by West, Jade
She was giggling to herself with the high when I finally did pull free of her. I collapsed into her arms and wrapped her up tight with mine, and we breathed together. Breathed together and enjoyed the skin to skin.
“They were quite some gifts,” she said with a grin, and I nodded, rubbing my nose against hers.
“I’m sure you’ll be saying that about the next ones,” I told her and eased her up to sitting. “I’ve got you a few different chocolate treats in the fridge.”
I was barefoot and half dressed as I made my way down to the kitchen, and she followed wrapped up in my robe.
She picked out her favourite chocolate snack and chomped it down with a smirk, and I grabbed a square of my own from another selection. And this was right. We were right.
As right as two people could ever feel in each other’s world.
Until the doorbell rang and jolted us out of everything.
“Ignore it,” I said first, even as she jumped in a panic, but it kept on ringing, and along came the knocking. A heavy rap at the door that didn’t let up.
“You should get it,” she said, and stared on through to the dining room. “I can dive in there, just for a minute, just to steer clear of them.”
I nodded, and off she went, but even then it felt so fucking wrong for her to be hiding in this space. A space she belonged in.
I was scowling as I reached the front door, forcing my expression to neutral as I opened it with a yank.
And there she was. A fucking whirlwind. An Erica Tate whirlwind bursting straight past me and right on inside, where she stood with her arms folded across her chest and her heel tapping the floor like a woman on a true fucking mission.
“We need to fucking talk,” she said.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Faith
I pressed myself to the wall, trying to hide just around the corner of the dining room doorway, feeling so bad about this situation all over again. I didn’t want to be here in this spot. I wanted to be standing proud in his kitchen, us together as us. But I couldn’t be. I wouldn’t even know where to start down that road of terrible hurt and disaster and shock of the whole community.
I heard the mumble of his voice in the hallway, and then came the sound I knew so well from the office. A sound familiar and enough to make my belly flip like a desperate little kid’s as a nasty big bully headed her way.
Erica’s heels rang out loud against the kitchen floor tiles, and I pressed myself even tighter to the dining room wall.
This big bully was full of hate for me. Resentment for me. Full of everything but even the most basic shot at giving it a chance to get to know me. And here she was, heading right into our Sunday. It really would be so typical if she was the one to tear us down.
“What are you doing here?” Miles asked, sounding every bit as frustrated as I was.
“It’s time we got some things out in the open,” she said, and her voice was cold right back at him.
“Speak then,” he said. “Tell me what’s so urgent that it couldn’t wait until work tomorrow.”
I heard her heel take a step forward. “This has nothing to do with fucking work,” she hissed. “It’s about us.”
“There is no us,” he snapped back. “I thought we’d established that a long time ago. What the fuck are you talking about?”
The pause was tense. So insanely tense I could barely breathe.
“Maybe on the surface we said we were done,” she carried on. “But I thought that was bullshit. Just a stupid game, always an illusion, us on and off just like always. I thought we were both used to playing that.”
“You thought wrong.”
His words were so simple. So honest.
“Oh, I did, did I?” she asked, with another wave of coldness. “And what is it that’s suddenly changed all that, huh? What is it that’s made you throw me aside like a piece of shit after all these years?”
The surprise in his voice was so genuine. But he always was.
“We both threw each other aside like pieces of shit, Erica. Constantly. Back and forth, on and off. I thought we were both long done and dusted with our attempts to even stand each other.”
“Maybe for you!” she snapped, and I couldn’t believe I was hearing it. The first time in forever I’d heard any kind of actual emotion in her.
The silence was so heavy that I held my breath.
“This is news to me,” he said finally. “Seriously, Erica this is some fucking news to me. I really didn’t think you gave a fuck.”
Her laugh was so bitter. “Yeah, well. Maybe I didn’t think it myself. Maybe this is news for me too.” She clapped a slow clap. “So, bravo, Miles. We’ve established I do give a fuck. How about we give it another fucking go, for old time’s sake, and maybe this time I’ll be less of a bitch about it.”
Please God no. My heart did a terrible lurch and so did my stomach and I felt sick at the thought of heading away to uni in a few weeks’ time and having to live with them giving it another try.
Because why wouldn’t they? Why wouldn’t Miles move on with something he knew so well when I was gone?
It took everything I had not to charge out there and grab his hand. Everything I had not to tell him I loved him easily as much as she did. More than she did. And that I needed him. Needed a life with him, even if I never went to uni.
I needed him so much more than that.
I could hardly bear to listen to what he might say to her. I put my hands on my tummy and prayed so hard that this wasn’t really happening.
“I don’t love you,” he told her, and again it was so honest. “I’m sorry, Erica, but I don’t. I haven’t done for a long time.”
Another bitter laugh. “Maybe not now,” she said. “But you could. I could make you. Surely it’s worth it? Surely I’m worth it?”
He must have shaken his head, because I heard her suck in breath. Sounding so shocked. So seriously shocked.
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “Truly I am, but I can’t do this. It wouldn’t be fair on either of us.” He paused. “And I thought you were seeing Glyn Morris? He’s a nice guy. I’m sure he can keep you amused.”
“I don’t want Glyn fucking Morris!” she yelled. “I want you!”
I really couldn’t believe this was happening, and I felt so bad for being here, overhearing something so private. I looked around the room but there was no way out. I was stuck here, so guilty for hearing her pain.
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same.”
His voice was kind and her breaths were so ragged, and it sounded so strange with her like that. Nothing at all like I could ever picture.
I felt so sorry for her, even though she’d always been so nasty to me. I felt like the other woman, even though Miles and I felt so right.
“Is this about someone else?” she said, and this time her voice was so much more gentle.
“Does it even matter what this is about?” he questioned back. “It is what it is, and it’s been a long time coming. I really did think we were long finished.”
“It matters!” she shouted again. “Is there some dirty little bitch taking my place?”
He didn’t say a word, and I wished I could see his face, just to see how he was feeling. How he was truly feeling.
“Erica, it’s over,” he said. “That’s all that matters. We can be friends.” His laugh was trying to be so nice. “We can give the friend zone a go, right? I’m really not that optimistic on how it’s going to pan out, but we can sure give it a shot.”
She didn’t laugh back.
“Who is she?”
He was silent. So silent.
“Seriously, Miles. Who the fuck is she?”
Part of me so much hoped he would tell her. Just confess it was me and be done with it.
But he didn’t.
“Is it Rachel?” she asked. “I’ve seen you talking to her.”
“It’s not Rachel,” he replied. “I barely kno
w the woman.”
“Then who?” she asked again. “Who the fuck has done this to us?”
“Nobody has done this to us,” he said again, so calmly. “This was just us not working out. It happens. It happens to so many people.”
There was another heavy silence, and I got the feeling she was staring at him so hard. I wished I could disappear. Click my fingers and be back in my bedroom at home, leaving them to sort out their private stuff in private.
“You’re half dressed,” she announced, like it was news. “Has she been here? The fucking bitch who’s fucked us over?”
His sigh was steady. “Nobody has fucked us over, Erica.”
“She’s been here, hasn’t she?” she snapped. I heard her heels around the kitchen, and my heart picked up again, so scared she was going to find me here.
But part of me was aching for it. Part of me wanted her to so much. Just for a chance at this. At us.
“Two fucking coffee mugs!” she hissed. “She’s been here with you today, hasn’t she? Is that why you left so early last night? To get back here to her?”
“Erica, this is enough,” he said. “This isn’t helping anything.”
“Oh, yeah?” she said, and then it came. The smash of the mugs on the floor made me jump.
I heard him shout, and I heard the scuffle, and I heard her heels racing so hard.
“Stop it!” he snapped, and his voice was cold this time. “Seriously, Erica, this isn’t fucking getting either of us fucking anywhere.”
And then she cried.
I heard her crying so hard. And it hit me. It hit me in the belly. Because it wouldn’t be long until that was me, hurting so bad at losing him too.
“I’m sorry,” he said, and I knew he was holding her. “I swear I had no idea.”
“Just give us a chance!” she cried, but he was quiet.
My emotions were all over the place, my own pain for her making my eyes fill up.
I wanted him so much. I needed him so much.
But so did she.
It was so obvious that she did too.
“Fuck you, then,” she said through the tears, already sounding so much more like herself. “Fuck you and fuck everything I thought we had, you piece of shit.”
“It doesn’t need to be like this,” he said, but she laughed a vicious laugh.
“You think you’ll be anything without me? You’ll be nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing. You’re a filthy piece of shit with your sick fantasies. I was everything to keep you a better man.”
“Then I guess we’ll have to see how I do without you,” he said. “You can laugh in my face if you’re right.”
I was so relieved when I heard her heels storming away down the hallway, and let out one hell of a breath when the front door slammed shut.
I was still pressed so tight to the wall, churning so much with so much, and so worried.
So worried and hurt for both of them. So worried and hurt for him.
“She’s gone,” he said, and his voice was so calm again. “Come out, princess, and let’s talk cats.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Miles
I was still reeling, but kept my breathing steady and my smile bright as she stepped out of the dining room to join me. She tried to hide it, but I could see she was upset. Her eyes were brimming and she looked so scared. No doubt petrified Erica would charge on in there and tear her world apart by finding us out.
“I’m sorry you had to hear that,” I said, and she shook her head.
“No,” she said. “I’m sorry I had to hear that. That was so private for you.”
“I really wasn’t expecting it,” I said, and crouched down to pick up the mug pieces.
Faith came to join me, and I tried to shoo her away in case she cut herself, but she shook her head and carried on helping.
“She really does love you,” she said, and her voice was so genuine.
“No, she doesn’t,” I told her. “She wants what she can’t have. That’s the kind of woman she is.”
She shrugged. “Maybe. Or maybe she really has realised she cares.”
I put the mug pieces in one hand, and tipped her face to mine with the other.
“I don’t love her,” I said. “Regardless of whether she cares or not, I don’t love her.”
Her eyes were so fierce. Brewing with so much, and I wished I could read her mind. I wished I could claim her as my own and give it my all to make this worth the destruction for her.
She broke the tension by moving her face from my touch and resuming her clear up of the mug pieces.
“You’re really sure it’s over between you?” she asked, with her eyes on the floor.
“I’m positive it’s over between us. It wouldn’t be fair on either of us,” I continued. “Especially not for her. A commitment between two people needs to be based on the real thing, or what’s the point? Whatever’s the point in selling out for less?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I guess you’d need to be super sure, right? Super sure it was the real deal and worth it to really take that kind of risk?”
I nodded. “You sure would. And it isn’t the real deal between me and Erica. It never has been.”
I picked up the last of the porcelain pieces and got to my feet, then helped her up after me.
“I’m just sorry you had to hear that,” I said again. “I really had no idea she was coming.”
“Just as well she came later rather than sooner,” she replied and gave me a flash of a dirty little smile. “Maybe she’d have found a way into the house and discovered me with that huge dildo inside me.”
I loved the warmth in her laugh, and found myself laughing too.
“I think that would have resulted in a whole lot more than two broken mugs,” I said.
I took the mug pieces from her and wrapped them up in some kitchen towel before dropping them into the bin, determined to bite my tongue and hold back from telling Faith how I was really feeling. That a part of me had been hoping Erica really would charge into that room and blow our cover. That I’d been craving it since we started. Craving it since I’d known for certain that this really was the real fucking deal for me.
“We really should start the charity auction stuff,” she said, and I nodded.
“Yes, indeed, we really should.”
She wasn’t wrong. There really was a whole heap of truth along with the alibi.
There really was going to be a charity auction, a whole host of decisions to be made on the format and a whole heap of work to get us there.
So I made us coffee, grabbed the rest of the chocolate treats from the fridge and we set up on the dining table with my laptop and a couple of notepads.
And it was us. The other side of us. The enthusiastic, ambitious side of her pushing so hard to do her best. And me. Loving her for it. Encouraging her for it. Knowing without a doubt that I’d been absolutely right to start my involvement in her university plans and her future.
Faith was too much of an individual woman to sacrifice herself for the sensible.
I couldn’t watch her do it. Not for anything.
“What do you think?” she asked, and showed me some scribbles of her event ideas. A charity ball after the auction, for everyone to have some drinks and offer donations on top of their purchases.
“I think it’s a marvellous idea,” I said, and meant it. “It really is going to be a lot of work though.”
Her smile was so bold.
“I’m not afraid of a lot of work,” she told me, and I nodded.
“Me neither,” I said.
And so we did it.
We started that day, from afternoon through to evening.
We talked through auction plans as I cooked us a lasagne for dinner, and she shouted out some fresh thoughts from the dining room as she set the table for us.
Our meal was amazing. Warm and easy and so much fun as we conjured up so many ideas, and she was every bit as talented as I knew she would be, ey
es sparkling so beautifully as she got herself lost in the excitement.
How I wished I could keep her here. In my place, shining so bright. How I wished I could hold her tight in bed through the night, knowing full well she belonged here.
“I’d better go,” she said finally. “Mum and Dad will be wondering where I’ve got to.”
She got dressed and I got freshened up along with her in my bedroom. There could be sex. Sex and toys and another bout of filth. But I didn’t push it, and neither did she. And this was the first time it wasn’t on the cards for us.
Not because we didn’t want it, but because the mood was so different.
More than the lust brimming over again.
This was about the comfort of two people just being themselves in the moment.
I delayed the inevitable as long as I could do until we were down in my hallway with her hand on the door handle.
I sighed and brushed her cheek, so tempted to ask her to stay with me. But I didn’t.
She hovered, a sweet little smile on her face as I leaned in to kiss her.
“I really am sorry about Erica,” she said when we pulled away. “I know that must have been hard for you.”
If only she had any idea how much harder it was to watch her leave.
“I’ll be just fine about Erica,” I told her. “And she’ll be just fine about me.”
She nodded. “I hope so.”
“Thank you for caring,” I said.
“I’d better go,” she said again, but this time I took hold of her hand and held her back.
“There’s no reason I can’t drop you home this time,” I told her. “Your parents know you’re with me.”
Her grin was stunning. “Oh yeah,” she said. “Maybe you could even come inside, grab a coffee and some chat. We can tell them all about our ideas.”
My gut lurched at the thought but I nodded regardless.
Any excuse to spend time with her was something I’d grab hold of with both hands.
“Let’s do it,” I said, and snatched up my car keys.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Faith
