by Jen Talty
“I’ve got what seems like forever time,” Stacey said. “I’ve only been off work for a couple of days, but I’m going stir crazy. I’m actually worried I’m going to be a shit mother.”
“I doubt that. You’re just antsy. I think that’s normal.” Kenzie poured the contents of another box on the table and sat down. Both women had opted for the air-conditioning over the nice view of pasture and mountains in ninety plus degree weather. Besides, it would have been a pain in the ass to haul this shit in and out of the cabin.
“I hope you're right,” Stacey said. “I’m taking three months off, then going to swing shifts and I’m afraid I’ll be bored with cutting my hours basically in half.”
“I think once the baby comes, you’ll be anything but bored.”
“Both my dad and Doug say that,” Stacey said as she flipped through a notebook.
Kenzie appreciated Stacey’s open and honest approach to life. She had very few female friends yet she found herself wanting to spend more and more time with Stacey. “How far along where you when Doug felt the baby kick?”
“Right around 18 weeks. But everyone is different.”
“I’m starting to show and Jake is frustrated he can’t feel the baby.”
“It will happen,” Stacey said. “So, how are things between you and Jake? What’s going on, exactly?”
“I was warned you are direct.”
“You don’t have to answer. Just the look on his face when you walked into the station that first day was priceless.”
“His eyes did practically bug right out of his head.” Kenzie’s lips curled upward. “Things are okay. It’s hard to tell with everything that is going on, but he wants to have an active role. Be a hands-on father. I just don’t know what that means.”
“What do you want it to mean?”
Kenzie had been having wild dreams of her and Jake riding off into the sunset together and there were moments she thought that could happen. But then the reality of the farm, his job, and all other reasons it couldn’t work long-term came crashing down. “Ten years ago, I wanted the world with him,” Kenzie said. “But I don’t know him like I used to. He’s changed. So, have I.”
“We all change as we get older,” Stacey said. “But I don’t think that’s what’s bugging you.” She certainly was an insightful woman.
“It bothers me that for the four years you’ve known him, he didn't once mention me. This might sound egotistical on my part, but I was once the love of his life. It’s like he erased that part, or that it never happened.”
“I wouldn’t say that. Seems more like he pushed some painful memories out of his mind.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better.” Kenzie swallowed her pride, understanding her decision to stay had caused Jake just as much grief and sorrow as him leaving her the first time had. “But I supposed you could be right.”
“Right after you stormed out that day, I asked him if he cared to explain you. He responded with a resounding no.” Stacey set some paper’s aside, then rested her hand over Kenzie’s. She had strong hands, but gentle. “Some men don’t want to explain women or past relationships because they have been hurt so badly, or are so damaged, that they keep it all inside, like it doesn’t matter or isn’t important. Like nothing can touch them.”
“That does make sense.” Kenzie gave Stacey’s hand a little squeeze, then went back to going through paperwork and pictures. “You know Jake pretty well, then.”
Stacey laughed. “There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for Jake, or any other Trooper I work with. The only difference with Jake is that I don’t know him outside of work. I literally know almost nothing about his personal life.”
“No offense, but it certainly feels like you two know each other quite well.”
“Not really. He knows about my life. I’m an open book. I suspect he knows more about all the guys he works with, than they know about him. Jake doesn’t hang out with us. He doesn’t come to the parties we invite him too. He didn’t come to my wedding. Instead he volunteered to take anyone’s shift. The first time he just hung with us was the day he told us about the baby. Talk about a shocker.”
“How do you work with someone you don’t know? Isn’t there a trust level issue?”
“It’s more important to understand a fellow officer professionally. That’s where trust comes in. How do they respond in crisis mode? How will they react in unexpected and dangerous situations? Since Jake was one of my training officers, we both know what the other is capable of. Professionally, we have a blind trust. The personal stuff can cloud someone’s judgement, especially if you’re put in a situation where the other Trooper must act within his or her weak spot. But honestly, Jake is the only one I don’t know well personally.” Stacey paused for a moment, holding a few papers in the air. “Until you breezed into the station, the only things I knew for sure was his age, that he was my team leader, and that he is obsessed with red vehicles.”
“So am I.” Kenzie found Stacey fascinating. Her insight into people was astounding. Her honesty, refreshing. “He was never one to wear his emotions on his sleeve,” Kenzie said. She set aside some papers and focused on the conversation. She could listen and talk with Stacey all day, not something Kenzie could do with many people. “He did tend to keep to himself on the farm. Always reserved, but once you get to know him, he opens up.”
“He’s only started opening up since you came back into his life.”
“But I never left his life,” Kenzie said. “I’ve always come in and out and that’s why it bothers me so much.”
“Don’t let it,” Stacey said. “We wouldn’t have even known if he had dog. Hell, we don’t even know where he lives.”
“I like your candor,” Kenzie said. “I’m just having a little pity party. I know I matter to him, just it would have been nice if he acknowledged it.”
“Well, I can tell you he talks about you and the baby all the time now, so I’d say he’s more than acknowledged it.”
“He waffles back and forth. Not about the baby, but about us.”
“Tell me how the two of you became a couple back then?” Stacey asked. “I’m curious and maybe talking about it will give you some awareness into the here and now.”
“I’ve never met anyone as positive and upbeat as you.” Kenzie chuckled. “I’ve known Jake my entire life, but we weren’t close until I was seventeen. He was home for Christmas and I was in the main barn, feeding the horses, specifically his horse. I’d help train Boots, and Jake, at first, was jealous of how Boots responded to me.”
“Did you like Jake before that? Have a crush on him?”
“Not really,” Kenzie said. “Until my mother died, I was just a ranch hand that lived on the farm who was really good with the horses. I’d see Jake, we’d say hello, do small talk. We both knew I was being groomed to be his second. I wasn’t sure how he felt about that and since he didn’t say much, I thought he hated me until that night in the barn. It was freezing, but we sat out there and talked for hours about everything. It was right before my mother died, but she’d been sick, so it was more me talking than him. He was a good listener.”
“Sounds sweet.”
“What really made me fall for Jake was when my mother died, he made a special trip home for the funeral. That was unexpected and it was then I knew I wanted to be with him.”
“And he you?”
“I think so, but he had to go right back to school. As soon as he came home for the summer, we started dating. Lasted over five years. I knew he didn’t want to run the farm and always figured he’d go off and do something else, I just didn’t think it meant leaving me behind.” Kenzie, not wanting to discuss this further, shoved some papers and pictures around the table, trying to put them in chronological order. Or any order that made sense.
A long silence fell over them as they each worked through their piles.
Stacey held up a photograph. “Who are these people?”
Kenzie took the image in he
r hand and smiled. “That’s a very young Ethan with Chris Nader, Charlie Masters, Horace Doherty, and Jake’s grandfather, Nathanial.”
“There are many pictures of these men. Any chance one of them could have had an affair with Delilah?”
“I don’t think so,” Kenzie said, reaching back into her memories from when she was younger. “Masters has been Ethan’s best friend for years and Chris Nader was the COO’s right hand. Basically, what I would have been if Jake had stayed. Kicker, Nader’s son, now has the job and I’d be lost without him.”
“Who was the COO before Jake?”
“It was empty for a year while he finished college. Nader filled in with my help. Before Nader, COO was Horace. He had that position for a good twenty years and he was hand-picked by Ethan and Jake’s grandfather.”
“Is Horace still alive?”
“I think so,” Kenzie said. “I can look up his information in the company database.”
“I’m finding this farm to be very close knit. Wonder if we need to look outside the farm for the father.”
“Thatcher,” Kenzie said. “Some bad blood there and that’s who Ethan suspected.”
“I’m sorry,” Stacey said. “That seems too obvious and from what I’ve read about Thatcher, I’d think he’d be coming after the farm the moment he knew his offspring had a claim. Have we found any diaries or journals from Delilah?”
“Not a single one, but I found something else.” Kenzie shuffled through some papers until she found the letters. “These are from her best friend from high school. A woman by the name of Loretta Johnson. Mostly talks about Loretta’s exploits in New York City, but she also questions Delilah about her decision to marry Ethan. Something about how Jake’s grandfather was manipulating her into a relationship and marriage that wasn’t based on love.”
“Didn’t you say that Ethan loved Delilah. Really loved her?”
“That’s what he told Jake,” Kenzie said. “And Jake spoke with a few employees who were around back then. They all tell the same story. Delilah and Ethan were the real deal.”
“What if Delilah didn’t feel the same way? She did have an affair.”
“Ethan has decided she only did that because she was in a manic rampage and so depressed over so many miscarriages.”
“Could be,” Stacey said. “Could be something else. Maybe Jake should try to find out where Loretta is now and talk with her.”
“All right,” Kenzie said as she pulled out a folder labeled medical records. She sorted through them, noting the death certificate of a baby that never died. “This is forged.” The other papers in the folder were all Delilah’s OB/GYN records, including Jake’s birth, four miscarriages, and a stillbirth.
“This could be very helpful,” Stacey said. “Might be able to learn a lot. Forged records always give away something.”
“Let’s hope it helps tell us who Jake’s half-brother is so we can put this nightmare to rest.” Kenzie hated that she felt so negatively towards a person that was related to Jake, but if this person really was behind all the insanity that was happening, then she hoped this man was put a way for a very long time, blood relative to Jake or not.
The front door swung open and a very sweaty Jake and Doug stepped over the threshold. “This place is a mess,” Jake said as he hung his hat on the hook near the door.
“You both are a mess,” Stacey said.
“How’d things go down at the barn?” Kenzie asked.
“Structure damage isn’t as bad as I thought,” Doug said. “Pretty sure we can get the barn up to code in a couple of weeks.”
“We really appreciate you doing this for us,” Jake said. “Can I get you a beer?”
“I’d love one.” Doug sat down at the table next to Stacey, giving her a kiss on the cheek.
“Find anything interesting in all this stuff?” Jake asked from the kitchen.
“We’ve got the forged death certificate.” Kenzie waved the piece of paper in the air.
“That’s a huge find.” Jake set two beers on the table, before sitting down at the table. “I want to bring that when I go talk with the doctor.”
Kenzie did her best to hid her disappointment that Jake hadn’t kissed her. Or at least touched her in some small gesture. “We also found some letters from your mother’s friend, Loretta.”
“I vaguely remember her. Flamboyant woman, I think.” Jake took a long swig of is beer. “Do we know where Loretta is today?”
“We could put Luke on it,” Stacey said.
Doug massaged Stacey neck and shoulders. His attentiveness to his wife made Kenzie long for more from Jake, even though in private he could be very kind, and was always finding ways to touch her.
It wasn’t the same.
“Did we find anything else?” Jake asked.
“Not yet.” Kenzie pressed her hands against the table, ready to get up when Jake placed his hand on her stomach.
“How’s this little guy today?”
“Could be a little girl.” Kenzie sucked in a slow breath, resenting how much his touch in front of people meant. She thought it was being with the happy couple across the table, but it was more. So much more. Add Jake wanting to spend time alone when this was all over, it was too much. She had let him go ten years ago. She didn’t think she could let him go again. “He or she is doing well. I feel him move all the time and you'll be happy to know I’m starving all the time so I'm eating more than rabbit food.”
“Speaking of food,” Stacey said. “Did Jake tell you about the party Doug and I are having?”
“No, he didn’t tell me,” Kenzie said, cocking her head as she glared at him.
“I forgot.” Jake shrugged. “And wasn’t planning on going.”
“Of course not.” Stacey shook her head. “You never come to anything.”
“What if I wanted to go?” Kenzie asked. “By not telling me, you made a decision for me and we all know how you hate when others do that to you.”
“Point taken,” Jake said.
“A lot of Troopers will be there,” Stacey added. “It might be good to get Kenzie away from the farm and all this crap for a few hours.”
“I really hate it when you make sense,” Jake said. “If Kenzie wants to go, I’ll go.”
“Might be fun,” Kenzie said. Just the idea he’d do something because she wanted to, added a different fluttering to her stomach.
“Then it's settled,” Stacey said glancing at her watch. “We’ve got to go.”
“Thanks again for coming out.” Jake rose, shaking Doug’s hand, before heading into the family room and opening the front door.
“Make sure you drag his ass to that party,” Stacey whispered as she gave Kenzie a hug.
“I will.” Kenzie watched as Jake closed the door, then she turned, clearing the table of empty beer bottles and the snack tray. There was an awkwardness that hung in the air and she wasn’t sure if it was just her perceptions, or if there was something else going on.
“You and Stacey seem to be hitting it off nicely,” he said.
“I really like her.” Kenzie began to rinse off the dishes. “Shoots from the hip.”
“She’s mellowed some,” Jake said. “I'm almost afraid to ask what she might have said about me.”
“Not much.” Kenzie braced against the sink, a wave of nausea causing a short dizzy spell.
“Shocking,” he said, resting a hand on her hip.
“Not really, based on how closed off you are to them.”
“I move around a lot between posts. I don’t get too close because I have to work with them.”
“That’s a cop-out.” She closed her eyes. “Is there anyone you’ve been close with? Best friend. Someone you talk to when, I don’t know, shitty things happen?”
“Not really,” he said. “When I left here, I focused on my career. Being the best. Doing everything I could in my field.”
“You’ve accomplished a lot.”
“I have. I’m happy with my life.”
“It seems like it's a lonely one.”
“Maybe,” he said.
She opened her eyes as Jake’s lips landed on her neck, teasing her skin, sending messages to the rest of her body. Her breath hitched as he held a present in front of her face. “What’s this?” She took the package with a shaky hand and faced him.
He smiled like a kid on Christmas morning. “Open it.”
Carefully, she unwrapped the gift, revealing a picture frame that had, I love Mom, engraved on the bottom and the first ultra sound picture prominently displayed. “Oh, Jake…this is…” she wiped her eye before a tear could drop. “Thank you. I love it.”
He kissed her nose, but she wanted more. She set the picture on the counter and looped her arms around his strong frame, tilting her head and leaning in. He met her half way, their lips brushing gently, eyes locked. His hands held her hips, pulling her close. “You said no sex. Nothing physical. I want to respect your wishes.”
“I know,” she whispered.
“I don’t want to send you mixed messages. I don’t want to hurt you if we can’t figure this out. I want to do what is best for our baby.”
“Are you going to live on the farm?”
He took a step back. “I want you, Kenzie. I want us to explore what could be, but I can’t promise that I could ever live here again.”
She smiled.
“I don’t see why that would make you happy.”
“It’s not all or nothing and that is something,” she said. “I can’t promise I’ll want to leave, but I’m at least willing to have that conversation when we have that time alone together.” She waggled her finger at him. “I have raging hormones.”
“I’m all sweaty and stinky.”
“I’ll wash your back.”
“I’m certainly not going to say no to that.”
She took him by the hand and led him toward the bathroom. She knew it was possible that they could never be together, not in the forever way, but they were bound to each other, and she knew with all her heart, he did care deeply, not just for his child, but for her as well. It was enough, for now.
