I bang my fists into the dashboard for several minutes, until I have no more strength inside me.
She must have figured out that she had a chance to make some money, divert me away from the case, from her. I revealed personal details, confided in her, and then she went straight to the press and sold me out. It was never Kerry.
Halfway to the campus I stop on the side of the road. I force myself to switch off the engine and think about this for a second. There was nothing I could have done to prevent this. I simply should have kept my mouth shut. My mother must have had a phone call too after that; someone offered her cash and she took it.
I take my phone from my pocket and dial the number that’s been stuck in my memory for years. It rings and rings. I can already imagine the drunk lying on the sofa in his own piss. Even the cancer didn’t teach him a life lesson; he just continued to drink. After all this time keeping myself away from them, I’m still in the same position.
Finally after some time the raspy voice picks up. “Hello?”
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Anne?” I ask. I chose not to call her mother a long time ago; she was just the leech that had me because she needed someone that she could torture. I thought that I could forgive her, but now after being betrayed I don’t think I can. There is a long silence on the other side of the phone. “You know that I have a reason now, and I won’t hesitate to make an anonymous phone call to the police or DWP.”
“You’ll lose your job and everything that you ever worked for if you do that,” she says, half amused and half scared. Fuck, nothing’s changed. Somewhere in the background I hear my father shouting some drunken remarks.
“I don’t care about the badge anymore, Anne. You wanted to earn a bit of money, huh? Thought that I wouldn’t care. Well, you were wrong. Stay the fuck away from my life and the business that I’m in, or I swear to God, I’m going to throw your sorry arse in jail. We are not related. Do you fucking understand me?”
“Micah, we are all that you have left,” she reminds me. I clench my fists, trying to stay calm, but I’m in a hell of a state right now, unable to control my temper any longer. Tahlia has crushed me. Before I had a conscience; now I don’t give a fuck about her feelings and I’m going to start using her for my own benefit. Things will turn very ugly soon.
“You’re no one to me, just an old pair of scumbags that never worked a day in their lives. You pushed me to the edge, but I remember everything, all the horrible things that you did to me. Stay away from the press and forget that I ever existed; otherwise, I’ll throw you into prison, both of you.”
Then I hang up, not waiting to hear what else she’s going to say. God, I have tried to fix them, until I found out that my mother had fraudulently claimed over sixty grand worth of benefits. Handouts that she wasn’t entitled to. With lies and deceit she got what she always wanted. It was the day I punched my father. It was a couple of weeks after Steph’s passing. He was too drunk to defend himself. I was starting over somewhere else and I didn’t want to damage my reputation when I wanted to become a detective, so I covered it up. It was a mistake; my parents had always deserved to rot in prison.
Today I let the phone fall down on the passenger seat as a feeling of total despair overwhelms me. I tense my muscles as I think about what to do next. The reporters won’t leave me alone for some time, but now I can officially work through Steph’s case. I have to keep being close to Tahlia, but on my terms, to make sure she starts talking.
I don’t know how long I have been sitting in my car, but by the time I glance back at my watch, it’s half past nine. I rev the engine back to life and drive into the streets, thinking about that one case that stuck with me for so long.
Two of us are seated around the table. Crawly keeps me waiting and I have an appointment in the hospital in half an hour. The girl that I found won’t talk unless I’m with her, and we need details, information about Rudolph, the man that is wanted by the police department in many parts of the country. I’m hoping that she’ll change her mind when she sees me.
I have no idea what this whole meeting is about, but the TV with a video player is set up for something.
Crawly walks into the room. He is ex-SAS, tough, and doesn’t take any bullshit at all. “We managed to retrieve some video from the house where you found the girl,” he explains, sounding like he doesn’t want to talk about it. “I have to show it to you. We don’t need a statement anymore. Everything we need is on the video. Now we just need to catch the son of a bitch.”
“Sir, I’m scheduled to see the girl in half an hour.”
“Micah, I want you to watch this. After that we can talk about the plan of action. It’s graphic and sick, but we have to assess it.”
I glance at Lucas. We started the fast track together and as usual I can’t read anything from my boss’s expression.
Crawly takes the remote control and switches on the screen. Someone is holding a camera, and for the next several minutes we only hear a voice, telling us that it’s time for a show, that this should be fun. I have a feeling that I’ve heard that voice somewhere before, but then the camera moves, filming the blond scrawny girl who is standing in the middle of a filthy room, and I forget about the voice.
“Take your clothes off, bitch. I need to open you up before Saul arrives,” orders the voice. The girl starts shaking. She is wearing an old shirt with holes and jeans that have bloodstains on them.
My heart picks up as I recognise the house, the drugs on the table, food on the floor and table. Flasks, needles and spoons.
“I’m not going to tell you twice. My cock is hard, bitch. Can’t you see it?” the voice asks, and then he gets up, bringing the cigarette to his mouth. The camera is at an angle such that the viewer cannot see the face of the person talking.
The girl takes the jumper and jeans off. Luke stops breathing next to me and I stare at the girl, trying to imagine what she is feeling right now. Her arms and stomach are covered with deep bruises that haven’t healed yet. In some places the skin is red, burnt and scarred.
The voice on the video passes the phone to the other person.
“Dan, take the phone and film it. Make sure you film it all of it,” the voice orders, handing the camera to someone else. The person that was talking first has his back to the audience. He has a sleeveless T-shirt on and his back and arms are filled with tattoos. His hair is dark, cut short and close to his skull. The girl has taken her bra off and I want to cover my eyes, because the sound of her breathing is terrifying. It’s like she is sensing that the man in front of her will hurt her, that he is enjoying seeing fear in her eyes. She’s skinny. I see her ribs sticking out under her white milky skin.
The man pushes her so she falls on the floor, and unzips his pants.
“Do you think anyone will come for you? Do you think that you have a chance with someone else, whore?” the man shouts and kicks the girl, who is curling on the floor. I hear some voices in the background, some laughs.
Sweat rolls down my back. Why is Crawly showing this shit to me? I have seen the scars on her body. I already know what that son of a bitch did to her.
“No, please. I belong to you…” the girl mumbles. The man goes down and pushes her on her back, holding her face in place.
“You’re just a whore like your mother was, good for fucking. No one is coming for you, whore,” the man shouts and rips off the rest of her underwear, slapping her hard. Then he forces himself inside her. She is screaming with pain and I can’t listen to this anymore.
He is enjoying raping her; I can only guess that this keeps happening several times a day.
I went back to the hospital after I watched the video, but it was too late. The hospital staff revealed that the girl was moved by Social Services. They just confirmed Crawly’s story. My boss was planning to use her testimony against the drug dealer that we had been chasing since we raided his house. He knew where she was, but told me that I needed to move on.
Toda
y I drive back to my flat, wondering why the hell I keep thinking about this girl. Maybe it’s because she had been violated in the worst possible way and she keeps reminding me that I have to find the real killer to close that chapter in my life and move on.
I get back to the flat with some takeout. T is sitting in my spot watching TV. We eat in silence and end up watching some action film for the rest of the night, not bringing up the incident from earlier on. I have at least twenty-four hours to decide what to do with him. Deep down I know that he might be an advantage to the police, but it’s a risk. I don’t know if I’m willing to let him play bait for the department.
Next day I tell him to stay inside and I go to work as usual. I know for a fact that on Tuesdays Tahlia finishes late, so I have already made plans, significant plans. She will be moved, her emotional side will give out and then I will start winning.
I log in to the system and start running the face recognition on the guy that disappeared—the apparent witness that came forward who said he was with Tahlia during the night when Suranne was killed. I also check with other detectives and tell them that Knox is dead. As I expect, they have no idea. I fobbed them off, stating that I can’t reveal the source, but they should start looking for a body, because apparently there is a new guy in the city.
T is important, but I can’t afford to juggle two cases at the same time. Rogers comes in later and for some time we discuss how to proceed. I keep tapping my foot on the floor, watching the clock. For the rest of the day we look over the old files, the documents that might give us indications of what happened that night.
In the end we both agree that at some point we need to take the trip to the head office to check the archives. More evidence needs to be brought to light. I know for a fact that I will solve the case, and then I will take matters into my own hands. That way I know that justice will be served.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The world is filled with liars and cheats.
“Have you missed me, Pinky Head?” I ask, holding Tahlia in my arms. She is trying to even her shallow breaths. A second ago we made out, and she was practically rubbing her warm sex against me.
“I thought you wouldn’t show up today—you know, after the articles in the paper,” she says, pulling away flustered. I try to ignore the feeling that forces me to keep her in my arms, ignore the fact that she smells incredible. Things between us haven’t changed. We are still sleeping together, but I’m once again detached from my emotions. There is no sign of the old me. She betrayed me. Now it’s all about getting back on game.
I walk away and flop on the sofa, looking at her standing by the door, like she has no idea what’s really going on here. The tattoos, the scars were deceiving, but I won’t be fooled any longer. Tahlia doesn’t hold any power over me and I won’t let her distract me with her sexy body.
“Well, whoever ratted about Steph’s murder to the papers has done me a favour. Now we can officially re-open the case. I don’t have to pretend and keep lying to my boss,” I say, scratching my jaw, watching how she reacts. Her face doesn’t show any signs of distress, but she appears to be uncertain.
She leans over, putting her backside towards me. Heat rushes to my groin, and I shift, thinking about all the wonderful ways I can make her come. I get up as I usually would and walk around her. She is wearing tight jeans that expose her incredible backside. I put my hands on her hips and flip her around, so she can’t hide away. My heart pounds deep in my chest; the old feelings keep rushing back. It’s just a game. We both know that Suranne was murdered by the same person that killed Steph.
“I would love to fuck you now, but first we need to go somewhere. Put some warm clothes on,” I tell her, pushing her away. She frowns, looking surprised.
“I thought we could stay here and… you know, have some fun,” she says, giggling, trying to kiss me. The emotions are slowly bringing back the old me, but I step away, taking a long, deep breath, telling myself that she is poisonous and I can’t let her manipulate me.
“No. Get ready, come on. I have something special prepared for us.”
“Micah—”
“No discussion, Tahlia. I’ll wait for you in the car,” I say, pressing my lips to her, tasting what will mean nothing to me as soon as I discover the truth.
Several moments later I walk down the stairs, glad that things are going according to plan. T might need to get back to dealing. This is the last thing that I want him to do, but at the same time I’m running out of time and ideas.
It’s dark and cold, but the sky is clear, absolutely perfect for what I have in mind. Tahlia gets into the passenger seat, wearing a long black coat. I can sense that she isn’t happy about this sudden trip, but she has no choice. When I took her to the manor, the surprise was supposed to convince her that I was a good guy, someone that she could trust. Now we are going to play by my rules.
“Micah, why don’t we just order takeout and stay in the flat? It’s dark and I’m cold. This isn’t the best weather to go out for a drive.”
“Yeah, that’s what we do all the time. Trust me. This is much more exciting,” I assure her and start the engine. She doesn’t say anything else, but I know that she is pissed off with me. The problem is that she can’t show it, because then she would have to be honest with me. Things have changed, and I have a lot of on my mind.
It’s pitch-black. I put the radio on and the song by Josef Salvat starts playing: “Open Season.” For several seconds I listen to it, and I have an odd moment of déjà vu. Tahlia glances at me and I shift on the seat, wondering why I keep seeing us together in the car, singing to that same song.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, pulling me back to the real world. The feeling is strong, and I look at her, trying to remember if it’s possible.
“That song, I know it well and I have the feeling that I’ve listened to it before… with you,” I say, smiling widely. “That sounds crazy, right?”
The road ahead of me is empty. We passed only a few cars along the way.
“Stop the car, Micah. I have to tell you something,” she says, sounding strange, nervous and frustrated at the same time.
I pull over, sensing the buzzing electricity on the nape of my neck. My head is filled with memories from eight years ago. The time when I was with Josh. I have no idea what’s happened to him. He never tried to get in touch after I moved away to university.
Tahlia and I sit in the car and I wait for to her to say something, sensing that it’s important.
“Tahlia, are you okay?” I ask, as the song is slowly coming to the end. She is flexing her fingers and then looks at me for a really long time with wariness and distance. Her eyes move back and forth from me to the window.
After what seems like an hour, she shakes her head and tosses her pink hair away. “Nothing, it’s nothing. Just drive to whatever place you had in mind,” she says with a heavy voice. The déjà vu fades away and I wonder if my nostalgia might have something to do with her secrets.
“You can tell me, come on. I’m done with this uncomfortable uneasiness that’s been between us since we met. Just tell me what’s going on. What were you not saying?” I press, feeling incredibly frustrated being the other guy.
“Micah, just keep driving. I have no secrets,” she says, looking away. I want to shake her until she tells me what the hell is going on. Instead I start the car and get back on the road. Tahlia has some real issues with trust, but I’m willing to keep trying.
“Okay, we’ll go slow. I believe you,” I admit and move my palm over her thigh to calm the rippling fury that keeps rising deep in my stomach. The past taught me that people won’t open up unless they have a good reason to. I have to give her a reason.
I fight with my frustration. Not paying attention to sex makes us both numb, and when we’re together we forget the outside world, not like we can dismiss it now. The romance will die eventually, and I still want the truth.
Half an hour later we reach the hill that I circled
around a few times in the past two days, trying to find the perfect spot. I park on the edge and squeeze Tahlia’s knee. She finally notices it and her mouth drops. It’s a full moon, and we are seeing it raw, in the middle of nowhere with no one else around. The moon is bright, beautiful and absolutely incredible. I glance at Tahlia, who is staring in silence, mesmerised, and in that moment I know that I have scored. This romantic gesture won’t go unnoticed. She has filled my head with lies, she betrayed my trust, and the game has changed. I’m showing her this for myself.
“You must have been waiting for the full moon for some time?” she asks, taking my hand.
“It took some planning, but I wanted this evening to be special. Admit it—this is much better than sitting at home and eating Chinese?” I ask, recalling that I had done something similar for Steph, but it was during the summer, and I was too young to drive then. “Come on, I think the view will be better outside.”
We both get out of the car, and I casually grab her hand and start moving my thumb over the centre of her palm. I must not ruin the moment; questions can wait. My heart is beating like crazy. I have fallen for her. I can’t fucking deny it any longer. Maybe in the future I will regret this, but at least I will gain my closure. The lies cannot go on forever. Once I find the real killer, I will end my relationship with Tahlia. Even if she isn’t guilty we won’t be able to stay together, because we both have gone through a lot, and there is no going back. She’ll find out that I used her for my own benefit and she will hate me. The same way I found out about her betrayal.
We stare at the moon, and when I bring her closer to me, I feel peaceful and happy. And for that one moment I want to believe that we are meant for each other, that deep down she is my soulmate.
My pulse starts speeding, and I try to pull myself together and stop being so pathetic. I take a deep breath and say to myself over and over not to be such a pussy, that she is just some girl that I shouldn’t be worried about. She doesn’t move for some time, and for some reason I don’t want her to. I look at the stars, pretending that I’m someone else, just some twenty-five-year-old guy that works in the petrol station and is taking his girlfriend out for a night.
Love & Hate Series Box Set 2 (3-4) - In Too Deep - Skimming the Surface Page 19
