by Lane Hart
“What’s that?”
“Mike showed up.”
“He did?” I ask with my brow drawn together as I try to recall seeing him. “I don’t remember that part.”
“You were already in bed asleep,” Xavier explains. “I refused him entry.”
“Why?” I ask in confusion. “He comes over late some nights. It’s not a big deal.”
Hold on. Is Xavier jealous? No, that’s just crazy.
“You were drunk, Cass! I wasn’t going to send a guy up to your room when you couldn’t keep your eyes open.”
“Oh,” I say in understanding. He was being a good friend, acting like a protective older brother. I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up that it was more than that. “Well, thanks, but again, I don’t need you to make decisions for me.”
“Right, I know that,” Xavier replies. “And, ah, Mike said to tell you he stopped by and would call you today or something.”
“Good. Guess I should buy another phone.”
“After we get back tomorrow,” he suggests. “It’s not like we’re going to have any cell reception, and we want to make camp before sunset.”
“True,” I say. “The phone can wait.”
“Is it just me or does that Mike dickhead sort of look like me?” Xavier asks.
“Hmm, I don’t know. Never really thought about it,” I respond in a rush. “Let’s get moving. Time’s a wasting, right?”
“Lead the way,” Xavier says. “I take it you’ve already pre-packed our gear?”
“Yep.”
“Always prepared like a good little girl scout,” he says with a smile.
“Someone has to be prepared,” I say when I go up to him and poke his hard chest. I swear the damn thing could withstand a bullet. “If I left it up to you, we would go up with nothing but whatever supplies are in our pockets.”
“Tents and sleeping bags are for pussies,” Xavier says, and my eyes are drawn to his full lips and the way they move when saying pussies.
“Fine, then I’ll set mine up and you can sleep out on the hard ground tonight,” I tell him.
Before I can blink, he reaches out and pulls off my shades, causing the bright kitchen light to temporarily blind me or give me an aneurism, maybe both.
“Hey!” I exclaim while slapping my hands over my eyes.
“That’s what I thought,” he says. “You’re not up for this, Bambi.”
“Give me back my sunglasses or I will knee you in the nads,” I warn him. Thankfully, he puts the shades back over my eyes. “Now, let’s go!”
Xavier
“Oh, holy mother of mercy,” Cass says after she kneels in the leaves to throw up on the trail for the third time.
“We’re turning around,” I tell her because I hate seeing her so miserable. And despite what she says, she was really fucking drunk if she doesn’t remember kissing me. I would think she’s lying except I know Cass; and if she had remembered, her cheeks would’ve turned tomato red.
“Nope. That was definitely the last time I’m going to get sick,” she says when she grabs my arm to pull herself up straight again.
“That’s what you said the last two times,” I point out.
“I’m almost sure of it this time,” Cass replies. “And we’re almost to the camp site.”
“Thank god,” I mutter. While I may get in at least half an hour a day of cardio in the gym, it’s nowhere near as strenuous as the up-hill hike on a steep mountainside. Not that I would admit it to Cass, but I’ve almost tossed my own cookies once or twice.
The terrain finally flattens out. And then, with a few hours to spare before sunset, we come to a stop in the clearing. Cassidy has our tent set up in record-breaking time while I start a fire to heat up whatever food she brought us for dinner.
Since there aren’t any tree stumps or logs to sit on, I walk around until I find us one. Picking up the six-foot log, I hoist it over my shoulder and carry it back to camp.
Cass comes out of the tent and does a double take before I toss the log down. “Go easy there, Paul Bunyan,” she says. “I could’ve helped you carry it over.”
“I had it,” I say when I take a seat on one end.
“You had it, sure, but you could’ve thrown your back out.”
“Are you calling me old and out of shape?” I ask when she sits down next to me.
“No, I’m saying there’s no good reason to go around carrying your body weight.”
“The log weighs less than you,” I tell her. Pinching my finger and thumb together, I say, “You came this close to me carrying you the rest of the way up here like I had to carry you to bed.”
“I’m perfectly fine.”
Getting up, I go over to her pack that’s next to the tent to find her canteen to take it back over to her. “Drink up or you’re gonna get dehydrated.”
She accepts it and removes the lid to guzzle it down. “Thanks.” Once she’s done, she sits the container on the ground by her feet and then tips her head back to inhale the fresh air. Rays of sunlight that break through the trees hit her smiling face and make her hair glow like some kind of unearthly fairy. “It was worth the hike, right?” she asks.
“Yeah,” I agree, drinking her in while she’s not paying attention. Climbing mountains to make her happy is nothing. I would try to move them for Cass if she asked me to, because I know she would do the same for me.
“So,” she starts before she glances over at me. “Did you talk to the coach yesterday at Havoc or chicken out since I wasn’t there to strong-arm you into it?”
“First of all, you can’t strong-arm me into anything,” I reply. “And secondly, yes, I did talk to Coach Briggs, thank you very much.”
“You did?” she asks, green eyes brightening. “What did he say? Did he think you still have time?”
Swiping my sweaty palms down the thighs of my cargo shorts, I tell her, “He said he thought I could have a title belt in three years if I worked my ass off.”
“Seriously?” Cass asks. “That’s great, Xavier! Why didn’t you tell me about this last night?”
“Maybe I did, and you just don’t remember our conversation.” My words are terse, not because I’m mad at her for having a few drinks, but because she doesn’t remember kissing me. How is that possible when I can’t seem to stop thinking about it; how fucking hot it was; how natural it felt when it should’ve been awkward and strange since we’ve never done it before.
“I would’ve remembered our conversation! I wasn’t that drunk,” she huffs, blowing the loose pieces of her hair that fell from her ponytail around her face.
“You were pretty drunk,” I assure her. Unable to help myself, I ask, “Do you remember telling me how good I smell?”
“I did not!” she gasps, her cheeks rosy red, just like I predicted. If she’s that embarrassed about a slip of her tongue, then I wonder what she would think if I told her she slipped me her tongue…
“You did too. Something about my deodorant mixing with my pheromones.”
“Oh my god,” Cass whispers when she covers her face with both hands. “I’m never drinking around you again.”
That’s a shame since I was kind of hoping for more kissing, even though I shouldn’t, especially when she’s not sober. But sober Cass would never admit to wanting me.
“You were pretty funny until you passed out and I had to carry you to bed.”
“Anyway!” she exclaims when she lowers her hands from her face and shakes her head like that makes the topic disappear. “Back to you and fighting. So you’re going to go for it, right?”
“I haven’t decided.”
“What is there to decide?” she exclaims. “You want to give fighting a try, so there’s no reason to keep wasting time. What did your parents say? They’re all for it I bet.”
“I haven’t told them yet,” I reply. “Not until I know for sure. I need time to think…”
“Oh, no, Xavier,” Cass says. “Not this again.”
“Not what ag
ain?” I ask.
“You still can’t make your own decisions, can you?”
“I make decisions all the time,” I huff.
“Not major ones. Nope, you always sit back and wait and wait until your options are limited or someone makes the decision for you.”
“What are you talking about, Cass?”
“College. How did you decide on Stanford our senior year?” she questions.
“They offered the best scholarship.”
“Yeah, they did,” she agrees. “And it’s not like your parents didn’t have the money to send you anywhere in the world you wanted to go, but you decided to go to the school that made it the easiest for you.”
“Stanford is tough to get into. I made a great decision,” I argue.
“Sure, it’s one of many great colleges, but it was on the other side of the country.”
“What’s your point here?” I ask.
“Where did you go to law school?” Cass says. “Stanford again because you were already there!”
“I was and I got accepted. It’s a top school,” I point out.
“And then there was Camilla…” she starts.
Blowing out a heavy exhale, I say, “What about her?”
“She picked out her own engagement ring!” Cass yells so loudly that several birds take flight from the trees around us.
“Lots of women pick out their own rings. It’s easier than getting one she would hate.”
Straddling the log to turn and face me, she says, “Xavier, she choose the ring she wanted you to buy her, put it on her finger, and declared that you two were going to get married! You never actually proposed.”
“We…talked about it first and agreed it was what we both wanted,” I say.
“She planned a wedding and told you when and where to show up and what to wear.”
I open my mouth to argue, but I can’t with that last statement. “Okay, so I didn’t want to plan the wedding. It was easier for Camilla to pick out the flowers and shit she liked.”
“What she liked, yes. But what about what you like?” Cass asks me.
“I just wanted to marry her. I didn’t care about the details.”
“Did you want to marry her, or did you just go along with what Camilla wanted?”
“I know you don’t like her, and she was a bitch to you, but she wasn’t all bad.”
“Then why aren’t you two still married?” Cass asks.
“It’s complicated,” I blurt out as I get to my feet, needing an outlet for the anger just thinking about how badly she hurt me.
“You can talk to me, Xavier,” Cass says as I pace through the leaves with both of my fists clenched with the urge to hit something. It’s not a new sensation but one I’ve dealt with my entire life, suppressing the rage deep inside of me that craves physical violence as a way to eliminate the pain.
“I don’t really want to talk about it,” I reply. “I loved her and meant it when I said I was in our marriage for life.”
“I know you did. I’m so sorry your marriage didn’t work out, Xavier.”
“I feel like the biggest fool for not seeing it sooner,” I tell her. “My head is all fucked up, and I don’t know what to do with all of this-this…”
“This what?” Cass asks.
“Self-doubt. I’ve never been insecure before, you know? Like it’s my fault our marriage fell apart.”
“Xavier, I’m sure it wasn’t you. It was her.”
“What if it was both of us?” I ask.
“I-I honestly don’t know,” she replies. “Have you…talked to her?”
“No,” I answer with a shake of my head. “I haven’t spoken to her in months after I moved my things out.”
“Where have you been staying?”
“At the gym on a cot.”
“You’re too big for a cot,” she says.
“No shit,” I grumble. “But I just couldn’t go back to our apartment and didn’t know where else to go. A hotel room for more than a few nights would’ve been outrageous.”
“Yeah,” Cass agrees. “At least now you can move back home to train. You can stay with me for however long you need while you look for a place of your own.”
“Maybe…” My first thought was to say hell yes. I would love nothing more than spending more time with Cass. But both of us sleeping in her house? Eventually, I would have a moment of weakness seeing her beautiful face and sexy body every day. And I would probably end up hurting Cass and ruining our friendship when I couldn’t give her more.
I need her in my life more than I need her in my bed. Other than my family, Cassidy’s the only person who has always been there for me.
Chapter Ten
Cassidy
I can’t believe it’s finally happening – Xavier may be moving back home!
I’ve been waiting for this moment for ten years, missing him like crazy for each and every single minute.
Not only is he probably moving back, but he’s single again, which makes me wonder if it’s finally time for me to tell him the truth about how I feel about him.
I didn’t tell him in high school because he was my one and only friend. Then, in college, he was too far away, so even if he felt the same way about me, which I don’t believe he did, long distance never would have worked.
Now though? All it will take is a leap of faith to find out if he wants to cross the friend line and we could actually be together.
Am I willing to risk the fallout?
Losing Xavier as a friend would be devastating, but the last twenty years haven’t exactly been easy, keeping my feelings for him all bottled up. Even if Xavier tells me he doesn’t want to be more than friends, at least I’ll finally know and be able to move on. Holding out hope for something that may never happen is becoming depressing and exhausting.
It’s time to go for it. We’re up here in the mountains alone, and I don’t think he would up and leave me here. We could just have a conversation, and he’ll say yes or no, and then we can go from there.
“Xavier…” I start and then pause, trying to find the words to tell my best friend that I’m in love with him. That I’ve loved him for so long it hurts and that I hope he feels the same way.
His pacing pauses, and then he turns to me and says, “My parents think I should give Camilla a second chance.”
What the everloving fuck?
“That’s…that’s…”
“Stupid, right?” he finishes for me. Running his fingers through the front of his hair, he says, “Apparently they had a falling-out years ago and separated when I was only three or four, before Macy was born.”
“Really?” I ask in surprise.
“Yeah. I had no clue. My dad said he thought they were headed for divorce, but my mom gave him another chance and let him move back in.”
“What did he do?”
“I don’t know, neither of them told me what the argument was about,” Xavier says. “But they made up, so that’s all that matters now.”
“But I thought you’ve already finalized the divorce, so why would you want to have to see or talk to Camilla again?” I ask.
“I know,” he agrees before his pacing resumes. Then I notice the glint from his left hand that he’s fidgeting with. How did I miss that before? He’s still wearing his wedding band. “My mom and dad both said everyone makes mistakes and deserve a chance to make amends. One day, I probably will have to talk to her to figure out what went wrong,” he says, making me want to slap him across his handsome face.
“You don’t need to talk to her, because I’m sure you didn’t do anything wrong. Even if you didn’t, she may be pissed and lie to say something just to hurt you now that it’s over.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” Xavier agrees. “I moved out because I didn’t want to even see her face.”
“You didn’t see her at the attorney’s office?” I ask.
“What?”
“During the divorce proceedings or whatever?”
“Oh, no,” he responds. “Lawyers handled all of that shit.”
“Yeah,” I say. “It’s done and over now, so I think it’s time for you to move forward and not look back.”
“You’re right,” Xavier says. “I can focus on training to keep my mind off of her. Hell, off all women. I’m so done with trying to screw away my insecurities. I really should focus all of that time and energy into the cage.”
“Right, yes,” I say even though I’m inwardly deflating.
The moment to admit to Xavier how I feel about him has passed for now. He’s right — he needs to be focused on fighting. I’ll just have to wait until another one comes around in a few months or maybe years after he decides he’s ready to date again.
Chapter Eleven
Xavier
“Are you still awake?” Cass whispers from her sleeping bag that’s next to mine. Despite her earlier threat, she let me share her tent.
“Yep,” I reply. “It’s only, like, ten o’clock,” I remind her.
“You hate camping now, don’t you?” she asks, the sadness clear in her voice.
“No, I don’t hate camping. I just haven’t done it in a while, so it’s going to take some time to get used to all the animal sounds and hard ground underneath me again,” I assure her when I reach for her hand and cover it with mine. Why, I have no fucking idea. But Cass doesn’t pull away, so I leave it there because the skin-to-skin contact feels nice. I like the jolts of awareness that passes between us, not exactly sexual but deeper, like my soul reconnecting with its other half again.
Is that why our kiss was so much better than any other kiss? It was just two friends growing close again like when we were younger?
No, that hot tongue action definitely felt like it was headed toward more. If Cass hadn’t been tipsy, and if the doorbell hadn’t rang, it would have been the kind of kiss that leads to getting naked and slipping more than my tongue inside of her. Not that I would’ve been opposed to putting my tongue between her legs, but I digress.
I need to reel those thoughts in fast before my dick gets harder and creates a tent inside our tent.
