by Lori Wilde
“I know what you’re going through because I’ve been there. I experienced the same thing when the lightning bolt that is Brady Cutwright struck me.”
“What? I thought you knew right away Brady was the one for you.”
“My heart did. It was my contrary mind that resisted. I’m sure it’s because of our childhood. Growing up without parents or family. Having no one to lean on but each other. We trusted ourselves, Shane, but we were the only ones we trusted. We didn’t let other people in. We closed ourselves off to love.”
She was right.
“When Brady told me he loved me, I had to do a lot of soul-searching. And I discovered that it wasn’t so much loving him and losing him that I feared but getting him and failing him because I had no pattern for what love was supposed to look like. Or worse, that I was incapable of loving him the way he deserved to be loved. Do you think that could be true for you?”
Nailed it. To the cross.
“Look, even if what you’re saying is true. Things between me and Meg . . .” He paused. “I’m an Air Force pilot stationed in San Antonio. She runs a ranch her family has owned for five generations outside Austin. I can’t ask her to give up her home and her job for me.”
“Maybe not, but your commission is up in six months. And I thought you always wanted to run your own charter airplane company. You know, lots of ranches in central Texas have their own airfields. Plenty of ranchers need pilots.”
“Yeah,” he said, but this was her day. Not his. They shouldn’t be talking about his problems. “So how are you doing right now? Do you want to me to start the Jeep so you can make a clean getaway? ’Cause I’ll do it. Just say the word.”
Her laugh was a little shaky and she put a hand to her stomach. “If I ran now, I would never stop running. Brady is the second-best thing that ever happened to me. I won’t let a little fear cause me to throw that away.”
“What was the first-best thing that happened to you?” he asked.
She smiled at him like he was as dense as a black hole. “You.”
“Me?”
“If I hadn’t met you, I doubt I would have the capacity to love at all. But I loved you, and that’s what gave me hope that I could love Brady, too.”
“Ah, Ell; ah, honey, don’t cry. You’ll ruin your pretty makeup.” He grabbed a fistful of tissues from the box, thrust them at her.
“They’re happy tears, Shane. Tears of joy that I have so much love to give and I’m not afraid to give it.” Delicately, she dabbed at her eyes, laughing through the tears.
“Before I forget,” he said, “I meant to ask, what’s your something blue?”
Impishly, she grinned at him. “Why silly, you walking me down the aisle in your Air Force dress blues. That coupled with your blue mood should make for plenty of color.”
* * *
The little one-room chapel in the pasture was packed, with more guests than seats. A long white carpet ran from the door, down the aisle to the altar.
Brady stood waiting for his bride, his forehead glistening with a sheen of sweat. Meg was beside him, along with his two former college roommates from UT serving as groomsmen. Discreetly as she could, she passed him a tissue. He swiped at his face, his breath coming in shallow gasps.
“Don’t you dare faint,” she whispered from the corner of her mouth.
Brady attempted a smile, fumbled it. “I think I’m gonna throw up.”
“You’re not going to throw up. And don’t lock your knees.”
“You’re the best best woman ever,” he said.
“Except for the one you’re waiting for.”
They stared at the back of the chapel, watching as Ellie’s two bridesmaids started down the aisle an evenly spaced distance apart. Travis Whitely played a soulful rendition of Pachelbel’s “Canon in D” on his acoustic guitar.
Once the bridesmaids reached the altar, the organist took over, playing “The Bridal Chorus.”
And Ellie appeared on Shane’s arm. Because she had no parents, Shane was going to walk her down the aisle as her man of honor. He wore his Air Force dress blues and looked so devastatingly handsome Meg forgot to breathe.
Every eye in the place was trained on the two of them. Ellie was stunningly beautiful, an angel in white cowboy boots and a cowgirl hat with a veil.
“I love that woman with all my heart and soul,” Brady said.
Tears welled up in Meg. For the tender beauty of the moment. For the love in the room. And for herself. Because the man she wanted was walking straight toward her and she couldn’t have him because he was too damn scared to let himself love her.
Ellie’s smile met Brady’s and their gazes connected and Meg could tell they were so into each other nothing else existed. She’d shared that look once with Shane for four incredible minutes.
They’d been the most life-changing four minutes she’d ever known and she would always remember them.
Then Ellie caught Meg’s gaze, held it, and gave her a secret smile that said, we’re sisters now. Sisters of the heart.
Shane and Ellie reached the altar. Shane transferred Ellie to Brady’s arm and took his place on her left side, her man of honor.
The minister cleared her throat. “Brady and Ellie wrote their own vows. Although Brady confessed his best woman, Megan, helped with the big words.”
A ripple of laughter went through the congregation, soft and cheerful. Nice day. Unusual wedding. Everything was working out fine.
“Take it away, Brady,” the minister invited.
Brady took his bride’s hands in his, peered deeply into her eyes, and began. “Some people say it’s impossible to fall in love at first sight.”
Meg hazarded a glance at Shane. He was looking right at her. She gulped. Bravely held his gaze.
“Some say those first-meeting stirrings are nothing but lust, chemistry, hormones.”
Shane bit his bottom lip, but his eyes never strayed. They were locked on each other again the way they’d been that afternoon in the cellar. Was it really just four days ago? It seemed a century.
“Some say there’s no way you can know if those first stirrings of love will last.”
The church sat rapt. No murmurs, no rustling of clothes or programs. Not a sound.
“I say those people are just chickenshit,” Brady said, and the entire congregation guffawed. Trust a cowboy to speak the rawboned truth from the heart. “Scared of the unknown. Scared of losing control. Scared of letting themselves fall fully and completely in love.”
People leaned forward in their seats, hanging on Brady’s every word. Meg and Shane stood deadlocked. Not blinking. Not looking away. In the moment. Right there. Listening. Looking. As if the message in Brady’s heartfelt words was meant just for them.
“When I first looked into your beautiful face, my angel Ellie, I knew I’d been made for you and you made for me. I had no doubt. Some fear, yes. But I knew the fear was holding me back from the best life had to offer.”
People in the pews were crying. Meg felt tears well up in her own eyes. But Shane stood stoic. An airman, a pilot. Holding on tight to his emotions.
“Wow,” said the minister. “I think that’s the first time anyone has ever said chickenshit in their wedding vows.”
More laughter from the congregation.
Ellie said her vows, echoing much of what Brady had already said in a sweeter, gentler way.
When she finished, the minister turned to Meg, pantomiming for her to pass over the ring. She handed it to Brady. Shane gave Ellie Brady’s ring.
“If there is anyone here who can show just cause for why this man and this woman should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace.”
Shane and Meg simultaneously cleared their throats. She smiled, happy that they’d been thinking along the same lines.
Brady and Ellie jumped, looked startled.
“Just kidding,” she and Shane said in unison, as if they’d practiced it.
Brady reached for Ellie’
s hand, drew her closer to him. Put his ring on her finger, gazed at his wife. “I loved you at first sight and I promise to love you into I draw my last breath.”
Ellie beamed an angelic smile, slipped the ring on his finger. “You are my soul mate. The other half of me. I vow to stay with you until death do us part.”
Meg was getting choked up. Don’t cry, don’t cry. You’ll embarrass best women the world over.
Brady and Ellie stood in the bright light of their love in that special delicate moment, and the entire congregation breathed as one. A splendid, beautiful capsule in time.
“Do you, Brady Eugene Cutwright, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
“I do!”
“And do you, Eleanor Jayne Carson, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband.”
“I do!”
“Now you may kiss the bride.”
Chapter Ten
In the hubbub of wedding pictures, receiving lines, and cocktail hour, Shane didn’t get an opportunity to speak to Meg. He had so much to say to her that he didn’t know where to begin.
But then he had an idea. An idea that meant he had to avoid her until he was ready to talk. So when she came looking for him, he dodged her and hoped she’d forgive him later when he explained everything.
At the reception, when the wedding party sat for their meal, he and Meg flanked their best friends, the bride and groom. Shane was so nervous he didn’t know if he’d be able to eat. He hadn’t been this nervous since his first solo flight.
Once everyone was seated and the wedding planner gave the cue, Shane stepped up to the microphone to deliver his speech. He glanced over at Ellie’s shining face, saw she was holding hands with Brady. Then he slid his gaze over to Meg and his throat clogged.
Shane couldn’t catch his breath. Meg was so damn beautiful it about broke his heart. Was this how Ellie felt about Brady?
Ellie touched his hand. “Take your time. Breathe.”
Easier said than done. He smiled at her, forced himself to exhale, then breathe deep.
What he was about to do was a huge risk. The biggest risk of his life. Uncalculated. Based on nothing but gut instinct. Anyway, no amount of analysis, experience or preparation could save him if he failed.
Clearing his throat, he unfolded the piece of paper with his notes and began to read in the glow of the twinkle lights and lanterns. “I started working on this speech the day my best friend asked me to be her maid of honor.”
This drew laughter from the audience.
“Except she was kind enough to change the name to man of honor. But I haven’t acted as a man of honor.” Shane looked down the table at Meg again.
She was looking at him, sitting quiet and self-contained. Listening.
It was a start.
“You see, even though I told Ellie I was on board with this marriage, that I would stand by her no matter what, I didn’t believe in the love she’d found with Brady. I couldn’t conceive how it was possible she could fall in love so quickly. I was one of those some people Brady spoke of in his vows. Frankly, that kind of love was beyond my comprehension. Secretly, I kept thinking eventually Ellie would wise up and figure out things were moving too fast and she’d call the whole thing off.”
The room was silent. No one spoke a word.
“But then it happened to me.” He gazed out at the audience, studied the faces. He was about to announce his feelings for Meg to everyone. He’d thought he might falter but instead felt bolstered. “From the minute I laid eyes on her, I felt something I’ve never felt before. Something that scared the hell out of me because it was that powerful. That inexplicable. That mysterious. That wondrous.”
Microphone in hand, he turned to the bride and groom, but his eyes were trained on Meg. “Brady and Ellie are the brave ones. It can be the most terrifying thing in the world to open yourself up, to be vulnerable and let someone love you and to love them back unconditionally. To take that dive because your hearts tell you it’s right. To not listen to family and friends when they speak against what’s right for you. I raise my glass to the happy couple.” Shane raised his champagne flute. “Brady and Ellie, your love is a shining example. A beacon of hope to those of us lost in the wilderness. You two are my heroes.”
“To Brady and Ellie,” the crowd cheered in unison, clinking glasses. A few people sniffed. Some dabbed at their eyes.
Shane drained his glass, sat down, completely out of steam.
Meg gave a great toast to the couple but never looked at Shane. His heart was a snare drum, pounding hard and deep. Scared. So damn scared.
Somehow he made it through the meal. He couldn’t have told anyone who asked what he had eaten. He’d put it in his mouth, chewed, swallowed it down. Waiting. Just waiting for it to be over so he could get to Meg.
When the meal was finally finished and the dancing began, he pushed back his chair, moved toward her, only to discover she’d slipped away from him.
Oh God, where had she gone?
He wanted to search for her, but Ellie was pulling him out on the dance floor for what would normally have been the father-daughter dance. He was the only family she had.
“I love you,” Ellie said. “You have no idea how much.”
“Yeah,” he said. “I kind of do. I feel the same way about you.”
They touched foreheads and slow danced for one song; then Shane passed her over to Brady and stepped to the sidelines.
“Dancing for the first time as a married couple,” the DJ said. “I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Brady Cutwright.” Strains of Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight” spilled into the air.
“That was some speech,” Meg said, stepping up beside him. “Kind of makes you believe in love at first sight.”
“Thanks.” He held out his hand. “I meant every word.”
Meg sank her palm into his and he spun her out onto the dance floor, joining the bride and groom. Their bodies fit perfectly as they glided together.
“What changed?” she asked.
“Ellie helped me figure something out,” Shane said, pulling her close.
“What’s that?”
“Love isn’t something that happens to us. Love is a choice we make. Sure, biology matters. Chemistry stirs the soup. But love is more pliable, more deliberate than we pretend it is.”
“You don’t say,” she murmured.
“That day in the storm cellar, when we asked those questions and stared into each other’s eyes, we consciously added the most important ingredient to chemistry to turn it into love.”
“And what was that?” Meg asked, her eyes fixed on his.
“Trust. It’s something I’ve struggled with my whole life and I know it’s because I was orphaned young and life kicked me around. I was afraid to trust. Afraid of getting left again.”
“But you’re no longer afraid?”
“No,” he said. “Because of you.” Shane swung her around in an elaborate dip and kissed her neck.
“You know,” she said, “I keep thinking about what Ellie said.”
“Hmm?”
“If a guy has a woman as his best friend, you know he’s going to make a good husband.”
“That does speak well of his ability to have a stable relationship with a member of the opposite sex.”
They smiled deeply at each other, their dancing flowing effortlessly. “Does that mean I’ll be seeing more of you?”
“Count on it.”
“What about the long-distance logistics?”
“You know,” he said, “I’ve always dreamed of having my own charter business, and my Air Force commission is up in six months.”
“You’d give up being a fighter pilot for me?”
“For us,” he corrected. “I’d have to give it up eventually.”
“What would the Yeagermeister say about that?”
“Probably ‘never wait for trouble.’”
“Ah,” she said. “Wise man.”
“I’ve got some
thing for you.”
“Oh?”
“A present.”
“The man of honor doesn’t get the best woman a gift.”
“Who’s to say? This was a nontraditional wedding anyway.” He took her hand, led her off the dance floor. Headed over to his suit jacket, took out a jewelry box.
“This isn’t . . . Shane, you’re not about to—”
“It’s not an engagement ring,” he said. “Not yet. I want us to date. I want to have the full experience. Intimate dinners. Sunset cruises. Horseback rides. Plane rides. I want more intimate questions. And more four-minute eye gazing.”
“Yes,” she said. “Oh yes.”
“Open it.”
She undid the wrapping, opened the box, laughed with joy at the duck charm bracelet nestled there. “Oh, oh!”
“Now you’ll always have your ducks in row,” he said.
“I love it.” She flung her arms around him. “And I love you.”
“I love you, Meg. With every breath in my body. And when the time is right for us both, I’ll ask you to be my bride. But for now, there’s something I’ve always wanted to do.”
“What’s that?” she asked as he attached the charm bracelet to her wrist.
“You know,” he said, “I’ve always wanted to have sex in a hayloft.”
“Follow me.” She giggled. “You’ve come to the right place.”
And as they walked away together in the dark, headed for a secluded hayloft hand in hand, it happened.
A holy presence came over the night—sweetly, softly. They felt it filling their bodies. Their minds bathed in mellow bright light. Their hearts, their full, full hearts, permeated with peace. A deep, abiding peace moving through them like warm ocean water, flowing through their spines, their brains, under their skin. Everywhere. Peace generated from joy.
And the sexual fires smoldered, joining them. One. No separation. There in the hayloft, when they came together, all their old fears and doubts and distrust fell away and they stood in the light of pure love—new beings, free beings—totally transformed.
