His eyes flashed to Denny then, and I stood up. “Let’s go in the hallway,” I told him, “so Kiera can rest.” And so he wouldn’t start something with Denny.
Evan clenched his jaw and his fists started curling. One of them was holding a plastic bag full of fresh clothes for me. With my good hand, I pushed on his shoulder to get him out the door. I closed it once we were in the hallway.
Evan eyed me again in the bright fluorescents. “Denny did all this?” he whispered.
I shook my head. “No, Kiera and I were mugged. The robbers did all this.” My voice was slow and deliberate. This is our lie, and we need you to follow it. Please. Let this go. This was as much my fault as his.
Evan looked away, muttering, “Yeah…robbers.” With a sigh, he returned his gaze to me. Sticking out his hand, he passed me the grocery bag. “Here. Clean clothes. And I’ll go get your car too, if you give me your keys.”
“Thank you,” I replied, digging into my jeans for my car keys.
When I handed them over, Evan frowned. “Don’t thank me yet. You haven’t heard what I’m about to say.”
I tensed my muscles in anticipation. This was probably going to hurt. “Okay, hit me.” I cringed at my own comment. Bad choice of words.
Evan crossed his arms. “You’re a selfish son of a bitch, you know that?”
Yes, I’m aware. My eyes drifted back to Kiera’s door. “Evan…”
“No.” His finger dug into my shoulder. “You seem to think you’re all alone in this world, but you keep forgetting the fact that the three of us followed your ass up here when you ran back to Seattle.” Eyes boring into me, he shrugged. “Do you think we did that because we were bored?” I opened my mouth to speak, and he shoved me in the shoulder again. “No, you stupid asshole. We did that because we love you, and we believe in you. Your real parents may have been shit, but the three of us, we’re your family now. Get that through your damn skull!” His voice was low but intense, and his words sliced me open like razors. I felt raw all over.
“I’m sorry…I didn’t think…”
He recrossed his arms. “No, you didn’t. How could you ditch us like that? How could you abandon us? What the fuck were we supposed to do without you?” He lifted a hand into the air, like he was dumbfounded by my actions.
I felt like the biggest jackass on the planet. I’d been so stupid, so selfish. I needed to stop that. I needed to grow up. “I don’t know. I didn’t think of it that way. I just…I guess I thought you’d replace me and move on. I didn’t think it would be a big deal…”
Evan’s mouth dropped wide open. “Are you high? It is a big deal. We can’t just replace you. You’re not something that we can run down to the store and get another one of on a whim. There are no D-Bags without you.” Careful not to hurt me, he placed his hand on my shoulder. “You say this is our band, but I’m not an idiot. It’s not ours. This is your band, because you’re the only one of us who truly is irreplaceable. And we will follow you to the ends of the earth, Kellan, because we believe in you. Don’t you get that?”
With a disgruntled noise, he shoved my shoulder away from him. I took a step back as his words sank in. Irreplaceable? Me? That didn’t sound right. I felt extremely…replaceable. My bandmates had never been anything but honest, patient, accepting, and incredibly loyal though. We’re your family now. Get that through your damn skull! I was an idiot. Evan was right. We were family.
Thinking about my new family brought to mind a startling statement that Evan had made about my old one. Your real parents may have been shit…Shoving aside my lingering insecurities, I asked, “How do you know about my parents?”
Evan’s expression softened as he answered me. “You told me, Kellan.” I tilted my head in confusion. I never talked about them to anyone. Denny only knew because he’d witnessed the abuse. Evan understood my bewilderment and explained. “You were completely shit-faced at the time, so you probably don’t remember. It was after you saw the house they left you…after you saw that all your stuff was gone. You told me that they’d moved and hadn’t let you know. I was pretty surprised by that, but…then you told me what they used to do to you.”
By the horrified look on his face, I was guessing I’d been pretty graphic. Shit. I’d told him. He knew. Did that mean…everyone else did too? “Did you…Did you tell…?”
He shook his head. “No, I didn’t tell anybody else. It’s not my story to tell,” he said with a shrug.
I closed my eyes as relief washed over me. I didn’t want to be looked at like a victim. I didn’t want to see the sympathy on people’s faces. I didn’t want to answer questions. I didn’t want to think about it. I thought about it enough. “Thank you. I don’t…I don’t talk about it…”
“Maybe you should?” Evan quietly asked.
I peeked up at him. His brown eyes were soft with compassion. “Maybe…” I whispered. Someday. When it doesn’t hurt so much. Although, it had been easier than I’d thought it would be to talk to Kiera. That was different though. She was different.
After Evan left to get my car, I stepped into the bathroom and changed. I examined my face in the mirror when I was dressed again. Damn, Denny did a number on me. Dad had usually stayed away from my face; he preferred bruising me in places that weren’t so obvious. Denny hadn’t cared about being discreet, and my face was a detailed map of his fury.
A gash in my lip split it in two, which made smiling, talking, doing just about anything with my mouth painful. My cheek was cut, bruising, and being held together by surgical tape. One eye was near swollen shut, and would be completely black and blue in a few days. The other had a cut above it that was also taped together. Add that to my broken arm, broken ribs, and more bruises and scrapes than I could count, and I was a complete and total mess.
Shoving my dirty clothes into the bag, I stepped back into the room. Denny looked over at me; he seemed a little relieved that I wasn’t covered in blood anymore. “Evan left?” he asked.
I nodded as I sat back down in my chair. “Yeah. He’s bringing my car back here.”
Denny looked thoughtful for a moment, then said, “I should have gone with him. I could have driven him out there…”
“No offense, but I don’t think he wants to be around you right now.” I tried to put that as politely as possible, but I was pretty sure Evan was still shocked by my appearance. And Kiera’s.
Denny sighed and studied his hands. After a moment of silence, I said, “I know I don’t have the right to ask, but…what are your plans now?”
He kept his eyes on his hands, and several seconds passed before he answered me. “I’m going to take the job in Australia. I’m going to go home.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, the pain in my chest. Even after everything, I would miss him when he left. I knew I couldn’t ask him to reconsider though. “Oh…And Kiera? Are you going to take her with you? Once she’s…better.” It hurt even worse to ask him that, but I couldn’t stop the words from exiting my mouth. I needed to know what her future held.
Denny looked up at Kiera, then looked over at me. “No. I’m going home alone.”
My eyes drifted over to Kiera; her bandaged skull did nothing to diminish her beauty. This would shatter her, when she woke up. She has to wake up. “You’re going to break up with her?”
Denny scoffed. “I don’t think we ever truly got back together after she broke up with me when I was in Tucson, but…yes, I’m going to end it. She’s all yours,” he muttered under his breath.
I wasn’t sure if he’d meant for me to hear that, but I had, and it brought up some conflicting emotions. With Denny out of the way, I probably could have her…but did I want her? Yes, I did. But not like this. I wanted her to choose me because I was the one she wanted. That wasn’t going to happen though. We were over too.
Time ticked on. Kiera occasionally moved, occasionally groaned, but she never opened her eyes. Late that night, she finally spoke though. Eyelids flickering like she was having a nigh
tmare, she muttered, “No…” followed by “Kellan…don’t go…”
My eyes were wide as I stared at her in shock. I was thrilled she’d spoken, and amazed that she was thinking about me in her medicated daze. Feeling hopeful that she really was getting better, I looked over at Denny. I was about to ask him if he’d heard her, but his expression made it clear he had. He didn’t look as happy as me.
Meeting my eyes, he stood from the bed. “Why don’t you come over here and sit by her?”
I started to bunch my brows together, but it hurt, so I stopped. “Are you sure?”
Denny nodded, then looked out the window. “It’s getting late. She seems to be getting better, so I think I’m…yeah, I’m gonna go home. Maybe pack up some stuff.”
That got me out of the chair. “Where are you gonna go?”
From the sudden glint in his eye, I thought he might tell me it was none of my business, and really, it wasn’t, but he let out a sigh and told me anyway. “I think I’ll see if I can crash with Sam for a while.”
Not knowing what to say to that, I simply nodded. In the silence, Denny gathered his jacket, gave Kiera a soft kiss on her forehead, and started to leave. Before he was all the way out the door, I called out, “Denny…I’m sorry.”
He stopped in the doorway, then nodded. His back still turned to me, he said, “I’ll be back in the morning. Call me…if anything changes.” He left without waiting for an answer.
Once he was gone, I sat beside Kiera on the bed. Grabbing her hand, I whispered, “I’m here, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”
Chapter 32
Permanent
When Denny returned the next morning, he was smiling. I thought that was kind of strange, considering the circumstances. “You seem…chipper,” I told him, keeping my eyes on Kiera.
Denny sighed as he stood by Kiera’s head. “I’m not. Not really. I just…I took the job. I’m starting in a couple weeks.”
“Oh…congratulations.” Peeking up at him, I asked, “Did Sam take you in?”
Denny glanced at me from the corner of his eye. “Yeah. I didn’t go into a lot of detail, just said Kiera and I broke up.”
After he said that, Kiera moved, and her eyelids fluttered open. We both leaned forward. “Kiera?” I said, grabbing her hand.
“Kellan?” she whispered, then her eyes drifted shut again.
Denny’s gaze shifted between the two of us. “I’m gonna…get something to eat. Want anything?” I shook my head. All I wanted was for Kiera to open her eyes, look at me, and smile in a way that would let me know everything was okay.
The doctors came in, removed her bandages, and said the swelling was down and she should wake up anytime, but it wasn’t until the following morning that she finally did.
I was talking to a nurse in the hallway when Denny approached. He’d spent the night at Sam’s again last night, while I’d stayed at the hospital. I thanked the nurse for all her helpful information, which really wasn’t that much. All they kept telling me was Wait and see. Time will tell. It’s up to Kiera now. I was really sick of those kinds of answers. I wanted to know the exact minute she was going to wake up and be herself again. It was beyond frustrating that no one could tell me that.
The nurse flushed as she touched my elbow. “No problem, Kellan. Anything I can do to help. If you have any more questions, you just come and find me, okay?” She winked as she left.
Denny shook his head. “Even looking like that, women still hit on you.” His eyes clouded and his smile faltered, like he suddenly remembered why he hated me. “How is she?” he asked.
“Same.”
We walked back into her room and Denny’s expression shifted again as he took in the slight form of Kiera’s still body. Now he looked like he was remembering why he hated himself. “I talked to Anna last night. She’s going to tell Kiera’s parents for me. She sounded pretty worried…and mad…” His voice trailed off as he stared at his comatose girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend.
Watching him closely, I asked, “When are you going to tell Kiera about…?”
He looked over at me. “About the job, or about the breakup?”
“Both.” I shrugged and looked back at Kiera on the bed. When was I going to tell her?
“I don’t know. Sooner is probably better than later. If I tell her now, then leave…yeah, she’ll be hurt, but I think she’ll get through it.” He gave me a meaningful glance, and I understood right away. I would help her through the pain, just like before…
As he studied me, his face changed again. “I am sorry, Kellan…for what I did to you. To her.”
Looking down, I shook my head. It wasn’t your fault…
He didn’t give me a chance to shift the blame though. Turning to face me, he said, “I want you to take care of her when I’m gone. And…if you hurt her…I’ll kill you. You know that, right?”
I laughed at the humor in his voice; it had been a while since I’d heard it. I considered telling him that I wasn’t going to date her…that I was breaking up with her too, but right at that moment, Kiera sat up straight on the bed and screamed, “No!” She immediately clutched her head and fell back to the pillows, gasping in pain.
Denny was closest to the bed. He stroked her face to calm her down, then twisted to me behind him. “Go get a nurse.”
She’s awake. Relief washed through me, and I didn’t even hesitate. “I’ll be right back.”
Spinning on my heel, I darted out the door. Spotting Kiera’s nurse, I sprinted over to her. “She’s awake! And she’s hurting. She needs you to do…something.”
Grabbing her arm, I tried pulling her to Kiera’s door, but she swatted me away. “Calm down. Let me finish up what I’m doing, then I’ll be right there.”
I inhaled a deep breath as excitement and anxiety coursed through me. She’s awake.
After the nurse was finished jotting down notes, she made her way to Kiera’s room. I waited in the open doorway while she stepped inside. “Good…she’s awake. Probably in a good dose of pain too.” Kiera tried to smile, but it was clearly forced. “My name is Susie and I’ll be taking good care of you today.”
She made Denny get off the bed, then added something to Kiera’s IV. Kiera looked a little nauseous when she noticed she was attached to one. After checking her vitals, Susie asked, “Do you need anything, sweetie?”
“Water…” she whispered.
“Of course. I’ll be right back.”
When Susie turned to leave, Kiera’s eyes drifted over to me. Her lips parted and her breath picked up. The machine tracking her heartbeat even started beeping faster. It warmed me that I still affected her. It also broke my heart a little. She made her choice, now I need to let her go…
Denny had moved around to sit on the other side of the bed. He looked my way when he noticed Kiera staring. He raised his eyebrows at me, then shifted his gaze to the hallway. I understood his silent message. Could you give us some privacy? Because I’m about to break her heart. A part of me wondered if maybe he should wait until she’d been awake for longer than twenty minutes, but I suppose it didn’t matter.
I moved into the hallway and found a spot by the door to lean against the wall and wait. It was time.
Denny and Kiera were talking softly, but I could hear a phrase every now and again. “Yes…I’m angry.” “I wish you’d just told me…” “I should have talked to you…” “I never thought you’d hurt me…” “Where do we go from here?”
That last one had been Kiera’s voice. Knowing what Denny’s answer was going to be made me slump against the wall. I almost walked farther away so I couldn’t hear his answer, but my heart stubbornly wouldn’t let me leave. “We go nowhere.” “But I was leaving him. I love you…”
Kiera’s response to Denny’s decree stung, and I forced myself to step away. She was leaving me, she had chosen him.
As I walked down the hall, I contemplated Kiera’s options. Where would she go when she was released? Denny had moved out, so it w
ould be the two of us alone in the house, and I already knew that wouldn’t work. I wouldn’t be able to stay away from her in that situation. And I needed to stay away. I was stopping the cycle we were stuck in, which meant…I had to ask her to leave. But where would she go? Kiera’s words spoken an eon ago echoed through my brain—I managed just fine without you. Yeah…she had, and she would again. She would be fine without me. Just fine.
When I returned to Kiera’s door, I heard the light sounds of two people crying. Respectfully, I stayed away until I finally heard Denny say, “I’ll be back to check on you tomorrow, okay?”
Denny came out of the room a few moments later. He stopped just on the other side of the doorway; his eyes were red and still a little watery. “You okay?” I asked him. Regardless of what Kiera had done to him, I knew what he’d just done hadn’t been easy.
“Yeah…I’m gonna take off. I’m really tired. That was…” He looked back at Kiera on her bed, then back to me, next to the wall. “…More difficult than I thought it would be.”
I stared at the ground for a moment, hating what I was about to do. “Yeah…”
Denny’s hand came into my field of vision. “Good luck, with everything…and again…I’m really sorry about what I did to you.”
I clasped his hand and shook it. “Not half as sorry as I am, for what I did to you.”
Denny gave me a brief smile, looked back at Kiera, then left. I watched him go for a moment, gathering my courage with each step he took, and then I made myself walk into Kiera’s room. I needed to do this now.
Kiera was lying on the bed with her eyes closed, looking like she was trying to keep it together. Even with the bruise on her face, she was so beautiful against the crisp white linens.
Quietly stepping up to her bed, I stroked her cheek with my finger. Her eyes flashed open, and she seemed surprised to see me. Maybe she hadn’t expected me to come back.
I sat down on the bed beside her, my smile warm and comforting. I wanted to savor our last few moments together. “Are you okay?”
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