by Kira Harp
****
Lance Graymark climbed the endless stair behind his lady. How long had it been? Time passed oddly, here under the hill. Days were twilit, moving dreamlike. No one seemed to sleep except him, and he might be summoned at any time to play. He clutched his flute in cold fingers. At least he'd improved his music already. Days of endless practice, and a seat at the feet of some of the best bards in the land, had been good for that.
“Where are we going, my queen?” he asked finally. They'd been climbing for hours.
“You'll see, pet.”
Finally they reached the top of the stair. It was a dank landing, smelling oddly of dirt and mold, and dying vegetation. Mab gestured, and the wall ahead of them cleared. Outside there was a waiting darkness. “Step through, mortal.” Her voice was cold.
Lance had learned to fear that, both the tone and being called mortal. “Have I offended you, lady?”
“No.” She turned and smiled thinly at him, her expression fierce in the faint light. “Step through.”
He did so. He found himself on a low hilltop. Around him, scrubby grasslands merged into woods of poplar and pine. A wind brushed his face, smelling faintly of... of chemicals, of soot, of gasoline. Of things solid and mortal, soiled and damaged and real. “This is...”
“The mortal world. Yes. Hast not kept count, pet? It's been seven years.”
Lance dropped to his knees as if shot. The hard lumpy perfectly-imperfect earth hurt his knees. It was glorious. His breath whistled in his chest, as if trying to escape. “Joe!” He didn't think he'd said it aloud, but Mab laughed.
“He's not here, is he, pet? I told you, he felt not for you, what you did for him. Seven years gone in the mortal world, and him a young virile man all that time? He'll have had a dozen lovers by now. A score.”
Lance shook his head. “How long until...?”
“Until midnight? Ten minutes, pet. And not a sign of him. But never fear. You'll always have a place with me.” She ran a hand over his hair.
Lance shuddered with the mix of blinding desire and revulsion that she always gave him. She was Mab, perfect and beautiful and desirable. She was... He made an effort to drop the terms of the fairy court. She was sex on a stick, that's what. She was the hottest woman who'd ever touched him, and she could make him so blind with desire... so hot for her that he couldn't see anything else. But she couldn't make him love her.
But where was Joe? For all the days or centuries or whatever it had been that he'd spent underhill, he'd never let himself say Joe's name. But he'd never stopped thinking it, and hoping, and believing.
“Seven minutes,” Mab said. She examined the perfect ovals of her fingernails. “I think I'll have a collar made for you. Silver, perhaps, like that flute. Won't that be nice, pet?”
But Lance barely heard her. Somewhere down the hill was the sound of someone running. Maybe more than one someone. He'd have called out, but a gesture from Mab robbed him of breath. He swayed on his knees, waiting.
A voice called up the hill, “Lance? Are you here?”
Joe's voice was deeper and rougher than Lance remembered, but still oh so familiar. He battled to answer, but his lady's will still held him silent. The scrambling noise got louder, and then Joe burst out of the trees, with a dog at his heels. Lance drank in the sight of him. Bigger, more muscular, with his hair cropped even shorter but unmistakably Joe. He was dressed in jeans and a dark T-shirt that clung to a truly-sculpted body. He came fast up the hill and stopped in front of them, the dog dropping to a seat at his side, her tongue lolling out. Joe gasped for breath, but he glanced at his watch and managed to say, “Two minutes... to midnight..., Queen Mab. Here I am. Now keep... your side of the bargain. Where's Lance?”
Lance blinked and waved a hand, but Joe didn't even glance his way. Lance gritted his teeth. The games of the fae. He was fed up to his eyeballs with games.
“He might have chosen not to come,” Mab said in a cool, sweet voice. “Perhaps he finds life as my musician sweet and has forgotten you.”
Lance groaned silently. The fae do not lie, but they are masters, and mistresses, of the truth that sounds like a lie.
“Then he can... say so to my face,” Joe panted. He took a few slower, steadying breaths.
“Perhaps he does not wish to face you, after so long. Life underhill is beautiful in a way the mortal world can never match.” Mab took an ostentatious breath and wrinkled her perfect little nose. “The very air here is foul.”
“But mortal, same as we are. And he gets to choose. On your word, Mab. Where is he?”
She pouted prettily. “You could at least go to him. Come underhill. See the wonders of my realm. Meet with your friend there, and ask if he is not content. Shall we?” She gestured behind her.
Lance wanted to scream at Joe not to do it. Change a bargain with the fae, and it's ended. One step underhill by Joe, and Mab's promise to bring Lance out to him would be over.
Joe said, “Here and now, lady Queen. On your word.”
“Oh, all right. Tiresome mortal. There.” She waved a hand at Lance, and he saw the instant that he became visible to Joe. If he'd worried that maybe he was a fool, that there'd be nothing left for him in Joe's heart after seven years, he was answered then. Joe smiled like a blind man finally seeing the sun rise.
“Lance. Holy shit, it is you.”
Lance swallowed and tried to speak. And succeeded. “Hey, Joseph. Cut it a bit fine there.” He'd expected Joe to be camped out and waiting. “Trying to give me heart failure?”
“The car died. I should have brought back-up, a bike, something. I had nothing. I ran.”
“You're here now.”
“Yeah. And you. God, you haven't changed. Seven years, and not a speck of change.” Joe's gaze clung to Lance like he couldn't look away. “I've missed you so damned much.”
Mab drawled, “How touching. But there's the other part of our bargain. You were to stay faithful through all those years. Long, long years without touch, without the sweet-silk pleasures of the flesh. Did you manage that, mortal man?”
Joe glared at her. “Do you think that was hard? That was nothing. I'd had Lance for my own, however short it was. I didn't want anyone else, not really.” He turned that burning gaze on Lance again. “I did look, I'll admit that. There were times... It's been seven years. A lot of very helpful, nice, professional people spent months trying to convince me that I'd made all this up. I finally went along with them, before they committed my ass to a nut-house. And since then, well, there were times I thought I'd dreamed it all. The cops stopped looking. There was no trace of you, no ransom demand. Some of them still think I offed you and made up that crazy story to cover it. Except they never found your body.”
Lance nodded, his mind reeling. Seven years. He'd planned to keep perfect track, but somewhere in the twilit lands he'd gotten lost. It was still hard to believe the time had gone so fast. Maybe he was the one dreaming, and would wake again on silken sheets, with starlight in the window.
Mab said, “Kiss him then, mortal. Kiss your lover. If you're telling the truth, he'll go down the hill with you a free man. If you're lying, he'll die, here and now, dust under the moon. Have you been true?”
Joe took a step toward Lance and then frowned. “True means what I actually did, right? Not like never having a moment when some hot twink caught my eye and I thought it might be nice? True means who I touched for sex, or didn't touch?”
“Ah, but even a kiss can be a betrayal, if it was meant with affection and desire. Think well, mortal. You can kill him with your mouth, if you did him wrong ever in the last seven years.”
Joe took another step to where Lance knelt, and held down a hand to pull him to his feet. The meeting of their hands was like waking from a dream. Joe's palm was sweaty and warm and strong, with unfamiliar calluses. He lifted Lance easily, and steadied his elbow with the other hand when he swayed. Their eyes met. In the moonlight, Joe's eyes were still that muddy hazel he'd claimed to hate
, that Lance had remembered every conscious night for seven years.
“Kiss him if you dare,” Mab said silkily.
Joe grinned, wide and slow. “Not. A. Problem.” He leaned toward Lance.
Lance had a moment of fear. Seven years was a long time. He'd once been a horny young guy in the world of teens and students, of hormones and opportunity. Had Joe truly waited for him? But meeting Joe's open, anguished gaze banished hesitation. Lance closed the gap, bringing their mouths together.
They kissed hungrily. Lance felt like he'd been starving for this, for touch that held only affection, for need that was honest and clean and had no sharp hidden edges. He closed his eyes and opened his mouth and let Joe plunder at will. He leaned forward, and Joe's chest, familiar-unfamiliar in its broad strength, supported him. He wrapped his arms around Joe and kissed his cheek, his neck, his jaw, and breathed in the scent of sweat and deodorant and laundry softener. Joe's hair smelled like Lance's own favorite shampoo, a coconut one that Joe'd always claimed smelled like sunscreen. Lance murmured against Joe's neck, “Coconut?”
Joe chuckled, but there were shaky tears in the sound of it. “I'm wearing your aftershave too. And your old T-shirt.”
“Enough!” Mab's voice whipped at them, but they separated only enough to turn toward her. Joe's arm was around Lance, Lance's hand deep in Joe's back pocket.
“Time to choose, bard. You can still choose. Come back with me, and sleep on silk, eat only the finest foods, live in starlight and music. No stinky air, no aging, only the best for you always.” She stared at him, her eyes getting bigger and bigger, the green of mountain streams, of the inside of glacier ice, cold and yet somehow hot enough to melt steel, like her beautiful, unending, inhuman desire.
Lance felt his body respond, as it always did, but he shook his head to clear it. “Then I choose Joe.” In the end, it was the easiest thing he'd ever said.
“Take him, then.” Mab tossed her head. Her flame gold hair moved like watered silk in the moonlight. “Foolish boy. You've thrown away what men have sought throughout generations, what they've killed for, and died for. And all for what? Some clod of a human who'll doubtless betray you and grow old and ugly and be dead himself soon?”
Her scorn whipped at him like an icy lash, but he said, “For Joe. Nothing you can offer is better than this.” He leaned harder, and Joe's hip steadied his. On Lance's other side, the dog pressed her muzzle against his cold fingers.
Mab clapped her hands. Lightning flashed. The concussion buffeted them, and they clung together as air rushed deafeningly past their ears. Lance shut his eyes automatically, and held onto Joe, his face tucked into the curve of Joe's neck. Until he knew Mab was gone. And then it was quiet and warm and dark on the hilltop.
He realized Joe was saying softly, “Lance. It's all right. We're okay. It's over. I'm here.” A slow gentle litany of reassurances, as Lance went from rigid, to shaking, to a full sobbing, snotting, drooling mess against Joe's shoulder. Joe rubbed his hair, and held him. The dog licked his limp hand, until he managed to raise both arms and wrap them around Joe again. Then she licked his bare ankle. He choked, and shuddered, and laughed. “That tickles. Damned dog.”
Joe said, “Good girl, Cleo.”
“Cleo?”
“Named after a dog I knew, back in the dark days. That original Cleo was old, and she wasn't mine, but I think she saved my life. I really felt like she was the only one who believed me, that I wasn't faking it all. When I got a place of my own, I got this Cleo. She's a golden mix, a bit of all kinds of things. She's my second-best friend.”
Which meant there was a first. Lance's joy faded a bit. But after all, seven years was a long time. He should be glad Joe'd had people to help him through it. “Second to who?”
“You, dummy.” Joe hugged him until his ribs creaked. “Only you. Jesus, you should believe it. I had to prove it to Mab herself.”
“Friend and lover are different things.”
“You're both. Although...” Joe's grip loosened slightly. “I don't want to presume. I have an apartment, but I got a two-bedroom and a spare bed, just in case.”
“Screw that!” Lance kissed him again, fumbling and eager and needy as hell. “I want... God, I want.”
Joe kissed him back, but then gentled him down. “Yes. Absolutely. Whatever you want, whenever. But I'd rather walk back to the damned car, and call a tow, and get to a clean, soft bed first. Is that okay?”
“Sounds like heaven.”
“It's been a long time. We may have to go a bit slow, but I'm all yours.”
Lance sighed, feeling tension draining out of him. “Joe. It's so good just to say your name. It's all good.”
“What was it like, underhill?”
Lance only realized how hard he'd shuddered when Joe hugged him tight, saying, “Sorry. I'm sorry. You don't have to talk about it.”
“Not, it's okay. I will. But not here and not in the dark.”
Joe put a hand on his face. “Did they... hurt you?”
“Not... so much. Not really. We'll talk, I promise.”
“If you need to see someone else, someone professional, this Doctor Smythe that I saw was pretty good. Fully convinced that I was one fry short of a Happy Meal, of course, but she really tried to help. You could talk to her.”
“Maybe.” Lance wasn't sure he could think that far ahead. He wasn't sure he could think beyond getting down off the hill.
“Come on.” Joe turned him with an arm around his shoulders. “Let's start walking. I want you to meet Smythe anyway. You'll blow her socks off. You know you haven't changed a bit in seven years? Even your hair is the same length.”
“It is?” Lance leaned into Joe, even if it made walking difficult.
“Yeah. You'll have to decide what to do about getting your life back, too. Your folks are forty-eight hours from having you declared officially dead. That could be tricky. And they hate my guts. Although actually, that's mostly because your dad believes I murdered you and hid your body, so it might be fixable.”
“Not if he finds out you're my, um, boyfriend.” Lover was too underhill. He was human again. He'd be ordinary and even crude if he wanted. “That we were fucking.”
“That ship has sailed,” Joe said, with stunning casualness. “The police investigation was very thorough. And your DNA was in my ass. I knew there was a reason to use condoms.”
Lance laughed helplessly. “In case I was kidnapped by the fae, and you were DNA tested.”
“Well yeah, gotta be prepared.”
“Oh, God.” Lance stopped, there on the side of the hill, forcing Joe to stop too. Joe turned to him, an eyebrow raised, his face so dear and so human in the light of the moon. Lance kissed him again, gentle and soft and sweet. “I love you, Joseph. I've missed you so damned much.”
“Double for me.” Joe cupped his cheeks and kissed him too. Their left hips bumped this time, and Lance was aware of an odd metallic clank.
“What's that?”
“This?” Joe stepped back and fumbled at his hip, to reveal a sheathed sword. “I came prepared. I didn't know what she'd make me do to get you back. I've been taking fencing lessons, and I hired an ex-Navy SEAL to teach me hand to hand and survival and get me in shape.”
“Wow.” Lance felt a little ashamed of all the times he'd doubted whether Joe would care enough to come for him. “All that?”
“Yeah. And then all it took was a kiss. Kind of a waste, I guess.”
Lance gripped Joe's hard bicep, and then slid his hand over Joe's chest. “Not wasted, believe me.”
“There is that.” Joe settled the sword at his side again, and slung his arm around Lance. “Come on. Let's get out of here. I want to get you home and then it'll be my turn to fall apart and cry on your neck.”
“Sorry, I didn't mean to.”
“Nah, didn't you hear me say I'm gonna do that too, as soon as I get you somewhere safe? You can hang onto me then. And afterward I'm going to show you how good all the
fight training made my ass look.”
“Deal.”
“Absolutely.”
They walked down the side of the hill, stumbling a little in the long grass because they wouldn't let go of each other, even for a moment. The dog ran in big, joyful circles around them, making the dust rise through the weeds. An airplane passed by far overhead, and Lance paused, looking up at the flashing red and white lights. The whine of its engine was perfectly, annoyingly human. He watched it carve its way across the sky toward the city. Joe grinned at him and nudged him on. “Let's go, slowpoke. The damned car quit four miles from the trailhead.”
The moon shone down. Its silver light shimmered on one man's short-cropped hair, and gleamed through the long wavy curls of the other. The breeze blew across the clearing, stirring the meadow grass. If someone had looked down from the hilltop, they'd have seen the two men pause again at the foot of the hill to kiss, to touch each other's faces in renewed wonder. One last look might have stirred that jealousy immortals feel for mortals, to see the simple joy they found in each other. To see them turn at last, hands clasped, and head for home. But fate was kind, and the top of the hill was empty under the arch of stars.
####
If you enjoyed these stories, remember that you can find more, by various authors, on the
Goodreads YA LGBT Books Group.
LGBTQ Helplines and Resources
US resources:
The Trevor Project - LGBTQ youth nationwide, 24/7 crisis intervention lifeline, digital community and advocacy. The Trevor Lifeline: 866-488-7386
GLBT Near Me - a US-based search engine for LGBT organizations close to a zip code you enter
GLBT National Help Center - with hotlines and chat available
Brandon Shire's website – an extensive list of LGBT organizations
PFLAG - Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
Gender Spectrum - a resource site for trans/genderfluid kids and their families
Trans Youth Family Allies
Gay Straight Alliance network - for starting school GSAs and dealing with LGBTQ support issues especially in US schools
Stomp Out Bullying - a non-profit with info and resources about bullying of all kinds
It Gets Better Project (including Canadian help line)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Rape Incest Abuse National Network - 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
ACLU: Know Your Rights! A Quick Guide for LGBT High School Students
Gender Education and Advocacy
The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network
Queer Attitude online community
International:
Canada Youthline - The Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Youth Line peer support - 1-800-268-YOUTH
PFLAG Canada
OK2BMe - Ontario, Canada
Lifeline Australia - 24hr/7 day a week helpline for crisis support, suicide prevention & mental health support. - 13 11 14
Open Doors Australia
Rainbow Youth In New Zealand - For a listing of national resources, including mental health, safer sex and counselling support, visit Keeping Safe.
For youth who need help or crisis support - please contact Youthline on Phone (09) 376-6633 or Freephone 0800 37 66 33 or Text 027 4 YOUTHS
In the UK the main starting point for LGBT information would be Stonewall
UK - Queer Youth Network
Mermaids a UK organization in support of gender-variant kids and their families
Germany: Lambda Youth Network.
About the Author
I've been writing since I could put words together. Early stories were about dolls and horses and kids who surmounted the odds and came home with a kitten. Gradually I learned about punctuation and point-of-view and my characters grew up. But real life came along, with forays into psychology and teaching and then a biomedical career and children. Writing happened in my head, for my own amusement, but didn't make it to paper.
Then several years ago, my husband gave me a computer. And my two kids were getting older and developing their own interests. So I sat down and typed out a story. Or two. Or three. Now I have adult novels published, and the chance to share some of my YA stories.
I currently write constantly, read obsessively, and share my home with my younger teenager, my amazingly patient husband, and a crazy, omnivorous little white dog. I can be found at my author page on Goodreads, and look forward to sharing many more stories with YA readers in the future.
Also by Kira Harp
Intervention
The Benefit of Ductwork
