“Good morning, Mummy,” I said, in a bid to shut her up. It worked because she sank back into the chair and closed her eyes. Since I couldn’t continue sweeping I went to check on the food that was on fire. Everything was still in order, and then it clicked. Why was my mom in the house and not with my Dad. She never leaves my Dad unattended. Getting to the livingroom, the first thing that I noticed was my father’s glasses on the center table, my father always has his glasses on him. Last time I saw his glasses, it was on his bed beside his pillow. My mom noticed what I was looking at; we locked eyes and had those few moments when we read each other’s minds. My legs gave out and I sat down right where I was. I wanted to cry, at least it would give an outlet to the pain in my chest, but I just couldn’t. My father’s death shattered the entire family, everybody dealt with it the best way they could, Godwin didn’t cry but he didn’t talk much either.
Alfred assisted us a lot. He kept to his word. He was there for me every step of the way. He attended my father’s funeral. It wasn’t easy ignoring the glances from people when I showed up in our hometown pregnant. In my second trimester, the pregnancy was obvious. I overheard one of my aunts tell her daughter who was assisting me during the wake to stay away from me. I hid behind the hibiscus flower at the backyard and sobbed quietly. When I was spent I cleaned my eyes and went indoors. After the burial and clean up, we went back home. My father’s personal belongings were shared. The hard part was not coming back to the bills that were awaiting my mom, but coming home and realizing that life had to continue was the scary part. There were a lot of bills to be paid; our rent was expiring in a month’s time, my brother’s examination fee was yet to be paid. The management of the school bookshop had given us some money. If the money was used to pay house rent how would we survive till my mother can secure a job. Things were getting tighter and tighter. Three weeks after my father’s burial, Dr Alfred came to visit. He brought groceries and gave my mother some money. My mother was overjoyed. She thanked him over and over again and it resulted in tears. “Let's go for a stroll”, Alfred said when my mother had excused herself and gone inside leaving Alfred and me alone in the living room. “I can’t leave my mother all by herself”, I said. “I know you want to be around her all the time but you have to let her grief in her own way. She still has to go through it, in her own way and in her own time”. He continued, “Your mother is stronger than you think. She will be alright”.
“You never told me, you are also a shrink”, I said and Alfred smiled.
“Alright, let me tell her I am going out”. I went to my mother’s room and found her asleep wearing my father’s shirt. I didn’t know if I should be happy to see her sleep so soundly, something she has not done since my Dad died, or whether I should be worried that she was wearing his shirt. We strolled down the road quietly, until he spoke, “how is everything?”.
With a cheerful smile that might have come across as fake,” everything is o- o- okay”, I stammered. “You have been squeezing your face. You don’t look alright “.
“Sorry, I tend to squeeze my face when I’m deep in thought or worried”.
“Let me guess, you also stammer when you are lying or nervous”, Alfred said and I nodded.
“Share what is bothering you with me, I could help”.
He held my hand and we walked to an abandoned car by the side of the road and leaned on it.
“Can I ask you something”, Alfred bobbed his head and I continued.
“Why are you so nice to us? Do you always act this way with all your patients?”.
“To be honest with you, I don’t act this way with all my patients but all I can tell you right now is that my intentions are good. I mean no harm”. Something inside of me told me I could trust him, so I told him what was bothering me. Once I opened my mouth, the words just kept pouring out, “this pregnancy is beginning to show and I have not heard a word from Valentine. Our house rent has expired and very soon the landlord will throw us out; my mother has lots of bills coming in and nothing has been bought for the baby and ...” the tears just rushed out and the sobs shook her. Alfred just instinctively wrapped his arms around me.
“You must think I’m a loose girl that sleeps around but, that was our first time. I guess I got carried away and I just wanted to give him something to remember me by. I love him so much and I could have sworn he loved me too. It was just a one-time thing, I never bargained for this” Valerie gestured to her stomach.
“Why not pay Patrick another visit”, Alfred suggested.
When we got there, I was surprised to see that Patrick was home. I waited at the gate and he came out to meet me. He was surprised to see that I was pregnant and he didn’t hide it,” Valerie, how are you? I can see you have been enjoying yourself”. I went straight to the point even though the comment he made was quite upsetting and suggestive.
“Has Valentine sent any parcel for me?”, I asked.
“The thing is, I have not really been around. I have not received any parcel but there is a possibility that it may have been returned because the condition I gave Valentine was that it should be delivered to me in person; that my parents don’t get involved. But there is also the possibility that he has forgotten to send it“. I left Patrick’s house that day heartbroken.
When we got home that day, it was late. He parked by the side of the road that leads into my street. We sat in silence for a while and the tears came flowing down my cheeks I couldn’t hold it back; I was sad that Valentine had left me alone to bear the shame of what we created together. Alfred held me while I sobbed out my heart. Alfred did his best to comfort me. “I know this is probably not the best time and place to talk about this but I have to” Alfred said. He released me from his arms and took my hands in his.
“I’m in love with you”, he paused to let the words sink in.
“From the first moment I saw you sitting by that building and crying your heart out I was drawn to you”, Alfred said. “Like I said this might not be a good time but I will marry you and be the father of your baby if you will have me”, he said. I opened my mouth but words would not come out,
“You don’t have to make any decision right now, just think about it, whatever your decision is I will always be there for you, should you need me”
That evening I spoke to my mother about everything that happened including Dr Alfred’s sudden proposal. She advised me to think about it and make a decision keeping in mind the present as well as the future effects the decision would have. “Let’s talk some more about this tomorrow”, she gave me a hug and I spent the night in her bed; something that hadn’t happened in a long time. During the period I thought about Alfred’s proposal, he stayed away. He sent money through my mother. He paid our house rent for the next year. My mom laid out all options for me but the decision making was left for me. I knew Alfred would still be there for me even if I said no to his proposal, but my child needed a father. Valentine was nowhere to be found. He hadn’t made any attempt to contact me. I made the ultimate decision of marrying Alfred. He took good care of me. My mother and brother moved in with us. When my baby was born, Alfred was a devoted father. Till I delivered my baby, Alfred never made sexual advances towards me. When I brought up the topic, he told me, he would wait as long as it would take for me to be ready and come to him because I wanted to. Five months after my baby was born, I went to Alfred. He was really nice and tender; he made me his woman, his wife. I knew that I was not feeling the deep and fiery emotion for him but I cared about him deeply and I trusted him to always be there for me and my family.
When Valerie looked at me I could see the tears in her eyes. I gave her some time to comport herself. I couldn’t believe my ears. Holding her by the shoulders I whispered, “I had no idea you went through so much. I’m sorry about your father’s death. I knew both of you were very close”. The words just made the tears spill and she couldn’t hold it in; seeing her cry and knowing that when she needed me I wasn’t there, tugged at my heart. I pu
lled her into my arms without even putting much thought into my action. After her sobs subsided I continued, “I really wish I was there to comfort you and share in your... “
Something got into her line of vision and this made Valerie get up. Valentine watched her race to her car. He couldn’t comprehend her sudden departure; was it something he said or did. He didn’t get the chance to even tell her his side of what really happened.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Lying beside his wife who was sleeping so soundly, Valentine couldn’t get any sleep. Nothing brought sleep to his eyes; not even the glass of warm milk he just finished drinking. When he woke up, he had no idea of what to expect from Valerie. What was clear now was that Valerie loved him and didn’t run off to marry another man the moment he left the country. I am a father, he thought to himself. Seeing her again revived emotions he thought were dead and buried. It was clear today that he still loved her. It was sad to know that he never stopped. I didn’t get a chance to get her contacts, he thought .What the hell made her leave so suddenly, he wondered as he slowly drifted off to sleep with thoughts of Valerie on his mind. He weighed the last time he saw her and now, Valerie had become sexier and more beautiful. Miles away Valerie lay in bed spooned against her husband. He looked so handsome, she thought to herself. Valerie, what the hell are you doing thinking about his body; “Sweet, you’re awake?” Alfred’s voice jolted her back to reality, “Sweet, what is keeping you awake?". Pulling her closer to himself, Alfred kissed the back of her neck, finding his way down. Valerie knew where this was headed; she couldn’t respond to him; not when she was having unholy thoughts about another. “Sweetie, stop being naughty, let’s sleep, tomorrow is another day”.
For two months, Valentine and Valerie went about their business. Taken at face value they looked perfect, but inside both were dying. They both woke every day, unconsciously praying that they would run into each other. She drove into the premises in a white Peugeot; the driveway from the gate to the main building is magnificent. It’s always a beauty and very calming, the driveway is lined on the sides by beautiful pine trees, and beautiful flowers, the house itself is a wonder; a white-colored three-storey building; three living rooms, six bedrooms, one master bedroom. The mansion is tended to by four maids, two gatemen that work on shifts, a gardener that tends to the flowers that give the mansion its beauty. Alfred was born into a rich family, what most people would call old money; wealth has been running in their family for generations. Alfred was born into a family of statesmen and stateswomen. His grandfather was a senator, his father was the Commissioner of Works and Transport and is currently a member of the House of Representative. Alfred took a different path. He followed his dreams and became a medical doctor. He spent most of his years abroad and only came back after he had completed his education. He worked for a few years at the teaching hospital, and that was when he met Valerie.
Every Saturday afternoon, Alfred spends time with his son, Zeal. They both share a passion for basketball. A few weeks ago it would have been a joy to watch them but today, I am very anxious. Alfred and Zeal my sixteen-year-old son are like 2 peas in a pod. Alfred after sixteen years of marriage looks as handsome as the first day I met him in his early 40’s. He is beauty personified. Whenever we appear in public, I can’t help but notice the number of single and married women that steal glances at him. He is dark and lean, 6ft 4” with a well-toned muscular body. It’s a common conception that doctors are usually very busy and rarely have time for themselves but Alfred is different. There is a well-equipped gym on the last floor of the building and that is where Alfred spends an hour every morning and three hours on Saturdays if he has no engagements at the hospital. Zeal, on the other hand, is a spitting image of Valentine. He is light-skinned and even at sixteen, he is already six feet tall; his muscles are getting more defined, and he has those eye-catching dimples, just like his father. It is always a beauty to watch them play but today I can’t seem to concentrate on anything. I walked up to the court and they stopped for a few seconds to wave. The whole atmosphere is filled with the scent of the pine trees. Deciding to walk back to the house at the entrance I had a second thought and leaned bit on the pillars and enjoyed the breeze. “Welcome, Ma”, Courage greets me and offers a seat; she is the youngest employee we have at the mansion. My thoughts drift to Alfred, and my heart goes out to him. He has been a wonderful father, and even though a blind man can’t see, a blind man can feel how much Zeal adores Alfred. “Welcome Mummy, you stayed out for too long”, Zeal’s voice startled me. I didn’t even hear them approach. “Daddy, won again!” Zeal exclaimed,
“If you came earlier, you would have given me moral support”, Zeal says between gasps. Alfred gives me a hug and a peck on my forehead, “Welcome home Dear”. They both sat on the pavement beside me. “Appetizers have been served at the private lounge”, Courage states. She leads us to the lounge; after we were seated, she served us each a plate of fruit salad. Zeal took is plate and excused himself, “Food is ready and will be served, once you are ready”, Courage mentioned before leaving Alfred and me alone. We enjoyed our plate of fruit salad in silence, “My love, are you alright?” Alfred asked breaking the silence. I swallowed the watermelon and answered,” I am alright, I’m just tired. Why do you ask?”
With his eyes fixed on me, he answered, “you look worried; you didn’t even see us walk up to you a few minutes ago”, he paused and added, “you were startled when Zeal spoke. I hope all is well”. I assured him I was ok but he still had doubts. I could read it from his body language. That night, my mind stayed on one thought, I just couldn’t say for sure what was on Valentine’s mind concerning his son, Zeal. What would become of my peaceful family if Valentine wants to be a part of his son’s life, I thought. Valentine had once again deprived me of sleep; the soft sheets I was sleeping on did not give me any comfort. Valerie couldn’t shake off the feeling that she had unknowingly opened Pandora’s Box by telling Valentine that he has a son. I kept tossing and turning until I drifted off to sleep.That night, I had a nightmare; two monsters were chasing me. One of the monsters stepped into the light and it was Alfred.
One month after the meeting at the Open Pavilion, Valerie went back to the same spot; she willed herself to stay back but she just saw herself driving like one in a trance. When she realized days after that Valentine was about to say something before she hurried off, curiosity came eating at her and she couldn’t stop herself from coming back to where they met, hoping to see him again. She had to run off that day because her mother-in-law was coming towards where she was seated with Valentine. Alfred’s mother had made it clear from the first day she set her eyes on her that she was an opportunist. At the time, Alfred introduced her to his parents, her pregnancy was already showing. Her mother-in-law had become friendlier with the passage of time but her opinion of her being a loose girl hasn’t changed and seeing her with a strange man would only give her something to hold and stand on. After sitting there for about an hour and watching people pass by, she decided to head home. She strolled to where she parked her car in front of Unical Microfinance Bank, retrieved the car keys from her handbag but couldn’t bring herself to leave. She leaned on the car bonnet for a while and observed the people that were rushing in and out of the bank because it’s thirty minutes to closing time. She turned and gazed at the Student Bursary. The beautiful flowers caught her eye. She felt a hand on her shoulder, turned and the eyes that were staring down at her were Valentine’s.
There are times you can’t or don’t know how to explain your feelings; that was exactly how Valerie felt. She felt happy that she has found him; anxiety over what Valentine wants to tell her and fear because he could still make her feel so much emotion; even after everything he had put her through. After we exchanged pleasantries, we proceeded to my Mercedes Benz SLS AMG. It was Alfred’s gift to me on my thirty-second birthday. We kept the doors open and settled in. I could feel my heart pounding so hard I could almost hear it. In a bid to keep my hands bus
y, I brought out my phone from my bag and started going through my messages I was really anxious. I could feel his eyes on me but I refused to meet it; afraid that he might see the love and desire that was brewing in my heart. That was what I couldn’t fathom, why was I still feeling so much love and desire for a man that went back on every promise he made to me. He gently extricated the phone from my hands and placed it on the dashboard. Taking my hands in his, he spoke softly; “I have come here every day for the past one month hoping to see you again. I need to talk to you”, he let go of my hands and took my face in his hands. He spoke in a whisper.
“I can’t tell you how many nights your face haunted my dreams, Valerie. I can’t tell you how many times I tried getting this face off my mind”. My face was few inches away from his. Love and desire were clearly evident in his eyes and it took my breath away. “How have you been?” he asked.
“Have you thought about me at all, all these years because though I hated you then you were always on my mind, always”.
My throat suddenly turned dry and I couldn’t say a word. All I could do was chew on my lower lip. Valentine continued, “I know you are married and so am I but you can’t deny the fact that we still love each other. At least, I know that I never stopped and my heart tells me that you still love me”, he paused and caressed my face.
“Please, say something”. I don’t know how he read my silence because he raised my hands to his lips and kissed my knuckles one after the other. It was like an electric shock and I felt it down to my toes and it spread throughout my body robbing me of all my resistance. His lips dropped tender and sweet kisses on his way up to my neck. He lingered there and then I felt a quick bite that tore a moan from my throat. I heard him giggle and suck the spot he bit. My heart, body and head were at war. My heart says, this is what you came for My body says touch him, kiss him, you know you want to while my head says, go home to your husband, tell him Valentine is back, tell him he should support you. His lips were now on my cheek and a few inches away from my mouth when my head won my battle, I used the strength left in me to push him away. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. I was trying so hard to comport myself while I adjusted my clothes.
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