by Brenda Ford
I glance behind me at the large building we all grew up in. It was our parent’s home, passed down to us when they died, and I have remained there ever since. Of course Nelson still lives here, he’s in his last year of high school, but the others pretty much remain as well. Even as they move out time and again, they always come back. This place is massive, practically a mansion. There is more than enough room for everyone.
“True, I suppose that must make you my favorite then.” I roll my eyes. “If it’s based on that.”
“So, since I’m your favorite, I think that it might be best for you to tell me why you have a face like a slapped ass because you’re really killing my buzz right now. Just talk it out already.”
“There isn’t anything wrong. I’m just strung out from work, that’s all.”
“You’re always strung out from work. This is something different. I’m not a dumb ass, you know.”
I don’t answer Nelson for a while. We remain in silence just soaking up the sun. Of course it’s something different. My issue is Tami and what the hell is going to happen between us now. We were supposed to find some answers last night, not give ourselves more questions. Instead, we ended up a little drunk and we had sex in the office. That definitely wasn’t the plan. Now, she’s going to start working back with Angelo again and everything will change. I don’t know if I will ever be able to get the answers I so desperately need.
“Okay, so are you going to talk to me or what, Brad? Because this quiet is driving me mad.”
“Yeah, I’m going to talk to you. Why the fuck not? I don’t think I can make it any worse.” I sigh loudly. “So, Angelo has been trying to set me up with a girl from work, which is dangerous in itself since I’m supposed to be the boss, you know, but he’s been insistent.” Urgh, I hear myself and it doesn’t sound good. “She’s young, which was my first argument. Too young for me. But, much to my annoyance, there is something there.”
“Ooh, really?” Nelson pushes himself up in to a sitting position. “Like one night stand, or for real?”
“I don’t know, if I’m honest. Well, no I do. I like her more than I have ever liked anyone before. But I don’t know how she feels. We slept together before she freaked out and left without saying anything.”
“Shit, well that sounds like she’s freaked out about how much she likes you.”
“You think so?” I furrow my eyebrows. “I never thought of it like that. I just assumed she didn’t want it to happen again and she didn’t know how to tell me. Are you sure that’s what it means?”
“Well, I don’t know if I’m honest.” He shrugs. “You need to ask her already. Why don’t you call her?”
The idea of speaking to her on the phone makes my blood run cold. I would love to chat to her, to clear the whole mess up. But I just know that I won’t be able dial that number. If she rejects me, I don’t know what I will do. I don’t know if I’ll be able to take it… even if it would be better than not knowing.
“Well, it’s complicated, isn’t it? Because of work and her age. I don’t want to make it worse.”
“Brad, I have never ever seen you like this for anyone before. Ever. You need to go for it. What does it matter if she’s complicated? What love story isn’t complicated? Who doesn’t get their happy ever after without awkwardness?”
I narrow my eyes at him, trying to work out how he knows this. He’s only eighteen years of age. “How the fuck did you get so wise, huh? How do you know so much about love?”
His eyes fall to the floor for a moment and his expression reminds me a little of Angelo’s when I suspected there was something else going with him. Does Nelson have his own issues as well? Is this something that I need to be worried about? But then his whole face changes as he smiles all over again.
“You know, we all grew up quick, didn’t we? I might have only been two years old when our parents died, but that just means I grew up watching you. You were nineteen, weren’t you? Only a year older than me when you became basically responsible for all of us. You grew up so quickly and I think that rubbed off on the rest of us more than you know. Any wisdom we have has been influenced by you.”
“Wow…” I don’t know what to say to that. “That’s… amazing to hear you say.”
“Well, you must have worked out now how much we respect and love you, right? Which is why we’re all rooting for you. We want you to find happiness, and honestly, I think this girl might be right for you. If you’re even thinking about her more than you have anyone else, then I think you should go for it.”
“What if it all goes wrong though? What if it ends up messy?”
“Life is messy. It’s better than always wondering ‘what if,’ isn’t it?”
Urgh, he’s right. I really should find a way to just go for it. Even if it means breaking through this fear barrier and just calling her already. Surely, it makes sense to deal with this out of work.
“Yeah, okay, Nelson. You’re right. I think… well, I think I might call her.”
“Well, do it now. Go upstairs. In your room. Call her. Before you talk yourself out of it.”
“Yes, sir.” I do a mock salute, but he doesn’t laugh. Instead, he points to my room. “Okay, okay.”
I chuckle to myself as I race up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I focus on Nelson and his insistence, plus amazing advice, instead of what’s going to come next. Next is scary. It isn’t until I get to my room, that it hits me all over again. I need to work out what I’m going to say to her.
“Hello, Tami,” I practice, while looking in the mirror. “I think we need to talk…”
Nope, planning isn’t going to work. Not at all. I’m just making my heart pound a million times harder, faster. Even my eyes are wider. I look like a fucking rabbit caught in head lights. I need to just do it already. I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and stare at the screen, breathing deeply to calm myself down.
“Okay, come on, Brad. Let’s just do it already. Just call her.”
But my shaky finger hovers over her number and doesn’t actually dial. It remains there stuck, unable to actually press. I can’t get the hell out of my head to just get on with it already. Nelson was right, I did get in my head, and now I’ve managed to talk myself out of it. I don’t think I can do it now.
“Message her instead,” I tell myself. “That’s easier. Plus, it gives me time to work it out.”
I don’t want to text her though and I don’t know why. So, instead I go with that instinct and I search for her on social media. I guess a part of me just wants to see her some more as well. Her picture immediately fills my screen which makes my heart leap up in to my throat. She’s so beautiful, so stunning, so much…
“Oh God,” I groan as I stare at her face. “I want you so much.”
My cock stands to attention, straining against my trousers, as I think about last night and how crazy it was. Having sex with her was nothing like my player days, I really felt something for her. Her gorgeous body, her tight wet heat surrounding me, her stunning lips… God, she was everything.
I lie back on the bed, my hand sliding down my body as I scroll through her other pictures, eventually landing on one of her on vacation in a swim suit. It’s a modest suit that covers a lot of her up, but I can see enough of her to really remember ever vivid detail of her hot as fuck body. Her breasts, her nipples, her butt. The sight of her leaves me breathless, especially when I already know what it feels like to bury inside of her.
“Oh, Brad.” I imagine her whispering against me, wearing that beautiful swim suit of hers, as her hand replaces mine. “I want to hold you again. You felt so good last night when I held you.”
“Fucking hell,” I moan aloud as I picture her silky fingers on me. “Fuck, Tami.”
I stroke myself hard and fast, now feeling the sensation of her mouth as she takes me between her lips. She hasn’t had my cock in her mouth yet, but I know what those plump lips of hers look like and I can see her vividly, dragging that mouth up and down me, her ton
gue licking me everywhere. She feels fucking incredible. I just know that she will be phenomenal at everything when it comes to touching my body…
“Fuck me, Tami.” My emotion balls up in my throat. “Fuck me again.”
I flicker through a couple more pictures, loving her smile, her dresses, her body. The pressure builds up inside of myself as I really look at her. She’s honestly the most beautiful woman that I have ever seen. I noticed that right away, but I didn’t really see it. I didn’t notice how stunning she was deep down. I didn’t see beyond the outside of her. Now, knowing more of her, she’s utterly gorgeous. She’s everything I want and more.
“I want you,” I moan desperately as the pleasure builds and increases. “I want you forever.”
I explode like a freaking volcano, making a real mess of myself. The release is needed, it feels incredible picturing her with me, experiencing this with Tami once more… but as soon as the post orgasmic bliss begins to fade, the sadness comes back because she really isn’t here with me. She’s somewhere else, with other people, doing God knows what. Since she went to an engagement party she might be hung over, in bed, missing me too. Wanting me just as much as I want her. Wouldn’t that be something? If that’s the case, then me and her could really have something. We could end up together, in a real relationship, screw the complications.
“Just call her,” I moan to myself with irritation. “Why can’t you just call her?”
But I know I won’t. Even less so now. I can’t touch myself over her pictures then phone her. It doesn’t work like that. I won’t be able to hold it together. Maybe it would be better to causally try and see her on Monday, to try and gauge how she reacts to me before I do anything stupid.
Nelson will be disappointed in me, if I tell him. He will think so much more of me if I just be brave and call her. Since I’m something of an inspiration to him, I should do what he needs… but sadly, I’m too freaked out.
“Monday,” I tell myself decisively. “I will sort this out on Monday.”
Chapter Nine
Tami
“It will be fine,” I whisper to myself as I walk through the office doors. “It will. Everything will be fine.”
At least now I am back in the creative room, back working with Angelo, so I don’t have to worry about facing Brad so personally now. Yes, he didn’t make a big deal out of the kiss and we managed to make it work, but sex is something different. I don’t know if I would be able to find a way to overcome what really happened. I would just spend the whole damn day blushing and not being able to meet his eyes at all.
It was just a one night stand, I remind myself, just like I have spent all weekend doing. If it was more, I would know about it. He would have called me or something. If I just accept that, then I can cope and move on. Sure, it isn’t the ideal way to lose my virginity, I would much prefer it to have happened in a relationship where I would be much more comfortable now… but I don’t regret the experience. It was a great one, but there’s a reason that it didn’t answer any questions and that’s because it wasn’t meant to. It was just an experience.
Brad Smith is a bit of a player. He’s not a commitment guy and that’s okay. I don’t need to feel any type of way about it. I can just accept what happened and move on. It isn’t exactly the wisest idea to keep sleeping with my boss anyway. One time was bad enough but to keep on doing it… well, that would be dumb.
I hold my head up high and make my way into my usual office, my old home which will become my new home once more. Only I’m not going to be next to Angelo, working for him. I’ll be beside him.
“Hey, you!” Angelo cries out with a giant smile as soon as he sees me. “I have just been clearing your desk.”
“Ooh, my new desk.” I shiver with excitement. “I can’t wait to get started.”
“Me and you need to have a meeting today, to discuss your new accounts.”
I push all the drama behind me, a smile so bright on my face it’s like I have a coat hanger between my lips. Everything that happened last week was worth it to end up at the top. I can’t even think that I slept my way there because the promotion was discussed long before we ended up doing anything.
“That sounds great. I will just get myself settled, then you call me over whenever you’re ready.”
I’m so glad that Angelo is happy for me. He could be annoyed with his brother for taking away his assistant, but he’s being supportive and helping my career to grow. I will always be grateful to him. As I take my seat, I smile widely at him, letting him know silently just how happy I am.
The morning passes by in a haze. Once I have had my meeting with Angelo and I know what I need to do, I get started. I bury myself in the work and I feel myself thriving. This is the sort of job that I know will keep me happy forever. I can use my creativity well, my education ill come in handy, so will all the work experience that came before. Plus, no two days will be the same. I won’t get the chance to get bored.
It isn’t until lunch time that I start to notice something weird. A strange atmosphere in the building which seems to be centered around me. Because I haven’t had a moment to myself to even notice anything else, I haven’t spotted it until now, but I can definitely feel it surrounding me. It’s like all eyes are upon me, wanting something from me, expecting something and I don’t know what it is.
Is it because of the promotion? I can’t help but wonder. People might be annoyed that I’m so young and in a position of power already. But that sort of thing happens all the time. Talent does win out sometimes, and I’m not going to feel bad because I have been noticed for being good at my job. That isn’t right. I should be proud of myself. Perhaps this is what life is about. The higher you get, the less people like you.
Be strong, I remind myself. Keep your head up high. Keep doing what you’re doing.
The discomfort doesn’t go. It remains sitting firmly in the pit of my stomach, but I do what I can to ignore it. I head back to my desk with my lunch with me and I work while I eat. I’m not exactly in with the big circle of friends here anyway, so it isn’t going to change anything that much. I will be fine.
But then I see a couple of girls standing across the room from me, blatantly whispering and talking about me. Laughing too. I can’t help it, that becomes the last straw. The emotion really gets to me. Why am I being treated like this because of a job? Why are all the mean girls being worse than usual?
Tears prick in the back of my eyes and I already know that I don’t want to fall apart here, so I bolt up from my chair and I practically run to the toilets. At least in there I can lock myself away until I feel better. If everyone is bitching about me because I have been given a promotion, then I can’t let them break me. I can’t let them see me upset. I need to calm myself down at least until I can hold my head high again.
I slam the bathroom cubical door behind me and sit on the toilet seat as I grab myself some tissues. I just need to get rid of the tears as a start. Then I can get my head in the right place.
“…oh my God!” a squeaky annoying voice yells out as the bathroom door swings open. “Can you believe it?”
I suck in a breath as I hear Tawny. She’s the last person I want to see right now. She’s the cheer leader, gossipy type who I know doesn’t have a nice word to say about anyone. This isn’t good. If there is something going on surrounding me, then I’m sure she will fucking love to talk about it now.
“I know,” Beth drawls back. “It’s always the quiet ones, isn’t it? If I thought anyone was going to sleep her way to the top it would be Hayey. That slut will do anything to get far in life.”
My blood runs ice cold, I don’t think I could breathe or move even if I wanted to. This conversation has horror struck inside of me. It’s too close for comfort for my liking. I remember hazily asking Brad if there was anyone still in the office and he didn’t know or care… this might be the consequence of that.
“But Tami, no way!” Tawny shrieks. “That boring bitch is too dam
n dull to be fucking Brad Smith. How the hell would she manage to seduce him? I thought that she was still a virgin to be honest. You can just tell by the way that she carries herself. But maybe she is a secret whore after all.”
“Well, it obviously got her what she wanted, didn’t it? She’s been promoted way above where she should be.”
The cackle with laughter as if this gossip is something to have fun with, like it isn’t my life. The tears that threatened to come earlier now spill down my face hard. I have been so stupid. I just about came to terms with the fact that I gave myself over to a man who only wanted me for one thing, but now to know that it’s become something hilarious for everyone to talk about and judge me over… I don’t know if that is something I will ever be able to recover from. I’m not one to be the center of attention ever.
I think about Chelsea and the drunken words she said to me at her engagement party. She was so proud of me for defying the odds and making something of a success of myself. She basically said that I’m the only one of our group who has made anything of myself. That’s because the job market is hard, and I might have to be back out there now. Facing the rejection and the pain. Trying to start over. And what will I say when they ask me why I’m not in my old job anymore? That I fucked my boss and made a mess of things?
“Since Brad is screwing around with the employees, you think he will fuck me?”
“You want to, Tawny? Of course he would. You’re actually sexy and beautiful. Why wouldn’t he?”
“Unless he just has terrible taste. I mean, how could you go from that basic bitch to the bomb?”
As Tawny and Beth slag me off some more, it feels like the walls are closing in on me. I can’t seem to get any air into my lungs no matter how hard I breathe now, and I really am trying to gasp air in. I have completely given up on trying to be quiet, I just need to stop feeling so dizzy.
I need to get out, I tell myself decisively. Out of the whole building. I can’t just sit here anymore.
