Begin Again: A Stay Novella

by Jennifer Probst

  The thoughts spun in her head and sickened her stomach. Suddenly, she needed to get away and think. Process everything he’d thrown at her in the past hour. She jumped up from the booth and stumbled back a few steps. “I-I need a minute. I have to go.”

  A muscle clenched in his jaw. “Oh, hell, no. Not like this. Not believing what you’re telling yourself right now.” He threw down his napkin and stood up.

  She shook her head, ready to scream. “Leave me alone.” Vision blurred, she veered toward the back of the pub, down a shadowed hallway leading to the restrooms. The demons inside whispered, taunting, reaching deep into her insecurities and throwing them at her with a mad glee.

  A firm grip on her arm stalled her escape. He turned her around and her back bumped up against the wall. Chloe tilted her head up to meet his gaze head on. “Everything you’re thinking is wrong. It was my fault for the way I handled things. Never yours.”

  A shiver slid down her spine. He was mad. She rarely saw this side of him, his good-natured personality rarely allowing him to experience such volatile emotions, but the man a few inches in front of her was not the boy she remembered.

  Pale blue eyes glinted with a fiery intent as he laid his fingers over her shoulders, holding her in place. The scent of him assaulted her full-force, a clean combination of lemon and soap, his breath scented with a sting of heated whiskey and coffee. There was no hesitation or searching for permission as his gaze raked over her with a simmering hunger that thrilled her to the core. She fought the feeling, hanging on to the mix of anger, frustration, and self-shame his words had evoked from within. “You don’t know what I’m thinking,” she challenged, practically sneering the words. “And my thoughts are no longer your business.”

  “Yes, I do. You’re spouting a bunch of crap in your head about who you are. Wondering if you should have played the role of helpless female, asking for advice you don’t need just so you could stroke my damn ego. But that’s not what my leaving was about, and I will not allow you to go there.”

  Her chest eased from his statement, but she was too worked up to pull back from the edge and find control. Her fingers curled into fists and she pushed at his chest, squirming with pent-up raw emotion. He didn’t budge, just moved closer, invading her space and her mind and her body, taking her back to the sizzling connection they always shared, the intensity of their lovemaking an image never far from her mind. “Oh, so you know it all now?” She shot him a furious glare. “You think you have the right to interpret our past the way you see it, and suddenly everything’s okay? Well, screw you, Owen. You never gave me a chance! You broke my heart and left me believing I wasn’t good enough, so you don’t get to tell me anything!”

  Pain ravaged his features. His grip softened, his forehead lowered to hers in a humbling embrace that tore her into tiny pieces. A sob broke from her lips. “I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you,” he whispered. “That’s something I’ll have to live with.”

  Her fisted hands opened and slid around his broad shoulders. Her breasts pressed against the hard rock of his chest, causing her nipples to tighten. “I can’t do this again. I think I hate you.”

  She waited for him to retreat, but he pressed a kiss against her temple, ruthlessly gentle while she burned from the inside for more. “I can work with hate. I can dedicate the rest of my life to gaining your forgiveness and trust. I can show you in a thousand different ways how I’ll not only treasure you, but push you to be the most magnificent woman you can. Because I’m not afraid of loving you anymore, Chloe.”

  She gasped, the words tormenting, punishing, and giving her a mad, wild hope he didn’t deserve. “Don’t you dare.”

  He cupped her chin, his lips an inch from hers. “I dare. I’ve dreamed of coming back and doing anything possible to make you love me again. I’m never going anywhere again and I’ll prove it. I swear, I’ll prove it, babe.”

  He gave her a few beats to protest.

  Chloe got ready to shove him away and run without a glance back.

  Instead, she surged forward and pressed her mouth against his.

  Shocking heat exploded between them as his lips moved, explored, claimed, with a confidence and power she’d never experienced. This was no shy boy asking permission or the sweet intent of first love morphing into passion. No, this was a determined assault of her senses as his big body pressed against hers, his hands holding her head still while his teeth nipped at her bottom lip with delicious seduction, tempting her to open. She moaned, digging her nails into his shoulders, and his tongue surged forward, possessing her completely.

  He kissed with purpose, on the raw edge of control, his tongue tasting, tangling with hers, then plunging deep, not allowing her to hide anymore.

  Chloe didn’t want to.

  She surrendered to the moment and gave in, battling him with her own demands, tilting her hips so his erection notched between her thighs, sliding her fingers up into his hair to tug, pull, and hold him close as he plundered her mouth. The past faded into blurry edges of memory, replaced by a new sexual need screaming for release, and she fell into the kiss with everything she had left, everything she’d always kept only for him.

  Slowly, he pulled away, sliding his lips against hers over and over in tiny nips and kisses as if he couldn’t stand to leave her. He whispered her name, caressed her hair with slightly trembling fingers, then stared into her eyes.

  The truth exploded between them in all its bitter, biting glory.

  It was still there.

  Worse, it was stronger than before, as if the years between them had allowed the hunger to grow to monstrous proportions. Heart slamming against her ribs, she gazed back at him, too stunned to do anything but utter the first words in her head.

  “This is too much.”

  Heartbreaking tenderness filled his eyes. His thumb traced her slightly swollen lips, still damp from the kiss. “I know.”

  She blinked and shook her head hard. “It can’t work like this. You can’t ride in on your white horse, tell me all this stuff, and expect me to drop Drew and just give us another chance. You can’t kiss me and believe everything will go back to the way it was. You may have thought of me every night, but I did the opposite. I tried to get you out of my heart and my mind and believed I’d succeeded until you came back. I have a life I built on my own. I’m not about to blow it up because you decided it was a good time for you to return.”

  He muttered a curse under his breath, but his hands were gentle as they caressed her face. “I needed to tell my truth so you had all the information. So that you realize I’d earmarked my heart for you and never stopped believing we’d get a second chance. How do you feel about Drew?”

  She froze. God, she wanted to lie—to hurt like she’d been hurt—but there’d been enough lies between them to last a lifetime. “I don’t know. My father adores him.”

  His laugh held no humor. “Not surprised. Gaining Jonathan’s trust back, along with yours, is going to be a challenge.” His gaze narrowed with intensity. She fell into the pale, clear blue of his eyes and lost herself there. “But I asked about you. Do you love him?”

  “Not yet.”

  “Good. Then it’s not too late.” A ghost of a smile fell upon his full lips, hugged by the sexy goatee. She ached to touch his mouth again, trace the line of beard that was both silky and coarse against her skin. “I can try and win you back.”

  Fear and vulnerability and something else—something true and pure and familiar—rose inside her, twisting in a tangle. “Owen—”

  “No, not yet. We talked a lot tonight, and I hit you with too much to process right now. Let me take you home. I’m not going to batter you with my presence or try to push. I’ll give you plenty of space and time—I know trust isn’t rebuilt with good intentions. It’s action. All I ask is you don’t force yourself to feel things for Drew because you’re afraid of what will happen with us.” His mouth firmed into a thin line. “Don’t hide from me by running to him, Chloe.
Promise me that.”

  She hesitated, her emotions splintered around her. “I don’t think you get to demand anything from me right now.”

  His laugh surprised her, along with his respectful gaze. “You’re right. I can only ask for time. For a chance, on your terms.”

  She hugged herself, suddenly unsure, and he stepped immediately back. “I’ll think about it.”

  He nodded, taking what he could. “Thank you. Come on, I’ll get you home.”

  They walked back to the table. He paid the bill and drove her back, allowing her the silence in the car to be alone with her thoughts. When he pulled up to her apartment, she waited to see if he’d try to kiss her again or make a passionate plea.

  “Good night, Chloe. See you tomorrow.”

  She raced out of the car and inside her house like demons were chasing her.

  And they were.

  The ones of the past.

  Now she just needed to decide what to do about it.

  Chapter Six

  The next two weeks passed in a blur of work.

  Owen had scored a temporary restraining order to block the Spagarellis from getting any further animals. Most of her days were spent helping him build a solid civil case against the couple by collecting evidence, filing paperwork, and an array of other activities. He kept his word and didn’t push, keeping his focus on the job, but slowly, she began to fall again in a whole new way for Owen Salt.

  She liked watching him in his element. He dealt with people in a direct, kind manner, able to sift through massive amounts of dialogue or material to find the gold nuggets needed to truly understand. He’d always loved animals, but that had grown into a steady determination to do the best he could for the ones who had no voice. His knowledge of the various rescue shelters showed her he knew his stuff. He hadn’t just come from California and figured he’d learn New York culture by immersion.

  No, he’d done research. He mentioned the big-time players but also knew the core volunteers and treated them exactly the same. He gained everyone’s respect by being the first one in the morning and one of the last to leave at night. This wasn’t a drop-in case to him. He cared, and that made all the difference.

  But it was him as a man that truly haunted her.

  She watched him now, his hand unconsciously funneling through his thick hair, suit slightly rumpled, tie a bit askew. He spoke on the phone, his deep voice vibrating with authority. When he caught her staring, he shot her a lopsided grin, acknowledging her presence in a familiar way that had always charmed her. He’d always managed to make her feel seen, even when he was involved in another task.

  Owen treated her like a priority. She’d dated many men who sprinkled attention like gifts, as if she’d been blessed to command their full focus. But Chloe had never been comfortable with playing games like hard-to-get. She craved a deep connection within relationships, and though she was able to excel in the role of happy socialite, flitting from crowd to crowd with ease, there wasn’t true fulfillment.

  Unfortunately, it was another thing she worried about with Drew.

  During their phone conversations, he seemed more focused on shallow subjects rather than her inner passions. Then again, maybe it was too short of a time to judge him. They were still figuring each other out. She planned to attend his financial dinner tomorrow night, so hopefully they’d either grow closer or she’d have to make a hard decision.

  Because she couldn’t stop thinking about Owen and the kiss.

  The office line rang, and she grabbed it, relieved for the distraction. “Advocates for Animals.”

  “Chloe? It’s Viv. I need a favor.”

  She frowned. “You sound terrible, are you sick?”

  A round of coughing echoed over the phone. “Hell, yes. I got the crud so I’m bed bound. Is Owen there?”

  “Yeah. Can I come over and help? Bring you soup? Who’s helping?”

  “No, don’t worry, I got my sister being my bitch right now.” Chloe heard a faint curse in the background, then a weak laugh. “Let’s just say I’m gaining some revenge while she picks up my used tissues. Listen, I need you to take my place at the Sidewalk Angels party tonight. Bring Owen.”

  She shook her head, thoughts battering together. She’d been looking forward to an evening to catch up on some rest with a pizza delivery box and some serious Netflix bingeing. Now she’d be squeezing into heels, a bra, and dealing with her confusing feelings for her ex. “I can handle it, Viv. Probably no reason to bother Owen—he’s only involved with legal, right?”

  “That’s exactly why I need his presence. Can you put him on speaker?”

  Chloe glanced over and found him watching her, head cocked from overhearing his name mentioned. He’d hung up from his phone call. “Need me?”

  She swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, Viv needs you to come with me to a function for Sidewalk Angels tonight. Here, she wants to talk to you.” Chloe hit the button.

  “Owen! I need you to save my life tonight. I’m stuck in bed, looking like death, and I need you to go with Chloe to this function. I know you’re just a loaner from the Animal Defense Fund, but you’d be doing me a favor. I heard there’s going to be some big sponsors and donors who want to help us fight more legal cases. Having you by Chloe’s side to answer questions, charm them, and show we really care about prosecuting the bastards—not just saving the animals—is important.”

  “Sure, Vivian, I can attend tonight. Is it formal dress?”

  “Cocktail appropriate, so a suit and tie is all you need. Thanks for saving my ass. You, too, Chloe.”

  “No problem,” Chloe said. “Send me the invite with the deets.”

  “Done. Air hugs—talk later.”

  Viv hung up.

  Chloe swiveled her head around. Owen stared back with a gleam of pleasure in his eyes, even as his lips twitched. “Guess I get another date.”

  She blew out a breath and tried not to smile back. This upcoming weekend was turning out to be more work than she’d intended—and with two different men. “It’s a business function,” she corrected. “No kissing.”

  Oh, God. She shouldn’t have said it. Her skin turned warm, and she watched his gaze narrow with interest, satisfaction carving out the lines of his face. “Glad to know you can’t get it out of your mind, either,” he murmured.

  “I can’t! I mean, I can. Stop trying to distract me. We have a ton to do before we have to leave.”

  “You mentioned the kissing. Who’s distracting who?”

  She shot him a glare. “Forget it.”

  “I can’t. That’s my problem also. Wait till I raise the stakes to other things besides kissing. We’re doomed.”

  Frustration mingled with laughter at his mischievous wink, but he strolled away before she could say anything. He’d always loved teasing her and knew exactly how to reduce the tension when a moment got too dark or negative. There was an inner light inside him she’d always been aware of.

  She just hadn’t known how much she’d missed it until now.

  The day flew by, and soon she was transforming herself for the evening. She decided on a classic black dress that hugged her body and had criss-cross halter straps over the shoulders. Shooting a longing glance at her fluffy slippers, she surrendered and chose her treasured and only pair of sparkly Louboutins. If she was going to suffer, it might as well be worth it.

  She was on time when Owen buzzed in, despising any sort of lateness—another gift from her father. Grabbing a light wrap, she made her way downstairs to the lobby.

  Owen was chatting with the doorman. Her gaze quickly roved over his sleek black suit, admiring the way the fabric emphasized the broadness of his shoulders, but when he turned, all she could do was stop and stare.

  Those pale blue eyes filled with a fierce hunger and male appreciation that made shivers explode all over her body. Taking in every detail of her outfit, he straightened and prowled over, closing the distance, then leaned in to whisper in her ear.

  “You
stun me.”

  The words hit her full force. She’d received endless compliments from male admirers. Dates. The press. Her friends. Chloe had grown into her confidence, and knew her looks were striking with her dark hair and blue eyes. Being in the public eye made her work a bit harder to always seem flawless, though it was a complete façade. But the way Owen spoke was different. It was as if he not only acknowledged the physical, but also the core of who she was. She fought to reach out and touch him, slide her fingers into his and surrender. Instead, she blinked back the ridiculous sting of tears from his compliment and smiled.

  “Thank you. You’re looking quite dapper yourself.”

  He laughed. “For now. By mid-evening, I’ll probably have spilled something on myself.”

  She laughed with him. He’d always been a bit clumsy, but to her, it was part of his charm. Secretly, she was glad he hadn’t outgrown it and turned into a polished, perfect suit like so many liked to portray. She preferred flaws in all their glory.

  So far, she hadn’t discovered any of Drew’s. But maybe it was too early.

  Chloe pushed the thought out of her mind and followed Owen to the car.

  “Want to give me a rundown on anyone I need to dazzle?” he asked, easing into the crowded city streets.

  “Marisol and Rob Thomas will be there, of course. They own Sidewalk Angels and donate to a variety of shelters—we received a hefty contribution last year, but hoping there will be a few investors who don’t know how we work. We need to grab their ear.”

  “Got it. His music rocks. Any politicians?”

  She rolled her eyes. “No, thank goodness.”

  He laughed. “Come on, your dad is one of the good guys.”

  “Yes, but many of them aren’t. I never realized how power is more attractive than money to some people. The more they get, the more they crave, and suddenly it’s all about what they can get out of an exchange. I give my dad credit that he fights for what he believes in, but I wouldn’t want to be part of that world. Alyssa is perfect for him.”