Lane's head jerks to the side. He remains upright, but only for a moment. Long enough for my brain to replay the entire sequence of events leading up to this moment, then spit it all back out tagged as an epic failure. Lane falls lifelessly to the ground.
I'm too stunned to scream. Daniel immediately moves toward me, grabbing my hand, and yelling for Meredith and Kelli to follow.
I hear the second man yell, "Come back to this motel, and we'll send you to visit your friend!"
But I know we won't come back. That's not our way. We run to survive. And we'll keep running. Away from the motel. Away from everything...including Lane's body, and all the possessions we've acquired up to this point.
* * *
Daniel
I can't.
How? When?
Why?
I can't stop wondering how they managed to sneak up on us. We were completely blindsided; caught off guard...too late to worry about it now. Definitely too late for Lane. But how?
How?
When?
It had been so calm. The motel was prefect, and secluded. And perfect. So perfect...like no one else existed in the world except for our small group. Each day was a day closer to feeling normal again. We had a routine. We had family meals, and late-night card games.
How?
The night before they ambushed us was no different than any other. We stayed up, well into the night, playing poker and talking trash. We woke up early despite the late night prior, because that's what we did...we always woke up early...always afraid to sleep too late because each day could be our last.
We believed it would all keep getting better if we could just keep surviving.
When?
The sunrise had been so rich in color that morning; it could have been a tie-dyed shirt, with it's bands of yellow, red, orange, and blue. Meredith and I were just putting another pot of coffee on when we heard Kelli scream. We raced outside to find a gun pressed against Lane's head and the proverbial sands of time rushing to the bottom of the hour-glass.
Why?
I wish I could have done something to prevent the unexpected attack. I wish I would have been smarter, more alert. Of course we weren't safe at the motel. Nowhere is safe. Not since May, when nature stopped following the rules. How could I have been so blind? So stupid? I had one job...keep the group safe.
I failed miserably.
My thoughts are interrupted by a muffled sob. I turn to look at Kelli; her eyes are red from crying, and her shoulders tremble beneath the weight of her grief. Chloe and Meredith look as disillusioned as I feel. The road seems like it could go on forever...just an endless stretch of blacktop broken only by death and horror.
"Hold up a minute."
The girls stop and look back at me.
"What?" Meredith asks.
"We need to find a place to stop for the night. Maybe a couple of days," I add, glancing at Kelli.
Meredith looks at me for a moment, then nods. "You're right. We'll stop at the next place we come to."
I wipe a layer of sweat from my forehead. "Okay," I say, "let's keep moving, then."
Chloe just shrugs and walks ahead, saying nothing.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chloe
After fleeing the motel, we head west, higher into the mountains. We're grieving. Scared. I don't think Kelli has stopped crying since the motel disappeared from view.
She loved Lane.
I know she's only 15, and three months ago I would have said a 15 year-old didn't know the first thing about love...but three months ago Revs didn't exist, either. We don't have to go very far before we find an abandoned barn. It looks dry, and empty of anything but large stacks of hay...most importantly, it looks like refuge.
And we desperately need refuge.
"Will this do for the night?" I ask Daniel.
He nods and motions for us to enter the barn, then he shuts the large wooden door behind us.
I fall back against the nearest hay bale. Daniel and Meredith do the same. Kelli walks to the far left corner of the barn and lays down, her back to us. I close my eyes.
"Are we going to talk about what happened?" Meredith asks.
"What's there to talk about? We were careless," Daniel says.
I open my eyes and look at Meredith. Her green eyes are ablaze with an emotion I recognize all too well...fear. Maybe a hint of anger, too.
She levels a steely gaze on my brother. "You're exactly right, Daniel. We were careless." She glances at Kelli. "We were so focused on avoiding the dead that we forgot about the living," she adds softly.
He must sense something in her response because he sits up and leans forward. "And I guess you think it's my fault Lane's dead, right?" he spits out.
Meredith shrugs. "Not saying it was your fault. Just saying we can't afford many more slip-ups."
She stands and walks to the opposite corner of the barn from Kelli, and lays down.
"She has a point, you know?" I say.
He rolls his eyes. "Great. You too?"
I wrap my arms around my knees, trying to hug myself, because there's no one else around to do it for me. His anger makes me angry. "Get over yourself, will you?” I say. “We're not blaming you, we're just saying we have to be more careful from now on. All of us. We can't afford to lose anyone else."
"You think I don't know that?"
I don't answer him. There's no use talking to him when he's in a mood like this. Whatever he's feeling will just have to burn itself out before we can continue this conversation.
After a few minutes, he sighs, and says, "I'm sorry, Chloe. It's just...I keep thinking about how it could have been me...or you. Back there. At the motel." He chokes back a sob. "And I just feel so freaking guilty, because instead of grieving for Lane, I'm sitting here thinking I'm glad it was him instead of us," he adds quietly.
I lower my voice so Meredith and Kelli won't hear. "You think I don't feel guilty, too? I had a gun, and I did nothing to help him. Nothing!"
Daniel shakes his head. "Don't. If you would've pulled on them, Lane would still be dead...but you probably would be, too. Maybe all of us."
I wipe a tear away. "I should have tried."
He puts his head in his hands, completely broken. "I can't lose you, Chloe. Just promise me you won't be stupid. If something like that ever happens again, don't try to be a hero just to clear your conscience."
I crawl over and wrap my arm around his shoulders. "I promise. And you too, okay?" I give him a quick kiss on the temple, like I used to do when we were little. I could never stand to see my older brother hurting. "I know you cared about Lane. We all did."
He lifts his head and looks me in the eye. "I know you're right, but..."
"But what?"
"What's the use in surviving if it turns us into monsters? If we become worse than the Revs?"
"I don't believe that, Daniel," I say, squeezing his shoulder. "People are the same as they've always been. Some are good, others bad. The world may have changed, but people didn't."
"Not yet, anyway."
I sigh, and look at Meredith, then Kelli. They both seem to be asleep, but it's difficult to tell if they really are, or if they're just pretending. I turn back to Daniel. He looks haunted. I squeeze his shoulder again. "Let's get some sleep. There'll be plenty of time for grieving tomorrow."
I lay awake for several hours, thinking of all the things we should have done differently, or ways we could have protected ourselves. Then my thoughts turn to my faith...or what's left of my faith. I really believed things were turning around for us; I believed that maybe we would be spared the same ending as everyone else. I prayed for it...many times...but what do I have to show for any of it?
I curl into myself and close my eyes. There'll be plenty of time for rumination tomorrow.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Daniel
"What? No absurdly prying question today?"
I'm staring at the row of hay directly across from me. I'm zoning
out. I don't bother looking at Meredith when I say, "I think I may let you off the hook today."
She sits down beside me. "What's the plan? We haven't eaten since yesterday."
"So?"
A pause. Then, "So, we need to go out and look for food. We're bound to run into a store or house sooner or later."
I don't blink. I just keep staring at the row of hay in front of me. The boring yellows and browns are hypnotic; the bales, all perfectly stacked, smelling like dirt and manure. I could sit like this forever. Never moving, never thinking, never fighting, never losing anything again in this godforsaken world.
"...and, maybe we could find an actual shelter. Instead of staying in this barn," Meredith continues. "We can walk until we come across something."
"Now, there's a plan," I say sarcastically.
Her eyes narrow. "I guess you'd rather sit here and stare at straw till we all starve to death?"
I nod. "It may have crossed my mind."
She kicks my shoe, angry. "Snap out of it, will you? Like it or not, people are depending on you!"
"So?" I ask again.
She crosses her arms. "So you don't have the luxury of sitting on your butt, staring at hay till another one of us joins the dead!"
I stand, getting as close to her as I can without stepping on her boots. "Luxury?" I spit out. "You think sitting here is a luxury for me? You think I don't know everyone's looking to me for answers I don't have?!"
"Then what are you doing about it?" she asks through clenched teeth.
I throw my hands up, and turn around. Without looking at her, I say, "I'm trying to make sense of what happened at the motel. Trying to ignore the nagging feeling that sooner or later I'm gonna be leaving you or Chloe behind, dead.” I turn around. “Or y'all will be leaving me."
Her eyes soften. "Either way, you lose, right?"
I can't trust myself to speak another word. Can't trust anything; not my mouth, my head...or my heart. I'm so close to losing everything.
Meredith takes my hand in hers. "Hey?"
"Yeah?"
"We're all in this together, yeah? For better or worse...like some old married couple."
She's trying to lift my spirits. It doesn't work. "How long have we been married?" I ask, humoring her.
She smiles. "Long enough to make good on that promise."
"How close are we to making good on the till-death-do-us-part part of the promise?"
Her smile falters, and she bites her lip. Her green eyes glisten with tears. "Closer than we were in May," she whispers.
Chapter Forty
Chloe
We were only going to sleep in the barn for one night, but that one night turned into three because we were too depressed and hungry to leave. So, we stayed put. We made ourselves comfortable.
Not for the first time, we convinced ourselves we were safe...that we had all the time in the world to nurse our broken spirits and wounded hearts.
I lift my head from the bale of hay I've been napping on. I feel nauseated. Meredith went out yesterday, and...luckily...happened upon a cornfield. We devoured the boiled corn last night like we hadn't eaten in weeks. Now my stomach hurts, but it's better than starving, so I try to ignore the twisting pain in my gut.
It's nearly impossible.
Kelli rises from her own bale of hay. "I'm going to pee," she says, walking to the barn door.
"You need someone to go with you?" I ask.
She shakes her head no and exits the barn, letting the door close softly behind her.
"I'm worried about her," I say after she disappears from view. "She hasn't been the same since Lane died."
Daniel glances at the door, but says nothing.
Meredith sighs. "I think it's fair to say none of us have."
"I still can't believe he's gone," I say, rubbing my hand over my face. "It so unreal. All of it."
A minute later, Kelli opens the barn door. Her head hangs low. If I could see her eyes, I'm sure they would be red-rimmed from weeping...from mourning a love she barely had the chance to enjoy. I try to remember the way her smile looked the day Lane expressed his affection for her. That bright, toothy grin. The way it lit up her face. I can nearly bring the memory into focus, but just before it becomes clear, it vanishes.
Kelli turns to shut the barn door behind her. Suddenly, a rotten hand reaches in and grabs her hair, pulling her backward. I can see her eyes clearly now...they widen in surprise and terror. My heart catches in my throat.
I scramble down from the hay. "Daniel, help her!" I scream.
Daniel rushes to the door and tries to pull Kelli back inside the barn, but no matter how hard he pulls, he can't free her from the Rev’s deadly grasp.
"Don't let me go!" she cries, clawing at the air in front of her. Her fingernail carves a jagged line down Daniel’s left cheek. He cries out in pain.
"Daniel, please...pull harder!" I scream.
"I'm trying, Chloe!"
"Chloe, please help me! Don't let me die! Chloe!"
Kelli's frantic plea reaches out and rips my broken heart from my chest. I could live a thousand years and never forget the sound of her screams, those words, or the way it felt when the last of my faith fizzled out like an old bulb.
Daniel leans back, pulling Kelli's arms as hard as he can. I grab his shirt to prevent him from spilling out of the barn with her. Several more Revs appear, clawing and snapping their fleshy jaws. I watch them rip into Kelli's smooth skin. Blood sprays outward, splattering my face and hair. I think I scream...maybe Daniel does, too...but not my sweet Kelli. Her screams fade...as death claims her, she seems almost peaceful.
"Oh," she says. "So that's why..." Then her eyes lose focus, and her arms go slack in Daniel's bloody hands. She doesn't finish her sentence.
The Revs aren't satisfied with one victim. They want us, too.
The three of us lean against the door, pushing against it with all our might, trying to keep the Revs from getting in. That doesn't work, either.
So we turn and run toward the back door of the barn, praying it opens once we reach it.
* * *
Daniel
We ran for what seemed like hours. The Revs followed us for a while, but then we lost them...or they lost interest...and the next thing I knew, we were alone. Running from our own fear, but never outpacing it.
I can’t get the sound of Kelli's screams out of my head.
I couldn't protect Lane.
I couldn't protect her, either.
One day, it's going to be Chloe or Meredith dying right before my eyes. Then what will I do? I hope I die first. I doubt I could keep living if I saw either of them ripped apart like Kelli. I look at them now. Chloe is wringing her wet hair out in the small lake we found a few minutes ago. Meredith stands beside her, lifting her face toward the sun.
She's beautiful.
I don't understand her. At all. I keep thinking I'll figure her story out...if I just have a little more time, or ask the right questions...but all I've managed to piece together is she's a really good liar who may or may not still be married. Her mystery has consumed me for weeks; it's all I think about. But each time I get closer to the truth, it's camouflaged by another well-timed lie, and I'm no closer to solving her riddle than I was a month ago. But watching her now, knee-deep in the water while the sun’s fingers play with the red in her hair, I wonder if some mysteries should be left alone.
Maybe they belong with the lives we lost in May.
She catches me staring at her. "Why don't you join us, Daniel?"
"Nah, I'm good."
"No you're not...you stink," Chloe says.
"Better or worse than a Rev?"
She pretends to think for a moment. "Hard to say. Maybe better than an old Rev, but definitely worse than a fresh one."
"Ouch. That bad?" I ask, wincing.
She and Meredith nod solemnly.
I walk to the water's edge, stopping long enough to remove my socks and shoes before wading into the lake.
I duck my head under the surface and use my hands to loosen Kelli's dried blood from my hair. Once I feel like it's all washed out, I approach the girls. The three of us stand there for a minute, talking, then Chloe says, "I'm gonna swim a bit," and dives under the water.
"Don't go far!" I yell, as she swims away from us.
"Have you always felt so responsible for her?" Meredith asks.
"Yeah, I guess so."
"Why?" she asks, genuinely curious.
I shrug. "I don't know. She got lost one time for about three hours....we were camping with our parents, and she just ran off." I grow quiet, remembering that day. The memory, though distant, still brings a sick feeling with it; the kind where your stomach goes sour and your knees get weak. I was so afraid I'd never see her again.
"How old were you?" Meredith asks quietly, prompting me to continue.
"I was seven, she was four. I remember our mom screaming her name over and over. She was hysterical. Dad was crying...and he never cries about anything....and we were all just running around, searching everywhere. I thought she was gone forever."
Meredith inches closer to me. "Where did you find her?"
I laugh. "Asleep...of all things...next to a large oak tree, maybe half a mile from the campsite. Apparently, she got disoriented in the woods and couldn't find her way back....she was scared...so she said she just sat down and took a nap to pass the time." I run a hand over my face, trying to wipe away the memory. "Anyway, I swore to myself right then that I'd never let anything happen to her."
Meredith places a hand on my arm. "Daniel, you know that's not a realistic promise, right?"
"I know, but I can't stand the thought of a world without Chloe. She's my best friend. Always has been."
"Is it just the two of you?"
"No. We had an older brother."
"Had?"
A lump forms in my throat. I nod and say a name I haven't said in years. "Our brother, Ian. He died when I was five. Cancer. Chloe was too young to remember him, but I do."
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