Sensing I was holding her hand for longer than was acceptable, I released it.
“I appreciate that. I’m thinking of my research. I had a few ideas. I had a feeling Kirk would go with something in line with what he’s already done at MIT.”
“Yeah he probably will.” I figured as much. “What were you thinking of?”
“Nanotech, it’s my thing. Back in LA I was working with people who had brain tumors. I was thinking of looking at the medical advances in using nanotechnology on patients like that, especially the more complex cases.”
I couldn’t help but smile.
“Well princess, nanotech is my thing too and I’m at the hospital every week in their research center. Nanotech is pretty much all the talk right now over there so I’m pretty certain I could help you get started.”
“Really? Can you do that? I don’t want to cause any trouble or make it look like you’re favoring me.”
“Too late, I’m favoring you already. As your boss I’m supposed to help you. Kirk can come to me and ask for help too but I suppose he won’t since I didn’t teach at MIT.” That asshole.
If he wanted to get into it, I would happily join the pissing contest and hand his ass my lengthy list of qualifications.
“Thank you, Cole, I really appreciate the help. I do.”
I was surprised when her eyes filled with tears; she wiped one away quickly with the heel of her hand. “Sorry, I’m just overwhelmed right now so your help really is appreciated. I want to find the person I used to be. It’s great having Peter, but he deserves the old me. I haven’t been her in years. Not even before my divorce.”
I wanted to keep things simple and basic, but I felt I should say something.
“I was sorry to hear about your divorce. I hoped you could find someone deserving of you.” I pressed my lips together and drew in a breath to clear my mind. “Someone…who could be more than I was.”
I’d said enough.
Her eyes widened slightly but I stood. I said too much and shouldn’t cross the line with her again because she still deserved better than me.
“I’m gonna go get the bike ready. Peter will like it more if the engine’s going.”
I walked out before she could respond.
Laila
“So he just offered to help you?” Piper asked and gave me one of her curious stares.
I laughed nervously.
I’d held off on telling her the last thing Cole said to me about my divorce. But that was the part that was eating away at me the most.
“He was being nice.” I picked up my mug of hot chocolate and sipped on it.
I was thinking of not saying anything more but I thought maybe it was best if I did. I wasn’t supposed to bottle things in.
That was one of the lessons I learned in therapy that helped the most. Not keeping things in and holding back. That was why I lashed out at Kirk the way I did. These days I stuck up for myself and didn’t allow people to push me around like I used to years ago.
“Sugar, what else happened?” Piper leaned over the table and intensified her stare.
We’d met at our little coffeehouse in town an hour ago and talked about me nonstop. First, I told her about how awful my day was yesterday and had reached the part where Cole came by and Peter went crazy for him.
I was still in a daze about it and from the intuitive look on Piper’s face I could see she could sense my emotions toward it.
“It was more the case of what he said,” I answered.
“What did he say?”
“He said he wished I could have been with someone who deserved me, someone who was better than him.” I narrowed my eyes and so did she.
“What?” She blinked several times, trying to process. I was the same last night because his words threw me for a loop. “He said that?”
“Yes. It just made me think back to when I last saw him.” I rested my elbows on the surface of the table and brought my hand up to my chin. “Back then I would have made up all sorts of excuses, anything to make me feel better as to why he didn’t think we were a good idea. I never thought it was our age difference. I definitely never thought he’d think he wasn’t deserving of me.”
Even saying it now didn’t make sense.
“It’s odd, sugar. I don’t see him like that either. Remember, I’ve known that boy as long as you. I always thought he’d be straight up with whatever was on his mind, but maybe not. Maybe he did feel like that. Did you see him today?”
I shook my head. “The next few days are like an orientation. The real work begins next week.”
“When he’ll be helping you?” She brightened up again.
“Yeah. I’m actually looking forward to it, for the work.” The same way I googled Kirk—the prick who kept giving me bad looks all day and making it a point to enunciate the syllables in my name—was the same way I looked up Cole.
I looked him up last night after he left and was seriously shocked. Kirk could mouth off all he wanted but I didn’t see any articles in Time Magazine, New Scientist, and Scientific American the way I did when I checked out Cole.
There were multiple articles too. Some with him and some with his brother. They’d become quite the innovative thinkers and even in my angst-filled state, excitement to work with someone like him took me. I would be very stupid if I didn’t see it as an opportunity.
“Just the work? Did you see the man properly? That guy looked like he could do more with his hands than work. He has the kind of hands you want on
your ass.”
“Piper!” I scolded, tossing a marshmallow at her.
“What? We’re twenty-nine years old. I’m a free-spirited dater and you’re a hot mama. We’re women now. You aren’t the twenty-one-year-old he last saw. Far from it. People move past bigger shit than what happened with you guys. He’s here, offering to help you, and clearly still hung up on the past.”
“You are too much missy.” That was all I could say because she was. Always sex-crazed. She wasn’t wrong, I just couldn’t really be so bold or daring. Whatever it was, I just felt that I had to do what I needed right now.
“That may be true but come on now honey, you have to see things for what they are sometimes and take the plunge to do something different.”
“I hear you but I just need to go one step at a time.” The tears were never far away but I wouldn’t be crying today. It did feel nice to talk with another person who cared. We spoke while I was in LA but seeing her in person was more effective.
“I agree, I just don’t want you to miss out on something because of the past. The past always felt weird to me. What he’s said now feels the same kind of weird.”
“It does, but I think I have to be objective. The job is a good thing and I want to focus on that.” I brought my hands together and knitted my fingers. “I hate feeling sorry for myself. I hated being the person I was last year. It wasn’t me. It was like some days felt like I’d never be happy again. Do you know what it feels like to have to pretend to be happy when you have a child like mine that’s so full of life? Pretend I’m happy when my husband just left me?”
She reached across the table and took my hand. “I know sweetie, I know.”
“It’s difficult to trust, and I find that I just want to focus on myself so I can be stronger for Peter. You should have seen him last night even before Cole got there. He’s crazy for motorcycles.”
“He is definitely that. You’re gonna be okay. This rough time will pass and I think you’ll be fine. I don’t really understand all that scientific stuff but it sounds like the old you who used to bamboozle me with your jargon.”
I laughed. I supposed that was a good thing, bringing me that much closer to myself.
I lasted the week and I was happy to say that I was ready to get back into the swing of things more fully.
I was also happy to see Sunday come so I could have a break and spend some time with Peter. Yesterday was busy because I had to catch up on some of the household stuff I never got to do during the week.
This week had the longest gaps we’d had from seeing each other. There were instances where I had to get him a babysitter in the past, but this was a little different with me being gone all day.
I’d gotten a nanny who got to my house first thing in the morning and left when I got back, and she also took Peter to daycare. Her name was Delia. It probably seemed like I was doubling up on childcare, but I wanted him to be able to interact with other kids and not just be cooped up in the house playing games.
That was why, as tired as I was, I thought it would be a great idea to go swimming and have a day of adventure in the park across town where they were having a mini fair. There were all these children’s rides and market-type stalls with old-fashioned sweets and candy floss. We had left early so we could spend as much time there as we wanted. It was definitely fun but I had a hidden agenda to wear Peter out so I could spend some time later planning my research when we got home.
We were just finishing up now with a stick of candy floss, that I would probably regret later, when I achieved the opposite to wearing Peter out. It was so worth it though to hear him giggle. He had the funniest, most adorable laugh. The kind of laugh that would make me forget what his father did to me. What he did to us.
“Mom, you have some floss on your nose.” Peter laughed so hard he had to hold his tummy. I laughed back, brushed my nose off, and picked him up.
“Can I have ice cream Mom? Please? I was good today and ate those green beans you made last night.” He continued to giggle. He made it sound like he ate those peas willingly. I had to bribe him with all the things I’d had planned for today to get him to eat them.
“I’m not sure you should have so much sugar little guy.”
“Pretty please Mom? How can we go to the fair and not get ice cream?” He raised his shoulders into a shrug. “It’s unheard of.”
Unheard of…
He got that from Mom; she was always saying that. Peter just said it cuter.
There was no way I could say no to him when he asked in that cute way.
“Okay, let’s get ice cream.”
“Can we buy a motorcycle too? Some girls ride bikes. We can get you a pink helmet like on Wacky Racers.”
I started laughing.
“I don’t think motorcycles are your mom’s thing little guy,” came a deep baritone voice from behind us. Since I used to hear that voice in my dreams, I knew who it belonged to before I even turned around.
Cole stood behind us a few paces away. He looked more like the guy I was used to in his leather biker jacket and Levi’s hung low on his hips.
Peter practically jumped out of my arms and flew over to Cole.
“Cole did you bring your motorcycle?” Peter blurted. He was so loud people nearby turned to look.
“Peter is that the way we greet others?” I chided and his little face scrunched up.
“Sorry. Hi Cole, did…you bring your motorcycle?” Peter corrected and I just shook my head. At least he tried.
Cole beamed at him. “I didn’t, I had to use my car today. I had a triathlon.”
“Ohhhh. I heard something like that in Avengers. I’m so glad you’re alive, not a scratch too, everyone in the show got hurt badly or died.”
Cole laughed harder this time and so did I. “You are my new favorite person.” Cole looked to me now. “I’m gonna have to see you more often.”
“Be careful, you might regret saying that. It’s always Marvel and DC Comics in my house,” I said and Cole’s eyes sparked with humor.
“Doesn’t sound bad,” he replied.
“Mom can Cole come to dinner tonight? We’re having lasagna and there’s no peas this time.”
Oh geez, what was I going to do with this child of mine? It was bad enough going to work and being with Cole, but at my house again?
“Peter, you can’t just invite people to dinner like that.”
Cole stepped into my rescue, seeing my discomfort. “What if I eat all the food?”
Peter started giggling. “I don’t think you will. That’s like a greedy pig. Please come to dinner. You fought in a war the least we could do is give you some lasagna, right?”
Most times I couldn’t say no to my little man.
This was another of those times.
It wasn’t as uncomfortable as I expected.
Cole came back with us and even helped me cook the lasagna.
I planned lasagna because it was always easy to make and Peter really liked it. He gobbled his down and Cole did too.
Always and ever the great host, Peter decided we all would watch the last Despicable Me movie, but outside.
When we first moved up here Brad brought over his old projector and set up everything for us to have our own open-air cinema. That was what Peter wanted for us now and Cole was only happy to oblige.
“You know it’s gonna be hard to say no to him when you eventually do,” I warned.
“It’s fine,” Cole replied. “I agree that watching it this way is the most awesome ever,” he said, borrowing Peter’s words.
I rolled my eyes at the two of them as they started to laugh.
We all took our seats under the garden tree. The movie started and that was all I remembered before my eyes closed.
I woke up to a gentle shake and my eyes fluttered open to see a mass of muscle attached to an arm.
With a start I straightened up, realizing I’d fallen asleep. Peter was curled up in Cole’s lap asleep.
“I’m
so sorry. I guess I was more tired than I realized.”
“It’s cool, the movie was great.” He grinned. “I wouldn’t have woken you but it’s getting cold. And late.”
“Yeah, I can’t believe I fell asleep.” On his shoulder. I just prayed I didn’t drool.
“You worry too much. Where does the little guy sleep?”
“I’ll take you to his room.”
We dropped Peter off in his room and made our way back downstairs.
“Can I get you something more adult to drink than bubble gum-flavored space juice?” I offered up. “It will at least make up for my absence during the movie.”
“I guess I could try something more adult-like. What does normal flavor space juice taste like?” He smirked.
“That’s just apple juice.”
“I’ll have apple juice.”
“How about I do something better than that.”
He raised his dark brows. “Like what?’
“Cocktails.”
“Aww I would love to, but I have to drive. I can’t fall asleep at the wheel.”
“Virgin cocktails,” I amended. I made those for myself every night. “Or half ones.”
“Okay, how about we go with the virgin ones.”
“Excellent choice,” I answered, sounding happier than I wanted to show. Admittedly, part of me didn’t want him to go just yet.
For some reason I just wanted a piece of the past, and my need to have that was stronger than the warning bells going off in my head.
Laila
We made our way back to the kitchen and I pulled some fruit out of the fridge.
I laid everything out on the counter from coconuts to pineapples and apples, grenadines and limes, strawberries and raspberries.
“I feel like I’m in Hawaii,” Cole stated, taking a seat on the stool in front of me. “I don’t remember you making cocktails.”
“I picked it up in college. I blew a chunk of my financial aid on something and had to make it back. So I worked in a bar for a little while.”
Cole Page 5
