“I wouldn’t be so sure. The people of Gunner Ridge are good.”
“Yeah. I’m one of them, remember. But, life’s not too exciting around here and I don’t blame them for wanting something to gossip about. Anyway, didn’t you see the paper?”
I start to rise, and he places a large, warm hand on my arm. “Don’t beat yourself up, Lemon. You’re a good person who was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Pay no mind to what they write in some crappy paper. You know how the press are.”
I slump back down. He’s right, of course.
“Sandwich?” He pushes a waxed paper package toward me. “Pastrami, pickle, and honey mustard mayo on rye.”
“Fancy.” I chuckle as I carefully unwrap the parcel. “You think I don’t eat regular, don’t you?”
He laughs and cocks his head to one side. “I do wonder sometimes.”
“I’m not about to starve myself to death, there are quicker ways to go.”
He blows air over his lips and shakes his head, his eyes shrouded in pity. “Shit Lemon, what happened to you?”
For a split second I hold onto the words that are about to break free. “Blue happened.”
He carefully taps his foot. “You know I’m not gonna talk bad about you or Blue. But it’s damn obvious you two were no good for each other.”
I avoid his stare and pluck some of the brown grass. “Yeah, but it don’t make it any easier to swallow. I failed, Carson.”
Blue didn’t push me around and he was never mean, but he didn’t love me. Sometimes we got along but mostly we didn’t. We had good times. Hot times. Out of this freakin’ world times. But I always knew he didn’t love me like he should. And I tried too hard to turn that around. And failed.
He shakes his head. “Believe what you want but one failed relationship doesn’t define you. And it most certainly shouldn’t make you want to give up on life.”
I raise onto my knees. “I don’t want to give up on life, Carson. That was a throwaway remark.”
“You sure?”
“Sure.” I slap my hand onto my bare thigh to recharge the energy between us. “Anyway, you didn’t come to hear me whine. I’ve got some good news.”
His face softens and he leans forward to gently stroke the back of my hand. His palm is calloused and rasps across my skin, sending a shiver up my arm. “You can whine to me whenever you want, Lemon. I’d much rather you did that than assume there’s no-one for you.” I rub at my arm and maintain my smile. He’s only saying that because he considers it’s the right thing to do. No man wants to hear a woman whine, unless they only want to be friends. And I suppose it’s up to me if this thing between us is a rekindling of an old friendship or something else.
To change the dynamic, so we don’t fall into a Lemon pity fest, I lean into him to tweak at his stomach. But it isn’t the playful move I imagined it to be. I gasp when all I can grab hold of is his shirt. The flesh below is hard and impenetrable. My cheeks heat up and I wonder if I did that on purpose—to check him out through that brushed cotton.
He smirks at my gasp, then lifts his chin. “Go on then, what’s your news?”
I clear my throat. “I’ve enrolled in a course, something I’ve wanted to do since I left college.” I clamp down on my lip, because I never finished college, leaving soon after I started, when I found out I was pregnant with Blue’s baby. Carson’s expression remains steady. He must know about that but either way there’s no need to drag it up. “It’s a beautician course.” I smile, although it sounds kinda lame. It’s not an achievement to be proud of. All I’ve done is sign up, I haven’t passed any exams or anything.
He falters a smile.
“Do you not think it’s a good idea?”
He pulls his chin in. “No. It’s a great idea… if that’s what you want.”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing. Forget it. It’s great that you’re studying. I’m happy for you, Lemon.”
“Nope, Carson, when the hell did you start not being honest with me?”
He blows out a breath. “Okay, you asked. I just thought you might start where you left off.”
I hold out my hands in confusion.
“College. Didn’t you have plans to major in finance?”
I blow out a raspberry. “Yeah… but…” I slump into my chair. “I don’t know, it all seems kinda…”
“Difficult?”
“Yeah. Difficult.” I curl my lips.
“Most things worth doing usually are.”
And I return to his earlier question. What the hell did happen to me? It’s easy to say that Blue happened, but that’s blaming it on someone else when it was all down to me. I gave up on my plans for life. Firstly, to be the wife I thought Blue wanted and then to claw him back with petty vendettas and sordid games. All of that distracted me from getting on with my life.
“But either way, that’s great, Lemon. I’m happy you’re finally getting away from the Green Parrot.”
“Oh, no, I’m still gonna work there. I need the money.”
I notice his jaw clench together before he forces a smile.
“You don’t approve?” I’m bristled; I hoped Carson wasn’t as judgmental of me as everyone else.
“Just worry about you, that’s all.” His tone is firm but sincere.
“Yeah, I’ll admit I’m shaken by what happened.”
“So you should be. I’d be even more worried if you didn’t take this seriously. And if the Green Parrot reopens, I’ll make sure to review their security arrangements.”
“Hmm. Suppose the chances of it reopening are slim.”
He shrugs. “Honestly, I’m not sure what’s happening to it, but it’s not the most revered of establishments in these parts. There’ll be plenty rallying for it to close for good.”
“Yeah, the paper has started a petition.”
He nods. So he has seen the paper. I wonder what his take was on the photo of me and him?
“Anyhow, enough about me. Fill in the gaps for me, Carson, it’s been a long time since we were in each other’s lives.”
His smile fades. “Not a lot to tell. I did what was expected of me. Passed out of Police Academy and came back here to serve the town folk.”
“Aw, aren’t you adorable.”
He huffs. “You think?”
I angle my head to one side, trying to read between the lines. “You don’t sound that happy about that?”
“Suppose I got what I wanted; but it all seemed a little easy to come by.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t like that. You can’t have waltzed through the last few years without some sacrifice.”
He chuckles and takes a swift pull on his root beer. His lips twitch as if he’s fighting with his words, which makes me stop breathing while he answers. “Oh, there was some of that, for sure.”
His eyes pin me and I stumble over that sacrifice being me. But, as is my way, my curiosity becomes too irritating for me to ignore.
“Carson, I’m a simple girl who has made too many mistakes to pussyfoot around. You know I speak my mind and can’t leave things unsaid, so I’m gonna have to come right out with this.” I inhale a fortifying breath. “Have you always imagined something would come of you and me?”
There’s a hint of a smile on his lips. “Only in my dreams.”
My heart beats ten to the dozen and I juggle with what to do with that revelation. He must be pulling my leg. “Your dreams?” I snort. “That makes it sound like I’m your fantasy or something.”
His eyes darken and I find it a struggle to breathe under the intensity of his stare. “If you wanna put it like that.”
“Oh.” Suddenly, and with shock to even myself, I stand. “I need the bathroom.” I rush inside and catch my breath behind the bathroom door, staring at my heaving chest in the wall mirror. What the hell have I just unlocked? Pandora’s box?
Sure, Penny hinted at Carson always making eyes at me, but I didn’t believe her and simply thought Carson was ask
ing me for a date. While I’ve beaten myself up chasing someone who didn’t love me, a guy who has feelings for me stands and watches from the shadows. And even after witnessing the depths I’ve sunk to, he’s still attracted to me?
I flush the toilet and splash cold water across my face, reapply some lip gloss and drag a brush through my hair.
How could I not notice?
For once in my life I don’t know how to act with a man. With Blue it was all about the chase. Persuading. Manipulating. Begging. I hated myself for it but the sheer horror of losing Blue drove me to it. Time and time again. I couldn’t be like my mother, shrugging my shoulders and moving onto the next guy. I couldn’t. All the time I fixated on Blue, and I batted away every other guy as they never measured up in my clouded mind. But Carson? He’s my type. Well built, confident, and not an ass.
But more than that. He. Wants. Me. I see it in his eyes. That predatory look he shoots my way sets me on fire.
I peer through the screen door at him. He leans on a strong muscle-filled arm and his hand dwarves the can of root beer as he lifts it to his lips; he stretches his neck and takes a long gulp. I press my thighs together at the sight.
With a deep breath, I push on the screen and he watches me walk across to him. He takes in every sway of my hips and flick of my hair. His smile is sultry and his eyes dark with that hungry look of his.
I squint against the sun at him and a tingle at the apex of my legs simmers as I imagine what he must be like in bed and whether his fantasy of me extends to that.
I smile over the answer that smashes into my mind. Of course his fantasy extends to sex. He’s a full-blooded man. But is that what I want? Another man in my life before I’ve regained my independence?
Nine
Carson
I stretch out my legs while I wait for Lemon to return from the bathroom.
She probably thinks my visit is to follow up on the conversation we had about a date, especially after that line earlier about sacrifices and fantasies. I huff at how clumsy that sounds.
She floored me when she asked if I was attracted to her the other day and, unprepared, my personal feelings poured through a crack. So, of course, I’ve thought of nothing else all week. Could I have handled it better? Sure. Do I think it deserves another shot? Hell yeah.
Setting that aside, I’m genuinely concerned for her. Everyone talked about her at the picnic; copies of the Visalia Herald were passed around. It will blow over in time. I only want to make sure she doesn’t crash again in the meantime and show her that she has support she can depend on.
Ever since I saw her lying on the grimy surface of the Green Parrot parking lot, I realize she needs a hand up and has for a while.
My only mistake has been to not step in sooner.
Fear kept me away.
Lemon was the girl I obsessed over at school, just like she obsessed over Blue. But unlike Lemon, who can’t hide how she feels, I never took a step out of the shadows to declare my desire for her. Mostly because Blue and I are buddies and it was obvious how smitten she was, but also because I couldn’t handle rejection. She was infatuated with Blue. And deflating my ego was too much of a risk. I was not going to be second best to any guy. And that still stands.
Confidently, she pushes on the screen door and sashays down the steps to the grass. Fuck, she’s so sexy, she drives me wild. Her bare feet delicately skip over the patchy grass and when she kneels at my side, my abs tense.
“You okay?” I ask.
“Sure. Although, to be honest…” And what else would Lemon Gillespie be? Honest should be her middle name. “I was surprised by what you said. You dream about me?”
I nod. “I’m sorry.”
“No.” She reaches out and touches my arm. Her hand is soft and her touch makes the hairs on my forearm bristle. “It’s just there’re some gaps to fill. So, help me out. I know you went to college and then Police Academy. But did you ever have a girlfriend? A wife? I haven’t seen you around town with anyone. And surely there’d be gossip if there’s some hokey-pokey going on.”
I love that she asks direct questions and that she doesn’t beat around the bush. As long as you can see past her fake smiles, you always know where you are with her and, in my experience, a straight-talking woman is hard to find. And not having to second guess every look and thought is a relief.
I laugh and shake my head. “No-one special.”
“Color me intrigued.” She cocks her head to one side. “You’re obviously not gay.”
I laugh again at her boldness. “Yeah, I’m not gay.”
“Got it!” She bounces on her knees, throwing a playful gun hand my way. “You’re a player. You hook a different woman every night.”
I raise a brow at her wide of the mark response. “I’ve had other things going on.” I’ve had relationships but nothing serious and nothing cheap either. “I focused on my career.” I clench my teeth at how that makes me feel, sitting here now with the one woman I’ve held out for. This is my chance and I can’t screw this up.
“You’re too much of a nice guy,” she says hesitantly, her head angled to one side as she weighs the statement up for herself.
“Is that what you think?” Nice is not the description I want her to give me. And so far, I’ve had the full range. Sweet, adorable, and now nice. I should try harder, that’s for sure.
She rolls onto her backside and slides out her legs to mirror my position. “I’m not certain, actually.”
I hold her stare.
“Yeah, you’ve done well to get where you have. Everyone says you’re gonna make sheriff. The youngest in the state.”
And that’s it in a nutshell. I haven’t pursued a relationship or let one develop because I’ve had my career goals clear in my sights. To become the sheriff at a younger age than my father did and make him proud. But when it comes to Lemon, it’s a different story. Every time I wanted to call her, turn up on her doorstep, and tell her she deserved better, I didn’t. I wasn’t brave enough to put it out there. And sitting here now, I can finally admit to myself that it’s not because of a dogged pursuit of my career, it’s because I didn’t want to be rejected. I convinced myself the time wasn’t quite right. But now it feels different. Like the stars are aligned.
“You know what listening to everyone gets you.”
She laughs. “Yeah, right. A paranoia complex.”
“Exactly.” I take a swig of my root beer. “I don’t know if making sheriff will happen anytime soon. Sheriff James has got his teeth stuck into…” I falter; I don’t want to talk about Lemon’s attack and or even the Dark Angels case. “…work right now, so he’ll probably suggest to the Mayor he extend his tenure.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure.” She smiles and it’s so beautiful I want to believe she’s correct. “So, I bet your parents are proud of you, aren’t they?”
“Yeah,” I say hesitantly. “My dad especially.”
“That figures. To follow in his footsteps was expected. All you boys have become the men us girls always thought you would be. You, the police officer. Colt and Blue, ranchers. Mitchell, a pro-rodeo rider.”
I laugh although inside I’m wanting to shut her up with a kiss. “Suppose that’s us men. We always take the path of least resistance.”
“Hmm.” She studies me carefully. “And are us girls grown to how you expected?”
My mouth dries but the words are clear in my head, so I say them anyway. “No.” Her face falls and she pulls the corner of her bottom lip into her mouth. “You’ve grown more beautiful than I imagined.”
She giggles nervously. “What are you on?” Her brush off is only slightly hurtful. “Ooh.” She shivers as the sun dips behind a magnolia tree in a neighbor’s yard.
An excuse for me to reassess my position. It’s harder than I thought it would be to make a move on her.
“I’ve got a blanket in the truck.” I leap up and jog across the yard; pulling on the handle to the gate just as Lemon shouts out a warning
and the whole panel wrenches free from the fence and crashes to the ground.
“Darn.” I leap away from the falling timber.
“It’s okay. It’s been like that a while. I should hire someone to fix it.”
I push the broken wood to one side with my feet and curse all the way to my truck. Bringing a woolen blanket and a toolbox back into her yard, I hand the blanket to Lemon and study the mess. “Here, you wrap up and I’ll fix this fence.” I hope I’m masking my annoyance at my stupid mistake.
“No, you came here to relax.”
“This is relaxing to me.” I sigh. I need to do something with my hands before I find them roaming all over her body. And she slaps me away. And that’s the end of it.
“If you insist. There’s wood ready for the repair stacked over there. Blue did get that far at least. He just didn’t seem to want to take the time fixing it.”
I grunt at the mixture of thoughts I have about that, but more than anything I want her to stop thinking of him. To stop holding out for him. To move on.
She protests for a while longer then curls her legs under the blanket and rests back against a chair leg to watch me at work. Her foot taps to ZZ Ward on the radio.
I’m pretty handy, having remodeled my home single handedly. Once I’ve made sense of the differing lengths of timber stacked in the long grass, it doesn’t take long to brace the fence and re-site the gate post.
“There.” I wipe my upper arm over my sweaty brow and stand back to admire my work. “That’ll last for a while at least. And we can dispose of the old wood in that metal burner you’ve got hidden in the grass over there.”
“Thank you.” She stands and comes to my side, reaching up to kiss me on the cheek. Her lips are hot and plump and I desire to grab her shoulders and pull her into an embrace. But I don’t. It’s a sweet, friendly kiss and I’m disappointed.
She steps away. “I think that deserves a proper drink, don’t you?”
“Well, I wouldn’t mind freshening up, and coffee sounds good.”
“Coffee?”
“Yeah, I’m driving.”
Broken in Love (Studs in Stetsons Book 2) Page 8
