by Bill Nye
Produced by D Alexander and the Online DistributedProofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
A GUEST AT THE LUDLOW
AND OTHER STORIES
BY
EDGAR WILSON NYE
[BILL NYE]
_WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY LOUIS BRAUNHOLD_
INDIANAPOLIS AND KANSAS CITY
THE BOWEN-MERRILL COMPANY
M DCCC XCVII
Copyright, 1896
BY
THE BOWEN-MERRILL CO.
A GUEST AT THE LUDLOW
_You can pay five cents to the Elevated Railroad and gethere, or you can put some other man's nickel in your own slot and comehere with an attendant_ (Page 2)]
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This volume was prepared for publication by the author a few monthsbefore his death, and is now published by arrangement with Mrs. EdgarWilson Nye.
* * * * *
CONTENTS
PAGE.
I. A GUEST AT THE LUDLOW 1
II. OLD POLKA DOT'S DAUGHTER 13
III. A GREAT CEREBRATOR 22
IV. HINTS FOR THE HOUSEHOLD 33
V. A JOURNEY WESTWARD 42
VI. A PROPHET AND A PIUTE 52
VII. THE SABBATH OF A GREAT AUTHOR 64
VIII. A FLYER IN DIRT 69
IX. A SINGULAR "HAMLET" 81
X. MY MATRIMONIAL BUREAU 92
XI. THE HATEFUL HEN 99
XII. AS A CANDIDATE 108
XIII. SUMMER BOARDERS AND OTHERS 123
XIV. THREE OPEN LETTERS 134
XV. THE DUBIOUS FUTURE 144
XVI. EARNING A REWARD 156
XVII. A PLEA FOR JUSTICE 162
XVIII. GRAINS OF TRUTH 168
XIX. A SCAMPER THROUGH THE PARK 179
XX. HINTS TO THE TRAVELER 187
XXI. A MEDIEVAL DISCOVERER 201
XXII. HOW TO PICK OUT A BIRTHPLACE 208
XXIII. ON BROADWAY 218
XXIV. MY TRIP TO DIXIE 222
XXV. THE THOUGHT CLOTHIER 228
XXVI. A RUBBER ESOPHAGUS 233
XXVII. ADVICE TO A SON 243
XXVIII. THE AUTOMATIC BELL BOY 254
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
PAGE
You can pay five cents to the Elevated Railroad and get here, or you can put some other man's nickel in your own slot and come here with an attendant _Frontispiece_
His old look of apprehensive cordiality did not leave him until he had seen me climb on a load of hay with my trunk and start for home 15
Then they tied a string of sleighbells to his tail, and hit him a smart, stinging blow with a black snake 27
My idea was to apply it to the wall mostly, but the chair tipped, and so I papered the piano and my wife on the way down 36
Frogs build their nests there in the spring and rear their young, but people never go there 45
I improved the time by cultivating the acquaintance of the beautiful and picturesque outcasts known as the Piute Indians 57
He sometimes succeeds in getting himself disliked by some other dog and then I can observe the fight 67
Then rolling my trousers up a yard or two, I struck off into the scrub pine, carrying with me a large board 74
He looked up sadly at me with his one eye as who should say, "Have you got any more of that there red paint left?" 105
"Mr. Nye, on behalf of this vast assemblage (tremulo), I thank God that you are POOR!!!" 115
Three or four times as much oxygen is consumed in activity as in repose, hence the hornets' nests introduced by me last season 124
Playing billiards, accompanied by the vicious habit of pounding on the floor with the butt of the cue ever and anon, produces at last optical illusions 149
Mr. Whatley hadn't gone more than half a mile when he heard the wild and disappointed yells of the Salvation army 159
"I was in a large, cool hosspital which smelt strong of some forrin substans. The hed doctor had been breathing on me and so I come too" 163
Said the Governor as he swung around with his feet over in our part of the carriage and asked me for a light 181
He therefore had to borrow a bald-headed man to act as bust for him in the evening 194
It was at this time that he noticed the swinging of a lamp in a church, and observing that the oscillations were of equal duration 202
Here Andrew turned the grindstone in the shed, while a large, heavy neighbor got on and rode for an hour or two 210
"A man that crosses Broadway for a year can be mayor of Boston, but my idee is that he's a heap more likely to be mayor of the New Jerusalem" 220
I bought tickets at Cincinnati of a pale, sallow liar, who is just beginning to work his way up to the forty-ninth degree in the Order of Ananias 222
In hotels it will take the mental strain off the bell-boy, relieving him also of a portion of his burdensome salary at the same time 256
