Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
Beeeeep, beep, beep, beeeeeeep.
“…getting worse. I don’t know if…,” an unclear but distinctly female voice said.
Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep
Another one yelled back, “Give it…he needs to have…so that…”
But despite the intensity of the words coming out, and the obvious necessity for the words to be gotten an understood, I couldn’t hear most of them.
What’s getting worse? What doesn’t she know? Who needs what?
Beep-beep-beep-beeeeeeep……
Beep, beep, beep
And what the hell is that “beeping” sound coming from?!
**********
I opened my eyes and the sun was coming through the window with a slight tint of red-orange to it. I laid there for a second, looking at the ceiling as the shape of a window was cast upon it, pondering.
My body felt a little sore. I lifted my arms a little, moved my legs, and the soreness vanished. Odd.
Odd that it was there, odd that it vanished so suddenly.
I sat up slowly, but even still my head spun a little. Setting my legs over the edge of the bed, I put my hands out and hung my head a little. The dizziness passed just as suddenly as it came.
Looking up, I saw that it was a little after 6 in the morning. I don’t have to get to work until 8am, so I start pulling on my running shorts, then shirt, and while putting on my shoes, I stop.
I know that something’s happening, I just don’t know what. I slowly begin lacing my shoes up, tying the knot, still pondering what’s happening to me. Standing up and looking in my full-length door mirror, my eyes look a little red. Walking closer, I also notice that I look a little pale. After a few more seconds of staring at my face, I look my arms over, and legs, then back at the mirror.
It's said that if you look into the eyes of someone long enough and deep enough, you are staring into the doorways of that person’s soul, and can see them for who they are and what they are capable of. Sometimes, what you see doesn’t make you too happy, sometimes you can get scared; and yet other times, you get validated for your very thought that the person across from you is a magnificent person indeed.
What I saw made my heart jump a beat.
I looked dead. Well, not completely, but like I was dying. My arms and legs looked weaker than they have ever looked, like I’ve been sick and just now am recuperating. My heart beat racing, I look down again, and back into the mirror, but …
Nothing. I look like I do every morning. Like someone who is waking up, pretty healthy overall, and ready to go out on a run, all geared up. For whatever reason, this didn’t slow my heartbeat though.
As I walked into the kitchen, still a little weirded out, I saw the sink water was still there, no suds left, some dirty dishes underneath the surface waiting their turn for a wipe-down. I didn’t see the knife though.
I looked on the floor, already remembering that I had put it back into the sink but didn't see it there. Looking around, turning this way and that and moving to make sure I hadn’t stepped on it, I glanced back in the sink and did a double-take and saw it. So I started to walk away, thinking to myself if I wanted to run on the path this morning, or not.
Then I stopped stock still.
The knife was in the water, but was lying at the bottom of the water, blood on the blade.
Bloody? How’s it bloody? I looked back again, and the knife was still there, but the blood wasn’t. Must’ve been my imagination. Maybe I should see a doctor.
I have to check with my friend Jason at work to see if he could see me in a professional capacity and see if I have anything physically wrong with me.
**********
My run was good. I decided, what the hell, and ran on and off the path, scenery ever changing and nice, wind in my hair, the sun warming up as it continued its morning stretch across the clear blue and crimson sky. Only a few clouds in sight. The birds were singing their morning song, my feet were pounding a good beat of life into my body, and the sweat was coming off as a sign of a good workout.
Stepping out of the shower, I towel-dried myself off, put on some clothes, saw myself in the mirror and smiled.
Today’s the day. I go out on the first of hopefully many more dates with Janice. The date should go well, kiss her goodnight and plan for the next one. My smile faltered a little. Something doesn’t feel right, something feels off. I keep thinking about that dream I had, but can’t quite figure it out. It seemed so real, so real in fact that I was there. I know most dreams are that way, or least I have been told. Having no real experience until recently, I couldn’t say for certain what to expect from a full, deep-sleep dream but mine, I was there. Yet at the same time I wasn’t. Not in full. I could hear words and that “beep” sound, but not anything else. No, that’s not true. Those voices. But not clearly, almost like they were far away or like I was getting bad reception on a cell phone or radio. Sporadic and in pieces, but could definitely hear something distinct on and off.
My worry grew as I was finishing getting ready to leave. Right before my last dream, I know I woke up for a fraction of a second and felt that excruciating pain, a pain that cut so deep it felt like it went right into my soul. A ripping and tearing sensation that created an icy stabbing like being caught under a shower of hundreds of small sharp icicles falling on to you while laying down beneath. And yet I tried to move but couldn’t. I couldn’t get away from it all. While it felt endless and that it would never end, it did as suddenly as it had started, and the dream snapped in. Compounded by the fact the next morning I woke up and saw myself in the mirror and the momentary vision of -- may as well say it -- myself looking like a walking corpse, I can’t get shake this creepy feeling that crawls over my skin right now, that something bad, really bad, is going to happen.
And then I heard it. Clear as day, like it was right there in front of me. My breath caught in my throat, my heart started racing and pounded against my chest, trying to break through my rib cage and escape.
Beep. …
Beep. …
Beep. …
I started shaking and grabbed for the doorway that I stood in. How is that possible? Am I dreaming right now? Did I not actually wake up? What was happening to me…?
Beep. …
Beep. …
Beep. …
…but at the same time, this sounded a little different. In fact, my breathing slowed some, it was different. I straightened up and finished walking into the kitchen area and saw my answering machine, and sighed.
Then laughed. I started laughing in nervous, hysterical chuckles. Relief washed over me as I saw that it was a little blinking light that showed a message was left for me.
I hit the play button.
“You have one new message and one saved message.
“First saved message.” Crap. I must’ve hit the wrong button.
“...but I don’t think he should... (silence)
“John? Sorry, I didn’t hear the ‘beep’. Hey John, it’s Jason. Hey bud, listen. I was talking with Janice, and -- no don’t worry. It’s not like that. I’ve, uh, I’ve known her for a little bit. Never like that though.
“Anyway, I spoke with Janice because she looked, well, a little worried. She said that something weird has been happening with you of late, and wanted me to check you out. You know, as a doctor. I could do it -- I’ll do it without cost, buddy. I think I owe you one or two anyway from when you saved my ass on my first date with Michelle. You remember Michelle, right? Brown hair, blue eyes, really pretty but would not shut up!
(“Jason!” someone said in the background, sounding frustrated.
“I know, I know. Ok! Chill!”)
I walked over to the window to look out to the street below while listening. My head, despite my rush of relief, started feeling dizzy.
Pulling the curtains aside, I see a couple of people walking hand-in-hand, smiling, chatting amongst each other.
; “So Janice wants me back on subject. I’d like to check you out and see if there’s anything wrong, physically I mean. It could be a small thing but I’m mainly worried it could be something bigger. I wouldn’t want anything to come up as a surprise for you, especially since you and Janice are just dating...ow! (“Shut up Jason! Just end the call,” I could hear just barely in the background. It was Janice. I smiled -- she must’ve hit him.)
“Ok. Got to go. Call me ASAP. Later!”
Still looking out the window, I saw the couple walk into the street. Still smiling, I looked over a little and saw a car barreling down the road, speeding along, looking in a hurry. I couldn’t quite see the driver though. Over across the street, squinting, I saw some new electronics in the store I go to sometimes for batteries and whatnot. With the sun reflection, it was hard to make them out so thought I should go and see.
As I walked away, I realized I saw the reflection of the couple in the window, still crossing the street at a strong angle. I froze. Sudden dread washed over me, and I knew what was going to happen.
Loud, reverberating screeching of car breaks, screams and a crash of metal came up from outside. Silence, then more screams.
I ran back to the window with conflicting emotions running through me now. Worried and scared stiff about what I was going to see and not wanting to look, and at the same time fear and a weird morbid curiosity of what I was going to find. Looking down, I went numb.
Janice was screaming down at somebody on the ground. The man was bleeding from his head, face to the side, sprawled out on the ground, almost as if he was going to make a snow angel.
But when I shifted over to look at the car, I had to blink several times and shake my head.
Jason was stepping out of the wrecked car. He rushed up to Janice who stopped screaming for a second. He leaned over and whispered something into her ear. She nodded. He pulled back, turned, and started running away.
But not before I saw the slightest smirk on his face. He almost looked...satisfied. Like he accomplished something. Like...he meant to get into that car wreck.
Then Janice, looking around suddenly like she remembered where she was, started screaming for help again and ran to the body. Leaning over, she took out her phone, placed a call that was brief, and hung up.
Nothing made sense. How’s that possible? I can’t even fit what happened into my head. The picture of what I am seeing and what I saw doesn’t make any degree of logic that I can think with.
After what seemed like a long time, but was in fact only about a minute or less, people started converging on the scene to find out what happened.
I ran from the window to call Jason. Right when I was about to pick up the phone, I realized I never heard the new message. I stared at the machine for a second, all other thoughts gone for the moment.
“To save and play your new message, hit ‘save’. To delete this message and play new message, hit ‘delete’.”
I shook my head remembering what I was going to do. I turned the machine off, and picked up the phone and called Janice.
“Hello?”
“Ja -- Janice? Oh Janice! Are you ok? Where are you? I saw what happened and am coming downstairs now. Are you ok? And I saw...I saw Jason. What was he doing - did he hit...was he driving that car?! What the hell’s going on? I saw--”
“John? Is that you? What are -- are you ok? What are you talking about?
“Wait. Hold on a second” Sounds of muffled movement, soft murmuring in the background and footsteps.
I stopped with my hand on the door knob. Footsteps? It sounds like she’s in a building. But she can’t be. She’s outside in the street.
I walked back to the window, pulled the curtain aside in a rush and looked down.
The phone dropped from my hand. I backed up a step and stumbled, nearly falling backward before I latched onto the side of the window frame and steadied myself. My vision seemed to swim in front of my eyes.
“Hello John? Are you still there? John? Jo -- (I don’t know! He said he saw me and you. I don’t know how! He’s not --)
“John! Are you there?! What’s going on John? Look, if you don’t answer right now, I’m coming over there. With Jason. (Yes! Yes - yes you are coming! No don’t even...)”
And I vaguely heard the soft click as the line disconnected.
Still as a statue, I tried to collect my bearings of what the hell was going on. Suddenly taking a deep breath, I realized I stopped breathing and needed air in my lungs. My chest felt tight, restricted and my head swam a little. I cautiously stepped back to the window to look again.
The street was empty. A couple of cars parked here and there, one or two people walking. Birds were perched outside on trees, and light fluffy white clouds drifted in the afternoon sun. A bell chimed as the door was opened and a customer walked out from the store across the way with a bag in their hand.
No accident. No car rushing down the road. No smash of vehicles.
No Janice. And no Jason.
My dizziness came on strong. Again, stumbling back from the window, the room began to swim in front of my eyes. Where there should have been walls, I only saw a blur. Then I turned too fast in trying to sit down, and the floor rushed up of its own accord until it smacked me on the face. Using an immense amount of effort, as if I was drugged, I rolled over and stood staring at the ceilings.
It started to come back to me.
I was drugged.
Where I should have felt pain in my face from smacking the floor, pain in my legs from hitting the coffee table as I had stumbled backwards and turned from the window and struck my shin, I felt nothing. I felt numb.
Beep....beep....beep
I closed my eyes as I remembered...everything. It all makes sense.
My mind was not trying to play tricks on me. It was trying to fit the pieces together so I could remember what happened. The last pieces came together, only a little too late for me.
But hopefully not too late for them. They could still do something about it if they knew where to look.
At least I lead them to it.
**********
Beep...beep...beep...beep
“Doctor?” a woman's voice asked.
“Yes?” the doctor replied.
“Is he...is he going to make it?”
The doctor looked at her with sadness clearly etched in his eyes. Shaking his head slowly, he said, “No, I’m afraid not. He may come out of the unconsciousness again, and be able to speak a little, but I don’t think he will be very lucid. I don’t think he will be all there even if he does wake up again. Ever. We were too late with the shock treatment to cure him.”
But I was awake. Even a little, I was awake. And my thoughts and memories were whole, if only for a little bit. But I couldn’t speak, and I couldn’t move.
Stifling a sob, the women, at first standing with some hope in her posture, as if reaching for a life line, slumped and but her head down into her hands.
The doctor put his hand on her shoulder and held it there for a moment before walking away.
“Wait, doctor? Is he...is he in pain? Do you need to give him...another shock?”
He turned and looked at her.
“Another shock...? Dear, no. Nothing can be done about him now. And no, he’s not in a lot of pain. Some, but that will go away soon enough. You should say your goodbye now while you still can,” and walked away.
Janice walked back into the room, standing a little straighter than she had been a minute before.
She sat down on the chair next to his bed, looking tired but alive.
Putting her hand on the bed ever so softly, she saw his eyes barely open, and a vacant expression on his face. She froze for a second, thinking she saw recognition in his eyes, but dismissed the thought knowing it couldn’t possibly be or have been there.
“I love you, John. I’m so sorry but I have to go.” She looked up to the doorway for a second, nodded, and looked back down. “But don’t worry, I’ve mad
e sure you aren’t in too much pain, and will make sure your stuff gets taken care of. Thank you for everything. You really did love me, so it was easier this time.
“Goodbye, John.”
With that, she stood up, wiped under her eyelids, sniffed once, twice, then walked to the door.
As she left, I managed, somehow, despite the drugs, despite the shock treatment, despite the shattering of my spinal cord and the numbing effects of the heavier drugs to relieve that pain, I just managed to turn my head slightly to look out the doorway.
As Janice walked out, she paused, nodded, and started walking in another direction down the hall.
A man, about a few inches taller than her, short and dark hair, medium build, and wearing a coat over slacks and a button-down shirt, no tie, walked up to her and put his hand on her lower back as they walked away together.
Just before he passed the frame of the doorway and out of sight, I saw a small but definite smirk on Jason’s face.
Woken Page 2
