by H. D. Gordon
After I’d fallen from the tree that day, cutting my leg open on the sharp tip of a branch from the top of my knee to the middle of my thigh, Kyra had taken it upon herself to learn basic healing, and I was grateful for it now.
But she was no master, and this wound was in a much more vulnerable place than the leg.
Hours ticked by. I sat beside Eli, staring at his face and trying to commit it to memory. I told myself that if the worst came, I would survive it, because that was what I did. I’d survived the loss of my mother, my brother, and my father, and I could get through this. But Gods, I didn’t want to have to. I knew I would never find another lover like Elian, knew that if he left me now, a piece of me would leave right along with him.
“If he makes it through the night,” Kyra said at one point, “he’ll probably pull through.”
And what an endless night it was.
When the sun was finally breaking through the slats of wood that composed the barn, Eli’s eyes fluttered open. I’d been drifting in and out of sleep as I laid by his side, jerking back awake at intervals and frantically checking his pulse in fear that he’d slipped away while I’d been out of it.
“Dita?” Eli said, his voice as soft as air.
I sat up, leaning over him so that he could see I was there. Tears welled in my eyes, and I did nothing to force them back. They spilled over my cheeks, hot and wet, and dripped from my chin onto my shirt.
“I’m here, my love,” I said gently, taking his hand. It was so cold, so stiff.
The faintest of smiles pulled up one side of his mouth. “What happened?”
I pushed the hair out of my face and sniffed. “You made it to morning,” I answered.
Eli turned his head and glanced at the light peeking in through the wooden slats. “It’s beautiful,” he said.
I smiled down at him, still tearing up, and kissed his forehead. “Yes, it is.”
Eli looked back at me. “Did we win?”
I nodded. “I think so.”
“Good.”
I placed my hand on his chest, listening to the heartbeat beneath. It was stronger than it had been hours ago.
“What now?” he asked. “Do we get to go home?”
I bent down and kissed his lips, long and deep. I’d spent all night fearing I’d never get to do so again. When I pulled back, I met his eyes and let him see the love there, the devotion.
“Yes,” I said. “We get to go home. It’s over.”
“All of it?” Eli asked. “We’re done with all of it?”
I knew what he was asking. He wanted to know if now that our enemies were taken care of, I was ready to leave behind everything I’d built in this territory. He wanted to know if I really intended to give up being Alpha, to accept a simpler life with him and the others that I loved.
There was nothing in the world I wanted more, and I told him so.
His answering smile was worth every bit and then some.
Chapter 28
Returning to the plantation was bittersweet. Elian would need at least a few more days to truly recover, and I had a million affairs to get in order.
The Pack heard soon enough about what had gone down at the Mangera estate, and just like after the Wards, I was greeted with more respect and shows of approval. This time, however, I didn’t relish the feeling. I’d done some terrible things, and I didn’t want to be praised and admired for them. I wanted to forget they’d ever happened and move on with my life.
Of course, I would never forget, though. I could wash the visible blood on my hands down the drain, but I could not clean them fully. I could never clean them fully.
Elian did grow stronger, though, and for this, I had to be grateful. I’d been shutting myself off from him emotionally, but nearly losing him had made my true feelings quite clear, and I would be sure that he knew exactly how I felt from now on.
For now, I sat behind the large mahogany desk in the office, staring out the windows that looked over the front of the house, a mountain of parchment laid out before me that I could not seem to concentrate on.
It would be a lie to say that I would not miss this place, that I hadn’t grown fond of it, but even now, I was gaining more influence. With Mangera gone, that left only one other major Pack in the territory, all the power having been consolidated within me. Though there were no immediate threats, if I stayed, more would come, other challengers and Alphas who would want to take what I had gained.
So despite the fact that I felt my Alpha magic strengthening and expanding, I knew walking away was the only option. And the sooner, the better.
Still, I wandered the halls of the house, puttered through the rose garden, shifted into my Wolf form and hunted in the woods for the fun of it.
On the night before our departure, I paused at the top of the staircase overlooking the foyer, and took a moment to admire the painting Demarco had given me just before he’d died.
It was me in Wolf form, done in mostly reds and blacks, the likeness uncanny, and the ferocity undeniable.
“He would be proud of you,” Devon said quietly from behind me. I’d been so absorbed that I hadn’t even heard him sneak up.
My big brother stepped up beside me and wrapped an arm around my waist. I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder.
“I hope so,” I replied.
“I know so,” Devon returned.
My throat grew tight, and I knew that what I had to say next had the potential to ruin the moment, but I had to say it, nonetheless. We’d avoided the subject for too long, and I had to know.
“Dev?”
“Mm?”
“Do you blame me for what happened to Demarco? Do you think it was my fault?”
Devon was silent for some time, releasing a sigh as heavy as my heart. “No,” he said at last. “I don’t blame you, D. Maybe I did after it first happened, and for a while thereafter, but no, I don’t blame you. I don’t think it was your fault.”
I looked up at him, blinking past the tears trying to well in my eyes.
“The truth is,” my big brother continued, slipping his arm around my waist and drawing me closer to his side, so that I was tucked there, the way he used to do when we were children, “the lot of us would likely have been dead a long time ago if not for you. How many nights did we go hungry before you started hustling? How many times did you have to pay off dad’s debt to keep the collectors from showing up and taking it out on the family? How many times were you the only source of stability, of constant support and love, when we had no one else?”
Now a few tears did slip free, and I brushed them away as Devon continued.
“Too many times to count,” he said. “We were dealt a shitty hand, and you made the most of it. You dropped out of school to work and provide for us. You got into fights with people who would send most Wolves running in the opposite direction for the sake of protecting us. I know we’ve lost a lot, but I’ve never doubted your intentions, your love and loyalty. I probably haven’t thanked you enough, but I’m thanking you now. I couldn’t have made it without you.”
I turned and hugged him tightly, letting his shirt absorb my tears. When I pulled back, I said, “You’ve protected us, too. You’ve protected me. You’ve done things to save me that I know go against your nature, and I’m sorry for that. I can only hope that those things don’t haunt you, that you can move past them and find a way to be happy.”
Devon kissed my forehead. “All of life is a work in progress, D. And we’re not doing so bad.”
I nodded, and we held each other a little longer, gazing upon the painting done by our lost little brother. I only wished he were here now, coming with us as we made this next leap into a new life.
“You ready to go?” Devon asked.
“Yes,” I said. “I’m ready.”
“I knew you had it in you.”
I smirked. “I didn’t, but I’m glad you were right. Let’s go home.”
Devon gave me a small squeeze. “I’m with y
ou, sis, so I’m already there.”
The following week, all things were in order, and it was time to make the announcement to the rest of the Pack. I’d debated on the best way to go about it, and had even considered just taking those closest to me and disappearing into the sunset.
But there were Wolves among the Pack who’d been extremely loyal and good to me, and I felt they all deserved the choice of coming with me, or staying and finding a new place in the world.
I stood atop the roof of the main house as they all gathered below, the pale moon casting a glow over them. This was the last time I would stand in this elevated position, and part of me was really glad for it. While there had been a time when I’d thought that such dominance was the height of success, I now saw that it was not having dominance that made one successful, but rather, love that both gave and took.
Once all the Wolves had gathered below, I went to the edge of the roof and spoke into their minds, knowing that once I relinquished my status as Alpha, I would not be able to feel the connection I did now, would not be able to reach into their minds en mass with such ease.
“Thank you all for coming,” I began. “I’m sure by now you have all heard about what happened with the Mangeras. While we came away from that battle as the victors, and no new threats have presented themselves, I would still caution you all to watch your backs for a while….
I want you all to know how much your loyalty has meant to me, and how big of an honor it has been to be your Alpha…but I’ve made the decision to surrender the title, and leave this cursed land for greener pastures.”
A ripple of whispers and gasps went through the crowd, the news clearly unexpected, but I continued on.
“The truth is, the brutality that is required to remain in this position is too rich for my tastes. I’ve spilled enough blood, and taken enough losses. I don’t see my eagerness for a peaceful life as weakness, but rather, strength, as it takes courage to admit when one has reached a limit, and to reassess things.
So I am formally stepping down as Alpha, and I will be heading to a new land, a place where there will be no blood feuds, no glancing over the shoulder. I’m telling you all because I want you to know that you have the option to come with me, or to go your own way. The choice is yours, and I will not hold it against you.”
Now there was silence, hundreds of eyes staring up at me, hardly blinking, as if the whole Pack were collectively holding their breath.
“Stay or come with me, but if you come, do not do so with sowing trouble on your mind. I may have lost my taste for bloodshed, but when it comes to protecting the ones I love, I’m still as ruthless as any Wolf who’s ever walked this earth.
We leave in the morning, so take the night and make your choice. Drink and eat your fill, and collect your earnings if you do decide to go on your way, so that you have something to get you started.”
I shifted into my Wolf form now, making the transformation under the light of the moon and with all the Pack as witness. Once I stood over them as my beast, I tipped my head back and howled up at the stars.
And the calls of my Pack answered me.
Chapter 29
“I’ve never seen any place like this,” Devon said, his eyes wide with wonder.
I grinned over at him. “And it stays warm most of the time.”
“All year?”
I nodded. “All year.”
“Oh, hell yes.”
We crossed through the tropical forest, noting the various creatures and new landscape, making our way toward the village that would be our home. Part of me couldn’t believe that we were even here, that we’d made it this far.
An even bigger part of me could not believe that over half the Pack had come along with me.
Faelings flitted through the trees, peeking at the band of Wolves moving in, giggling and playing with the pups among us.
When we reached the village, we were greeted by Delia, Little Demarco, and the twins, who came bounding up with big smiles on their faces.
“I knew you’d be back!” Ada shouted, wrapping herself around my right leg and clinging like a little monkey.
Ana wrapped herself similarly around my left leg. “She didn’t know it! I told her you’d be back and she didn’t believe me!”
“That’s not true!” replied Ada, baring her teeth at her sister.
“Is too!” retorted Ana.
I laughed at their antics, Elian chuckling beside me.
“They’re a handful,” he noted.
I grinned over at him. “It runs in the family.”
He nodded. “I’d say.”
I nudged him with my shoulder, feeling lighter than I could ever remember feeling as the other occupants of the village greeted us. There were all types of people here, all living in harmony, each helping each other in whatever way they could.
“What’s this?” I asked, as we came upon some newer dwellings, ones that were a little more modern.
Eli smiled. “I knew that once you saw this place you’d want to live here, so after that first visit, I took the liberty of having all these places built. That way they would be ready for us when we got here.”
“Which one is ours?”
Elian pointed to a structure at the end of the row, set back into the trees, with a small porch and little garden in the front. “I thought maybe that one.”
I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him, earning giggles from the twins. “Very thoughtful,” I said, and added in a whisper, “I’ll show you how grateful I am as soon as the others have left us be.”
Eli pulled me to him, running his hands down my back, a mischievous glint coming into his eyes. “That sounds nice, Miss Silvers.”
Later that evening, I made good on my promise, and while Eli was sleeping, I slipped out of bed to sit on the porch of our new home. The night was pleasant, just the right temperature. The others had fallen asleep hours ago. Eli had gone to the trouble of moving the rocking chair from the plantation out here, as he knew it had been one of my favorite places to sit back at the big house.
I listened to the sounds of this new land, the chirps of the night bugs and the gentle lap of the ocean not too far in the distance. Overhead, a new moon was peeking out between shifting clouds, the stars surrounding it in an endless sea.
I thought back to where I’d started, selling Wolfsbane at the fights in Borden, returning to the Mound every night with just enough to feed and support my family, trying so hard to keep our heads above water, and most days, just barely managing.
Now, I’d accumulated enough money for us to live well for a couple of generations, and with Eli’s help, I was certain we could grow our fortune beyond even that. I’d spent so many hours dreaming of this day, and now that it was here, it felt better than I’d ever imagined.
I had my family, my friends, and my lover. I didn’t need power or respect beyond that, and I didn’t even miss the Alpha status. I’d set out to prove something, and I’d done that. I’d believed that a female could reach the top, and shown that it could be done. Though the things I’d done in the name of that accomplishment would surely haunt me, I suspected that with time, even those would fade, and if I lived a peaceful and just life from here on out, perhaps the Gods would take mercy on my soul when my time came to leave this realm and move on to the next.
And maybe then I would see my baby brother, my precious Demarco. And my mom, who’d died before I’d had a chance to really know her. And my father, who had done his best, even though it had not been nearly good enough.
As I stared up at the budding moon, it seemed to me that it was not cursed, and nor was I, but rather, pleased with my efforts and growth. Indeed, she seemed to smile down at me, to promise better days ahead, to keep waxing and waning despite what came, same as I had done all these years.
For it was not power and dominance and ambition that were measures of success, but rather, the love one holds for those who matter most, and the ways we go about expressing that love.
No
, she was not a moon of curses, but a moon of blessings, and I was a humbled recipient of her gifts.
The End
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About the Author
H. D. Gordon is the author of several urban fantasy novels. She is the mother of two amazing daughters, and a lover of kick-ass females, beautiful things, and nerdy t-shirts.
She believes our actions have ripple effects, and in the sacred mission of bringing love and light to the world.
H. D. spends her time with family, eating desserts, and taking strolls by the sea.
She resides in southern New Jersey—which she insists is really quite lovely.
For more information visit:
www.hdgordonbooks.com
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Want more from H. D. Gordon? Read on for a sneak peek at Blood Warrior, the first book of The Alexa Montgomery Series.
Copyright 2011 © H. D. Gordon
Publisher: H. D. Gordon Books
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
