by Erin Trejo
“Get out,” he grits his teeth.
“Talk to me,” I urge him.
“I said get out!” he growls louder and deeper this time.
“I’m not leaving. Talk to me!” I scream back at him. He glares at me, something snapping in those eyes of his. He moves quickly, slamming me against the wall. He’s so close to me I could kiss him. We’re a breath away from each other. His chest rises and falls rapidly, touching mine as it goes.
“Why do you want to piss me off, Harper? Why?” he asks his voice turning cold and deadly.
“Because you broke me as much as I did you!” I yell, slamming my hands into his chest.
“Stop,” he warns.
I don’t. I keep going taking out all the frustration I feel toward him, because of him.
“No! I hate you! I fucking hate you, Lynx! I needed you, goddamn it!” I scream louder, hitting and punching.
“Stop!” he roars.
“You broke me too that day!”
A guttural sound rips through his chest. His fist comes up as my eyes widen. For a second I fear he’s about to punch me, but that’s not him. That’s not Lynx. Not my Lynx. His fist slams into the drywall next to my head as I look into his eyes. His free arm comes up, pressing against my throat. His eyes are flaring with fire, a torch burning brightly. My heart hammers in my chest, my breath quickening. The pressure on my throat slowly eases as he watches me, breathing heavily.
“What the fuck are you doin’ to me?”
Chapter 11
Lynx
I need to walk away from her. I need to stop this before I lose control and do something I might regret later. Her big eyes just stare up at me and I can’t move. I can’t breathe. Instead of listening to common sense, I lean down and kiss her roughly. My tongue demands entrance into her mouth and she lets me. She opens up to me and I feel like I’m at home. I keep my arm pressed to her neck, holding her in place. Harper’s hands come up and to grip my arm holding tightly. The moment is full of heat and passion. My cock hardens in my jeans realizing who this is. It’s her. It’s always been her, but I can’t go back there. I can’t make the betrayal go away. She left me regardless of what excuse she uses. I wanted her, I needed her. I pull back resting my forehead to hers, panting as her gaze darts between my eyes. God, I need help.
“I need you, Lynx,” Harper whispers. Her hand moves to my chest, feeling the rapid beat of my heart. The same heart that beat for only her once before. I close my eyes and shake the thoughts away.
“I needed you then.” I pull away and lower my arms to my sides as she watches me. Running my hand through my hair, I pace the floor. I’m not the same kid I was back then. I’ve changed. We changed.
“Lynx.”
“Do you know that when you left me you also showed me a side of myself I didn’t know was there?” I ask her. I glance up and catch her gaze.
“What do you mean?”
I stalk closer to her. “Leavin’ me? That’s what showed me what I really am. Who I am.” She watches me, confused by my words when someone knocks on the door. “It’s open!” Chip walks in looking between us before seeing the hole in the wall. He glances at me with a raised eyebrow. “I’ll fix it, man.”
“That’s not really what I’m worried about, Lynx,” he says, nodding toward Harper. She stands there silently with her arms wrapped around herself not looking at anyone anymore. There’s a part of me that hates to do this to her. There’s an ache in my chest that just wants to hold her, but I know I can’t go back there again.
“I’m going to go find, Josie,” she finally says softly before leaving the room. Chip closes the door behind her before leaning against it with his arms crossed.
“You good?”
“Yeah. No. I don’t fuckin’ know, man. She’s messin’ with my head,” I admit.
“I can see that. You still want her?”
I stare at him for a moment, not ready to answer just yet. Drawing a deep breath, I give him the only one that I know to be true. “It’s not that simple.”
“Like fuck it’s not. You still want her?” he asks again.
“It’s not that easy, Chip. I still hate her for leavin’ me, man. How the hell can I still want her after that?”
“Easy. You love her, Lynx. You never stopped. I get it, I do. She left when you needed her most. That’s a low fucking blow, but you have to ask yourself if it’s worth holding a grudge,” he says clearly seeing both sides of the story.
“That’s the problem. I don’t think I can get past that shit. She ripped my goddamn heart out, Chip.”
“I know. I was there.”
“There’s too much hatred inside of me now. I wouldn’t be good for her anymore. Things have changed, that place changed me. What she did fuckin’ changed me,” I tell him, keeping my head held high. On the outside, I’m in full control. I can handle this because I have to, but on the inside? She has me fucked up. My stomach is in knots, and there’s a ball in the middle of my chest that I can’t shake. She has completely fucked me up.
Chip drops his arms to his sides and walks toward me a few steps. He sees my turmoil. My boy knows me better than anyone these days. “If you need to bail, I get it, man. I really do.”
Shaking my head no, I make sure that he understands that I wouldn’t do that to him. He needs me. I know what it means to be left. I’m not pullin’ that shit on him.
“Have you listened to anything I just said? She bailed on me. I’m not doin’ that to you, man. I want to be here, I want to work. She’s just a fuckin’ memory.”
He nods his head, slaps a hand on my shoulder, and sighs.
“I’m glad you’re sticking around. I need the help and someone to keep Josie in her place,” he laughs. “Let’s go eat.”
I nod and follow him out of the room and out the backdoor. The grills are fired up, and Stan is cooking. Josie and Harper stand off to the side talking with a few other girls, a smile on her perfect lips. Fuck! I need to stay away from her to protect myself. If there’s even a sliver of a heart left inside of me, I can’t let her take it too, but she isn’t going to make it easy for me. I can feel it. That tug, that spark that we’ve always had is still there. Hell, it feels stronger, but I’m stuck in my head. I can’t get past her leaving me.
I head to the cooler and grab out a beer before moving to sit at one of the tables they have set up, needing a moment to get my wits about me before I’m around her again. Her proximity messes too much with my head. So instead I watch Chip smile and prance around his brother. They shoot jokes at each other and just have a good time. They both laugh as do their friends. It’s hard for me to see them like this. I don’t begrudge them their happiness, but it’s a bitter reminder of what I had back home. Dragon’s Strike MC was my fucking home. From the day I was born, that was my place. My birth right. But living under my dad wasn’t ideal. I knew he didn’t want me around. I was only there for one reason, to be his bitch. It pissed me off more often than not. Dad hated me since my mom died. He always blamed her death on me not knowing how to handle it himself. After that I became just another club member to him. You would have thought that fact would have brought us closer together but it didn’t. He kept me at arm’s length and I grew to hate him more for it. He wasn’t a very rational man, and every chance he got, he took his anger and rage out on me until I was old enough to fight back. He saw the anger that he partially instilled in me and knew that I was a fighter. I spent most of my life as a prospect for the club until Vic stepped up and told him I couldn’t be the longest running prospect the club has ever had, especially not as his son. That is the only reason I ever got my patch.
“She hasn’t gotten over you,” Josie says, dropping into the chair next to mine. I look over at her and nod, knowing that this conversation wasn’t going to end any time soon. I’d expected her to say more on the subject
“Not my problem anymore,” I deadpan as I grip the bottle a little tighter. I don’t want to hear this.
“D
o you know why someone would send her that?” she asks, clearly wondering who the finger might belong to. Considering I don’t know and even if I did, I wouldn’t share that with her. Especially knowing that it could drag her into it too.
“Not a fuckin’ clue. Made a few calls but no one knows much about it. Just keep an eye on her, yeah?” I tell her.
Josie smirks and shakes her head. “You think it’s that easy?”
“Yeah,” I say in a controlled tone.
“It’s not. You held her heart, Lynx, and I think you still do. She can’t just walk away from you now that you’re here.”
“She doesn’t have choice,” I tell her as I bring the bottle to my lips. Taking a long pull, I can feel Josie’s eyes burning into me. I turn to face her, lowering the bottle. “What happened between us was a long time ago, darlin’. I don’t wanna live in the past anymore. There’s too much more out there ahead and nothing left in the rearview mirror.”
“I think you’re wrong on that. She still loves you. I don’t know that she’s ever stopped.”
“Guess she will have to learn that the hard way like I did, yeah?” Josie huffs and shakes her head before walking away from me. It doesn’t bother me. People need to walk away from me. I’m poison of the worst kind. She didn’t deserve what I had to offer her five years ago, and I’ve changed since then. I’ve become something worse than I ever was. I’ve done things far worse than beat her foster dad since I was locked up. Harper doesn’t see that part, and if she did, she would run again. I hate myself for who I’ve become over the years. I hate that what made me this way was my own choices, but even still, she doesn’t deserve me now. She made her choice and now that’s something that she has to live with.
“You going to nurse that bottle all night or you want the good shit?” Chip asks shaking the vodka in front of me. I chuckle and down the beer, holding the empty bottle up to him.
“How’s that?”
He laughs and passes me the vodka and a glass. “Let’s do this. We drink it up tonight, we work it off tomorrow.”
I laugh along with him as I pour a glass and pass him the bottle. He does the same and sits next to me.
“To the future. Whatever the hell that is,” he says, raising his glass.
I raise mine and nod. Yeah, whatever the hell it may be.
Chapter 12
Harper
My mood is shit. It has been for a week. I feel like I’ve been run over by a freight train. Well, I have. I was mauled by Lynx. That’s about the same thing.
“Girl, you’re song is coming up next!” Sandra yells over the noise of the crowd.
I smile, toss her a wink, and get ready. The other girls line up next to me just as the song changes. We have a semi-stage set up in the back of the bar that we all dance on, but sometimes the crowd gets insane and joins us. Josie usually cuts them off but sometimes they just want to join in and have a good time too. We play all kinds of music here, not just country like some would think. Just because we’re in the heart of Nashville doesn’t mean we have to stick to their standards, and we sure as hell don’t. Shakira blasts through the speakers as we all get ready.
Just as we begin to move to the beat, my hips swaying and my body becoming loose, I spot him in the back corner. His eyes are dark, hooded as he watches me. He doesn’t look away and I decide it’s time to give him a show. It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve seen him last, and despite the fact that I want slap him in the face, I want to make him feel the same way I do. I want him to feel that want that we used to share for each other. Since we kissed. It was fire, it was passion, it was raw, and I want it. I want more of him.
“Shake it, girl!” one of the guys in front of us screams.
I smirk and continue my routine as Lynx’s eyes burn like fire through my body. I shudder when I look up and find him moving forward, closer to the stage. Chip is right behind him, shoving a few guys off their stools to take a seat at the table up front.
“Give it up for our dancers!” Josie’s voice roars over the crowd and the music. They all go wild, a few girls climbing on stage to dance with us. The bouncers and security keep the guys back.
Sweat drips down my temples as I keep going. The smile on my face is real. I love doing this. It gives me a sense of freedom that I don’t always feel. When the song is over, the crowd screams and throws dollars at us. Security picks it all up and then Josie will distribute it when the night’s over. I’m heading back toward the bar when hands wrap around my waist. I’m jerked back into a hard body.
“You shake that ass real well.”
As soon as I hear the words from an unfamiliar voice, I try to pull away from him. In seconds, the man is ripped off me and Lynx is there, pounding him into the ground.
“What the hell?” Josie yells when security rushes over. They grab the guy and Lynx, but Josie motions for them to let Lynx go. “In the back! Now!” She snaps her fingers pointing between the two of us. I swallow hard, Chip chuckles, and Lynx looks pissed as we all filter to the back room. As soon as the door closes, Josie rounds on us. “You first!” she yells, pointing at me. “What happened?”
“Some asshole grabbed me,” I tell her. She looks to Lynx as he says, “And I handled it.” Chip barks out a laugh.
“You shut up,” Josie snaps, pointing at him. He raises his hands in defeat and walks away still chuckling under his breath.
“I didn’t do anything!” I defend myself as Lynx huffs. We both turn to look at him then.
“What? What did she do?” No, she didn’t just ask him!
“Oh, I don’t know. Shakin’ her ass in front of all those men for starters!” he roars. Josie and I both jolt from the force of his words.
“Since when do you care? You made it clear you wanted nothing to do with me,” I yell back at him. He narrows his gaze at me before turning and walking out the back door. Josie and I stand there shocked and confused.
“Well. I don’t know what to say about that,” she mumbles.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what his problem is, Josie. Some guy grabbed me, I was about to move away when he showed up.”
“Not your fault, Harper. The man is unstable when he’s around you,” she says softly.
“He’s unstable anyway.”
“I think he still loves you, honey.”
I snort out a laugh. “He doesn’t. We’ve been over this.”
“Do you love him, Harper? Like really?”
God, I don’t want to answer that. I really don’t. But there really is only one answer, and I’m pretty sure she, and everyone else, already know the answer.
“Yes,” I whisper the words that have torn at my heart for the last five years. The power of that one word is defeating. It saps my energy, my head hanging with the pain of lost love.
Josie walks over, throwing her arm around my shoulders. “You two need to talk this out,” she says softly.
“I tried that. He just keeps saying he wants nothing to do with me.” I don’t know if I want to scream, run, or curse. My insides are trembling, being ripped apart.
“Well, this can’t keep happening here, Harper.”
“I know and I’m sorry, Josie.”
“Don’t. It wasn’t your fault. Go talk to him,” she says ushering me toward the door.
As soon as I step outside, I spot him pacing the alley behind the club. Even in his agitation, he’s beautiful to behold, but right now I’m hurt and angry.
“You shouldn’t have done that. You’re going to get me fired,” I snap. He stops walking and turns to look at me.
“This what you’ve become, Harper? Shakin’ your goddamn ass in a bar?” The sneer in his voice pisses me off. It’s not like I’m stripping or something. I’m fully clothed at all times.
“That’s not fair!” I scream at him.
He rests his hands on his hips as he glares at me. “Isn’t it? What the fuck is fair, Harper? Huh? Me goin’ to prison or you leavin’ me? That fair?”
“Are you
ever going to get over that? I can’t change the past, Lynx! Jesus Christ, you are worse than a child,” I yell at him, watching his eyes darken by the second with anger. Even when I’m this angry, I would still give anything to feel him pressed against me, holding me, kissing me. Anything.
“When you spend five fuckin’ years alone, it’s not that easy to move on,” he says with his teeth clenched together.
“And I can’t fix that for you, Lynx. I can’t. I don’t know what the hell you want me to do here. Tell me what you want me to do.” I almost regret that question as soon as it slips past my lips. Lynx smirks, and damn it, it looks good on him.
“What I want? I want my old life back, Harper. I want the life that I was supposed to have before all this shit blew up on me. I want my goddamn life!” he roars. The back door opens and Chip walks out glaring between us.
“This needs to stop. You two need to work out the past and move on. You can’t keep going at each other like this. It’s not healthy,” he says looking between the two of us.
I sigh in defeat. It isn’t me that can’t let the past go. It’s Lynx.
“Who the hell said I wanted a future with her?” Lynx asks, looking toward Chip.
My heart shatters in my chest. It’s not like I expected him to say he still loved me. I know he doesn’t. He hates me for what happened back then and I can’t blame him. But it’s the final nail in the coffin, and it hurts more than I could have ever expected.
“Luke’s inside looking for you,” Chip mumbles softly.
I nod my head and walk back inside feeling completely at a loss. As I walk back out to the bar, I spot him in his usual spot. His head comes up when he sees me, a small smile curling his lips. I walk down and stop in front of him, forcing myself to smile.
“You look good,” he says, eyeing me like he always does.
“You haven’t been around much,” I remind him of his absence.
“I needed to think about things, Harper. I’m sorry,” he says, looking down.
Yeah, me too.
