by TC Matson
“You could’ve been a country star, Blake Helms.”
“And just like all those years ago, my answer remains the same. All that fame and intrusion on my private life don’t intrigue me.”
His brown eyes, full of warmth and blazing with tenderness are latched on to mine. My breath feels like it’s stuck in my lungs and my heart feels like it’s about to explode as the urge to push up on my tiptoes and kiss him overtakes me. Everything around us disappears. Nobody else is here. No sounds. Nothing. Just us. The air feels like it’s crackling, thickening so much, I can barely pull in a breath. The need to feel his mouth on me is almost suffocating.
We can’t do this…
Closing my eyes to ward off the emotions, I rest my head on his chest and listen to the way his heart thunders. His fingertips dig into my back as he pulls me closer against his body. Then… he starts humming just before he begins to whisper the words to the song. Smiling, I don’t dare lift my head, afraid if I do, he’ll stop.
I’ve always loved his voice, loved hearing him sing. He’s soothing, raspy and deep, and in this very moment, swallowing down all these emotions, I’m so damn glad nothing’s changed.
A warm body drapes over my back and immediately Blake quits singing. That too hasn’t changed. He used to tell me his songs were just for me and no one else.
With her back against mine, Ashley leans her head onto my shoulder. “Gah. Look at you two stealing the show.”
I bump her off with my ass at the same time Blake takes a step back, forcing a smile that’s full of perplexity. “Thanks for the dance.”
He strides away, leaving me standing alone… well, except for the drunk girl on my back.
Spinning around, Ashley throws her arms around my shoulders from behind. “I know I’m really drunk, thanks to your shots, but I could swear you two are reconciling your differences.”
“We’re just friends,” I repeat for the hundredth time tonight.
One of her brows drops low and she bounces a finger centimeters away from my nose. “We’ve been friends since our mommas changed our diapers in the nursery at church. I will never forget the way you two looked at each other and it’s there now. You want to deny it, fine. But I’m telling you, he’s just as crazaay about you as he was years ago.”
“He doesn’t love me. I broke his heart,” I counter.
“Broke mine too, but I still love you.”
“He’s had years to turn that love into hate,” I tell her, feeling… I don’t know, but I don’t like it. “He was my best friend for years and that’s all we are now. Friends.”
“Yeah? Even after the mess, you still love him.”
Beginning to feel irritated, I cock a hip. “He was my first everything, Ashley. Of course he has part of my heart.”
Swaying a bit on her feet, she leans closer and looks me square in the eyes. “He’s got all of it and you know it.”
Like she’s smacked me, I wince. Hearing it out loud… It’s the truth, but I’ll never admit it. Blake Helms broke my heart and shoved all the pieces to it in his pocket so no one else could ever take it. That doesn’t mean I haven’t moved on. I have.
Spotting Dylan, I wave at him to come get his wife. As he walks toward us again, Ashley spots him and throws herself back into his arms, declaring how much she loves him, and the conversation is officially forgotten. Dylan holds her, kissing her on the forehead, and I can’t help but smile. Back in high school, she was so pretty, so smart, but stupid as hell with guys. She allowed her boyfriends to treat her like shit. We all knew Dylan had a crush on her, but Ashley was blinded by all the dumbasses. Now he’s got what he wants and she’s getting everything she’s ever deserved.
Chapter Eighteen
Dakota
Even though it’s late, the party is still going strong. Cliques of people are scattered everywhere yet mingling together at the same time. Almost everyone here is from my high school days, and although they’re all grown up doing their adult life things, they still have the same personalities I loved so much. It’s made me realize how crazy I was to just leave and never look back. I vow to take those vacations Izzy wants me to and come back here as often as possible.
I’m making my way to grab a drink when Davon, a friend of Blake’s since high school and Ally’s big brother, steps in my way, unsteady on his legs. “Dakota.” My name falls from his lips like acid.
“Hey, Davon,” I ignore the disdain on his face. “How in the world have you been?”
Although I’m smiling, he’s not. He’s glaring at me like I’ve kicked his horse. “What are you doing?”
I point in the direction of the cooler. “Grabbing a drink.”
A scowl curls his top lip and his brows pull down, leaving deep creases. “You weren’t invited here.”
“Actually, I was. By Blake.”
“You have no idea what you leaving did to him and now you pop back up like nothing happened. You left like no one meant a single fuck to you. He finally gets his head screwed back on and what? You find out about it and decide if you don’t want him no one else can either?” He wipes the spit from the side of his mouth. “You don’t give a shit about no one but yourself.”
A blast of fury courses through my veins. Anger has me balling my fists at my sides. I lift my chin and square my shoulders, looking him dead in the eyes. If he thinks I’m going to slink away, he’s forgotten who the hell I am. “You know why I’m back in town and don’t you dare degrade me like that again. Just because you have a problem with me doesn’t mean everyone else does. Screw you.” I go to push past him, but he shoves my shoulder, knocking me away from the cooler.
“You’re a heartless bitch,” he growls in my face, so close the whiskey on his breath hits me in the face.
Suddenly, I’m yanked away as Blake blasts past me and Davon goes stumbling back, tripping over the cooler and falling to the ground.
“The fuck, man?” Blake fumes, murder in his gaze. “What the fuck is your problem?”
Davon holds his jaw, shooting daggers at Blake as he staggers back to his feet. “That bitch coming back into town. She’s not welcome here. She’s just trying to fuck your head up again.”
Blake steps in front of me, blocking the fury of Davon’s glare from reaching me. “You don’t know shit. So fuck you and fuck off.”
“Fuck that, man. I don’t want to see you go down like that again.”
“You’re drunk. Go home, Davon.”
“She’s going to fuck you over again,” Davon spits.
“Stay the fuck away from her,” Blake growls.
Davon chuckles darkly and his eyes, blazing with hatred and disgust, slide to me as I peek around Blake. “You gonna let that cunt fuck you ov—”
He doesn’t get to finish his sentence. Blake slams another punch into his face, knocking him back onto the ground, and pounces on top of him. A flurry of fists land. Horrific sounds of flesh hitting flesh and groaning grunts fill the silence that has fallen amongst the crowd that has gathered. Leo and a few other guys rush in, hooking Blake by the arms and pull him off Davon.
“Tell that fucker when he wakes up I said to fuck off,” Blake says as he shakes free.
Clutching me by the sweaty hand, Blake hauls me through the crowd and moves us straight to the passenger side of his truck where he opens the door. Lifting me by the waist, he puts me in and slams the door. I’m shaking like a leaf, adrenaline and fear taking my mind hostage. I’ve seen Blake fight a time or two before, and each time it scared me just as badly.
Slamming his door behind him as he cranks his truck, he hauls ass away. The truck bounces through the uneven field and then as he whips it onto the long dirt road, he leaves a cloud of dust behind us.
I don’t say a word. I know better. When he’s mad, he’s impenetrable and completely argumentative. I learned early on, it’s best to let him cool off.
He fumes, never saying a word or looking at me as he white knuckles the steering wheel. And when he pulls up to h
is house, he slams the truck door behind him again and marches into the house, leaving me wondering what in the hell I should do.
Deciding to do what I used to, I head into his house and find him sitting on the back-porch swing with a beer in his hand.
“Are you okay?” I ask softly, placing my hand on his shoulder.
“Yeah,” he looks up to me. “I’m sorry about that. Davon was way out of line.”
I shrug and take a seat beside him, tucking my legs under me. “He’s a protective friend. I get it.”
“He shouldn’t have said what he did.”
“Again. Protective.”
He tips his beer up keeping his view in front of him.
“I left. I hurt you. He’s your friend. He has the right to be angry at me, just like you do,” I say.
Silence falls, and only the sounds of crickets and frogs in the distance are heard for a long while.
“I went to your college once.”
The sentence catches me off guard and I snap my gaze to him.
“It was a few months after you left. I couldn’t take it anymore so I tracked you down. You were walking through campus with some guy who had his arm around you. You were laughing. Took everything I had not to make a scene, but Davon and Leo stopped me.”
Closing my eyes, a small, sad smile blesses my lips. “His name was Ryan. I met him the first week of school and instantly fell in love with him. He was my best friend. I’m not surprised you saw me laughing though. That man had a way of always making me smile. He was so smart and funny. He was my rock.”
Blake’s body tenses, his hand holding his bottle pausing midair. “He was your boyfriend?” Vexation creeps into his tone.
I shake my head. “He was gay. He died about four years ago. Devastated me. He suffered from depression and he lost the fight with his demons. He always seemed so happy, but he hid the fact he was hurting. I didn’t know he was that low until…” My words trail off, quivering at the end.
He reaches over and squeezes my thigh, his palm cold from where he was holding his beer. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
My eyes sting. “You would’ve loved him. He was spectacular.”
Blake walks back into the house, coming back out with two beers and a blanket. “You still get cold if it’s not eighty degrees?”
Grinning up to him, I take the blanket and wrap it around me, loving how it smells like him.
“Why didn’t you ever call me?” he asks sitting back down beside me. “Why couldn’t you have just picked up the damn phone and called me?”
“Because I knew if I did, I’d buckle,” I tell him honestly. “I didn’t want to be that girl who gave into her cheating boyfriend’s lies. I didn’t want to be weak.” I peer to him. “When I told you I had been accepted, I didn’t know what to do. I was so confused. I didn’t want to leave you, but I had this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity in front of me. I wanted you to figure out a way to make things work. You always knew what to do. But this time you lost your cool. When I saw you in that bed, I made my mind up.”
“And never looked back…” He lets out a long drawn-out breath, resting his head on the back of the swing. “Since we’re talking, you want my god’s honest truth, even if it hurts?”
“Always,” I say evenly although my heart is slamming against my chest.
“I never cheated on you. Not that night. Not any time before that. Took me a year to even try to be with another girl and that ended up in an embarrassing disaster. I don’t remember Heidi coming into that room, but I know if I was in better shape, I would’ve found another room or kicked her out. I always kept myself out of those situations on purpose. I never wanted to hurt you.” He throws his arm around my shoulder and pulls me against him. “Here’s the part that’s probably going to hurt you, but before I tell you, I want you to know I’m not trying to. Figured we’d get all this out in the open before someone else tells you and we can just bury it. Okay?”
The uncertainty, the worry in his voice scares me and all I’m able to do is nod.
“You left on a Tuesday. That Saturday I had this elaborate plan…” He pulls in a deep breath. “I was going to propose to you. Had your parents’ blessing and all.”
The earth falls out from under me. My heart stops. My stomach drops. The air in my lungs freezes. When I try to push up and look at him, he tightens his grip and forces me to stay at his side.
“My parents never told me.”
“Your daddy told me. Said it wasn’t his place.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
A humorless laugh rumbles from his chest. “Had I known you were going to leave town, I probably would’ve. How’d I know you were going to just leave? I’ve often wondered if I had told you if you would’ve still left or would you still be mine.”
Anguish crushes me. My chin begins to quiver as tears well up. Squeezing my eyes shut, the tears spring and I snake an arm over his stomach. He doesn’t say anything else, just holds me as I cry into his chest, running a hand up and down my arm.
I used to dream of the day he and I would get married. Mrs. Blake Helms… He would’ve been mine forever. Back then, I never would’ve thought a stupid misunderstanding would split us up. We had a powerful and deep love. We had plans… Where would we be now had we stayed together? Probably right here without the tears, without the pain, loving each other with all of our souls like we used to.
Chapter Nineteen
Blake
It’s early, five thirty in the morning and I’m about to head out to the pastures when there’s a knock on the door. Confused and quite frankly wondering if I should grab my pistol, I slowly open the door to find my beautiful mother holding a thermos out to me.
“Brought you some coffee.”
Something’s off. It’s in her eyes. On her face. She never shows up this early and never out of the blue. “Thanks, Ma.” I flash a smile and kiss her cheek. “You look beautiful this morning. What brings you by so early?”
She walks past me, entering my home and going straight to the living room. “Come sit with me.” She sits on the edge of the sofa.
Oh, hell. I glance to my truck and then back to my mother, knowing I really need to leave for work. But how can I? It’s my ma. Following her orders with a sigh, I take a seat beside her. “Everything okay?”
“Normally, I keep my thoughts to myself, keep my mouth out of the drama, and ignore the gossip because it’s never any of my concern. But I heard something and I’m coming straight to you about it. Is it true you had a scuffle with Davon?”
I blow a chuckle under my breath. “Yes, ma’am. He call you to cry about it?”
She shoots me a stern look only Ma can muster and I shut up. “Doesn’t matter how I learned of it. What matters is why?”
“He had it coming.”
With a deep breath, she sits up straighter and folds her hands in her lap. Oh, hell again. Growing up, I learned that either means something deep and heartfelt is coming or I’m in a world of trouble. Since I’m thirty, I’m going with the first.
“If you’re going to be fighting for Dakota, you don’t need to do it like that. Not with your fists anyhow. You need to show her—”
Nope.
I jerk to my feet. “No offense, Ma, but that’s none of—”
“Sit,” she scolds sternly, pointing beside her. Instead of sitting close, just in case she decides to hit me in the back of the head, I drop into the love seat across from her, place the thermos on the coffee table, and rest my forearms on my thighs. Might as well brace for the impact. “You’re right. It’s none of my business, but you are my concern. This has been on my mind and I will only talk about it once. That’s it. You’re a grown man with a very capable head on his shoulders, but you’re also a Helms. Every now and again, you need guiding.” She pauses, waiting for me to speak. But I know better. “Now, for eleven years I’ve watched you go nowhere holding onto that broken heart she left you with. You’ve never let anyone else in, and to be hone
st, won’t no one ever get into your heart until you close the door on Dakota yourself.”
“Mo—”
“From what Mary’s told me,” she continues right on. “Dakota’s the same. Never had anything serious. Won’t let anyone close to her heart either. Know what that tells me? Your two hearts belong together.”
“She left, Ma. Without ever looking back,” I bite.
Ma studies me with soft, loving eyes. “Put yourself in her shoes, son. Think back to eighteen. An open road in front of you but too scared to travel it in fear of what you’re leaving behind. That girl hasn’t set foot back into this town for years. Why do you think that is?”
Slapping my palms to my thighs, I wipe the sweat off them and start to get up. “I’m going to be late for my chores. I need to—”
“Rhett knows I’m here and he has your chores handled.”
She’s cornered me with no place to run. And Rhett? Screw him for not warning me that she was going to cage me in like this. Sliding back, I get comfortable. I’ll be here until she’s done with me.
“She hasn’t come back because you broke her heart. Might have been an honest misunderstanding, but even so, there’s a lot of hurt here for her. I also know there’s a lot of love here too. You know how you’d always rib Rhett about dating after he lost Summer? You pushed him to move on from his loss. It’s time for you to move past your loss of Dakota.”
“I’ve been trying. But you know there ain’t anyone in this town worth handing my heart to.”
Ma’s lips pull up, slightly mischievous and a lot loving. “There’s a new woman in town. Her name is Dakota. She’s beautiful and I think you’d really like her.”
I dig my fingers into my forehead and massage. “You tell me to let her go, to move past her, but now you’re telling me to go get her?” I drop my hand and give Ma an incredulous look. “It’s too early for you to be drinking.”
She snickers and then sobers up with tenderness. “You’re not listening close enough. Move past your loss of eighteen-year-old Dakota. Let go of the past. Chase the woman she’s become. Both of you are adults now. Show her the man you are. Not the boy you once were.”
