by Brenda Ford
“Where the fuck are you going?” Brad calls as I thunder passed him. “Hey, Nelson?”
But I ignore him. I don’t have anything to say to him right now. My priority is her and her alone. So, I burst through the door and race out into the garden, the morning dew soaking my naked toes. Yet the coolness of the water does absolutely nothing to calm down the burning hot blood racing through my body.
“Oliver!” Immediately I spot my other brother with Rosie, protecting her like the good friend that he is. He turns to look at me and for a moment I think I might spot hate there. Like he already knows. “What’s going on?”
He parts his lips, ready to yell at me, I imagine, and I know that I’m just going to have to take whatever it is. But before he says anything, everything changes all over again. The front door of the house bangs open and the police exit the house. Their serious expressions terrify the living shit out of me… but I’m going to have to get over that quickly if I want to confess everything and take the full blame so they will let Amelia free…
But it isn’t her that comes out with the police officers. It’s a man with what appear to be prison tattoos up and down his arm being pulled from the residence. My first instinct is to believe that this is a robber or a murderer or something, but before I can get too lost in that thought, I notice that he isn’t in hand cuffs.
For some strange reason, the man’s eyes meet mine and I see all of him. I don’t know him of course, he’s just some guy, but I feel like he has the dead eyed look of someone with nothing to lose. A man who doesn’t know boundaries anymore. I don’t know if he knows who I am, but he’s glaring at me like he hates me. The look is so cold that it sends an actual shiver down my spine. He is scary in a way that I haven’t experienced before.
“What’s going on?” I ask anyone who will listen. Not that anyone will listen. “What’s going on? Who is that?”
The guy is taken to the police car and eventually it drives away with him inside. It seems like they are just taking him off rather than arresting him, so he won’t be anywhere here anymore. I watch him go, needing to know what he did to be taken off like this, needing to know where Amelia is.
“What’s going on?” I ask again, a little louder this time around. “What the hell is happening here?”
“Just go,” Oliver warns. “This isn’t our business. I am here to help Rosie. We don’t need you.”
“But what about Amelia? She might need someone. She can’t be left alone.”
“Mom is fine,” Rosie snaps, taking her anger out on me. “You don’t need to keep worrying about her all the time. She is at the police station already giving her statement over all that drama. I need to get there too.”
I need to know about the drama, I want to know everything that happened, but she isn’t going to let me know. Rosie curls into Oliver and gains the comfort from her best friend, keeping me out the way. I let out a mini yell and spin on my heels to storm away. This really isn’t fair. I deserve to know what’s going on. I need that. If only I could call Amelia but that isn’t a wise idea considering the situation. Fucking hell, what a mess. When I told Wesley that I had fallen for someone I shouldn’t have done, I didn’t realize just how much I meant that. But now I can really see how complicated this is.
“Fuck,” I scream out again as soon as I get inside. “What the fuck?”
“What the hell is going on?” Brad yells, grabbing my shoulders. “Why are you acting weird.”
“Next door. There is a bunch of cop cars there. Something is going on…”
“I know. Oliver is over there looking after Rosie, isn’t he? He has it under control.”
“He’s looking after Rosie, not Amelia. She’s down at the police station giving her statement.”
“Right?” Brad furrows his brows. “You mean Miss Clark? The English teacher?”
“Er, right, Miss Clark. I’m only referring to her as Amelia because she’s our neighbor.”
“Why do you care so much? I haven’t ever known you talk to them before?”
Oh shit. I’m digging myself into a hole here. A deep dark one which I might not be able to climb out of. “There was a guy in there, that’s all. It seems like a scary situation. We should all look after our neighbors.”
“Mhmm, sure. Well, I think the cops have it under control Neighborhood Watch, so you should go to school.”
School, right. Of course. School. Where I might finally get to see Miss Clark. I know that she’s at the police station now, but she is bound to be in class. I can make an excuse to stay behind then, to talk.
“Right, school.” I nod a few times too many before heading towards the stairs. “Yes, I need to…”
“Wait, Nelson,” Brad snaps. “Is something going on? You’ve been acting weird lately.”
“Haven’t we all?” I try to force out a laugh. “It’s like there is something in the air.”
“Yeah, I guess so… but this is an important time for you. The end of school and everything. I just don’t want you to feel like you’re alone. I know that we all have our own shit going on, but…”
“I’m good.” I smile thinly. I appreciate another of my brother being so good to me, but I have my eyes on the prize, and that prize is getting to school and checking in on Amelia. “Honestly, just a bit busy with it all. Highly strung. More stressed out than usual, but that will pass so don’t worry about it. I will be… you know, back to my usual self soon enough.”
“Just think about the amazing summer that you will have afterwards. That’s the best way to get through this horrible period. Thinking of all the fun you will have in between school and college. Speaking of which…”
“I don’t have time to talk to you about college right now!” I cry as I run away. “Maybe later on.”
“We do need to have a chat about it. I do want to know what’s going on with you.”
“Yeah, yeah, sure.” As if I’m ever going to have the time for one of Brad’s long lectures about how I need to make my education a priority to get anywhere in life. I already know that. “Speak about it soon, okay?”
Right now, school is the only thing that I can think of, school and Miss Clark.
I tap my pen anxiously on the page, barely able to focus on the exam questions because I don’t know where Miss Clark is. I have been looking for her all day and unable to find her anywhere. There is a substitute English teacher which suggests she hasn’t come in at all. This has to be due to the police drama, which only makes it harder to digest. I’m really worried for her now. Even more so than before.
Shit. My eyes catch the clock and I realize that I need to get my head down, to get this exam finished. Right now, I can’t do anything about Miss Clark, I can only do something about my future, and my future lies in these questions. I don’t want to fail because I didn’t write anything down.
Are people getting suspicious? My brain demands as soon as I start writing. Is Rosie? Wesley? Brad?
I shove that idea from my brain and concentrate on what I’m writing down again, ensuring that everything is grammatically correct. If I want to go to college on a writing course, my letters need to be perfect.
What if all of this puts her off? What if it freaks her out? What if I lose Amelia?
The sensation is like a punch to the gut, damn near killing me. I’m pretty sure I moan just a little bit. It has taken me such a long time to get to this place with Amelia, I’m so scared that now it will be the end. Just as I finally have her, some tattooed asshole takes her away from me. And who even is that guy anyway? What was he doing in their house? It’s absolutely crazy that I have no idea. Next door, the woman that I’m falling for, and I don’t know what’s going on. Rosie should have just told me rather than calling me out for no reason. Oliver too. What the hell was that about? That guy is supposed to be my brother. Why was he such a dick?
Fuck, focus on the test, I remind myself. Just for a little bit longer. Get this done and now!
I read the question aloud to
myself, but only in a mutter so I won’t disturb anyone else, just trying my hardest to get my head in the game. If Brad could see me right now, just tossing my education away because I think that I might be in love, he would murder me. Kill me dead, and I wouldn’t be able to blame him. This is stupid, but I can’t help myself. This woman is deep under my skin now and I don’t know if I will ever be able to shake her off. She’s ingrained in every part of me and that’s really all there is. Once this exam is done, I am going to skip the rest of the day. Go and see if Amelia is home, because I can’t stand it anymore.
Chapter Fourteen
Amelia
“So, the emergency restraining order will last for fourteen days?” I ask, needing to confirm everything for certain. “Two weeks and he can’t contact me or anything? Unless he wants to be locked away.”
“You or your daughter, that’s right. And during the two weeks, we will get a court order for a full one. They last for three years so once the two weeks is up, someone will contact you to see if you still want to go ahead with it.” The officer smiles reassuringly at me. “And if you need any help in the meantime, let me know.”
“I will definitely want to go ahead with it. I don’t want to see him again.”
“Is there… anything else you would like to report while you are here? Because we have time?”
I could. I could report Lux for all of the beatings that he did years ago, for the violence that came out from him today, but I don’t know what Rosie wants to do. I was okay if he only had pushed me, but he actually went for her. If she wants to report this then I have to let her. Since I didn’t report anything that happened all through our marriage, I can’t push her into something that she isn’t sure about. I have to be patient. I have told them enough just to get the restraining order in place, but more… well, I will have to wait for that one.
“I don’t think so. Right now,” I admit. “I don’t know about later on though.”
“We are here. You can tell me anything. I hope that you know that. We are here to help you.”
I bite down on my bottom lip, resisting the urge to spill everything and I nod. “Thank you. I appreciate that. And for everything you have done for me today, that’s really great. It means a lot.”
I scrape my chair backwards and rise to my feet before shaking the officer’s hand. I don’t know how much it will affect Lux knowing that I have a restraining order against him. The rules don’t seem to apply to him, but at least I know that if I need to call the cops again, he will be locked up again. Lux in jail is really the only time that I can relax. I would absolutely love for him to end up in there again… not that I want to face him again.
I wait in the waiting room for Rosie to be done with her statement, tapping my toes on the floor as I do. I hope that my precious daughter is okay, that this hasn’t traumatized her too much. The last thing I want is for her to be all messed up again because of her father. He has wrecked too much already. I will have to do better in the future, to really save her from him. She’s done so well without him; I don’t want this to send her back.
By the time she comes out from her interview, I have turned myself into a nervous wreck. I jump up and pull her into a hug, tears already streaming down my face. “Are you okay, Rosie?”
“Oh, Mom.” She hugs me back tight. “I knew you would blame yourself for this. It’s him, not you.”
“But I should have told you. I should have protected you. I froze, it was too much…”
“Mom, come on. It’s fine. I’m fine. We’re okay, we survived it all, haven’t we?”
I pull back to look at her. “Yes, because of you and your strength. You are the one who saved us.”
“Strength…I learned that from you!” she insists. “Mom, you don’t see yourself as I do. Of course you froze around Dad. After everything that he did to you, I don’t blame you at all. It’s a natural reaction. But you moved when he was coming at me. You shoved him out the way and knocked him into the wall.”
“No, I…” I furrow my brows, trying to remember this. “You moved out the way, didn’t you?”
“Yes, but you saved me as well. Do you not remember that? You were my hero.”
Although these words might be purely designed to make me feel better, they do just that. I instantly feel a million times stronger than I did before. Her words bolster me upwards to feel like I can beat this.
“Well, he isn’t coming back to us again. Not unless he wants to be locked away.”
“Thank goodness for that.” Rosie links her arm through mine. “Now, let’s get out of here. Go home.”
“I can’t go home. I have work to get through. Oh my God, the school have probably been missing me.”
“I called them for you. I sorted it out. You don’t need to worry. I explained what had happened and I said that you wouldn’t be in all day long. I don’t think you’re in any position to be teaching anyone today.”
Much as I would like the distraction, I have to admit that Rosie is probably right. I don’t think I am fully by myself and much as I would like to have something else to focus on, it isn’t fair to the students. They need and deserve the best teacher that they can have. Hopefully, they have that in my place. “So… home…”
“Don’t worry, I will be with you. I’m working from home today anyway. You can do the same.”
“Yes, that’s true.” It is a bit of a relief not to have to worry about school. “Okay, home it is then. That sounds good. I have lots of marking to catch up on anyway. Plus, I guess we need to clean up after Lux.”
“I think we should order a CCTV camera as well. Really protect ourselves.”
I sigh sadly, hating that it’s come to that, but she’s right. We do need to look after ourselves in every way possible. I will need all the proof that I can get to ensure he is locked up if need be.
“Another coffee?” Rosie offers as she rises from her seat, needing a break from her work. “I’m making one anyway. Plus, I’m pretty sure that you need one. You look a little stressed.”
I laugh and nod. “I would like one, thank you. But I’m okay. Not too stressed. Not as much as I would be had I gone to school. You were right to tell them that I needed the day off.”
“What’s the matter, Mom?” Rosie asks before heading into the kitchen. “You’re looking at me all weird.”
“No, nothing.” I force myself to drag my eyes away. “I’m just proud of you, that’s all. The way that you handled yourself today. I just… well, if you have any questions, please just ask.”
“What sort of questions would I have? I know what’s going on.”
“I don’t know.” I shrug helplessly. “Why your father is like that? Why I stayed for so long? Why I didn’t tell you that he was out of prison, so you had to find out that way? Anything you like.”
“Because he’s an asshole who can’t take responsibility for his own actions. He tries to blame addiction but he’s been locked away without it for years so that’s bullshit,” Rosie counts on her fingers. “Because you were terrified of leaving him and also of losing your family. And probably because you were trying to think of the right way to tell me. Honestly, Mom, I know what’s going on. I understand and I don’t blame you.”
This chokes me up all over again. I don’t know how I ended up getting so lucky to have a daughter who is so incredible and understanding. I could have had that all taken away from me. Lux could have convinced her that I wasn’t good enough. This could all be so much different. I’m glad it isn’t.
“Now, Mom, we both need a coffee, so I will make one. And you are going to stop yourself from worrying.”
“I’ll try.” I rub my eyes, getting rid of any stray tears. “Sorry, I’m a freaking mess.”
Rosie hugs me tight, holding me into her before she bounds into the kitchen and she switches the coffee machine on. While I wait for her to come back, I flicker through the last sheets that I have to see how much marking I have left to do… which is the moment I spot a n
ame which causes jolts of everything.
Nelson Smith. I rub my finger over his name, my heart skipping a beat. Nelson freaking Smith.
With everything that has been going on today, I nearly forgot about Nelson and the incredible night we shared last night. That really was incredible. It’s a shame that I couldn’t just bask in it for a while. That Lux tried to ruin it, but I can feel it all right now. Everything. The way that he made my body feel.
After seeing Lux today, I probably should be reminded that any romance is dangerous, that there is always a risk however wonderful the person seems on the outside – and Lux did seem like a charming, sweet guy at first which is why I ended up falling for him – it’s always a trouble. It’s bound to be a serious problem with Nelson as well, he is the biggest risk of them all. I should be avoiding him more than anyone else…
But I don’t want to. I want him again. I need to feel him, to really experience him. Having him buried deep inside of me only made me hungry to have him again and I want that. I want that so bad that it hurts.
“Oh, Nelson Smith.” I barely even notice that Rosie has come back into the room and is leaning over my shoulder. “That dude is so weird. Honestly, Mom. When the cops were here earlier, after you had already gone to the station, he started freaking out. I think that he might have a little school boy crush on you.”
Everything freezes over, I can’t move because I’m absolutely stuck to the spot as those words brush over me. But then a heat so intense that it almost knocks me off my feet as it washes over me and changes everything.
“What… what do you mean?” I ask with a stammer in my voice.
“Well, he was saying that someone needs to look after you. You know, because I had Oliver with me. It was weird. And after him coming here the other night for seemingly no reason… I don’t know, it was odd.”
“Hmm, yeah, I don’t know what to say about that,” I muse, only because she’s looking at me so expectantly. “He hasn’t ever shown any sign of that. Perhaps he was just concerned.”
