Close to You

by Kristen Proby

  With that, he kisses me once more then stomps out, slamming the front door behind him.

  “Aunt Cami.” Steven’s voice is gentle, and to be honest, he sounds disappointed, and that just breaks my heart in two.

  “Steven—”

  “No, just take a breath and listen to me. This is a good thing, Cami. I need to get my feet under me.”

  “You’re a kid. No one your age has their feet under them.”

  “I will not be a freeloader for the rest of my life,” he says, and begins to pace the kitchen. “I’m living with a girl that I don’t even particularly like because I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

  “You can come here.”

  “And mooch off you? No. It’s time for me to be on my own.”

  “Once you finish school and get a good job—”

  “I’m flunking out,” he says quietly. “I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d be disappointed in me, but school isn’t going well, Cami. Shit, I don’t even know what I want to do, and the classes I’m taking are a waste of time. My whole life feels like a waste of time right now.”

  “You are not a waste of time.”

  “I love you too,” he says, and makes my eyes fill. “I know that I owe you a lot.”

  “You don’t owe me anything. Family helps family because we love each other.”

  “I know. But it’s time for me to help myself too.”

  I take a long, deep breath and try to clear my head. All I can think is, he’s going to leave and I’ll hardly ever see him from now on, and that just breaks my heart.

  “The Navy is a good place to start, Cami. I’ll make decent money, have a place to live, see a bit of the world, and when I figure out what I want to be when I grow up”—a smile tickles his lips, making him look so much younger—“I’ll have school paid for. I don’t want to bus tables forever, I know that.”

  I chew my lip and stare at the boy whose diapers I used to change. I taught him how to drive. I took him to see movies his mom wouldn’t let him see. He’s been one of my closest friends his whole life, and now he wants to leave me and make a life of his own.

  If this is what it feels like to be a parent, I might just pass on the whole fucking deal because it’s nothing but heartache.

  “When did you get smart and stuff?” I sniff loudly.

  “I’m a smart guy,” he says with a shrug. “And why are you all . . .” He waves his hands around like he can’t find the words.

  “Wonderful? Gorgeous? Your favorite person in the world?”

  “Spazzy.”

  “Spazzy?”

  “Yeah. I expected this from Mom, but I thought you’d be cooler about it.”

  “That’s why you looked so nervous to tell me?”

  “Okay, I thought you’d be calmer than you were. You don’t usually act like that.”

  He’s right. What the hell has been wrong with me lately?

  I shrug, and Steven starts talking about where he’ll be completing basic training, and how a friend of his is enlisting with him, and I nod, but his voice fades as I start thinking.

  What is wrong with me? First, the wine upset my stomach in Seattle, making for two days of the icks. In fact, Landon’s pancakes were the first thing to sit well on my stomach all week.

  I’m exhausted too. Even though I just got out of bed an hour ago, I could already use a nap. Some of that might be emotional exhaustion, but it’s very unusual for me.

  “Aunt Cami?”

  “What?” I shake my head, pulling myself out of my thoughts.

  “I asked you a question.”

  “Sorry, can you ask again?”

  He frowns. “You’re seriously weird today.”

  “I guess I might be about to get a visit from Mother Nature,” I reply with a shrug, and that makes him raise his hands in surrender and back toward the front door.

  “And, I’m out. Girl talk like that is disgusting.”

  I laugh and shake my head as he leaves. That’s most likely the solution. I do sometimes get sleepy around that time of the month, and Lord knows I can be bitchy.

  That’s got to be it.

  I take our plates to the sink and rinse them, then stop cold.

  Wait.

  “Oh God, no.” I run out of the kitchen and up the stairs to the bedroom and fish around in the vanity drawer for my pills.

  I finished the pack almost two weeks ago. But I never got my period. Which means I didn’t refill them and start taking the new ones because I didn’t get my period, which reminds me to get the motherfucking pills.

  “I can’t be pregnant,” I say to Scoot, who has just wandered into the room behind me to see what in the world I’m doing. “I would have had to get pregnant while I was still taking the pills, and that’s not possible.”

  I bite my thumbnail and pace my bedroom.

  “Is it?”

  Oh God.

  “Okay, Cami, calm down. You’re not a teenager for God sake. You’re a grown woman in a loving relationship.”

  Don’t tell Landon!

  I shake my head. No way. What if it pisses him off? Scares him?

  Wait.

  He’s also an adult.

  “Go talk to Landon,” I tell myself, and swiftly change my clothes, paying no attention in the least to whether or not what I’m wearing matches. I’m wearing a bra and pants, for fuck sake, that’s all that matters.

  This is a good plan. Landon will know what to do. Or maybe I should just call one of the girls because if it’s a false alarm, there’s no reason to freak Landon out.

  But if the tables were turned and he went to a friend before he came to me, I’d be pissed.

  So I should just go. Right now.

  I slide my feet into flip-flops, not giving two shits that it’s mid-March in Portland, grab my purse and keys, and drive the short distance to Landon’s house.

  I march up to the door and knock before I chicken out and run back home.

  After what feels like hours, Landon opens the door.

  “I think I fucked up.”

  His face softens and he shakes his head while opening the door wider so I can come inside. “No, babe. It’s okay. We’re going to fight now and then, and I know that you love Steven.”

  “What?” I look around, like he’s talking to someone else, then realize that we’ve already had a doozy of a fight this morning. “Oh, that! No. I mean, yes, I shouldn’t have said what I did to you, but that’s not why I’m here.”

  “Are you wearing flip-flops?”

  “Will you please focus?” I demand, and pace into his living room.

  “What’s going on?”

  “I’m late.”

  “For what?” He frowns. “And if you’re late, why are you here?”

  “We are having a serious communication issue today,” I mutter, and scrub my fingers over my forehead. “I’m late.”

  His jaw drops for a moment, but he recovers quickly, swallows, and says, “Okay, we need to go to the pharmacy.”

  “For what?”

  He smiles gently, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation.

  “We need to get a test, baby. I don’t have any rabbits handy and I’m not psychic.”

  “Oh! Right.” I nod. “Why are you so calm?”

  He smiles and takes my hand, kissing my knuckles, and leads me out to his car. “Because there’s no need to be anything but calm.”

  Except, there could be. And then what?

  “WE’VE BEEN STANDING in this aisle for ten minutes,” I say as Landon reads the back of a purple box. He’s read every single brand there is. “They’re all pretty much the same, Landon.”

  “How many have you taken in the past?” he asks, not looking up from the box.

  “None.”

  “Right, so you’re an expert.”

  I roll my eyes. “I’m a woman.”

  “I’ve noticed.”

  Okay, now he’s just being difficult.


  Finally, he drops one of each brand into the basket and guides me to the check out.

  “You’re getting all of them?”

  “Yes.”

  I keep my mouth shut as we make our way to the register.

  “That’s a lot of pregnancy tests,” the older woman says with a laugh as she begins ringing them up and tossing them in bags. “You know, they’re all basically the same.”

  “That’s what I said!”

  Landon just smiles and shakes his head at the lady. “We’re fine.”

  “It’s your money,” she says with a shrug. “That’ll be ninety-six sixteen.”

  Almost a hundred dollars for pregnancy tests!

  That’s ridiculous. I roll my eyes again, but Landon pays without a word. When we’re in the car, he turns to me and drags his knuckles down my cheek, immediately calming me. “Would you feel more comfortable at my place or yours?”

  “My car is at your house.”

  “That wasn’t my question.”

  I chew my lip for a moment. “I’d rather go to mine. That’s where we’ve spent most of our time together.”

  He smiles gently. “Your place it is, sweetheart.”

  He’s quiet on the ride to my place, but he keeps my hand tightly in his, our fingers linked. His composure has calmed me and I’m finally able to take a deep breath.

  “That’s better,” he murmurs, and kisses my hand. “Just breathe.”

  I nod and hold my breath for the length of a block before he laughs.

  “You’re not breathing.”

  “Oops.”

  He finally pulls into my driveway, grabs the two bags of tests, and once we’re inside, I take them from him. “You can stay down here.”

  “I’m coming up.”

  “Okay, but you can’t come in the bathroom with me.”

  He cocks a brow. “Why not.”

  “I’m not going to pee in front of you!”

  He simply chuckles and gestures for me to lead the way upstairs.

  When we get to the bathroom, I turn around and hug him hard around the middle. “Before I go in, I just want you to know that I love you.”

  “Cami,” he says, and kisses my head. “You’re coming out alive, I promise.”

  “I know I’m being dramatic.” I sigh and pull back. “But this is kind of freaking me out.”

  “I see that.” He smiles reassuringly and kisses my forehead. “We got this, babe.”

  I nod, not reassured in the least. “Right. We totally got this.”

  I walk into the bathroom, close and lock the door, and turn to the mirror. I step out of my flip-flops and frown when I realize that my feet aren’t just wet, they’re muddy.

  Because it’s March in Portland, Einstein.

  “You don’t have to lock it!” Landon calls out. “I’m not going to burst in on you while you pee!”

  “Go far enough away so you can’t hear me pee either!”

  I hear him mutter something about women, but I can’t make anything else out when I turn the faucet on, just in case.

  Peeing when you know someone is waiting for you is harder than it sounds.

  I take a deep breath and lean on the counter, looking at myself in the mirror.

  “This could be a mess,” I whisper, “and I’m not just talking about the pee mess. I’m talking about everything, but you are a big girl. It’s going to be okay.”

  Do I actually want to be pregnant? I really don’t have to ponder that question. I don’t. Well, I do, eventually, but not yet. Things with Landon are still relatively new, and I want to be selfish and just let it be the two of us for a while before we think about bringing little people into the mix. I want to plan a wedding, if he asks, and I want to maybe take a trip or two with him. Maybe he can show me Italy or Ireland or even Florida.

  I’ve never been to Florida.

  But when I think of the possibility of having kids, Landon is the only one that I want to have them with. He’s the only man that I want to be the father of my children, and if it turns out that I am pregnant, well, I guess we’ll deal with it.

  It can be as easy or as difficult as we make it.

  I stare at myself for an extra few seconds, and then shrug in resignation because I am so not convincing myself here.

  I dump the contents of both bags onto the counter and stare at all of them in disbelief. How in the world am I supposed to pick one? One tells you if you’re pregnant five days before the others. Or at least, that’s what it claims. That should be good, right?

  But another one actually has the words pregnant and not pregnant, instead of the blue lines, so an idiot can figure it out.

  And I sure feel like an idiot right now, so I choose that one, open the box and pull the stick out, uncap it, and wrinkle my nose.

  “What’s taking so long?” Landon calls.

  “You bought four hundred tests!” I shake my head and then I can’t help it. I bust up laughing at the hilarity of it all.

  “Why are you laughing?”

  “Because this is ridiculous!”

  “Did you pee?”

  “No, and I won’t if you keep yelling at me through the door.” I shake my head. What in the hell ever happened to privacy?

  Although, if this puppy is positive, I’m going to do a lot more in front of Landon than just pee. That’ll be the least of my worries.

  And why am I being such a damn sissy?

  Because that’s the only part of this that I have any control over, at this stage in the game anyway.

  So, with a quick prayer, I unzip my jeans.

  Chapter 16

  ~Landon~

  I know for a fact that it doesn’t take this much time to pee on a stick. Granted, I’ve personally never peed on a stick, but it can’t be that hard.

  I hate this door separating us. I should be in there with her.

  I shove my hands through my hair and force myself to take a deep breath. I held it together for Cami. I can’t lose my cool now.

  Because at the heart of it, the thought of having a baby with Cami doesn’t scare me in the least. It would have in the past; if any of the women I dated before had mentioned that she might be carrying my child, I would not have been okay with the idea.

  What concerns me is her.

  We’ve never talked about this stuff. We just haven’t gotten there yet. I thought we’d have plenty of time to discuss what our goals were regarding family and kids and marriage. Because I do plan to marry her.

  Not marrying her isn’t an option.

  I just don’t know what’s happening in her head, and that’s the part that makes me nervous. Maybe she doesn’t want a baby at all. I just assume that she does, but what if kids aren’t in her vision for her life? Or maybe this isn’t the right time. She’s just started her business, and it takes up a large chunk of her time.

  What I do know is that she’s scared, and that leaves a hole the size of Oregon in the pit of my stomach. I can’t bear to see the fear on her beautiful face.

  Fucking door.

  I finally lean my forehead on the bathroom door and close my eyes, willing her to come out.

  “Cami, did you fall in?”

  I can hear rustling, but there’s no answer. She’s so damn stubborn.

  “I can hear you moving around in there. Just tell me that you’re okay.”

  Or I’ll bust this fucking door in.

  Just when I’m about to reach for the handle, the door opens, sending me off balance, and Cami startles.

  “Have you been standing there this whole time with your ear pressed to the door like Mrs. Kravitz?”

  “Who’s Mrs. Kravitz?” She’s still pale. Her eyes are round and a little glassy.

  “You know, the crazy neighbor on Bewitched.”

  I grin and shake my head. “No, I wasn’t listening the whole time. But you do realize that I’ve seen people pee before.”

  “Not me,” she mutters, and looks to the floor. “It says it takes three minutes to proces
s.”

  “Which one?”

  “All of them,” she says with a laugh. I take her hand and pull her into her bedroom, then into my arms, and simply rock us gently back and forth.

  “Cami,” I whisper, and kiss the top of her head, breathing in the fruity scent of her shampoo. My hands glide up and down her back, soothing us both. “You don’t need to worry. Everything will be fine. We will be fine.”

  “How do you know?” she whispers.

  “Because I do. Regardless of the results of that test, we are going to be just fine.”

  She takes a deep breath, then tips her head back and looks up into my eyes. Her gaze travels over my face as her hands cling to my back.

  “I think it’s been three minutes.”

  “Where is the test?”

  “On the bathroom sink.”

  I kiss her forehead. “Do you want me to get it?”

  “We should look together.”

  “Okay.”

  “But wait.” She stops us when I move to walk to the bathroom. “I just want to say thank you. For today. Thank you for being the kind of man that I can go to when I’m scared, and for not making me feel like I had to keep it from you because I was scared that you might be mad.”

  “We’re a team, Cami. I will never be mad at you for the way you feel. And if you’d hid this from me, well, you wouldn’t be the woman that I’ve come to love so much it takes my breath away.”

  Her eyes fill, and she bites her lip. “Love you.”

  “I love you too.” I hug her tightly once more, then take her hand and we walk into the bathroom together, then stare in awe when we see the word pregnant staring back at us from the white stick on the vanity.

  “Well, I guess it’s positive,” she finally says, then glances up at me and blinks. I’m grinning down at her, suddenly relieved and so fucking happy. I didn’t realize until this moment that this was the result that I’d been hoping for.

  “You’re sure you’re not mad?” she asks.

  “Do I look mad?”

  She studies me for a minute, and then smiles softly. “No, you have a goofy smile all over your face.”

  “How could I be upset about this, Cam? The woman I love more than anything is going to have my baby. We made something amazing.” Suddenly I lift her in my arms and spin us in a circle, making her laugh, and kiss her hard on the mouth. “We’re having a baby!”